Among the things that viewers were hoping to see on last night's new "Jon & Kate Plus 8" episodes:

*Jon's girlfriend Deanna.

*Jon's girlfriend Hailey.

*Jon's latest girlfriend, the tabloid reporter.

*We would even have settled for Kate shaving her head, or attacking paparazzi with an umbrella.

What viewers actually saw:

*Jon and Kate briefly bickering about yet another shameless freebie - a completely remodeled kitchen where their already to-die-for kitchen was. Things got particularly heated about the under-the-counter refrigerator.

That's as juicy as it got.

There's at least one lesson to be learned from all this: Tread carefully when you're naming a show. Whoever came up with "Jon & Kate Plus 8" is probably wishing by now they'd been a bit less specific.

Television shows are populated by people, who are not always inclined to go along with the script - even when it's a "reality" show.

Stars fight. Get pregnant. Get arrested. And it's up to the production staff to make it work.
"People aren't predictable," says Linda Midgett, who was executive producer of the 2003 Chicago reality series "Starting Over." The idea was to give troubled women a second chance.
"We were constantly adjusting our plans for the show based on what was actually happening on the house," says Midgett.

"One night I got a call at 3 in the morning that one of the women had drunk a bottle of vodka," she remembers. "She was a closet alcoholic, was hiding it in the bathroom under the sink and none of us knew it. We realized, whoa. It sort of explained a lot of her behavior."

In a surprisingly sensitive move, it's being reported that TLC has suspended production until August 3, so the divorcing couple can transition into a new custody schedule.

"TLC continues to support the Gosselin family and will work closely with them to determine the best way to continue to tell their story as they navigate through this difficult time," TLC's statement said.

I've said before that I'm sympathetic to Kate (although I wouldn't want to live with her). But Monday night's episode really turned me against Jon. Sitting on the couch sighing, as if he had somewhere more important to be, acting like he was put-upon, when the majority of the country does NOT have a TV channel throwing kadillions of dollars at them. Poor baby. Let's mourn for his lost 20s.

I don't think Jon and Kate should work on their marriage, for the simple reason that Jon doesn't love her anymore. You can just see it in him. He can't wait to have a bachelor pad and be "biggest flirt" again like he was in high school.

OK, maybe I'm still just reeling from the revelation that he wears Ed Hardy jeans with tiger appliques on his butt.

After last night's episode, is anyone finding more sympathy for Kate? She is the one who wanted these kids, and she's the one who's taking care of them -- AND earning the money so they can have a financially secure future.

Jon? I think he's a petulant brat. I can't wait until he is not in demand from the media ... and learns that non-show-business careers are a lot less lucrative. Bye-bye, Ed Hardy jeans.

TLC is promoting Monday's episode -- which was originally to center on Mother's Day -- with an "announcement." Kate voices over in the commercial, "Recently, we've made some life-changing decisions. Decisions that will affect every member of our family, ones that we hope will bring each of us some peace."

Tease! Kate better be getting divorced or already pregnant, or I will be disappointed.

I'm still waiting for my Us magazine, so I only got a tease of this week's cover story: "INSIDE JON'S PRISON." I thought they couldn't top last week's "FROM MOM TO MONSTER" cover, but I was wrong.

Us magazine alleges that, in addition to the weekly mad money Kate would dole out, she banned Jon from seeing his brothers after his father's funeral.

You've almost got to respect the way Us is going after the couple, and trying to paint Kate as the biggest witch since they declared Angelina a homewrecker. (This was before she was reclassified as a saint, and then the subsequent backlash.)

I don't buy it. I have sympathy for Kate, maybe because the footage of her belly -- distended with six fetuses -- is forever stuck in my mind. Maybe I feel sorry for her because all the criticism is a bit over-the-top. Maybe I feel sorry for her because of her hair.

Am I the only one on Team Kate?

Well, the producers did get Kate and Jon the same couch occasionally for interview purposes, but the body language said "I'd rather be suing you for custody." It was uncomfortable to watch them be so honest about such an obviously raw situation.

I would second-guess their decisions to share their problems with the world, but this is a couple with a completely different reality from us. First, when they suddenly found themselves with eight kids, life must have gotten pretty surreal. And then when they let MORE people in the house to film them, life was distorted even more. Now they're on magazine covers. We're a few seasons late to criticize their judgment, aren't we?

It looks like this season will have a whole new vibe to the harried-but-affectionate reality show. Kate has become hardened and defiant. Jon -- well, I just didn't believe him. It seems like he just wants his 20s back.

Yes, it's a fascinating case study for the power of television to destroy lives. I shudder for the children. But if we watch, we're just feeding the machine.

Will you keep watching?

"Jon & Kate Plus 8" (8 p.m., TLC): The Gosselins may be going through a crisis, but nothing can stop a "Backyardigans"-themed birthday party for the septuplets. In previews, Kate and Jon were interviewed separately. Will they ever again share a loveseat?

"Dreams With Sharp Teeth" (8 p.m., Sundance): A documentary about the multitalented author Harlan Ellison ("Dangerous Visions"), who's had scuffles with everyone from Frank Sinatra to Roy Disney. Ellison's friend Robin Williams describes him as "a skin graft on a leper."

"Cake Boss" (9 p.m., TLC): Buddy and his helpers make a fire engine cake -- with working lights, a siren and smoke.

"Here Come the Newlyweds" (9:02 p.m., WLS-Channel 7): This update of "The Newlywed Game" involves paintball. I'm rooting for Michele and Sonarak Ieng, the only couple that aren't undernourished. As a competitor notes, "They look jolly!"

By Paige Wiser, TV Critic
pwiser@suntimes.com

There seems to be a distinct theme to many upcoming TV shows. Let's call it "marital agony." Boy marries girl; they go on TV to earn money or fame; and their relationship is tested down to the last shred of affection.

Like most trends lately, this is a disturbing one - and addictive to watch.

"Drama and comedy come from conflict," says Walter J. Podrazik, the Chicago author of Watching TV: Six Decades of American Television. "An unhappy marriage offers opportunities for both."

And if the marriage isn't unhappy yet, the cameras will take care of that.

By Paige Wiser, TV Critic
pwiser@suntimes.com

There seems to be a distinct theme to many upcoming TV shows. Let's call it "marital agony." Boy marries girl; they go on TV to earn money or fame; and their relationship is tested down to the last shred of affection.

Like most trends lately, this is a disturbing one - and addictive to watch.

"Drama and comedy come from conflict," says Walter J. Podrazik, the Chicago author of Watching TV: Six Decades of American Television. "An unhappy marriage offers opportunities for both."

And if the marriage isn't unhappy yet, the cameras will take care of that.

The patriarch of "Jon and Kate Plus 8" is in trouble for his night life again. Us magazine has a photo of him leaving a Pennsylvania bar at 2 a.m. with a "mystery woman" and without his wedding band.

"Like most people, I have male and female friends and I'm not going to end my friendships just because I'm on TV," Gosselin said in a statement. "However, being out...late at night showed poor judgment on my part. What makes me sick is that my careless behavior has put my family in this uncomfortable position. My family is the most important thing in my life and it kills me that these allegations have hurt them."

In February, a photo emerged of Jon posing with co-eds in a bar.