February 2007 Archives

Huh. I thought the Bears would win.

Kristin Dehnert, the Aurora native who was a finalist in the Doritos ad contest, didn't win; Doritos went with another spot that romanticized reckless driving instead.

Sigh.

But apparently the voting was so close, and the response to her "Check Out Girl" ad so great, that Doritos ponied up for another spot and ran her ad, too.

"I guess we're the No. 1 video on YouTube right now," Dehnert announced triumphantly by phone.

For the record? She was munching on Doritos Salsa Verde during the game.

. . . also might benefit from a Mystic Tan.

In the BeatYourRisk.com commercials, an old man dressed as a red satin heart is attacked in an alley by "cholesterol," "high blood pressure," "overweight," etc.

But "diabetes" was a total babe. Straight out of "The Matrix."

What does that mean?

It's always nice to hear from Ricardo Montalban. He did the voiceover at the end of the talking-lions Taco Bell commercial, and has collaborated with them since 1999.

He's also appeared in commercials for Maxwell House and Dunkin' Donuts, not to mention his work with the Chrysler Cordoba ("fine Corinthian leather").

More trivia from wikipedia.org: Montalban has stated that when he first arrived in Hollywood, studios wanted to change his name to Ricky Martin.

Why do I get the feeling that Prince has never played in a football game?

Or watched one?

I loved the ad for David Letterman's show.

Dave: I want the Colts and you want the Bears, but we both win because we're in love.

[The camera pulls back to reveal that he is playing snuggle bunnies with . . . Oprah Winfrey.]

Oprah: Honey, don't talk with your mouth full.

I got chills!

It looks as though "Borat" has ushered in a bold new era of fairly disgusting man-on-man action. Witness the new "Snickers Satisfies" commercial, in which two scruffy mechanics end up in the middle of a Snickers bar in a kiss, a la the "Lady and the Tramp" spaghetti scene.

The gay community must be thrilled to pieces.

I just watched a block of commercials, featuring:

*One partygoer throwing a rock at the head of another partygoer for the last Budweiser.

*A car accident, played to comic effect, to advertise Doritos.

*A rabbit and a hamster roundly abusing a mouse, in the name of Blockbuster.

Ouch.

Jessica Simpson's new Pizza Hut commercial has been revealed and, if nothing else, it proves that Mystic Tan is a girl's best friend. I just don't like seeing Jess so pale.

Her big line: "Mmm, Cheesy Bites. My one true love."

That'll really burn Nick! And put that skittish John Mayer in his place, too!

Commercial endorsements: the only way to rebound.

Trishelle Cannatella, possibly reality television's busiest veteran (in more ways than one), is already committed to playing in the half-time Lingerie Bowl. And I just glimpsed her partying in the new GoDaddy.com commercial.

I think this is her night.

That's Dan Marino! From "Ace Ventura: Pet Detective"!

I wouldn't have thought that the Super Bowl would be the correct demographic for a Christian Dior commercial, but what do I know? The spot for the pricey J'Adore perfume, with Charlize Theron stripping off her jewelry and her strapless gown while striding purposefully toward the camera, was jaw-dropping.

Does she do bachelor parties?

I'm not sure what I expected from Couric's hair at her first Super Bowl appearance. Helmet hair? At least it would have been appropriate.

Instead, at 3:45 she introduced a piece on the Pittsburgh Steelers' Hines Ward (Are the Steelers playing today? How do you sports fans keep up?) with a naughty, bed-head look. I guess the technical hair term would be "tousled-beach-meets-bad-perm-and-gets-into-a-slapping-fight."

Do we blame the humidity? Or was Katie's curling iron confiscated by airport security?

A 19-year-old has won the Super Bowl ad contest for Chevrolet. Katie Crabb, who lives near Milwaukee, designed the winning entry -- something about men wanting to wash the car in New York City. She assures us that it's funny. Chevrolet is probably spending around $2.6 million for the time slot.

Congratulations, Katie!

(This is where you say, "I'm going to Disneyland!")

The one Super Bowl party you probably don't want to be invited to? The one hosted by the UCLA Ahmanson Lovelace Brain Mapping Center. During the big game, they'll be scanning the brains of their guests for their reactions to the commercials.

This is the second year they've done it, and after the game they'll release rankings of the most effective Super Bowl ads at www.FKFRank.com. Using fMRI brain imaging, they can monitor activity in parts of the brain responsible for wanting, reward, surprise, fear, disgust, conflict, and attempts to control emotions.

One scientist's conclusions about last year's ads: "If a good indicator of a successful ad is activity in brain areas concerned with reward and empathy, two winners seem to be the 'I am going to Disney' ad and the Bud 'office' ad. In contrast, two big floppers seem to be the Bud 'secret fridge' ad and the Aleve ad."

I can tell you one thing: Without any monkeys to stimulate me this year, I'm pretty sure my brain waves will be flat.

Aurora native Kristin Dehnert, now living in L.A., has one of the top five commercials in contention to air as a Doritos spot in the Super Bowl. (You can see it at www.doritos.com; it's called "Check Out Girl.") We won't know for sure until it happens -- the suspense! -- but I'm rooting for Kristin.

The commercial has it all: suggestive banter, an electronic scanner, a handlebar mustache . . . and a celebration of the many flavors in the Doritos family.

My only complaint: Why no love for Cool Ranch? If there's a higher form of snack food than Cool Ranch Doritos, I haven't come across it.

I'm not a gambler, for the simple reason that I've never won anything. But I am tempted to put some money on the National Anthem.

Gambling web site www.betED.com is eager to take your money in all sorts of creative ways. You can bet on the number of total QB sacks, on which team will commit the most penalties, and on the coin toss (heads? tails? tie?).

My favorite bet: How long Billy Joel will take to sing the National Anthem. The over/under is one minute, 44 seconds (not counting the preliminary piano playing).

Even without my action, the experts think that Super Bowl wagering will top $100 million for the first time. (The legal kind, that is.)

Hollywood fears the Super Bowl. The only mainstream releases this weekend are "The Messengers," a horror flick starring box-office magnet Penelope Ann Miller, and the most shameless chick flick to come along, since -- well, Diane Keaton's last film. "Because I Said So" boasts Ms. Keaton, as well as matching brunettes Mandy Moore, Lauren Graham, and Piper Perabo.

And what's going up against the Super Bowl on television?

Merlin, a 20-year-old bottle-nosed dolphin at Six Flags Discovery Kingdom in Northern California, has picked the Colts to win the Super Bowl.

Last Wednesday, Merlin's trainers watched while the dolphin swam and retrieved a blue plastic Colts football from his tank, instead of the Bears football at the other end of the pool.

In predicting the outcomes of San Francisco 49ers games, Merlin has an accuracy rate of 75 percent.

Just when I thought Robert Goulet had gone as far as he could on TV (with guest-starring spots on "The Love Boat," "Fantasy Island," "Murder, She Wrote" and "Mr. Belvedere"), he has been reinvented. I was kind of hoping for the Tarantino treatment -- maybe cast him as a foul-mouthed mob chauffeur, something like that? -- but I guess appearing in a Super Bowl commercial for salted legumes is cool, too.

If you visit www.EmeraldNuts.com and click on Mr. Goulet's picture, you'll find that his eyes follow your cursor wherever it goes. Haunting.

The Sun-Times has asked that we wear navy and orange to work today. Fearful of being labeled B.A. Wiser ("Bad Attitude"), I tried. I truly tried. I knew that there was nothing even in the neighborhood of orange in my closet -- orange pretty much being my skin tone's worst nightmare, with peach running a close second -- but I did find a silk navy top that I used to wear in the '90s, before I surrendered completely to an all-black wardrobe.

The Bears will understand. Won't they?

MSNBC.com has issued its definitive list of the best Super Bowl ads ever.

(There was also a nice "honorable mention" for last year's Budweiser "Magic Fridge" spot.)

The top 10:

10. Budweiser “Frogs” (1995)
9. Xerox “Monks” (1977)
8. Tabasco “Mosquito” (1998)
7. Electronic Data Systems “Herding Cats” (2000)
6. McDonald’s “The Showdown” (1993 - Michael Jordan and Larry Bird)

It won’t be Jenna Jameson, apparently. Although she’d signed up to be a quarterback in the game – and would undoubtedly have been well padded – her insurance company put the kibosh on the idea. Instead, she will be serving as a commentator.

Interestingly, her insurance company has no problem with Miss Jameson working in the porn industry. It must be cheaper to risk venereal diseases than to risk bruised thighs.

But Jameson isn’t the only big name in the Lingerie Bowl...

With his notorious Nationwide Insurance ad already leaked to the internet, I’ve been examining my very complicated relationship with the world’s most famous kept boy. When he married Britney Spears, I loathed him. (Couldn’t she have done just a tiny bit better? Even marrying Aaron Carter would have been less painful for me.) But then after she had cruelly used him as a stud service and so publicly dismissed him, I felt sorry for the guy. But then when he kept cashing in with “concert” appearances, he made my skin crawl. But then when Britney proved to be such a trashtastic mother, I had to admit that he may be his kids’ only hope.

How do we feel about Federline these days?

And, um, what does he have to do with insurance?