'America's Next Top Model'
Three stars
7 p.m., WGN-Channel 9

I'm sure there are quite a few people who still look to Dr. Phil, Dr. Oz and Dr. Pinsky for their daily helping of self-help. But to be honest, I don't know any. The straight-talking doctors have been usurped by style sultans Tim Gunn, Isaac Mizrahi, and the Jays of "America's Next Top Model." These men are part guru, part god. There is no higher achievement than pleasing them.

Tyra Banks, of course, rules imperiously over them all. And for the 13th cycle of her reality juggernaut, she has magnanimously reached out to the underprivileged: beauties who have fallen short of the ideal at 5-foot-7 and under.

On "The Late Late Show," the good-natured supermodel told Craig Ferguson that she was fired from "America's Next Top Model" -- and on her 44th birthday!

"It seemed that `America's Next Top Model' had gotten too fat and they needed to cut some fat -- and the fat was me," she said.

I will definitely miss her. As the season went on, Paulina loosened up quite a bit. She could be blunt during panel -- telling the weight-struggling London that her shorts weren't flattering -- but she was a great personality and added credibility to the show.

May she go on to bigger and better things.

I realize that's saying a lot. But the final walk-off between Allison and Teyona at the Rosa Cha fashion show was truly something. The girls oiled up with black grease, and writhed down the runway on their hands and knees, wearing bikinis. At one point, Teyona's weave came out, and she began gesturing with it wildly. This was considered a good thing.

I won't spoil the ending if you haven't seen your DVR recording yet, but go to the jump for the winner.

I wish to celebrate the camp trashiness that was last night's episode. Just a few of my favorite parts...

I finally got to watch last week's episode of "America's Next Top Model" (for pleasure!), and was sorry to see street preacher London go -- she of the "permanently smiling eyes" that Tyra was so impressed by. Poor London put on 10-15 pounds over the course of the competition, but trusted her physique to God: "He's definitely testing me," she said.

Of course weight is a huge consideration in the modeling industry, but on "ANTM" they often tiptoe around the topic, and even let a plus-size model win (Whitney Thompson, Cycle 10). Sorry, but it felt like tokenism to me.

Considering that Tyra's weight fluctuates famously, what did you think of the way the London's weight gain was handled?