"Wow! So, I know what most of you here tonight are thinking: Tori Spelling can write? I didn't even know she could read! I can a little bit."

"I know most people always thank people for believing in them -- I actually want to thank people that didn't believe in me. I always said if I ever won something -- and I figured I'll never win anything -- I would always be like, 'FU! Here's to the haters! Thanks!' But yeah, so I'd like to thank Chelsea Handler for remarkably... First off, I wanna say she's rad. For remarkably thinking of new and funny ways to say I'm ugly and stupid week after week."

"I just wanna thank all those amazing Internet bloggers out there that hate me day-to-day. I love you! You rock! Um, thank you for calling me a horse face, ummm, neck of a tortoise, bug-eyed, frog-eyed, hair that looks like straw, and just plain fugly. You're amazing!"

"And thank you to all my friends and all my gays out there! Yes, Kathy, some of your gays actually moonlight on the side as mine!"

In other Tori news: She'll air a fourth season of her reality series on Oxygen with hubby Dean McDermott, she's made her triumphant return to "90210," and she tells People she is NOT anorexic.