Since getting engaged, I have devoured every bridal magazine out there. Even though most of my planning is finished, I still feel the need to pour over ever page, sometimes second guessing my decisions and sometimes just admiring what I could have done if I were rich.
This month, I'm loving the new issue of Chicago Social Brides It's from the publishers of CS Magazine, you know, the one you can get at Starbucks? The Brides issue is full of useful information and LOCAL resources for their cool ideas and products. It's on stands now.
I'm also crazy about the new Brides Chicago magazine from the publishers of MondernBride. Again, it's full of great local resources. I especially like the "Real Couple's Playlists" in which wedding music of Chicago-area couples gets the spotlight. It hit newstands today.
A friend of mine, who is recently married, said that her fiance is having a hard time getting used to wearing his wedding ring. He's never worn a ring and so it feels a little foreign to him.
And he's not alone.
My very own fiance has just informed me that he's not keen on the idea of actually wearing his ring.
I was shocked at first, but he explained that he just doesn't like the way it feels on his finger. My brother, another newlywed, says he too found it to feel funny but is slowly getting accustomed to it. (Although, he said that he occasionally forgets to put it on in the morning and then comes home to a disapproving wife who has noticed the left-behind ring.)
So now that I'm calmer and can look at the situation more clearly, I can possibly see how a guy might not like wearing a ring. Granted, he will probably get used to the way it feels after a few weeks, but women start wearing jewelry at such a young age that we don't even think about how odd it must feel for a man to suddenly start wearing a ring.
And men's wedding rings are a relatively new trend. According to coolmensrings.ili1.com, the tradition didn't start until WWII when soldiers wore wedding rings to remind them of their new wives back home. After browsing the collection of articles on this site, I understood my fiance's feelings on the subject a little better.
I'm still not crazy about his decision. I like the idea of us both wearing our rings every day, but then again, we're not ten-year-olds who have to have matching jewelry in order for the other kids to know we're best friends, so maybe this isn't such a big deal. I just wish we had decided this before we purchased his not-so-cheap wedding ring!
A few days ago, I asked destination brides to email details of your wedding to travel@suntimes.com. Due to a technical glitch, that email address wasn't working properly, but it's up and running now so please, send away!
When I was tasting cakes earlier this month, I realized there was a lot of baker's lingo being thrown at me. Brides.com has a great glossary of cake terms that covers shapes, frostings, fillings, decorating techniques and more. I've listed the terms for the fillings and frostings, but be sure to check out the whole list here.
Buttercream
Sweet, creamy mixture of butter, sugar, and eggs that's used for icing and filling. Fruit or liquor give buttercream extra flair. Best for: indoor receptions—buttercream melts in hot sun.
Fondant
Sweet sugar dough that looks like porcelain when it dries. Best for: indoor or outdoor weddings—fondant doesn't need to be refrigerated. The three varieties:
Rolled: Chewy, claylike icing that's rolled flat and wrapped around each tier.
Poured: Smoother than rolled. Often used as a covering for petits fours.
Sculpted: The stiffest fondant. Best for making flowers and other decorations.
Chocopan
Like fondant, but tastier. Comes in milk-, dark-, and white-chocolate flavors. Best for: outdoor weddings—chocopan doesn't need to be refrigerated.
Ganache
Melted chocolate and heavy cream blended together for frosting and icing. Best for: indoor weddings—ganache will melt in hot weather.
Royal icing
Blended sugar and egg whites that makes a thick frosting used to create lace and latticework. Best for: indoor or outdoor weddings.
Whipped cream
Light icing or filling. Best for: cakes kept on ice until served—whipped cream will spoil if left out.
Marzipan
Sweet paste made of ground almonds, egg whites, and sugar that makes a smooth frosting or decadent filling. Best for: creating shapes that can be colored with dye.
During my year of planning, I've come across some really helpful wedding websites. Some are very specialized, others are a bit more general but with some kind of fun twist. If you're a web surfing bride (or groom) here are a few more places to keep you busy when you should be working.
groomgroove.com
A website for the guys, this is a really well organized, comprehensive guide for the man at the end of the aisle. From the proposal to the honeymoon, this site covers some pretty taboo topics like performance anxiety on the wedding night. It also provides helpful resources for the best man, groomsmen and dads. Ladies, it's worth a spin for you too just to see it all from a guy's perspective. You may be surprised!
amazingcollections.com
It's very trendy right now for brides to get pashminas for the bridesmaids to wear with their dresses, expecially for a non-summer wedding in Chicago. This website offers viscose and cashmere pashminas for a fantastic price! At $15.50 for viscose and $39.50 for cashmere, these are gifts that won't break the bank. The woman in charge, Ruth, is extremely helpful and cooperative. If they don't have the color you want, email her and she'll work with you. And brides get 10% off!
nettletonhollow.com
This site specializes in branches. Yes, branches. Maybe you don't have any need for these, but lots of brides dream of elaborate centerpieces and large floral arrangements for the reception hall. Branches add a totally different look and feel to an arrangement. This site has a wide selection of branches, flowers, grasses and more for reasonable prices.
netbride.com
Bridesmaid dresses aren't cheap. And while the bride may think that her maids have to succumb to her demands, a true friend makes those demands affordable. This website is associated with a real store in Minneapolis so you can trust them. Email the brand, style and color that you're looking for and they will email you back a quote for significantly less than you would find in the store. They also have bridal gowns and moms dresses. The downside is that you don't get the customer service that you would get in a boutique. And if it doesn't fit, you're out of luck so make sure you measure properly.
sparkpeople.com
Trying to get in shape before the big day? This site offers nutrition advice, fitness tips and diet tools. There's also a great online support group component to help keep you on track. The best part? It's free!
After more than a year of wedding planning, eloping sounds really good right now. Running off to a tropical spot with just our closest relatives and friends, saying "I do" with sand between our toes and toasting with colorful cocktails garnished with fresh pineapple...ahhhh...
Yeah right.
I have heard enough brides talk about destination weddings to know that they are NOT easier to plan. In some ways, they're more difficult because you're doing it long distance and often dealing with paperwork in another country. Finding vendors, making travel arrangements...yikes!
But maybe you're brave and adventurous. Are you having (or did you have) a destination wedding? If so, we want to hear from you for an upcoming story. Email us at travel@suntimes.com and be sure to include your name, daytime telephone number and a little bit of information about your wedding (when, where, etc.).
And if you're just starting to plan, check out these tips from theknot.com:
Destination Wedding Basics: 13 Must-read Tips
1. Get Help
If you've signed up for a wedding package, the services of a planner are probably included. If not, try to earmark part of your budget (about 10 percent of the total) for a wedding planner. He can shoulder the burden of researching, auditioning, and securing local vendors -- especially valuable if said vendors speak English only as a second language. She is also the behind-the-scenes queen, creating gift bags for guests, greeting everyone at the airport, keeping people busy with fun activities once there, vetting special requests (babysitters, dry cleaners, and so on), and getting everyone where they need to be on time.
2. Schedule a Test Drive
Remember, unlike a wedding in your hometown, guests are dependent on you once they reach the destination. Make sure you provide transportation to and from the airport, as well as to all the events of the weekend. Insist that bus drivers do a dry run of the route so they don't get lost between the ceremony and reception.
3. Take a Trip
You'll need to scout and secure your key venues -- church, reception, hotels for guests, rehearsal dinner venue -- and local suppliers such as caterers, florists, and photographers. Next -- or during a second trip -- you'll need to schedule "tastings" with your caterer, see sample bouquets from the florist, plan a hair and makeup session with a salon, and organize activities (golf, tennis, walking tours, museums) for everyone.
4. Vendor Checkups
If you must hire your vendors sight unseen, ask for a portfolio of pictures and at least three references. Be sure the references are people for whom the vendor did an event similar to yours. For example, a recommendation from a couple who had 10 guests doesn't help if you're inviting 100. Also ask for the names of other vendors who worked those events and use them as further references regarding the company in question.
5. Be Gracious
A good way to make nice with the local vendors is to send handwritten thank-you notes and even little gifts when you book their services. (Remember that they can literally make or break your wedding, and a little goes a long way toward getting them on your side.) During the event itself, it's wise to have plenty of small bills on hand for palm-greasing, especially in foreign countries and resorts.
6. B.Y.O.P.
Bring your own pros. Don't hesitate to fly in talent you trust from home for critical aspects such as photography, hair and makeup, and decor design (lighting, flowers). These vendors can work with local vendors in a supervisory capacity to avoid any communication mishaps.
7. Forewarn Your Friends
Tell your bridal party about the destination before you ask them to stand by your side so that they can gracefully decline if finances are tight.
8. Get a Grip
Don't be upset if some of your closest friends or relatives don't attend. While you are, in a sense, footing some of the food bills, their fees for travel, hotel, and car rental can really add up, especially for a family. And while your wedding is a mini-vacation for you, it may not be the one they want to take!
9. Mind Mother Nature
Don't forget to consider the climate when choosing your gown. You'll be swimming in sweat if you pair your fairy-tale satin ball gown with tropical humidity. Whether your dream location is specifically a beach or simply outdoors, dress for no stress.
10. Be a Zen Bride
Don't keep a constant eye on the time. Remember that many tropical islands run on "island time" -- things happen when they happen -- and keep an open mind. Minor mishaps can sometimes make for the best memories.
11. Pack Right
Whatever you bring with you, you'll have to lug along for the trip. And don't forget to allow ample room for your gown.
12. Call On a Courier
Make a plan for wedding presents. If you've got a ton of wedding gifts to take home, ask if someone who lives in your city can take them back and keep them for you until after the honeymoon -- or even drop them at your home for you. Or, pack an extra duffle bag to bring them home yourselves. Figure this out before the wedding so you'll have a plan of action if you need it.
13. Welcome Your Guests
Be sure to place a gift basket in each room full of essentials for the trip (suntan lotion, bug spray) and goodies that will remind them of the setting -- calypso tapes, cookbooks, samples of native food, or crafts from local artisans are all good options.
My fiance and I went to PreCana yesterday. It's an eight-hour marriage prep class sponsored by the Catholic church for couples who plan to be married in the Catholic church. Basically, it's required. So on a lovely Saturday morning, my fiance and I sleepily made our way to St. Walter on the far South side to sit in a non-air conditioned room and talk about major marital issues.
It wasn't quite as bad as it sounds.
Actually, the couple teaching the class was pretty entertaining. They were extremely open about their own marriage and the struggles along the way. Here are a few of the things we learned:
1. Fighting is healthy, if you do it the right way. It seems like a no brainer that the key to good fighting is open communication, but it's a lot harder than it sounds. And it means avoiding dragging up the past, name-calling and yelling. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that I don't know anyone who doesn't do at least one of those things when they fight.
2. It doesn't matter how hard you try, you will not please everyone in either family at the holidays. Remember, they want you around because they love you, not because they are trying to make your life difficult, even though it really seems like that sometimes.
3. Major purchases should be cleared through your spouse. Most people know this. What we didn't know is that we have very different definitions of a major purchase. One more thing to add to the "discuss before the wedding" list.
4. Getting married doesn't mean you have to stop dating. Really? Awesome! Oh, you mean to not stop dating your spouse? Oh, well that's okay too.
5. Fifty percent of couples who lived together before getting married divorce. That doesn't count couples who moved in together during their engagement. interesting.
And then black. It was my very favorite "Friends" season cliffhanger (watch it here), the one that made me scream so loud I scared my parents. But it was also one of the best television wedding shockers that Hollywood has produced.
There are countless movies and television episodes centering on weddings. No two are exactly alike, but a few of them, like this one, are extra special. Here are some of my other favorites:
"My Best Friend's Wedding"
When Julianne (Julia Roberts) tells Michael (Dermot Mulroney) and Kimmy (Cameron Diaz) that she didn't buy them a wedding gift and until they find their own song, this one was on loan. And then the twins start singing "The Way You Look Tonight."
"Father of the Bride"
I tear up when George (Steve Martin) runs through the house to try to say goodbye to his daughter Annie (Kimberly Williams) before she leaves for the honeymoon, and he gets blocked at every corner. But later, she calls from the airport saying she just can't leave without saying goodbye.
"Steel Magnolias"
Okay, so it's not a wedding movie, but the beginning is consumed with Shelby's (Julia Roberts again) wedding and I just love that her colors are "blush and bashful" NOT pink and pink as her mother (Sally Field) describes. But the best part is the grooms cake -- red velvet with gray frosting, shaped and decorated to look like an armadillo. When Ouiser (Shirley MacLaine) cuts off the tail for Drum (Tom Skerritt), it looks like it's bleeding. Take a look. (I really do love YouTube!)
"Old School"
Also not a wedding movie, but this is my fiance's contribution to the list. There's a part when Frank the Tank (Will Ferrell) is watching his bride walk down the aisle and Pete (Vince Vaughn) whispers "You need to get out Frankie. … You need to get out of here while you're still single." Then he leans down to the father of the bride and says "It takes a man to give away an angel" and winks at him.
But my favorite part is during the reception when the wedding singer drops f-bombs while singing "Total Eclipse of the Heart." Priceless.
"Will & Grace"
When Will (Eric McCormack) walks Grace (Debra Messing) down the aisle during her wedding to Leo and at the very end, whispers, "This might be a bad time to tell you, but I'm straight." Grace of course laughs, but the way he says it is so serious that I couldn't help hoping that he might not be joking and that the two of them would end up together after all.
Me: "So, I was thinking we could serve the groom's cake at the rehearsal dinner instead of the reception. Traditionally, the cakes are dark chocolate, but since it's your cake, you can pick whatever flavor you want. Usually, it reflects your interests, like sports, movies or whatever. Any ideas?"
Him: (pauses, looks down at his hand, then looks up with a smile) "I want a hand."
Me: "What? A hand? Ha, ha, okay, let's be serious now."
Him: "I am. I want a hand and I want each finger to be a different flavor."
Me: (realizing he's serious) "Why on earth would you want a hand? That doesn't make any sense! People are going to think you're crazy!"
Him: "No, it'll be funny! It's unexpected! Besides, it's just a cake. And it's MY cake. Yep, I want a hand."
Me: "A hand?"
Him: "Yes, a hand."
It didn't take me long to figure out that my fiance wanted a hand-shaped cake just to see my squirm. However, I know him well enough to know that even if I act like it's not a big deal, he won't give it up. He will have a hand-shaped cake, just to remind me that this is a wedding, not a UN convention and I shouldn't take things too seriously.
So, we're having a hand. And it's going to be weird and not at all what I wanted. But he's right. It's just a cake.
I was in Lebanon, Tennessee this weekend for the wedding of one of my dearest friends, my college roommate Rachael.
It was beautiful and romantic and everything she wanted it to be. She cried almost the entire ceremony. So did I.
She and her husband have been dating for almost seven years and became engaged four months before us. It's no surprise that we went through this together. Our lives have been so parallel since the first day of college when we were randomly assigned as roommates and finished each other's sentences within a few hours of meeting. It's like having another version of myself out there, just taller and with a more pronounced Southern accent.
Experiencing her wedding put so many things in perspective for me. She and I have been going through the planning process together for the last year. We have such similar tastes that I think my wedding will just be the "Part 2" of her's. I knew so many of the behind-the-scenes details of her big day, including what the centerpieces would look like and where the guest book was printed.
And yet, I didn't notice almost any of those things. The atmosphere was certainly classy and well-coordinated but it sort of faded away when Rachael came walking down the aisle with tears in her eyes and looked at her groom who had the kind of big, goofy grin that could only belong to a man in love.
At the reception, Rachael visibly relaxed. She looked so purely happy and so very gorgeous. The venue was almost as beautiful, with an impressive live band, a fabulous cake and a chocolate fountain to die for.
But none of it matched the sweetness of the unplanned moment during the ceremony when Rachael just nodded in response to a line of the vows she was meant to repeat but couldn't because she was so overcome by emotion. And the groom just squeezed her hands and smiled reassuringly at her until she could continue. I doubt there was a dry eye in the house.
And now, that other version of me is married, enjoying a lovely honeymoon in Napa Valley with her new husband. I have every confidence that they will live happily ever after. And I can't wait to follow.
So I'm currently exploring wedding invitation possibilities. Being a graphic designer, I planned to design it myself, but now I'm having second thoughts. I mean, there are so many great options already out there so why bother?
But I've also been looking into nontraditional invitations and once again, I poked around YouTube.com. Look at what I found:
This one gets points for creativity, although the technical qualities are very weak. If you're going to do a video invitation, make sure it's high quality.
This one is both creative and technically sound. This one has cute music and is sort of funny.
I don't understand this one, both because it's in another language and because the story doesn't really make sense, but it looks fun.
I sifted through tons of slide show videos. Please, for the sake of your guests, don't send a DVD full of photos of the two of you growing up! No offense, but no one really cares about seeing all those boring pictures except for your moms. Video invitations should be creative and high concept, not dull and painful.
Any other invitation options I should consider? I have to make a decision soon and I want to be well-informed!
I always thought wedding cakes were supposed to be boring white cakes with white icing, but I quickly found out that there are options!
Fruit fillings, whipped cream, chocolate mousse, buttercream frosting, fondant…so many choices and each one seems better than the next. I can honestly say that this was the easiest decision we've made. But, then again, I have a huge sweet tooth so anything with sugar sounded good to me! We ended up going somewhat traditional with the design and only deviated when it came to choosing fillings.
But I want to know about some of the nontraditional options out there.
Are you doing a cupcake tree? Or maybe a cake with chocolate frosting? Or maybe an all organic cake?
Or maybe no cake at all?
Give us ideas for alternatives to white wedding cakes.
Now there's even more reason to love Target. The national discount chain store is getting in on the wedding craze but they're doing it in typical Target fashion -- high style, low prices.
Have you see the new Isaac Mizrahi wedding gowns? They've been featured in loads of magazines and on "Oprah." They're trendy and cute with simple lines and a variety of fabrics. But the best part is that they're all $160 or less!
The cost of wedding products is out of control. I'm convinced that the minute you put the word "bridal" on a product, it doubles in cost. I was at a craft store recently to pick up a comb to attach to my veil. In the jewelry section, I found a set of two for $2.98. I walked to the other side of the store and found the same two combs in the bridal aisle for $6.99. The only difference was that the package said "bridal" on it.
Companies inflate prices for anything associated with a wedding because they can. We grumble, but we pay it. Target is starting to break through this standard and I commend them for that.
In the meantime, the best way I have found to save money is to avoid wedding products when at all possible. Bridal boutiques are great for some things, but always stop to consider whether or not you can get the same product in a mainstream store. If you can, it'll probably be about half the cost.
Has anyone else experienced this? Have you found wedding products to be overpriced? How have you handled it?
I just wrapped up another weekend of wedding planning. I remember when I had a life. I miss that.
Actually, the 'rents came for a visit with a wedding agenda. From dress fittings to cake tasting (more on that later this week) to flower girl dresses, we got quite a bit accomplished. And that's important since the wedding is just a little more than four months away (yikes!).
But I miss being able to have a conversation with my parents that doesn't involve weddings. The problem is, I don't have much else to talk about these days.
It's not that I'm spending every waking moment planning my wedding. I don't. I manage to hang out with friends, see movies and go running. But it's always there. Like a little rain cloud over my head. And I can only escape it little bits at a time and then it comes storming all over me again, reminding me of all the details I have left to figure out.
Even the most tame bride-to-be usually reaches a point in the planning when her brain is so full of wedding details that everything else disappears. It kind of makes you wonder what a bridezilla's brain must look like.
And what I hate most is that other people must think I'm nuts. I hide it well from my friends and coworkers, I think. I may mention having done a few wedding-related things that week, but I do not bore them with the constant dialogue in my head which asks things like "Do I really want pocketfold invitations? And why do I feel the need to design them myself? I wonder how much all that postage is going to cost?"
But I can't help it. And I blame society. Why so much emphasis on this being the biggest event of your life? Sure, it is important, but what happened to a reception of just cake and punch? Maybe the new trend in weddings should be "less is more." Anyone else willing to support that?
