Hollywood fears the Super Bowl. The only mainstream releases this weekend are "The Messengers," a horror flick starring box-office magnet Penelope Ann Miller, and the most shameless chick flick to come along, since -- well, Diane Keaton's last film. "Because I Said So" boasts Ms. Keaton, as well as matching brunettes Mandy Moore, Lauren Graham, and Piper Perabo.
And what's going up against the Super Bowl on television?
TLC: A "What Not to Wear" marathon.
Fox Family Channel: The vaguely sports-themed romance "Summer Catch," with Jessica Biel and Freddie Prinze Jr.
TBS: Horrors! It's a "My Boys" marathon.
USA: A "Monk" marathon. (Bring back Bitty Schram! It's not too late!)
VH1: An "I Love New York" marathon, with Flavor Flav's two-time rejectee now fielding suitors. I've been meaning to catch up.
MTV: "The Hills" marathon.
Spike: A double feature: "When Good Pets Go Bad," and "When Good Pets Go Bad 2."
Comedy Central: "My Boss's Daughter," starring Ashton Kutcher and Tara Reid. (I actually reviewed this movie! I wrote, "None of it is funny," and gave it one star for including Michael Madsen in the cast. Which doesn't mean you shouldn't watch it.)
TNT: "The Closer" marathon.
Bravo: A "Law & Order: Criminal Intent" marathon.
Toon: All Scooby Doo, all the time.
Animal Planet: "Puppy Bowl III."
Hallmark: A "Little House on the Prairie" marathon. Aww!
CMT: The Miss America Pageant.
Bet: A "Wayans Brothers" marathon.
TCM: "The Bishop's Wife."
And... wait for it... over on the Oxygen Channel, you'll find...
"Beaches." If the Bears don't make you cry, Barbara Hershey will. Look for young Mayim "Blossom" Bialik!