"V" (7 p.m., WLS-Channel 7): It's the last episode of 2009 - producers say they wanted to break it up into "pods" to make it more of an event. Like an invasion of carnivorous aliens isn't enough to hold our attention.
"NCIS" (7 p.m., WBBM-Channel 2): U.S. Secretary of the Navy Ray Mabus guest-stars, presumably as himself, and not a murderous maniac.
"The Biggest Loser" (7 p.m., WMAQ-Channel 5): Suze Orman makes an appearance - again, presumably as herself - to explain that there is a connection between health and wealth.
"How the Earth Was Made" (8 p.m., History): In case you were wondering.
"The Good Wife" (9 p.m., WBBM-Channel 2): For those of you rooting for more scandal, Chelsea Handler interviews Peter's mistress on her show.
If you are a sincere ³Dancing With the Stars² viewer, you wrestled with some
serious questions last night. You, the call-in voter, had the power to award
a trashtastic mirror-ball trophy to Mya, Donny Osmond, or Kelly Osbourne.
But with such murky contest rules, how did you decide who deserved it most?
Did you vote for the best technical dancer? The most improved dancer? The
most popular dancer? The dancer most in need of a career boost?
The answer is between you and your unlimited calling plan. But here are some
categories that helped me decide:
"Dancing With the Stars" (7 p.m., WLS-Channel 7): It's the last chance for Mya, Kelly Osbourne and Donny Osmond to impress the judges. Brace yourself: the "megamix challenge" will involve the Viennese waltz, the samba and the jive.
"Jon & Kate Plus 8" (8 p.m., TLC): Seriously, for real, this is the last we'll see of the Gosselins until the kids are old enough to write tell-all books. As the brood visits a dairy farm and fire station, play this drinking game: Chung a shot of organic milk every time Kate says, "It's all for the children."
"Find My Family" (8:30 p.m., WLS-Channel 7): This new reality show was inevitable, wasn't it? An investigative team helps a Wisconsin couple find the daughter they gave up for adoption 29 years ago.
"Pirates of the Caribbean" marathon (Noon, USA): Personally, I can't get enough of Johnny Depp acting effeminate.
"Magnificent Mile Lights Festival" (6 p.m., WLS-Channel 7): Janet Davies, Hosea Sanders, Alan Krashesky and Deborah Roberts host.
"How the Grinch Stole Christmas" (7 p.m., TBS): How did he do it, again?
"Strait-Jacket" (9 p.m., WCIU-Channel 26): Joan Crawford alert! Svengoolie brings you the tender story of an ax-murderess trying to mend ties with her daughter. Look for 23-year-old Lee Majors' first acting role, as well as plenty of Pepsi product placement.
"Saturday Night Live" (10:30 p.m., WMAQ-Channel 5): Joseph Gordon-Levitt, who grew up on "Third Rock From the Sun," has the plum comedic opportunity to be following Worst Host Ever January Jones.
SUNDAY
"2009 American Music Awards" (7 p.m., WLS-Channel 7): With a live telecast, whom will Eminem humiliate? Will a hologram accept Michael Jackson's awards? Will Fergie dump her husband in onstage in a speech?
"The Cleveland Show" (7:30 p.m., WFLD-Channel 32): Daryl Hall and John Oates make voice cameos.
"Cold Case" (8 p.m., WBBM-Channel 2): It switches time slots with "Three Rivers," which now airs at 9 p.m. I have no idea what this means, but it has an air of desperation.
"The Next Iron Chef" (8 p.m., Food): Finally, the winner makes the last cut.
"Bill Engvall: Aged and Confused" (8 p.m., Comedy): The family comic, now an empty nester, gripes about his pet peeves.
"The Haunted" (9 p.m., Animal Planet): Apparently, pets are subject to the paranormal, too. In the first episode, candle-shop owners are freaked out by disembodied monkey screeches.
"General Hospital" (2 p.m., WLS-Channel 7): James Franco, of "Pineapple Express" and "Spiderman 3" fame, stretches himself by mastering the suspenseful pause of soap opera acting. In a two-month stint, he'll play a graffiti artist known as Franco. You can also see him self-deprecate at funnyordie.com.
"Diet Tribe" (7 p.m., Lifetime): The season two finale for this girly "Biggest Loser" knockoff.
"Monk" (8 p.m., USA): Tony Shalhoub's real-life wife, Brooke Adams - you loved her as Pagan in the miniseries "Lace" - guest stars.
"Larry the Cable Guy's Hula-Palooza Christmas Luau" (8 p.m., CMT): That's a lot of title to live up to, but one thing makes me think he can pull it off: special guest Tony Orlando!
"Forensic Files" (9 p.m., truTV): The case of a missing University of Illinois science major.
"Good Morning America" (7 a.m., WLS-Channel 7): Chaz Bono gives his first live interview after undergoing gender reassignment in June.
"Top 20 Celebrities Gone Good" (7 p.m., VH1): It would be tough to knock Angelina Jolie off her pedestal at this point, but Bono, Shakira and Lance Armstrong want to try.
"Community" (7 p.m., WMAQ-Channel 5): Tonight's episode features the comedic genius of Ken Jeong as Senor Chang. Also, I've learned that Danny Pudi, who plays the eerie Abed, is from Chicago. This is a no-lose situation.
"Terror in Mumbai" (8 p.m., HBO): The victims - and the terrorists - involved in the 2008 attack describe the work of Lashkar-e-Taiba, or the "Army of the Righteous."
"Project Runway" (9 p.m., Lifetime): There's more vomit than usual involved in this season's finale, with finalist Carol Hannah battling a bug during New York's Fashion Week.
"The New Adventures of Old Christine" (7 p.m., WBBM-Channel 2): Jennifer Grey guests as a blind date. (Not for Christine.)
"America's Next Top Model" (7 p.m., WGN-Channel 9): Will the winner be the awkwardly striking Nicole, or lovable hick Laura? Intriguingly, Eddie Murphy makes an appearance in the finale.
"Modern Family" (8 p.m., WLS-Channel 7): Edward Norton guest stars as Phil's favorite musician, and Elizabeth Banks plays a fun-loving friend.
"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit" (8 p.m., WMAQ-Channel 5): Benson (Mariska Hargitay) is under investigation for killing a bike-gang member.
"In the Spotlight With Robin Roberts: Janet Jackson" (9 p.m., WLS-Channel 7): She spills at her Malibu mansion.
"Nip/Tuck" (9 p.m., FX): The winners of Wednesday night's guest-starring wars: "Dancing With the Stars'" Gilles Marini and drop-dead gorgeous transgender Candis Cayne. Oh, and Vanessa Redgrave too.
"Merry Madagascar" (7 p.m., WMAQ-Channel 5): The onslaught of holiday specials begins with this new animated story about an amnesiac Santa Claus (Carl Reiner). Other voices include Ben Stiller, Chris Rock, David Schwimmer, Jada Pinkett Smith, Cedric the Entertainer and Andy Richter.
"The Good Wife" (7 p.m., WBBM-Channel 2): Alicia is asked to testify on her husband's behalf at his appeal hearing. Is he going to get another face slap?
"Biggest Loser" (7:30 p.m., WMAQ-Channel 5): Reality gurus Tim Gunn (fashion) and Tabatha Coffey (hair) give the contestants makeovers.
"Melrose Place" (8 p.m., WGN-Channel 9): Heather Locklear is back as Amanda Woodward, and if she can save this show again, she should be canonized.
"Sons of Anarchy" (9 p.m., FX): All the forces are aligned against Adam Arkin's evil Zobelle.
"Oprah Winfrey" (9 a.m., WLS-Channel 7): The daytime diva meets Republican rogue Sarah Palin, and we get to watch.
"Chef Academy" (10 p.m., Bravo): Jean Christophe Novelli - who was voted "World's Sexiest Chef" by the New York Times - chooses nine students after they cook eggs. Root for Chicago's Sarah Jacobsen, 29.
"American Experience: Surviving the Dust Bowl" (9 p.m., WTTW-Channel 11): Liev Schreiber narrates the special about the eight-year drought of the '30s. Now stop complaining.
"Gossip Girl" (8 p.m., WGN-Channel 9): How do you follow the threesome episode? With a private concert by Lady Gaga.
"Lie to Me" (8 p.m., WFLD-Channel 32): The team investigates a fatal Black Friday stampede at a megastore. Happy holidays!
"CSI: Miami" (9 p.m., WBBM-Channel 2): The Lakers' Pau Gasol covers his bets by starting a backup guest starring career.
"Project Runway" has officially gone from catty, cult Bravo series to pop culture phenomenon. In just the last few weeks, it's been mentioned on "Desperate Housewives," and "Ugly Betty's" little brother gushed, "This is my 'Project Runway' moment, and I'm going to make it work!"
As its audience has grown more mainstream, so has its tone.
'The Prisoner'
Two stars
Beginning Sunday at 7 p.m. on AMC
There is a very good reason why I am not tripping on LSD right now: I have no desire to be disoriented for six hours. There's also a reason why I am not conking myself on the head with a croquet mallet, but "The Prisoner" somehow has the same effect.
"Ann Rule's Everything She Ever Wanted" (7 p.m., Lifetime Movie): In Part I of this Southern saga, Gina Gershon makes her husband dress up like Rhett Butler for their wedding day - and that's just the first of her evil deeds.
"True Jackson VP" (7:30 p.m., Nickelodeon): Keke Palmer, the pride of Robbins, Ill., is back for a second season. Care Bears on Fire - who have the best band name of all time - perform.
"Princesses of the World" (8 p.m., WTTW-Channel 11): Some of us will be watching for tips.
"Flower Girl" (8 p.m., Hallmark): Perky Marla Sokoloff from "The Practice" plays a girl whose main ambition is to get married. Marion Ross is her grandmother, who's picked out a nice doctor for her.
"13 Ghosts" (9 p.m., WCIU-Channel 26): William Castle's 1960 horror film about a haunted house gets the Svengoolie treatment. Fun fact: It was originally filmed in "Illusion-O," which is like 3D, but different.
"Saturday Night Live" (10:30 p.m., WMAQ-Channel 5): "Mad Men's" glacial January Jones loosens up as host, and the Black Eyed Peas perform.
SUNDAY
"The Amazing Race 15" (7 p.m., WBBM-Channel 2): Three words: Estonian mud volleyball.
"Extreme Makeover Home Edition" (7 p.m., WLS-Channel 7): David Duchovny redeems himself as celebrity volunteer.
"The Prisoner" (7 p.m., AMC): For those of you bored with linear thinking, this remake of the '60s series features an anguished Jim Caviezel and an impish Ian McKellan.
"Three Rivers" (8 p.m., WBBM-Channel 2): Mandy Patinkin plays a car crash victim who asks to be taken off life support so that he can donate his organs.
"People's Court" (1 p.m., WCIU-Channel 26): Judge Wapner is welcomed back to the bench for his 90th birthday. Among his gifts: a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.
"Medium" (8 p.m., WBBM-Channel 2): David Arquette directs sister Patricia in an episode about internet videos.
"Ugly Betty" (8 p.m., WLS-Channel 7): Jamie Lynn Sigler's guest role - as a support group pal of Daniel's - has taken a sinister turn. I love her in the goth look, though.
"Monk" (8 p.m., USA): Teri Polo and Carol Kane guest-star in a wedding-themed episode. Will Monk do the Chicken Dance?
"Ancients Behaving Badly" (8 p.m., History): A profile of Attila the Hun, of course. Fun fact: Some scholars believe he died of a nosebleed at his own wedding feast.
"The Tyra Show" (4 p.m., WGN-Channel 9): The daytime diva gives away 100,000 new winter coats to deserving kids, including some at John Hay Community Academy. She calls Chicago winters, "REALLY, REALLY cold, like next-level cold."
"Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?" (4 p.m., WFLD-Channel 32): Grover, who has been "All About Eve'd" by Elmo, helps Jeff Foxworthy host.
"Grey's Anatomy" (8 p.m., WLS-Channel 7): "24's" Kim Raver arrives at Seattle Grace as the new cardiothoracic surgeon - and a war buddy of Owen's. Joel Grey and Loretta Devine also make appearances, and Izzie's back!
"30 Rock" (8:30 p.m., WMAQ-Channel 5): Broadway vet Cheyenne Jackson, who is almost painfully attractive, is introduced as "TGS's" new castmember.
"Project Runway" (9 p.m., Lifetime): Part one of the two-part season finale. I love when Tim Gunn makes road trips to the designers' hometowns.
Now that "America's Next Top Model" is in its 13th cycle, there are only so many ways to keep the concept fresh. Making the girls pose as circus animals? Done. Including a transgendered beauty named Isis? Done. Shaving the models' heads? Done to death.
So this time around, Tyra Banks lowered her standards. Literally. Only candidates 5-foot-7 and shorter were allowed to audition, whereas most runway models are 5-foot-10 or statuesquer. It gave 5-foot-6 Erin Wagner of Spring Grove the chance to try for a career as a petite model. And now that the competition is down to just four girls, Erin is emerging as the closest thing to a villain the producers can come up with.
"I know I came off as bratty, but it's reality TV so I've accepted my edit," says Erin. "Everyone watching should just keep in mind, what you see is not necessarily what you get."
The accused "modzilla" clarifies some of her more scandalous moments.
"43rd Annual CMA Awards" (7 p.m., WLS-Channel 7): Brad Paisley and Carrie Underwood host, with performers including Kenny Chesney, Dave Matthews, Brooks and Dunn, Taylor Swift, Kid Rock, Miranda Lambert and more. (It's a long show.)
"Criminal Minds" (8 p.m., WBBM-Channel 2): Gavin Rossdale (the abtastic husband of Gwen Stefani) plays a Goth rock star whose tour is being stalked by a serial killer.
"Return to Duty" (8 p.m., MTV): Under the prestigious "Real World Presents" banner, cameras follow "The Real World: Brooklyn" castmember Ryan Conklin as he is recalled to Iraq.
"P.O.V." (9 p.m., WTTW-Channel 11): Three senior citizens who are part of the "Maine Troop Greeters" offer handshakes, cookies and free cell phones to soldiers at a Bangor, Maine, airport.
"Ghost Hunters Academy" (9 p.m., SyFy): Halloween may be over, but spirits never sleep. Steve and Tango train five aspiring ghost busters.
"Sesame Street" (10 a.m., WTTW-Channel 11): The furry show, now 40, boasts Michelle Obama for its season opener. If that doesn't grab you, maybe guest star Cameron Diaz will. No? How about some CGI segments with Bert and Ernie?
"In the Spotlight With Robin Roberts: Bright Lights, Big Stars, All Access Nashville" (9 p.m., WLS-Channel 7): That's just a citified way of describing interviews with Martina McBride, Tim McGraw, Carrie Underwood, Rosanne Cash, Vince Gill and Loretta Lynn.
"Table for 12" (7 p.m., TLC): Gosselins? What Gosselins? The Hayes family returns with new episodes.
"Full Throttle Saloon" (9 p.m., truTV): Producers describe this biker bar reality series as "The Deadliest Catch" meets "Coyote Ugly" on steroids.
"Starz Inside Presents: Sex and the Cinema" (9 p.m., Starz): Host Richard Roeper shares screentime with "American Gigolo," "Lolita" and Jennifer Tilly.
'Lopez Tonight'
One star
10 p.m. weeknights on TBS
"The revolution begins right now!" announced George Lopez on the first installment of his late-night talk show.
Lopez is determined to be different. The show opened with a tight shot of two go-go dancers writhing, and a crowd of 400 that refused to sit down. It looked like the kind of nightclub that doesn't have a bouncer, with the name "Lopez" emblazoned in some sort of glowing yellow demon font. Lopez, in a suit, was overdressed for his own show.
Was he comfortable? Yes. Confident? Oh yes. Overconfident? Possibly. He lost momentum with a stock, vanilla monologue that targeted Sammy Sosa, Glenn Beck and Sinbad.
The "Mad Men" finale last night more than lived up to my expectations, and it was gratifying to see the season end on an unexpected high note. Even the divorce proceedings seemed as painless as they could be, with Betty all set up for the future, and Don free to find a woman who might better understand him. (I understand you, Don!)
Just a few questions:
Was Don telling Peggy, "I will spend the rest of my life trying to hire you" the most bizarrely hot boss line you've ever heard?
Who else do we want to see on board at Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce? If they don't re-hire Sal, I may have to stop smoking Lucky Strikes.
Could we be so lucky as to be rid of Miss Farrell forever?
Has Roger been studying Dean Martin? The man kills with every line.
What was the significance of the flashback to Archie Whitman's death? Was it supposed to symbolize
defeat, or a fresh start? Is Betty the horse?
"Gossip Girl" (8 p.m., WGN-Channel 9): I'm not saying that they're desperate for ratings. But tonight's episode includes Leighton Meester's new single with Robin Thicke, and a ménage-a-trois with three major characters.
"Lincoln Heights" (8 p.m., ABC Family): In the fourth-season finale, Lizzie tries to save her school musical. Now that's a cause I can support.
"CSI: Miami" (9 p.m., WBBM-Channel 2): Be warned, this is a commitment. Laurence Fishburne of the Las Vegas crime lab follows a severed leg to Florida. The storyline continues on "CSI: NY," and finishes up on "CSI: Crime Scene Investigation."
"Lopez Tonight" (10 p.m., TBS - and tonight only, also on truTV and TNT): The first episode of George Lopez's talk show includes Ellen Degeneres, Eva Longoria-Parker and Kobe Bryant. Also coming up: Jessica Alba, Charlie Sheen, Sandra Bullock and Jamie Foxx.
'The Wanda Sykes Show'
Two stars
10 p.m. on WFLD-Channel 32
I am not Wanda Sykes's biggest fan - I find the "New Adventures of Old Christine" co-star to be too shrill and self-congratulatory to watch for too long. Comedy doesn't require a side of smirk. And unfortunately, the bulk of the first night of her new talk show was devoted to stand-up that was relentlessly political. She may have killed at last spring's White House Correspondents Association dinner, but it was overkill to pile on George W. Bush Saturday night. It's time to let the man golf again in peace.
The good news is that there's plenty of potential in Sykes's new show. Some of the bright spots:
"Handy Manny" (7:30 a.m., Disney): In the third season, we'll meet 10 more tools - about time needle nose pliers got some love - and the guest stars are lining up. Rosario Dawson will voice a marine biologist, Lance Bass returns as surfer dude Elliot, and Giada De Laurentiis will be a pizza parlor owner.
"Live by Request: John Fogerty" (8 p.m., WTTW-Channel 11): You name it, he sings it.
"Godzilla" (9 p.m., WCIU-Channel 26): Svengoolie is your host for this three-hour, 1998 reptilian extravaganza. Watch for a scene in which Matthew Broderick rides in an elevator. The Muzak is "Danke Schein," which he famously lip-synced as Ferris Bueller.
"The Wanda Sykes Show" (10 p.m., WFLD-Channel 32): The "New Adventures of Old Christine" star wants to stay up late with you. Expect panel discussions, pre-taped skits, and plenty of talk about gay rights.
"Saturday Night Live" (10:30 p.m., WMAQ-Channel 5): Taylor Swift hosts, and the mind reels at the possible cameos: Kanye West? Taylor Lautner? An angry Jonas brother?
SUNDAY
"Keeping Up With the Kardashians" (7 p.m., E!): If Khloe Kardashian went to all that trouble to marry Lamar Odom, the least we could do is watch the wedding.
"Bored to Death" (8:30 p.m., HBO): In the first season finale, Ted Danson, Jason Schwartzman and Zach Galifianakis prepare for a showdown with Oliver Platt and the GQ staff.
"Mad Men" (9 p.m., AMC): Creator Matthew Weiner didn't release any advance copies of the finale, and the JFK assassination was covered last week, so the suspense is killing me. Previews showed a meeting with Conrad Hilton - and he didn't look happy.
Ann Rule has become the gold standard of true crime writing for a generation that would say, "Truman Capote who?" It's understandable, considering he merely wrote In Cold Blood, while Rule has gotten inside the heads of killers in 31 books.
Now two of them have been adapted for the Lifetime Movie Network - Lifetime's sister channel - and the titles confirm that she is officially a brand name. "Ann Rule'sToo Late to Say Goodbye" airs Saturday at 7 p.m. and stars Rob Lowe as a dentist whose exes conveniently commit suicide. Lauren Holly plays his sister-in-law, who grows suspicious that her sister's death was a setup.
On Nov. 14, Gina Gershon vamps it up in "Ann Rule's Everything She Ever Wanted" as Pat Allanson, a Scarlett O'Hara wannabe with a bad habit of poisoning her loved ones. On Nov. 15, both movies will air, along with Mark Harmon in an adaptation of Rule's And Never Let Her Go.
Rule could be the patron saint of LMN, which appeals to women who expect the worst from people. Even though men are more commonly killers, Rule is an equal-opportunity journalist. "I have found that my female readers are more interested in women killers than men," she says. Three percent of all males are sociopaths or antisocial personalities, says Rule, while only one percent of women get the same diagnosis.
"SpongeBob SquarePants: Truth or Square" (7 p.m., Nickelodeon): For the show's 10th anniversary, we're treated to some fake flashbacks as SpongeBob, Squidward, Patrick and Mr. Krabbs are locked inside a freezer. Patchy the Pirate begs for appearances by Tina Fey, Will Ferrell, Pink, Robin Williams and Craig Ferguson.
"Numbers" (9 p.m., WBBM-Channel 2): The boys take on a cyber crime lord in tonight's episode. But they face a far greater threat in real life: CBS has cut the order for the sixth-season drama from 22 episodes to 16. Don't panic; the show is already airing in syndication on TNT.
"White Collar" (9 p.m., USA): "The Sopranos'" John Ventimiglia guest-stars as a mobsters who's missing his Bible, and "Rescue Me's" Callie Thorne plays - what else? - a femme fatale.
'Fanboy and Chum Chum'
Three stars
7 p.m. Friday on Nickelodeon
One of the most heartening trends in TV has been the ascent of the nerd. Once upon a time, Screech and Urkel were banished to the fringes, trotted out periodically for mocking. But with the mainstream acceptance of such shows as "Ugly Betty," "The Big Bang Theory" and "Glee," dorks are finally demanding equal rights.
Fanboy and Chum Chum, rabid sci-fi/fantasy freaks, are center stage in this new CG animated series, which celebrates friendship as much as the wonder of wizardry. They may not have super powers. They may wear their tighty whities outside their unitards. But by the hammer of Thor, they have each other. "I packed you an extra cape in case you get cold," Fanboy tenderly tells Chum Chum.
They navigate grade school with boundless enthusiasm, oblivious to the anger of Kyle (Jamie Kennedy), the new boy who actually does have the talent to, say, summon a griffin. Maybe if we're lucky, they'll join forces with Spongebob and Patrick in a crossover special. It's gratifying to see losers win. According to this show, we can expect the geeks to inherit the universe.
"General Hospital" (2 p.m., WLS-Channel 7): It's Sarah Brown's last day. She's jumping to "The Bold and the Beautiful" tomorrow - with an emphasis on the "bold."
"Survivor" (7 p.m., WBBM-Channel 2): The Foa Foa and Galu tribes merge. Anyone else rooting for mullet-haired Shambo, as in Rambo?
"Parks and Recreation" (7:30 p.m., WMAQ-Channel 5): Megan Mullally, who is Nick Offerman's wife in real life, plays his ex-wife Tammy, a local librarian who has her eye on Leslie's vacant lot.
"Supernatural" (8 p.m., WGN-Channel 9): Irony alert! Sam and Dean are sucked into an alternate universe where they become characters in various TV shows. They look strangely at home in the Japanese game show.
"Real Housewives of Orange County" (9 p.m., Bravo): New season. Even the O.C. is hit by the wilting economy, and Gretchen mourns the death of her fiancé. Maybe Lynne's jewelry show will make it all better.
"Mercy" (7 p.m., WMAQ-Channel 5): Jerry Stiller and Anne Meara guest star.
"America's Next Top Model" (7 p.m., WGN-Channel 9): Erin Wagner of Spring Grove, Ill., is still in the running. This week, swimsuit model Marisa Miller demonstrates how to writhe about the sand in Hawaii.
"Johnny Mercer: The Dream's on Me" (7 p.m., TCM): Clint Eastwood executive-produced this documentary about the lyricist's life, with archival footage of his tunes sung by Ella Fitzgerald, Tony Bennett, Nat King Cole and Barbra Streisand.
"Flowers Uncut With Jeff Leatham" (9 p.m., TLC): If you think celebrities are difficult to work with, imagine trying to wrangle oodles of blooms before they wilt. The drama!
"Strange Sex" (9 p.m., Discovery Health): Four cases of sexual disorders are analyzed in this special. Let's leave it at that.
For the second season opener of "Tabatha's Salon Takeover," the celebrity hairstylist cut and ran for Chicago. A concerned -- and anonymous -- citizen had nominated the Orbit Salon, 3481 N. Clark, for rehabilitation, so Tabatha Coffey packed her all-black wardrobe and tough love for the trip.
She found a filthy, disorganized establishment, some sloppy habits, and a staff with no direction. "It was a really emotional episode for me, and it was a really emotional episode for everyone else," says Tabatha.
Seven months later, we checked in with the Orbit stylists to find out how the salon is doing now -- and what really happened during filming.
"90210" (7 p.m., WGN-Channel 9): The CW takes a stab at street cred with guest stars Pharrell and Samantha Ronson.
"V" (7 p.m., WLS-Channel 7): The aliens come in peace. What a relief.
"The Biggest Loser" (7 p.m., WMAQ-Channel 5): Field trip to Washington, D.C., complete with a weigh-in at the Lincoln Memorial. Talk about pressure.
"Secret Celebrity" (7 p.m., E!): Nick Lachey and Kim Kardashian -- E! describes them as "Hollywood heavyweights" -- disguise themselves with prosthetics to find out what people really think of them. I'll let them in on a secret: Most people don't think of them at all.
"Kathy Griffin: Balls of Steel" (8 p.m., Bravo): The comeditrix has no mercy, potentially hurting the feelings of the Gosselins, Britney Spears, Miley Cyrus and Barbara Walters.
"The Good Wife" (9 p.m., WBBM-Channel 2): Conjugal visit with Mr. Big!
In week seven producers added a new task for the stars: Design their partner's costumes.
The results ranged from trashy to tacky, but it was a welcome distraction from watching the judges contradict each other.
Here's the breakdown.
MICHAEL IRVIN
The lovable football player earned a season high 23 for a fox trot that Len Goodman called "brilliant." Design: He confessed that he was inspired by Barney purple.
DONNY OSMOND
He made a few missteps during his quick step, but sold it to the judges, who awarded him a 24. Design: Equal parts car wash, Las Vegas, and Carrie Fisher in "The Empire Strikes Back."
MARK DECASCOS
Plagued by a missing partner and changing choreography, the chef's samba was awarded a disappointing 19. Design: Victoria's Secret Dream Bra + a teal chiffon scarf.
MYA
Despite criticism from Len that she's too gimmicky, the singer started her fox trot behind a screen. Len's 7 dragged her score down to 25. Design: A John Travolta white suit. Yawn.
AARON CARTER
His energetic, precise jive pleased all the judges. He scored 29. Design: It looked like a feather duster collided with a gay lamp shade.
KELLY OSBOURNE
Still bristling from being called "beige" last week, Kelly's salsa was "flirty and a little dirty," said Bruno. She earned a 24. Design: Four words: Electric blue tassel pants.
JOANNA KRUPA
She built on her momentum with a dramatic rhumba, and a score of 27. Design: A white shirt that looked like it was coming apart at the seams. Call it "albino Hulk."
Tomorrow night: Another dance-off, and double elimination.
"Kate: Her Story" (8 p.m., TLC): An interview with Natalie Morales. Because too much Gosselin is never enough.
"Gossip Girl" (8 p.m., WGN-Channel 9): Jimmy Fallon plays himself, interviewing Dan's actress girlfriend (guest star Hilary Duff). Even better, Blair tries to make Serena jealous by BFFing a new "it" girl.
"For the Love of Ray J 2" (8 p.m., VH1): You loved him in the Kim Kardashian sex tape. Now watch him exploit 19 more women.
"I Want to Work for Diddy 2" (9 p.m., VH1): He always has an opening for his Personal Umbrella Holder position.
"American Experience: Civilian Conservation Corps" (9 p.m., WTTW-Channel 11): A special about FDR's Depression-era program that created jobs and helped restore the nation's natural resources. Fittingly, you'll have plenty of time to watch it if you don't have a job.
