SATURDAY

"The Bridge" (7 p.m., WBBM-Channel 2): The two-hour premiere of a crime series from Canada. But don't let that stop you.

"The Hooters 2010 International Swimsuit Pageant" (8 p.m., Spike): I am desperately hoping there's not a talent portion.

"Torture Garden" (9 p.m., WCIU-Channel 26): Burgess Meredith operates a sideshow where you can get a glimpse of your future - and it's not too bright. Svengoolie notes that the 1967 classic features Beverly Adams, who was "Lovy Kravezit" in Dean Martin's "Matt Helm" movies, married to Vidal Sassoon - and engaged to Erik Estrada.

SUNDAY

"Ochocinco: The Ultimate Catch" (8 p.m., VH1): That's quite a billing to live up to, but the charmer does have some brand-new ballroom skills. In the opener, he conducts a dating training camp with 85 - 85! - women, and then narrows the field to 17 with the help of the NFL's Bernard Berrian.

"Kate Plus Eight" (8 p.m., TLC): Plus chickens!

"Poirot: Murder on the Orient Express" (8 p.m., WTTW-Channel 11): David Suchet is back in this "Masterpiece Mystery!" update -- featuring Barbara Hershey.

"The Glades" (9 p.m., A&E): A Chicago cop is exiled to Palm Glade, Fla., where he displays his prowess at crime fighting and golf. My review is in the Sunday paper.

"Children's Hospital" (9:30 p.m., Adult Swim): Rob Corddry's web hit makes the jump to TV with lots of familiar faces: Henry Winkler, Megan Mullally, John Cho, Ed Begley Jr. and more. Warning: scary clown makeup.

"The Garry Meier Special" (10:30 p.m., WCIU-Channel 26): The WGN host invites some of his close personal friends to stop by: George Wendt, Tim Kazurinsky, Brian Dennehy, Richard Lewis, Bill Zehme and Cubs broadcaster Len Kasper.