"Diet Tribe" (7 p.m., Lifetime): The season two finale for this girly "Biggest Loser" knockoff.
"Monk" (8 p.m., USA): Tony Shalhoub's real-life wife, Brooke Adams - you loved her as Pagan in the miniseries "Lace" - guest stars.
"Larry the Cable Guy's Hula-Palooza Christmas Luau" (8 p.m., CMT): That's a lot of title to live up to, but one thing makes me think he can pull it off: special guest Tony Orlando!
"Forensic Files" (9 p.m., truTV): The case of a missing University of Illinois science major.
]]>"Top 20 Celebrities Gone Good" (7 p.m., VH1): It would be tough to knock Angelina Jolie off her pedestal at this point, but Bono, Shakira and Lance Armstrong want to try.
"Community" (7 p.m., WMAQ-Channel 5): Tonight's episode features the comedic genius of Ken Jeong as Senor Chang. Also, I've learned that Danny Pudi, who plays the eerie Abed, is from Chicago. This is a no-lose situation.
"Terror in Mumbai" (8 p.m., HBO): The victims - and the terrorists - involved in the 2008 attack describe the work of Lashkar-e-Taiba, or the "Army of the Righteous."
"Project Runway" (9 p.m., Lifetime): There's more vomit than usual involved in this season's finale, with finalist Carol Hannah battling a bug during New York's Fashion Week.
]]>"America's Next Top Model" (7 p.m., WGN-Channel 9): Will the winner be the awkwardly striking Nicole, or lovable hick Laura? Intriguingly, Eddie Murphy makes an appearance in the finale.
"Modern Family" (8 p.m., WLS-Channel 7): Edward Norton guest stars as Phil's favorite musician, and Elizabeth Banks plays a fun-loving friend.
"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit" (8 p.m., WMAQ-Channel 5): Benson (Mariska Hargitay) is under investigation for killing a bike-gang member.
"In the Spotlight With Robin Roberts: Janet Jackson" (9 p.m., WLS-Channel 7): She spills at her Malibu mansion.
"Nip/Tuck" (9 p.m., FX): The winners of Wednesday night's guest-starring wars: "Dancing With the Stars'" Gilles Marini and drop-dead gorgeous transgender Candis Cayne. Oh, and Vanessa Redgrave too.
]]>Again, it's the popularity contest syndrome that plagues many a reality show, because there's no way Donny danced better than Joanna all season. And while I have cheered on Kelly all season, she too did not dance as well as Joanna most weeks. Which is not to say that I was championing Joanna, either. I was just pretty sure that the finals would have included Kelly, Joanna and Mya, given Donny's crummy performances on Monday night. But viewers' votes trumped all reason and all reality.
It's pretty clear Mya should walk away with the whole shebang next week, unless Osmond's fans REALLY pull an upset. He is a very good entertainer, but he is not a dancer in the same league as Mya, or even for that matter Kelly, who has simply gotten better each week. But the voting all season long has been all over the map, so even a seemingly sure thing like Mya winning it all is anybody's guess at this point.
So there you have it. The trophy is completely up for grabs next week, and don't be surprised if there's a stunning upset when the confetti settles.
P.S. And a really big shout-out to my co-worker Chris W. who called it (tonight's results) early this afternoon!!
]]>What a horrible results show this has been.
Let's call it what it was---- a musical variety hour with a little bit of "Dancing" thrown in here and there. In fact, I can't remember a more ridiculous results show in the history of the show. Don't get me wrong, it was amazing to see Alicia Keys, and Leona Lewis perform, preceded by a scene from the upcoming film "Nine" and followed by a performance by the remaining Bee Gees ---- Barry and Robin --- turning in a fine rendition of "You Should Be Dancing." (Sadness at the loss of Maurice was obvious.) And did I mention that there was something about figuring out who's going to the "DWTS" finals peppered in?
How ridiculous it was to parade the four remaining couples out onto the dance floor REPEATEDLY and then cut away to a commercial or to another musical guest before any finalists were revealed? Make that annoying. And cruel.
And then there were two.... and again, ABC had to take care of business, leaving Joanna Krupa and partner Derek Hough, and Kelly Osbourne and partner Louis Van Amstel dangling in the wind, so we could be treated to 6 minutes (or thereabouts) of commercials.
Cruel.
]]>"The Good Wife" (7 p.m., WBBM-Channel 2): Alicia is asked to testify on her husband's behalf at his appeal hearing. Is he going to get another face slap?
"Biggest Loser" (7:30 p.m., WMAQ-Channel 5): Reality gurus Tim Gunn (fashion) and Tabatha Coffey (hair) give the contestants makeovers.
"Melrose Place" (8 p.m., WGN-Channel 9): Heather Locklear is back as Amanda Woodward, and if she can save this show again, she should be canonized.
"Sons of Anarchy" (9 p.m., FX): All the forces are aligned against Adam Arkin's evil Zobelle.
]]>Mya, because she's a professional dancer (dancing since she was a tot);
Joanna, because she has proven that even someone who gave up on a dream of dance as a little girl, could rekindle that dream so many years later in such an amazing way;
Kelly, because the "wild child" --- as she has been affectionately dubbed in this season's lineup -- proved that everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt (she has truly blossomed into an elegant dancing lady, who can still swear like a sailor but that's neither here nor there);
Donny, because, well, he had more fans than Aaron Carter. Osmond is a true entertainer, but he is not of the dancing caliber of the three ladies who faced off against him tonight.
And what an amazing night it was. Kym Johnson (who borrowed Edyta Slywinska's VERY revealing wardrobe for the night) and Donny Osmond just completely fell apart during their first dance (each couple had three tonight) turning a tango into a tang-not. Not even the super-sexy king of "Dancing" Gilles Marini could make Donny see what it takes to deliver the most passionate of all dances. And what was with Donny's swipe at his sister Marie (seated next to Mary Hart, who might just be eyeing a spot in next seaons's DWTS?). Remarking everything was great until he "saw Marie" wasn't funny. He was a little better in round two with a samba that Carrie Ann described as "sloppy." Not an adjective you want to hear in the semi-finals. But it still earned him a 26.
Kelly came out with guns blazing, doing a decent rhumba on her first try and then knocking it out of the park in round two. Her scores of 24 and 27 were nice, but at this stage of the game, she really needed a pair of 27s, or more.
Joanna also came to do battle with a positively gorgeous Viennese waltz that truly deserved 10s from the judges, but alas, she had to settle for a trio of 9s. In round two, her cha cha cha was again, positively sizzling, and yet, the judges couldn't bring themselves to raise the "10" paddles, sending her to the dressing rooms with another round of 9s.
Mya, the pro dancer/singer, of course took home the night's highest scores, first with a 28 for her waltz followed by a perfect score of 30 for her salsa --- a dance that led judge Len Goodman to remark "I was mesmerized by your buttocks." Nice Len, real nice.
Then it was off to the homestretch is the "knockout dance" round, wherein each couple got to do their 60-second "dance-off" routine. Donny's jitterbug pleased the judges, , earning him a generous 27. Joanna did a perfect salsa, but again, the judges couldn't find their 10 paddles, instead showering her with a round of 9s (the same score they gave Donny's jitterbug). Kelly really came out swinging, or more to the point, cha cha cha-ing and earned a 27 for her efforts. And then Mya, who was poised to nab another perfect 30 came out and did the unthinkable: she earned a 9 from Carrie Ann who remarked she just wasn't too crazy about the routine. Still she walked away with a 29.
In the end, it was Mya atop the leaderboard, with Joanna in second, Kelly in third and Donny in 4th. Tomorrow night, one couple will be sent packing, setting the stage for the finals next week. Who will that be?
I can tell you it SHOULD be Donny, but it will probably be Kelly as tonight, more than ever, the fan clubs of the world will determine who stays and who goes and Donny's fan base is astronomical. So the finals will more than likely feature Mya, Joanna and if viewer voting stays the course, Donny. Sorry, but he doesn't stand a chance next to the ladies when it comes time for the presentation of the trophy.
Of course, anything can happen.
Stay tuned.
P.S. Another great reason for tuning in Tuesday is to catch the Bee Gees --- Robin and Barry Gibb ---- who are slated to perform!
]]>"Chef Academy" (10 p.m., Bravo): Jean Christophe Novelli - who was voted "World's Sexiest Chef" by the New York Times - chooses nine students after they cook eggs. Root for Chicago's Sarah Jacobsen, 29.
"American Experience: Surviving the Dust Bowl" (9 p.m., WTTW-Channel 11): Liev Schreiber narrates the special about the eight-year drought of the '30s. Now stop complaining.
"Gossip Girl" (8 p.m., WGN-Channel 9): How do you follow the threesome episode? With a private concert by Lady Gaga.
"Lie to Me" (8 p.m., WFLD-Channel 32): The team investigates a fatal Black Friday stampede at a megastore. Happy holidays!
"CSI: Miami" (9 p.m., WBBM-Channel 2): The Lakers' Pau Gasol covers his bets by starting a backup guest starring career.
]]>Season six was a tailored fit for the women's network - for the second year in a row, the three finalists are all women, and Lindsay Lohan, Eva Longoria-Parker and Christina Aguilera served as guest judges.
The ratings? There's good news, bad news, and good news again. A record 4.2 million people watched the premiere, but the numbers slipped about 20 percent as the season wore on. Then again, half of "Project Runway's" fans are new to Lifetime, and the show has helped lower the channel's median age to 46.4.
"I feel like the ratings are strong," says executive producer Sara Rea. "One thing we were up against that previous seasons weren't up against was the primetime fall network launches. That made it a little tough, but I think we're standing strong."
What's different about the Lifetime version? Among the biggest shockers this season:
The clothes are wearable.
Remember Austin Scarlett's corn husk dress from season one? Chris March trimming his collection with human hair? Christian Siriano's haute couture creation?
Yes. Yes I do.
Remember anything from this season?
The most distinctive look was the maternity outfit Malvin Vien designed for Rebecca Romijn, mainly because it looked like an egg in a sling. (Gunn talked him out of pairing it with jodhpurs, which was really for the best.) And he got voted out for that. There were separates, oversized sweaters, and a procession of tasteful evening gowns. Where's the fun in that?
The contestants are sound of mind.
There just has not been anything to compare with, say, Jeffrey Sebelia making someone's mom cry during a challenge, or the mania dancing behind Kenley Collins's eyes. (She was later accused of hurling a cat at her boyfriend.) The only real bickering was about copycat designs.
Tim Gunn is providing the most drama.
At this point, the man has been elevated to the status of a god. Rightfully so. And while he's been admirably composed throughout the competition, some of his comments have gotten edgier. ""It looks a lot like roadkill," Gunn told finalist Irina Shabayeva of her fur concoction. "You don't want this to be a post-apocalyptic moment." Last week he started a conversation by saying, "What is that, and why?"
One reason to tune into the finale Thursday night? Executive producer Rea promises there will be a bit of a mentor meltdown. "There's a moment when Tim says, 'I'm about to lose it,'" she says. "It was intense."
Let's hope so.
]]>There is a very good reason why I am not tripping on LSD right now: I have no desire to be disoriented for six hours. There's also a reason why I am not conking myself on the head with a croquet mallet, but "The Prisoner" somehow has the same effect.
]]> This AMC remake of the groundbreaking, beloved '60s series is not to be entered into lightly. Patrick McGoohan co-created and starred in the British version. The Mel Ferrer lookalike died last January, but you may remember him as "Braveheart's" Edward Longshanks.The original was surreal and counter-cultural, about a former spy named Six who has found himself stuck in a prison that seems a lot like a resort. He was forever facing off with No. 2, who was played by various actors and who reported to a mysterious No. 1. All 17 episodes are available on Blu-ray DVD, but suffice to say that the finale made extremely ironic use of the Beatles' "All You Need Is Love."
In the remake, Jim Caviezel steps in as Six. Nobody can convey suffering quite like Caviezel, who played Jesus in Mel Gibson's "The Passion of the Christ." Every time violence threatens, I want to scream, "Not the cheekbones!"
Six's prison is more of a desert village, where identical A-frame houses are everywhere. It seems like a nice little existence to me, but Six is not interested in barbecuing with faux families. "I am not a number!" he shrieks, and tries to dissect occasional flashes of memory.
He thinks he remembers working for a company called Summakor in New York City, from which he angrily resigned. (Tip to young employees: Don't use red spray paint if you hope to get references.) He thinks he remembers meeting a sultry brunette, but is she on his side, or a Summakor spy?
This is where it gets all confusing, all the time. Among the questions you'll hope to have answered if you make it to hour six:
What was Six's job?
Why did he quit?
Where is he now?
Is everyone in on the pretense, or are they victims, too?
How can he get out?
Why is a giant, white, bouncing balloon consuming everyone he cares about?
The acting is top-notch, with Ian McKellen playing the enigmatic No. 2 with a memorable twinkle in his eye. He's got his own problems: His wife appears to be in a voluntary coma, and his son is gay in a town where the dating pool is limited, to say the least.
The son, named 11-12, is played by Jamie Campbell Bower with a sullen sensuality befitting a Calvin Klein ad campaign. He sure has the credentials: He's been in Tim Burton's "Sweeney Todd," will appear in "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows," and has been cast as a Volturi vampire in the pantingly anticipated "New Moon." Pre-order your copies of Teen Beat now.
"The Prisoner" is beautiful. I suspect I would have appreciated it even more with the sound muted. Everything is bleached-out, with the men in summer suits and the women in chiffon head scarves. There are crystal towers in the desert that can never be reached. You can hear the ocean, but you can't get to it.
For art's sake, I tried to stick with the psychological thriller to the end, so that I could at last console myself by saying, "So THAT's it." But, my friends, that moment never came.
It was in Hour Five, when Six suddenly appeared with a doppelganger called "Two Times Six," and Two started wandering around town calling himself "UnTwo," that I wanted to cry.
Every line is a riddle. "UnTwo will grant your wish whether you wish it or not," said UnTwo - or was it Two? - right around the time my brain imploded.
Maybe you can appreciate this series without the fear that you will be expected to write a thesis on it. But I urge you to heed my advice: Opt out while you can.
]]>"Ann Rule's Everything She Ever Wanted" (7 p.m., Lifetime Movie): In Part I of this Southern saga, Gina Gershon makes her husband dress up like Rhett Butler for their wedding day - and that's just the first of her evil deeds.
"True Jackson VP" (7:30 p.m., Nickelodeon): Keke Palmer, the pride of Robbins, Ill., is back for a second season. Care Bears on Fire - who have the best band name of all time - perform.
"Princesses of the World" (8 p.m., WTTW-Channel 11): Some of us will be watching for tips.
"Flower Girl" (8 p.m., Hallmark): Perky Marla Sokoloff from "The Practice" plays a girl whose main ambition is to get married. Marion Ross is her grandmother, who's picked out a nice doctor for her.
"13 Ghosts" (9 p.m., WCIU-Channel 26): William Castle's 1960 horror film about a haunted house gets the Svengoolie treatment. Fun fact: It was originally filmed in "Illusion-O," which is like 3D, but different.
"Saturday Night Live" (10:30 p.m., WMAQ-Channel 5): "Mad Men's" glacial January Jones loosens up as host, and the Black Eyed Peas perform.
SUNDAY
"The Amazing Race 15" (7 p.m., WBBM-Channel 2): Three words: Estonian mud volleyball.
"Extreme Makeover Home Edition" (7 p.m., WLS-Channel 7): David Duchovny redeems himself as celebrity volunteer.
"The Prisoner" (7 p.m., AMC): For those of you bored with linear thinking, this remake of the '60s series features an anguished Jim Caviezel and an impish Ian McKellan.
"Three Rivers" (8 p.m., WBBM-Channel 2): Mandy Patinkin plays a car crash victim who asks to be taken off life support so that he can donate his organs.
]]>"Medium" (8 p.m., WBBM-Channel 2): David Arquette directs sister Patricia in an episode about internet videos.
"Ugly Betty" (8 p.m., WLS-Channel 7): Jamie Lynn Sigler's guest role - as a support group pal of Daniel's - has taken a sinister turn. I love her in the goth look, though.
"Monk" (8 p.m., USA): Teri Polo and Carol Kane guest-star in a wedding-themed episode. Will Monk do the Chicken Dance?
"Ancients Behaving Badly" (8 p.m., History): A profile of Attila the Hun, of course. Fun fact: Some scholars believe he died of a nosebleed at his own wedding feast.
]]>"Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?" (4 p.m., WFLD-Channel 32): Grover, who has been "All About Eve'd" by Elmo, helps Jeff Foxworthy host.
"Grey's Anatomy" (8 p.m., WLS-Channel 7): "24's" Kim Raver arrives at Seattle Grace as the new cardiothoracic surgeon - and a war buddy of Owen's. Joel Grey and Loretta Devine also make appearances, and Izzie's back!
"30 Rock" (8:30 p.m., WMAQ-Channel 5): Broadway vet Cheyenne Jackson, who is almost painfully attractive, is introduced as "TGS's" new castmember.
"Project Runway" (9 p.m., Lifetime): Part one of the two-part season finale. I love when Tim Gunn makes road trips to the designers' hometowns.
]]>So this time around, Tyra Banks lowered her standards. Literally. Only candidates 5-foot-7 and shorter were allowed to audition, whereas most runway models are 5-foot-10 or statuesquer. It gave 5-foot-6 Erin Wagner of Spring Grove the chance to try for a career as a petite model. And now that the competition is down to just four girls, Erin is emerging as the closest thing to a villain the producers can come up with.
"I know I came off as bratty, but it's reality TV so I've accepted my edit," says Erin. "Everyone watching should just keep in mind, what you see is not necessarily what you get."
The accused "modzilla" clarifies some of her more scandalous moments.
"The pushing was entirely accidental," says Erin. "All of us girls were running around that corner, full speed, and I ended up almost falling over, so on instinct I grabbed for the closest thing to me to avoid falling - the closest thing ended up being Sundai." Sundai was the tiniest model. "I apologized to her immediately afterwards," says Erin. "As long as Sundai and I are on good terms, I could care less who makes a big deal about the situation."
The charge: Hiding a picture to keep Ashley from winning a contest.
"I would definitely keep Ashley's picture again, because that was strategy, and not malicious at all," says Erin.
The charge: Complaining about a prize.
When Erin won a challenge, she ended up not with thousands of dollars' worth of jewels or couture - she got a helicopter ride. "A helicopter ride did not relate at all to the competition and did not give me a leg up in the modeling world," says Erin. "I think I was justified in feeling that way, but should not have voiced my thoughts to the other girls."
Erin, 18, had never lived on her own before. But give her credit for letting Tyra bleach her eyebrows into oblivion without crying, and for mastering Tyra's favorite technique: "smizing." (It means "smiling with your eyes.") She doubts that there are any real applications for smizing in real life, not even getting out of a parking ticket. "Even if I was smiling with my eyes, I would still be crying with the rest of my face," she reasons.
No one is smizing when they're voted out of the competition. But Erin is undaunted, either way.
"On the off chance I don't win, I will still pursue modeling," says Erin. "I think it would be easier for me than some of the other girls, since I live so close to Chicago and the city has a stable modeling industry." She also plans to major in liberal arts in college.
Will that acceptance have to be deferred? Find out tonight at 7 on WGN-Channel 9 whether Erin will continue on in the hopes of becoming America's . . . Next. . . Top Model. But be forewarned: "I'm not one to take rejection lying down," she says.
]]>"Criminal Minds" (8 p.m., WBBM-Channel 2): Gavin Rossdale (the abtastic husband of Gwen Stefani) plays a Goth rock star whose tour is being stalked by a serial killer.
"Return to Duty" (8 p.m., MTV): Under the prestigious "Real World Presents" banner, cameras follow "The Real World: Brooklyn" castmember Ryan Conklin as he is recalled to Iraq.
"P.O.V." (9 p.m., WTTW-Channel 11): Three senior citizens who are part of the "Maine Troop Greeters" offer handshakes, cookies and free cell phones to soldiers at a Bangor, Maine, airport.
"Ghost Hunters Academy" (9 p.m., SyFy): Halloween may be over, but spirits never sleep. Steve and Tango train five aspiring ghost busters.
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