'The Prisoner'
Two stars
Beginning Sunday at 7 p.m. on AMC
There is a very good reason why I am not tripping on LSD right now: I have no desire to be disoriented for six hours. There's also a reason why I am not conking myself on the head with a croquet mallet, but "The Prisoner" somehow has the same effect.
'Lopez Tonight'
One star
10 p.m. weeknights on TBS
"The revolution begins right now!" announced George Lopez on the first installment of his late-night talk show.
Lopez is determined to be different. The show opened with a tight shot of two go-go dancers writhing, and a crowd of 400 that refused to sit down. It looked like the kind of nightclub that doesn't have a bouncer, with the name "Lopez" emblazoned in some sort of glowing yellow demon font. Lopez, in a suit, was overdressed for his own show.
Was he comfortable? Yes. Confident? Oh yes. Overconfident? Possibly. He lost momentum with a stock, vanilla monologue that targeted Sammy Sosa, Glenn Beck and Sinbad.
'The Wanda Sykes Show'
Two stars
10 p.m. on WFLD-Channel 32
I am not Wanda Sykes's biggest fan - I find the "New Adventures of Old Christine" co-star to be too shrill and self-congratulatory to watch for too long. Comedy doesn't require a side of smirk. And unfortunately, the bulk of the first night of her new talk show was devoted to stand-up that was relentlessly political. She may have killed at last spring's White House Correspondents Association dinner, but it was overkill to pile on George W. Bush Saturday night. It's time to let the man golf again in peace.
The good news is that there's plenty of potential in Sykes's new show. Some of the bright spots:
'Fanboy and Chum Chum'
Three stars
7 p.m. Friday on Nickelodeon
One of the most heartening trends in TV has been the ascent of the nerd. Once upon a time, Screech and Urkel were banished to the fringes, trotted out periodically for mocking. But with the mainstream acceptance of such shows as "Ugly Betty," "The Big Bang Theory" and "Glee," dorks are finally demanding equal rights.
Fanboy and Chum Chum, rabid sci-fi/fantasy freaks, are center stage in this new CG animated series, which celebrates friendship as much as the wonder of wizardry. They may not have super powers. They may wear their tighty whities outside their unitards. But by the hammer of Thor, they have each other. "I packed you an extra cape in case you get cold," Fanboy tenderly tells Chum Chum.
They navigate grade school with boundless enthusiasm, oblivious to the anger of Kyle (Jamie Kennedy), the new boy who actually does have the talent to, say, summon a griffin. Maybe if we're lucky, they'll join forces with Spongebob and Patrick in a crossover special. It's gratifying to see losers win. According to this show, we can expect the geeks to inherit the universe.
One thing you can say about sci-fi fans: They're not stupid. Each TV show comes with its own history, mythology, rules, science and literary allusions - sometimes it even has its own language. How do you say "My brain hurts" in Klingon?
When sci-fi fans like a show, they really commit. They memorize minutiae, look for hidden themes, link to each other's websites, write fan fiction, and when necessary, dress like the characters.
Now "V" is arriving on ABC, and it comes with plenty of baggage.
Let the obsessing begin.
Quite a bit is established in the pilot episode: Aliens visit the Earth. They are startlingly attractive. They say they want to cure our diseases with complete medical services for all. They say that they're all about peace.
The print ads for "White Collar" don't do star Matthew Bomer justice. He's got light-saber-blue eyes that glow with something intense. Hyper-intelligence? Adventure-lust? Pure bad-boyness? Whatever it is, he's having a heck of a good time in "White Collar."
Like in the movie "Catch Me If You Can," Bomer's character is a master counterfeiter who gives the FBI a run for its (fake) money, and then gets hired by them to help catch other con men.
'Secret Girlfriend'
Three stars
9:30 p.m. Wednesday on Comedy Central
The premise is this: You are the star of "Secret Girlfriend," with the camera seeing everything through your eyes. It's based on atomicwedgietv.com's internet series, and now it's successfully making the transition to Comedy Central in back-to-back, 11-minute mini episodes. The humor is fast and often beer-related.
You never talk. Other characters talk into the camera, reacting to you, but the only way you communicate is through texting.
So, based on the first couple of episodes, what do we know about you?
How do I articulate my love for "Dexter" without revealing myself to be a horrible person? I don't ordinarily enjoy watching unpleasant characters - and Dexter, after all, KILLS PEOPLE, with something approaching glee - and yet I consider him one of my best fictional friends.
Friends are not perfect. They borrow your sweater and return it all stretched out, or post embarrassing Facebook pictures of you. You forgive friends. Dexter, for instance, might be late for drinks one night because he's misplaced severed body parts. But you don't mind, because you like the guy. That Dexter!
He's back for a fourth season, and he's been missed. The series is as compulsively watchable as ever, with Dexter's marriage, stepchildren, newborn son and stifling suburban life complicating his leisure time. How's a guy supposed to stalk his next victim with the neighborhood watch on the alert?
Eastwick
Two and a half stars
9 p.m. Wednesday on WLS-Channel 7
It's probably redundant to say that "Eastwick" isn't very original, considering that it's based on the movie "The Witches of Eastwick," which was based on the John Updike novel. Even the series isn't particularly fresh; there have been two earlier tries, in 1992 and 2002 - and that last adaptation boasted a cast that included Marcia Cross.
"Eastwick," in fact, feels like a combination of Cross's "Desperate Housewives" and "9 to 5," both of which already did it better. "Eastwick" is outdated on arrival. The show looks gorgeous, invoking a picturesque, small-town Salem that practically sparkles. The actors are good, the writing's fine, and it's pleasant enough to watch. It's just that it all adds up to a series of pale imitations.
"The Good Wife" (9 p.m. Tuesday, WBBM-Channel 2): Three and a half stars. Julianna Margulies seethes under the surface as Alicia, a political wife humiliated by her Cook County state's attorney husband (Chris Noth). He's in jail after dalliances with prostitutes and charges of corruption. (Unfortunately, the toe-sucking was caught on videotape.) She goes back to work as a defense attorney, with Christine Baranski as a prickly mentor, Josh Charles as a dishy colleague, and Archie Panjabi ("Bend It Like Beckham") as the law firm's investigator. Alicia's cases are intriguing, and the background drama would be melodramatic if it weren't such a common story these days.
"The Forgotten" (9 p.m. Tuesday, WLS-Channel 7): One and a half stars. Such excellent intentions - and such insipid viewing. Jerry Bruckheimer shines a dim light on a network of volunteers who work to put a name to the 40,000 unidentified remains in the United States. Christian Slater plays a former police officer whose 8-year-old daughter was kidnapped. He works through his grief by helping other families get closure. His real-life counterparts are no doubt inspiring people, but the self-congratulatory tone of the show grates. There's not a lot of action, unless you count handing out flyers. And relying on voice-overs from the dead victims? That's just unforgiveable.
'Mercy'
Two stars
7 p.m. Wednesday on WMAQ-Channel 5
It's not fair to punish "Mercy" for not being "Nurse Jackie." But "Mercy" would be in critical condition even if there weren't a glut of nurse shows. I like newcomer Taylor Schilling as an Iraq vet trying to adjust to the relative normalcy of emergency work. Anne Heche's hubby, "Men in Trees'" James Tupper, is McDreamy as the war fling who follows her home. But any effective moments are outweighed by thumpingly obvious sentimentality, hospital stereotypes, and undignified "girl talk." With Michelle Trachtenberg as the shiny new intern.
'Cougar Town'
Two stars
8:30 p.m. Wednesday on WLS-Channel 7
There are some funny moments in this series about a newly divorced mother - Courteney Cox is that good - but it's hard to care about someone who comes off as so desperate and so ... well, stupid. She wasted the first part of her life on a marriage to a hot loser, and it looks like she'll be wasting what's left of her firm years on hot YOUNG losers. Is that a step up? I am mortified for her teen son. At least Cox has excellent backup: Busy Philipps ("ER") is always a hoot when she plays a bad girl, and Christa Miller ("Scrubs") provides sarcastic commentary as a bored married pal.
'Modern Family'
Four stars
8 p.m. Wednesday on WLS-Channel 7
This fast-paced mockumentary perfectly captures the experience of parenthood: chaotic and embarrassing. For all involved. The camera bounces from a May-December marriage with Ed O'Neill and Sofia Vergara, a "traditional" family headed by "Ed's" Julie Bowen, and a gay couple who have adopted a baby. Ty Burrell is a standout as a father determined to relate to his kids. When his teenage daughter brings a boy home, he says, "Let me meet this playa." Daaaaaad!
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