Footblog

Feel free to keep commenting on the commercials all night long. I may pass out on the floor at some point from a combination of prolonged excitement and pepperoni. Don't mind me.

And please join me again Oscar weekend for what will be, if possible, an even more frivolous journey into the blogosphere. Let’s try to keep the “Brokeback Mountain‿ jokes to a minimum. And I’m thinking Chinese food, does that sound good?

Posted by Paige Wiser at 09:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

While I think it's time to retire the "priceles" MasterCard ads (won’t it be cool someday when we’ve all forgotten the hackneyed concept, and out of nowhere, someone will bust out a random "priceless" reference, and it’ll be totally retro and hilarious?), I got a kick out of the "MacGyver" ad. Turkey basters are funny.

Continue reading "Trotting out stars from the '80s: Priceless" »

Posted by Paige Wiser at 08:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBacks (0)

I loved, loved, loved the Emerald Nuts ad. If you missed it, they turned their name into a mnemonic device, and then dramatized the results:

Eagle-Eyed Machete Enthusiasts Recognize A Little Druid Networking Under The Stairs.

Nice! For my money, the concepts of “druids‿ and “networking‿ are equally funny. Put them together, and you’ve got a laugh riot.

Emerald Nuts has at least two other ads planned along these lines. Can you spot the phrases they came up with, and the ones I made up?

Engrossed Manicurists Eventually Relay Advice Like Do Not Untie That String
Eccentric Matadors Exercising Religiously And Littering Do Not Use the Steamroller
Eleven Midgets Earn Really Anxious Looks During Naughtiness Under the Sheets
Eerie Mannequins Eat Raw Asparagus, Leisurely Dunking Nachos Up Their Sleeves

Continue reading "Machetes are funny" »

Posted by Paige Wiser at 08:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Does anyone else have a crush on the Smithe brothers from the Walter E. Smithe ads?

Continue reading "The new Fabios" »

Posted by Paige Wiser at 08:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

Why haven't there been any good touchdown dances in this game? Are they passe? Don't football players like to demonstrate their joie de vivre anymore? Is it wrong to use French phrases to describe the Super Bowl?

Posted by Paige Wiser at 08:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

I'd be interested to see how sales are for commemorative Super Bowl XL items.

Continue reading "Super-sized souvenirs" »

Posted by Paige Wiser at 08:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Like the rest of America, I was anxiously awaiting the return of Mr. Romance himself, Fabio, in a highly touted commercial for Nationwide Investments.

Continue reading "Fabio not so fab" »

Posted by Paige Wiser at 07:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (6) | TrackBacks (0)

Mick Jagger in a spangled tuxedo and gym shoes.

Oh, I kid. I thought he looked nice. His black tee was dangerously close to being a belly shirt, though.

ABC silently bleeped him twice that I counted. I wonder if they'll have any flashbacks to being forced to sing "Let's Spend Some Time Together" on "The Ed Sullivan Show."

They must hate America.

Posted by Paige Wiser at 07:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

Planning to stay up all night verbally jousting with me? There's a group at www.superbowlmonday.com urging us to write our congressmen to get tomorrow declared a national holiday.

Continue reading "Bloated from the pizza yet?" »

Posted by Paige Wiser at 07:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I’m pleasantly surprised by the Seahawks’ uniforms. It’s called “Seahawks Blue,‿ Google tells me, and it’s not navy -- not midnight -- not gray, really. I’d call it “Stormy, With a Soupcon of Shimmer.‿ Props to them for realizing that the monochromatic look is the way to go. It just conveys a cleaner line.

Continue reading "Football fashion" »

Posted by Paige Wiser at 06:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

The much-buzzed-about GoDaddy.com ad aired. Yawn. Another burst shoulder strap! It might have been racy in 1952… Had breast implants been invented yet? Is that what GoDaddy sells?

Posted by Paige Wiser at 06:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

Attention, people: Go ahead and comment here on any miscellaneous ads I haven't had a chance to post on yet, mmmkay?

Some random reactions:

Continue reading "Commercial appeal" »

Posted by Paige Wiser at 05:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBacks (0)

During the Stevie Wonder pre-game concert, one of India.Arie's backup singers burst a dress strap. Did you see her, in the bright yellow dress? Bless her, she clutched at her shoulder and danced her little heart out for the rest of the number. I'm guessing, though, that at this point Super Bowl officials at least inspect their personnel for nipple jewelry. She probably was wearing a family-friendly support bra. A demi-cup at the very worst.

Continue reading "First wardrobe malfunction: 4:43 p.m." »

Posted by Paige Wiser at 04:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

I went to the store this morning to get some non-drowsy cold medication so I wouldn’t nod off during the second quarter. Didn’t get that. All the choice Sudafed was only available by postrating yourself before the pharmacist and trying to act as though you had no idea how to brew up some bulk crystal meth, which I actually don’t, and no, I don’t think I sound defensive, and the pharmacy was closed anyway.

Instead, I bought:

Continue reading "The training diet" »

Posted by Paige Wiser at 12:29 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

The sun hasn’t yet risen, and already I’m dreading tonight’s Pizza Hut commercial with Jessica Simpson.

Continue reading "Scorn for the Simpsons" »

Posted by Paige Wiser at 06:23 AM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBacks (0)

I’m a sucker for all the alternate bowls inspired by the Super Bowl this time of year. It’s nice to see Bud Bowl going strong, of course. And the results of Wing Bowl, a Philadelphia chicken-wing-eating contest, are in: 22-year-old Joey Chestnut first qualified for the event by chugging a gallon of milk in 41 seconds, and then heartily consumed 173 wings to take home the title (and a very silly-looking crown). The AP story notes that many strippers were in attendance, as well as “several sickened contestants.‿

Continue reading "My bowl runneth over" »

Posted by Paige Wiser at 05:54 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Now that I am officially a member of the blogging community, I try to support my favorite blogs as vehemently as possible. Sort of a virtual Neighborhood Watch program. (Debra Pickett: Has your friend checked out poshtots.com? Eric Zorn: Were you really in an origami club? Were there competitions?)

So it was with glee that I discovered Tom Arnold’s Super Bowl blog. While I’m not sure he grasps the finer points of the Cover Two defense, I think he may be my sports soul mate.

Continue reading "The defensive line" »

Posted by Paige Wiser at 05:16 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

I’m looking forward to half-time this year, when the Rolling Stones will perform (I’m familiar with some of their hits). But you’ve got to wonder if they’re kind of insulted they weren’t invited before this. Up With People has already played the Super Bowl. Four times. And New Kids on the Block got there 15 years ago.

Continue reading "Half-time hysteria" »

Posted by Paige Wiser at 05:32 AM | Permalink | Comments (7) | TrackBacks (0)

I left a message for my brother Scott, begging him for some inside information on Jerome Bettis. They were roommates in college. Surely he could remember something that could affect the outcome of the game.

Continue reading "On the Bus" »

Posted by Paige Wiser at 04:54 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I have learned that the Super Bowl trophy is made by my beloved Tiffany & Co.

Continue reading "This just in" »

Posted by Paige Wiser at 02:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (5) | TrackBacks (0)

Nobody told me there was a hair controversy surrounding this game! Now, that’s something I can get passionate about. Steelers safety Troy Polamalu has been persecuted for his long, wild hair, which could get yanked on the playing field.

Continue reading "This is getting interesting" »

Posted by Paige Wiser at 02:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)