Chicago Sun-Times
with sports reporters Daryl Van Schouwen and Chris De Luca

Cowley guide on how to be a Minnesota sports fan

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MINNEAPOLIS - Spending most of my offseasons in the Twin Cities and having married into a Minnesotan family, I am very qualified to now put out this very important piece of literature:

1. First of all, if you are a Minnesota female sports fan, you will undoubtedly go to the event with your significant other and get looks. See, there is a serious problem in the Twin Cities called "Out Kicked Your Coverage Syndrome.'' For some reason, Minneapolis is one of those few cities where the women are far superior looking to the males, hence making the selection pool very one-sided. Every couple you see at a sporting event will fit this description: good-looking woman and man that looks like either Larry, Darryl or Darryl from the Bob Newhart Show. Just a fact.

2. Minnesota sports fan will spend all day before the event doing the "Lou Holtz.'' That means downplaying their team to the point where it sounds like they have no chance to win. What this does is set them up for a win-win situation. If they lose, "See, I told you, we're just a small-market team.'' If they win, "Yeah, eat that you big-city folk!''

3. Lay in the weeds until a division title is locked in. See, Minnesotans don't like to talk trash ... until after the fact. They downplay, downplay, downplay, then strike.

4. Finally, have a lot of outdoor hobbies. Yes, their little-engine-that-could teams are built to reach the postseason, but then fade out quicker than you can say, "Surrender Morneau, you're Canadian!'' Or as Mark Buehrle put it years ago - "one and done.'' That's why Minnesotans always have a Plan B hobby - because they need it.

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48 Comments

Well of course we are praying that the Sox don't come back in the top of the 9th, but we have to say we got lucky tonight. We can only hope that we can get at least a split of this series.

Sox pretty much just laid down for twinkies game 1. Swisher & Konerko continue to fail. Sox must make a move to improve starting rotation & possibly move one of the above two wouldn't hurt either. Swish comes off like a good guy but on the field he can't field a lick & his average speaks for itself. Paulie just is frustrating to watch.Id rather see Wise in center on a regular basis. He proved he can hit & field his position certainly a better option than Swish.Sox need more offense from whomever plays at first.

Joe Cowley his usual proffessional self takes jabs at the Twins and their fans. Twins may have trouble in the post season but how many times have they beaten the Sox to get there? Sox won a world series this decade but after how many years of not winning? Give it a rest, Cowley.

I'm sure a goofy looking dude like yourself wasn't even able to outkick his coverage. Your hate and jealously of the Twins is extremely transparent. Unfortunately, for the Sox, they usually fade before the playoffs even begin.

You must have a terrible pathetic life to write something like this. Enjoy making your pathetic 50k a year, writing blogs on the internet. Keep living the dream buddy!

Mr.Cowardly

You need some serious help. Your constant Minnesota bashing is quite disturbing. Yeah, just like you wrote off the twins a couple years ago. Seriously you must feel like you have to do this to make yourself feel better. What a sad human-being

My guide on how to be a White Sox fan:
1. Get Drunk
2. Hop fence and beat up first base coach

How to be a Sox fan:

1. Develop inferiority complex to Cubs and all other AL Central teams
2. Exit trailer park
3. Get drunk
4. Beat up first base coach

Here's wishing bad health on Cowley and the people he cares about.

Where's your guide on being a subpar sports writer? You wrote the book and the forward. You "out kicked your coverage" by getting this job.

Twins 7 Sux 0

I've seen your picture... and I would bet the farm that you outkicked your coverage.

Real classy! How is this on a real newspapers website and not a drunk sox fans blog? Oh nevermind.
also showing a picture of a guido-like guy with a hot girl? MN does not equal New Jersey.

Holy shnikies! I just saw your picture and have to wonder what made you qualified to comment on the bad looks of Minnesota Male Sports Fans?

If you were smoking a cigar, it would remind me of a famous actor.... Rin Tin Tin Taking a crap!

It must be a pretty damn slow news day to find it necessary to rip on another market's fan-base. Then again, you WILL be forced to watch an entire Fall of Bear football. -- You need to have something better to look at!

Stay classy Chicago!

He ISNT taking Jabs just merely making honest evaluations. For example typical SOX fans.

1. Always looking for a fight.
2. negativity is the norm - we suck
3. Never give credit unless it is so so obvious.
4. Need someone to hate - Cubs fans.
5. Never believe we have a good team -it sucks to be let down.
6. You stink - we dont come to da ballpark.

There is a reason why our colors are Black and Silver. AKA the Raiders. We love the doom,gloom, and screw you mentality.

Cubs fans -Red,White and Blue - Ra RA All American.

Twins - Red,Blue,and White - Hmm sound famillar. Except Twins Fans are the Silent Cubbie fans. Their not Ra RA so much as their the little engine that could...oh please oh please leave us alone we just like to play ball. Then WHAM, they beat ya.

I say screw it...Stop admiring this team and beat the crap out of them.

Nice job, Joe. You continue to prove that people can type with their head up their ass.

Continue to rip apart Minnesota sports teams. It's amusing reading you whine.

All of this coming from a guy who had his MVP voting rights taken away for being a Dummy. Classic.

Oh no! Don't rip on us for having really hot women! Not that Joe, really, anything but that! LOL. You can't make it up.

In July 2008 while traveling with the White Sox on a road trip to Minnesota, Cowley spent his afternoon brooding over the start of annual White Sox choke job. The result was a post containing disparaging remarks about Minnesota sports fans in a seldom read blog in a dark corner of the Internet. Subsequently during the remainder of the series, Cowley was approached and physically accosted outside of Hubert's Bar which resulted in a blood transfusion due to massive trauma. Minnesota Twins president Dave St Peter described Cowley as having “his ass kicked” and had letters of thanks sent to the drunken fans involved in the incident.

Joe writes for the Chicago Sun Times. What more needs to be said?

Hey kids...listen to Joe get his @ss owned on Wikipedia.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joe_Cowley

Scroll down to the bottom and listen to the MP3.


Way to make your media outlet proud!

You got beat up a lot in h.s. didn't you?

As a Minnesota sports fan, I'd say that's a pretty fair appraisal, but with a few caveats:

1) Are you saying you prefer ugly women? Outkicking your coverage is supposed to be the whole point, right? And $20 says that guy is from Chicago.

2) You'd understand if you were a Vikes fan, hope can kill you.

3)Actually it's downplay, downplay, downplay, then start focusing on the Yankees or Red Sox, as beating the Pale Hose is no big accomplishment anyway. Not being obnoxious a-holes is another way to put it.

4) True, but at least if we won a title people here would care, not be more concerned with the offseason moves of the other team in town.

This is one of the dumbest things I have ever read. How the hell does someone so ignorant stay employed here. I can't believe you are allowed to post this mindless trash on the website. You are a joke!

Jow Cowley, too bad you didn't die when you had cancer. I though that ass kicking you got in Minnesota would have beat some sense into your pathetic head. But, alas, your worthless paper still keeps you employed as the company clown.

Nice article D-Bag.....Look I put as much thought into my reply as you did to your article.

Funny how WI fans claim Minnesota fans are brash and cocky and far too optimistic year in and year out. They claim Minny fans ride a roller coaster.

The exact opposite of your claims. You haters are confusing.

BTW-- I'm assuming you also outkicked your coverage having married a Minnesota girl? Yet, you say it like it's a bad thing.

Joe,

Not one of your best blogs but some good points... First of all, Minnesotans don't lie in the weeds and attack after they do something good.... They actually spend the entire time in the weeds because the national media says how little chance they have. They talk about the Tigers and the Yankees and the Red Sox (and on a fun day they mix in a little Angels and Cubs talk). We don't attack when we do something good, we actually just saw that we did something good on ESPN because they finnaly showed us on ESPN. Do you think anyone outside of Illinois and Minnesota even know that the Twins aren't a AAA team... As far as the people here, Minnesotans are really fun ... heck you know that - You married one!!! The women in Minnesota are really hot. Minneapolis always shows up on some "Best Places to Meet Women" poll. It is rediculous how hot they are here.

You are right about us downplaying things too... It is actually a cultural thing for Minnesotans to be humble, to not brag about the fact that we think we are good. We have been at the top or near the top of our division in September every year for 21 years, minus last year and 1996-2000 (the dark times) but you would never know it - because we wont brag about it and the national media wont tell you. We will continue to do so too. While you guys go out and trade for Jim Thome, we will develop Justin Morneau (who already has more top 10 MVP finishes than Thome and 1 more MVP Award)... pick up AJ, we don't care - We'll just play Joe Mauer there - UNLIKE MOST TWINS FANS I STILL LIKE AJ, he makes me laugh.

I think you know a lot about Minnesotans because over the last 25 years or so, we are pretty much the same as far as success in sports is concerned besides when Michael was in town - but it is sad that the Wolves and the Bulls are both jokes in the NBA now. Here are some other sports:

Hockey:
Blackhawks 0 Championships (last one was 1961) in 4 Stanley Cup Finals
Wild/ North Stars 0 Championships in 2 Stanley Cup Finals

Football
Bears 1 Championship in 2 tries
Vikes 0 Championships in 0 tries

Baseball
Cubs & Whitesox - Cubs 0 Championships (last one 1908), WhiteSox 1 Championship (last one before that was 1917)
Twins - 2 Championships, 1987 & 1991

Basically we are both so used to losing, there isn't any wonder that we have an inferiority complex. Usually writing negative blogs & spouting off about other cities fans/ teams is also a sign of this complex.

Bravo on this topic, I think you've got it right - Just remember, were in this together...

In a country where the media is constantly straining to be politically correct with race and gender relations, this is also just as offensive and insulting. If Cowardly made these same comments on a radio or tv show about a city or area that was predominantly black, mexican, asian...etc.. the other media would have his balls. He is flat out insulting an entire area and culture. The northern midwest states have some unique culture and it is being ridiculed here. Isn't Cowardly's job to cover sports with an objective view? He is always taking personal jabs at Minnesota sports' fans and it is very unprofessional. Why don't you stick to what you are paid to do, Cowardly? Or at least have the balls to come out and admit you were flat out wrong, like in 2006 where you could not have been more wrong, DOUCHEBAG! Your articles suck and I have read better sports writing in high school newspapers.

Hey, Cowardsly.

Too bad you weren't in attendance at last night's kick-ass session at Metrodome.

"Kiss Cam" had two of our hottie gals giving eachother passionate kisses during the game.

It definitely would have entertained you more than that pathetic performance by your squad.

You should look at getting a role as a vampire in some movie. At least that's a role that requires you to suck.

HAHA Nice job getting your ass handed to you for a(nother) worthless article Joel!

Very true...

Minnesota teams lose in the post season because "You don't want to be known as a "Mr. Fantsy Pants" or a "Big Timer" they will also chase off any good player after 3-4 years because they don't like anyone to think they are doing "too good" or being "too happy". Unfortantley you cannot "passive aggressive" your way to winning a Super Bowl.

They also do not finish last because they don't want to be known as losers. The Minnesota "sneak attack" only works if you are in the middle and un-noticed. It is how midwesterners conduct life and business in every area outside of Chicago.

You clearly have no life and do realize taht the white sox are not built for postseason success either, the sox have a lousy bunch of fans, and a lousier goup of players. Please save you breath and quit putting down one of the strongest fan bases.

Hopefully you get mugged by idiot sux fans on youre way to U.S. Cellular you clown.

Everytime the Sox are about to perform another choke job, you start talking smack about the Twins. Have you ever noticed that? I see your nervous, huh? I love it, and I hope Sox fans have something planned for playoff time this year too! You do have the Bea...nevermind.

BTW, nice try at attacking our ego's too, but, anyone that as the looks of a radio talk show host shouldn't be talking.

HEY U TWINKIE FANS WHY DON'T U STFU!!!! JOE IS 100% RIGHT ABOUT U LOSER ASS PUNKS. GO BACK TO UR OWN SITE AND LEAVE CHICAGO ALONE. MINNYSODA SUCKS AND U GUYS ARE UGLY

I WISH THE TWINKIES GOT CONTRACTED. NICE FANS U HAVE THERE!!!

lol @ suxpride. way to drive the point home that your education system ain't all that down there.

lots of hot women in minnesota. what a thing to rag on a place about.

Whoa! A nerve was struck here, wasn't it? JC must have gotten it right, why else the negative spew.

On another note, I live out-of-market and am forced to watch the games on MLB.tv where normally one watches the hometown feed. The Twins announcers are such homers, it's so irritating to watch and listen. No one will ever accuse Hawk and DJ of "homerism" after listening to these two.

As a Twins fan let me tell you now, not afterward, that we are a small market team and we will win the division... Even your own manager is in love with our team. Now go and find a more important topic.

Actually as a Twins fan in Mpls, you're pretty close. I got a kick out of the blog entry actually. And Soxy Roxy, the Twins announcers are definitely homers, but compared to Hawk and DJ, they're completely neutral. Those guys have got to be the worst homers I've ever heard. At least they don't call Morneau "Justy."

LOL Another nice blown game by the Sux last night. As usual, this is about the time of year they pack it in and give the division up to a better team.

I grew up in MN moved to Linclon Park for 4 years and lived in various parts of the US after that and now back in Mlps. I can tell you hands down that BOTH Chicago and MN have a disproportionate amount of hot women, and it's not even close. Well, actually ATL is close.....but go downtown to either city during lunch or at happy hour and it's midblowing how good looking the women are in that great of numbers. I thought Joe made a pretty good point.

Put it on the booooooaaaaard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

See if they can get one to stretch tonight.
I read where white sox fans actually called the white sox the best team in baseball.


D-E-L-U-S-I-O-N.

I'm a Twin fan living in New York city, watching games from MLB extra innings. Read this blog, read about the author, and I just can't believe the reasoning behind writing this blog. Obviously, Cowley is trying to be humorous, but I think it's pretty unnecessary working as a journalist.

That being said, I can't really say I agree with any of this. First one is true, considering you are a male and probably not attracted to dudebros (I assume).

I think point #2 is valid, but everyone is ALWAYS critical of their team no matter how they are doing. We're competing against the entire league, not just the White Sox.

#3 I'm pretty sure I trash talk our intern White Sox fans at work non-stop. Who has a Jermaine Dye screensaver? Honestly. At least rub it in my face with A.J. right? BTW, six Sox fans to one Cubby here in NYC.

#4 I am more than happy to be able to go outdoors anywhere I want thanks to fun, clean neighborhoods that are safe to stay in after dark.

I have spent many weekends in Chicago and have plenty of friends there. Pretty sure that still doesn't qualify me to comment on "What a White Sox fan is".

Go Toronto

Cowley....why are you checking out dudes? That just gives me the creeps! And, from what I hear every female Sox fan has a crush on Joe Mauer. Oh by the way, he's born and raised in Minnesota. WinTwins!

Joe, I agree with you - Minnesotans don't talk trash.

They throw it on the field - batteries, garbage, you name it.

This is pretty funny. I blog on a website dedicated to Twins baseball but perspective is a good thing to have. Some of these Twins fans have an obvious weakness in the skill of intellectual debate and hang to the 'reputation' of this Twins team like it is the most unheralded and unsung team in modern history that has overcame epic struggles to get where they are.

What Ozzie should know is that the Twins have big problems which start with Manager Ron 'the enabler' Gardenhire, a starting pitching staff that hits a brick wall in the 6th inning, and a bull pen that makes the starting pitcher deeply regret coming out in the 6th inning. The Twins need to remedy this problem right quickly.

If it was not for Joe Nathan and a minor league system that has produced Baker, Blackburn, Slowey, Perkins, Liriano, Mauer, Morneau, and now Denard Span, there is no way this team is tied with the White Sox. Take that Jim Leyland!

As for the mom saying that 'Twins fans' throw trash on the field I have to disagree with you ma'am. Jerks that have consumed too much alcohol and merely frequent the metrodome to appease their basic need to identify with a 'group' are not Twins fans. They are clowns and the staff at the dome makes sure that these idiots are dealt with swiftly.

come on minnesota fans, YOU GUYS SUCK!!!! when we think about minnesota i think about when will they fade??? go off in the dark wow those divison titles congratulations which nobody competed in that divison in those years except in 06 the tigers gave you a good run but come on. White sox are a good team and tell me when they choke twins fans???? they are clutch in the playoffs look at 05. Oh yeah they were sitting at home and they were watching us kicking the angels ass. Whitesox are the best team in baseball they will win it all in 08 so there you go so minnesota fans go home and stop believeing in them.

come on minnesota fans, YOU GUYS SUCK!!!! when we think about minnesota i think about when will they fade??? go off in the dark wow those divison titles congratulations which nobody competed in that divison in those years except in 06 the tigers gave you a good run but come on. White sox are a good team and tell me when they choke twins fans???? they are clutch in the playoffs look at 05. Oh yeah they were sitting at home and they were watching us kicking the angels ass. Whitesox are the best team in baseball they will win it all in 08 so there you go so minnesota fans go home and stop believeing in them.

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This page contains a single entry by Joe Cowley published on July 28, 2008 8:15 PM.

Cowley Confidence Rating was the previous entry in this blog.

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