It was one painful step for Tom DeLay, and one giant leap for non-partisan politics when the Hammer danced the samba last night -- against doctor's orders, no less. With stress fractures in both feet, DeLay insisted on performing. "I'm insane or stupid," he joked. Representing Republicans in tight red pants, with Cheryl Burke dressed as a star-spangled Democrat, the rump-shaking 62-year-old earned a standing ovation for his interpretation of War's "Why Can't We Be Friends?" He was awarded a judges' score of 15 out of 30.

Other ballroom oddities:

*A grim Paula Abdul, sitting in the audience, showed "American Idol" what they're missing. "Mr. Goodman, you're Mr. Badman right now," she scolded, adding that she just might call him "Sime-Len" ("Simon"). Ha. It got fairly desperate by the time she babbled, "Carrie Anne, I think you and I should start making out."

*When judge Bruno Tonioli called his rhumba "airy fairy," Donny Osmond lunged over and pretended to make out with him. "I don't think they're going to let me back to Utah anymore," he said.

*Mya earned the first 10s of the season with her leggy rhumba, held back only by Len Goodman's "7" paddle for a total of 27.

*Debi Mazar wore a skirt that looked like it was assembled with the tails of skinned Muppets.

*Unfounded online rumors -- perpetuated here -- indicate that Karina Smirnoff, 31, is dating partner Aaron Carter, 21. Since there is precious little time for dinner and a movie during the season, I assume "dating" is a euphemism. And that she is doing it all to torture ex Maksim Chmerkovskiy.

*Apparently it is impossible to dance the rhumba without doing the splits.

*Favorite contestant insight: Chuck Liddell gets weekly pedicures with his daughter.

*Foreplay alert: Chelsie Hightower and Louie Vito are conducting their courtship via camera, gushing about their "chemistry" together. I guess you just learn a lot about a person when you're stretching her leg behind her ear.