9 p.m. Thursday on MTV
If someone asked me, "What's wrong with America?," I would probably answer, "Snooki Polizzi." It was around the time that Snooki was Twittering with John McCain about Obama's evil tanning tax that I realized things had gone too far.
In a just world, the cast of "Jersey Shore" should not wield this much influence. But there's no turning back now, and I'll admit it: God, I've missed them.
Despite reported salary issues, MTV has reunited the whole gang and imported them to Miami for a second season. It's hard to imagine a life form more primal. They preen for potential mates, snarl and lash out at enemies, and dance until they pass out. How can you not watch?
Among the attractions this season . . .
We learn what a "double bagger" is. "Sometimes you gotta put a bag over your head, in case her bag falls off," explains a friend of Ronnie's.
J-WOWW, who is truly a busty marvel of nature, interviews while wearing a cocktail umbrella behind her ear.
Angelina, who left the house last season, has been invited back to stir up trouble. (And share her Brazilian bikini wax with the cameras.)
Overall, I don't have too many complaints. But if you're a fan of the fantasy "Real World" houses, I should warn that you'll be disappointed. The aesthetic highlight here is blue astro turf. And what's with the decision to go with grainy, '70s-porn-era film quality? Is MTV afraid we can't handle the caked-on makeup in high definition?
Never let it be said, though, that the cast doesn't show growth. Since we last saw Snooki, she's become a one-man woman. "I found an amazing gorilla juice-head!" she gushes. His name is Emilio.
She's not going to cheat on him in Miami, either. "I don't want to cheat," she explains. "But if you're going to hand me a bottle of frickin' SoCo, something just comes over me."
I mean, let's be real, right?