SATURDAY


"Emma" (5:30 p.m., Encore Love Stories): In one of the more random programming decisions I've seen, it's followed at 8 p.m. by Rob Schneider as "The Hot Chick."

"Billy Gardell: Halftime" (8 p.m., Comedy Central): The "Mike & Molly" star performs standup.

"Saturday Night Live" (10:30 p.m., WMAQ-Channel 5): Dana Carvey hosts - will he revive Church Lady, Hans, or Garth? Personally, I'd like to see his Ross Perot again. Linkin Park is the musical guest.

SUNDAY


"Say Yes to the Dress" marathon (8 a.m., TLC): Attention, all the single ladies! The channel switches to "Toddlers & Tiaras" reruns at 2 p.m.

"Jersey Shore" marathon (11 a.m., MTV): Warm up for the big football brawl with a series of slapping girl fights.

"Super Bowl Pregame" (1 p.m., WFLD-Channel 32): Bill O'Reilly interviews President Obama, Keith Urban and Maroon 5 perform, and NFL greats read the Declaration of Independence out loud. "Jersey Shore" is looking pretty good to be right about now.

"Puppy Bowl VII" (2 p.m., Animal Planet): Puppies, kittens and baby chicks romp in a miniature field, and then are rerun for 12 hours straight.


"Super Bowl XLV" (5 p.m., WFLD-Channel 32): I have no idea who's playing, and it doesn't matter. Save your strength for a very special episode afterward of . . .

"Glee" (approximately 9:30 p.m., WFLD-Channel 32): As if the football-field rendition of "Thriller" wasn't thrilling enough, there will also be a Katie Couric cameo. It's likely to start late; set your DVRs accordingly. The episode is 66 minutes long.

"Nancy Reagan: The Role of a Lifetime" (9 p.m., WTTW-Channel 11): A must, if you want a well-rounded evening.