The TV Paige

SATURDAY

"Handy Manny" (7:30 a.m., Disney): In the third season, we'll meet 10 more tools - about time needle nose pliers got some love - and the guest stars are lining up. Rosario Dawson will voice a marine biologist, Lance Bass returns as surfer dude Elliot, and Giada De Laurentiis will be a pizza parlor owner.

"Live by Request: John Fogerty" (8 p.m., WTTW-Channel 11): You name it, he sings it.

"Godzilla" (9 p.m., WCIU-Channel 26): Svengoolie is your host for this three-hour, 1998 reptilian extravaganza. Watch for a scene in which Matthew Broderick rides in an elevator. The Muzak is "Danke Schein," which he famously lip-synced as Ferris Bueller.

"The Wanda Sykes Show" (10 p.m., WFLD-Channel 32): The "New Adventures of Old Christine" star wants to stay up late with you. Expect panel discussions, pre-taped skits, and plenty of talk about gay rights.

"Saturday Night Live" (10:30 p.m., WMAQ-Channel 5): Taylor Swift hosts, and the mind reels at the possible cameos: Kanye West? Taylor Lautner? An angry Jonas brother?

SUNDAY

"Keeping Up With the Kardashians" (7 p.m., E!): If Khloe Kardashian went to all that trouble to marry Lamar Odom, the least we could do is watch the wedding.

"Bored to Death" (8:30 p.m., HBO): In the first season finale, Ted Danson, Jason Schwartzman and Zach Galifianakis prepare for a showdown with Oliver Platt and the GQ staff.

"Mad Men" (9 p.m., AMC): Creator Matthew Weiner didn't release any advance copies of the finale, and the JFK assassination was covered last week, so the suspense is killing me. Previews showed a meeting with Conrad Hilton - and he didn't look happy.

Ann Rule has become the gold standard of true crime writing for a generation that would say, "Truman Capote who?" It's understandable, considering he merely wrote In Cold Blood, while Rule has gotten inside the heads of killers in 31 books.

Now two of them have been adapted for the Lifetime Movie Network - Lifetime's sister channel - and the titles confirm that she is officially a brand name. "Ann Rule'sToo Late to Say Goodbye" airs Saturday at 7 p.m. and stars Rob Lowe as a dentist whose exes conveniently commit suicide. Lauren Holly plays his sister-in-law, who grows suspicious that her sister's death was a setup.

On Nov. 14, Gina Gershon vamps it up in "Ann Rule's Everything She Ever Wanted" as Pat Allanson, a Scarlett O'Hara wannabe with a bad habit of poisoning her loved ones. On Nov. 15, both movies will air, along with Mark Harmon in an adaptation of Rule's And Never Let Her Go.

Rule could be the patron saint of LMN, which appeals to women who expect the worst from people. Even though men are more commonly killers, Rule is an equal-opportunity journalist. "I have found that my female readers are more interested in women killers than men," she says. Three percent of all males are sociopaths or antisocial personalities, says Rule, while only one percent of women get the same diagnosis.

"SpongeBob SquarePants: Truth or Square" (7 p.m., Nickelodeon): For the show's 10th anniversary, we're treated to some fake flashbacks as SpongeBob, Squidward, Patrick and Mr. Krabbs are locked inside a freezer. Patchy the Pirate begs for appearances by Tina Fey, Will Ferrell, Pink, Robin Williams and Craig Ferguson.

"Numbers" (9 p.m., WBBM-Channel 2): The boys take on a cyber crime lord in tonight's episode. But they face a far greater threat in real life: CBS has cut the order for the sixth-season drama from 22 episodes to 16. Don't panic; the show is already airing in syndication on TNT.

"White Collar" (9 p.m., USA): "The Sopranos'" John Ventimiglia guest-stars as a mobsters who's missing his Bible, and "Rescue Me's" Callie Thorne plays - what else? - a femme fatale.

'Fanboy and Chum Chum'
Three stars
7 p.m. Friday on Nickelodeon

One of the most heartening trends in TV has been the ascent of the nerd. Once upon a time, Screech and Urkel were banished to the fringes, trotted out periodically for mocking. But with the mainstream acceptance of such shows as "Ugly Betty," "The Big Bang Theory" and "Glee," dorks are finally demanding equal rights.

Fanboy and Chum Chum, rabid sci-fi/fantasy freaks, are center stage in this new CG animated series, which celebrates friendship as much as the wonder of wizardry. They may not have super powers. They may wear their tighty whities outside their unitards. But by the hammer of Thor, they have each other. "I packed you an extra cape in case you get cold," Fanboy tenderly tells Chum Chum.

They navigate grade school with boundless enthusiasm, oblivious to the anger of Kyle (Jamie Kennedy), the new boy who actually does have the talent to, say, summon a griffin. Maybe if we're lucky, they'll join forces with Spongebob and Patrick in a crossover special. It's gratifying to see losers win. According to this show, we can expect the geeks to inherit the universe.

"General Hospital" (2 p.m., WLS-Channel 7): It's Sarah Brown's last day. She's jumping to "The Bold and the Beautiful" tomorrow - with an emphasis on the "bold."

"Survivor" (7 p.m., WBBM-Channel 2): The Foa Foa and Galu tribes merge. Anyone else rooting for mullet-haired Shambo, as in Rambo?

"Parks and Recreation" (7:30 p.m., WMAQ-Channel 5): Megan Mullally, who is Nick Offerman's wife in real life, plays his ex-wife Tammy, a local librarian who has her eye on Leslie's vacant lot.

"Supernatural" (8 p.m., WGN-Channel 9): Irony alert! Sam and Dean are sucked into an alternate universe where they become characters in various TV shows. They look strangely at home in the Japanese game show.

"Real Housewives of Orange County" (9 p.m., Bravo): New season. Even the O.C. is hit by the wilting economy, and Gretchen mourns the death of her fiancé. Maybe Lynne's jewelry show will make it all better.

"Mercy" (7 p.m., WMAQ-Channel 5): Jerry Stiller and Anne Meara guest star.

"America's Next Top Model" (7 p.m., WGN-Channel 9): Erin Wagner of Spring Grove, Ill., is still in the running. This week, swimsuit model Marisa Miller demonstrates how to writhe about the sand in Hawaii.

"Johnny Mercer: The Dream's on Me" (7 p.m., TCM): Clint Eastwood executive-produced this documentary about the lyricist's life, with archival footage of his tunes sung by Ella Fitzgerald, Tony Bennett, Nat King Cole and Barbra Streisand.

"Flowers Uncut With Jeff Leatham" (9 p.m., TLC): If you think celebrities are difficult to work with, imagine trying to wrangle oodles of blooms before they wilt. The drama!

"Strange Sex" (9 p.m., Discovery Health): Four cases of sexual disorders are analyzed in this special. Let's leave it at that.

No surprise, Michael Irvin and Mark Dacascos were sent packing from "Dancing with the Stars" tonight. It's unfortunate because Irvin had been steadily improving as the weeks went on; Dacascos on the other hand seemed to lose his footing in the past few competitions regardless of his partner (Lacey Schwimmer came down with a miserable case of the flu and did not dance Monday night with Dacascos). But both celebs have been consistently toward the middle or bottom of the pack, and as we head into week 8, it's dog-eat-dog out on that dance floor and this is where it comes down absolutely to fan base. Regardless of the judges' scores we're down to a pack of scoring leaders --- there really isn't a weak link left --- so it will be up to the fans to pour on the votes.

In a rather stunning turn of events tonight, Aaron Carter found himself in the bottom three after earning his highest score of the season, a 29, on Monday night. While Irvin learned his fate early on in the proceedings, Carter and Dacascos faced off in the dance-off until only one was left standing. It wasn't even close. No matter how much the judges praised Dacascos for his cha cha, it couldn't hold a candle to the fiery jive delivered by Carter and his partner Karina Smirnoff.

On the entertainment side of things: Colbie Caillat turned in a lovely performance. Note to Derek Hough and Mark Ballas aka Ballas Hough: If you want to make your lip synching even slightly believable please dump the hand mikes for headsets. Nothing is more ridiculous than watching, uhm, singer-dancers forget to hold their mikes up to their mouths while concentrating on the dance moves---- and by gosh, don't their vocals just keep on going!

Of course, special guest star Rod Stewart showed the youngun's how it's done with a marvy rendtion of the Four Tops classic "It's the Same Old Song." Not a synching lip in sight!

On to week 8.. I'm thinking Aaron and Kelly are the weakest of the strongest links right now. But Mya has been known to displease the judges (Okay, Len Goodman) with her penchant for "gimmicks" in her dance routines. That's a slippery slope to be on this late in the game. And Donny Osmond needs to start relying more on his footwork and less on showmanship if he wants to be the one holding the mirrorball trophy at season's end. Joanna Krupa has managed to enchant the judging panel, but does she have enough of a fan base to hold up against the rest, including Aaron Carter and Kelly Osbourne who could come on like gangbusters.

Stay tuned.

Stay tuned.

Stay tuned.

For the second season opener of "Tabatha's Salon Takeover," the celebrity hairstylist cut and ran for Chicago. A concerned -- and anonymous -- citizen had nominated the Orbit Salon, 3481 N. Clark, for rehabilitation, so Tabatha Coffey packed her all-black wardrobe and tough love for the trip.

She found a filthy, disorganized establishment, some sloppy habits, and a staff with no direction. "It was a really emotional episode for me, and it was a really emotional episode for everyone else," says Tabatha.

Seven months later, we checked in with the Orbit stylists to find out how the salon is doing now -- and what really happened during filming.

"90210" (7 p.m., WGN-Channel 9): The CW takes a stab at street cred with guest stars Pharrell and Samantha Ronson.

"V" (7 p.m., WLS-Channel 7): The aliens come in peace. What a relief.

"The Biggest Loser" (7 p.m., WMAQ-Channel 5): Field trip to Washington, D.C., complete with a weigh-in at the Lincoln Memorial. Talk about pressure.

"Secret Celebrity" (7 p.m., E!): Nick Lachey and Kim Kardashian -- E! describes them as "Hollywood heavyweights" -- disguise themselves with prosthetics to find out what people really think of them. I'll let them in on a secret: Most people don't think of them at all.

"Kathy Griffin: Balls of Steel" (8 p.m., Bravo): The comeditrix has no mercy, potentially hurting the feelings of the Gosselins, Britney Spears, Miley Cyrus and Barbara Walters.

"The Good Wife" (9 p.m., WBBM-Channel 2): Conjugal visit with Mr. Big!

Week 7 of "Dancing with the Stars" was one of the most odd if my memory serves me right... and it does.

There was judge Bruno Tonioli awarding a crummy "7" to Michael Irvin, talking about how much the former pro footballer has improved!! Moments later, after loudly pointing out to Donny Osmond that his performance was just riddled with mistakes, Bruno promptly awarded the popster an "8"! I'm sure there's a logical explanation. I'm waiting, Bruno. Still waiting.

Kudos to Aaron Carter for finally picking up a personality at the mall over the weekend. He and Karina finally clicked in their fiery jive!

It was also a night filled with snotty noses... literally. There was Lacey Schwimmer looking like the flu had completely taken over every inch of her being, until Mark smartly told her to JUST GO HOME. Alas, poor Mark had only two days to work with substitute partner Anna Trebunskya and the result was a samba that the judges said was akin to "a mess," or as Bruno so eloquently put it: "It was like Kung-Fu Panda does the samba on Planet of the Apes." Just sit back and let that comment waft over you.

In the team competition, Team paso doble (Mark, Mya, Aaron and Michael) did their stomping best but just couldn't put the sync into their in-sync dancing. The final score: 24. Did you get a look at Michael Irvin's six-pack abs?
And now back to our program....

Over on Team tango, Kelly, Donny and Joanna were just too hot and too coordinated, and their tango was a sizzling success wtih the judges. Score: 29.

Back to runny noses... there was Donny in rehearsal footage going on and on and on and on about how sick he felt. There's something nasty going around the halls of the ballroom.

It's a double-elimination Tuesday night, and I'm thinking Mark and Michael will probably be hitting the road. I for one will be sad to see Michael leaving as his scores have steadily climbed and his dancing really has improved. Mark just hasn't been able to find his stride as the weeks went on. The stunning upset might be Kelly, who has been (up until tonight's solo samba and group tango) just a bit lackluster.(She was my early pick to make it to the finals, btw).

Stay tuned.

In week seven producers added a new task for the stars: Design their partner's costumes.
The results ranged from trashy to tacky, but it was a welcome distraction from watching the judges contradict each other.
Here's the breakdown.

MICHAEL IRVIN
The lovable football player earned a season high 23 for a fox trot that Len Goodman called "brilliant."
Design: He confessed that he was inspired by Barney purple.

DONNY OSMOND
He made a few missteps during his quick step, but sold it to the judges, who awarded him a 24.
Design: Equal parts car wash, Las Vegas, and Carrie Fisher in "The Empire Strikes Back."

MARK DECASCOS
Plagued by a missing partner and changing choreography, the chef's samba was awarded a disappointing 19.
Design: Victoria's Secret Dream Bra + a teal chiffon scarf.

MYA
Despite criticism from Len that she's too gimmicky, the singer started her fox trot behind a screen. Len's 7 dragged her score down to 25.
Design: A John Travolta white suit. Yawn.

AARON CARTER
His energetic, precise jive pleased all the judges. He scored 29.
Design: It looked like a feather duster collided with a gay lamp shade.

KELLY OSBOURNE
Still bristling from being called "beige" last week, Kelly's salsa was "flirty and a little dirty," said Bruno. She earned a 24.
Design: Four words: Electric blue tassel pants.

JOANNA KRUPA
She built on her momentum with a dramatic rhumba, and a score of 27.
Design: A white shirt that looked like it was coming apart at the seams. Call it "albino Hulk."

Tomorrow night: Another dance-off, and double elimination.

"Kate: Her Story" (8 p.m., TLC): An interview with Natalie Morales. Because too much Gosselin is never enough.

"Gossip Girl" (8 p.m., WGN-Channel 9): Jimmy Fallon plays himself, interviewing Dan's actress girlfriend (guest star Hilary Duff). Even better, Blair tries to make Serena jealous by BFFing a new "it" girl.

"For the Love of Ray J 2" (8 p.m., VH1): You loved him in the Kim Kardashian sex tape. Now watch him exploit 19 more women.

"I Want to Work for Diddy 2" (9 p.m., VH1): He always has an opening for his Personal Umbrella Holder position.

"American Experience: Civilian Conservation Corps" (9 p.m., WTTW-Channel 11): A special about FDR's Depression-era program that created jobs and helped restore the nation's natural resources. Fittingly, you'll have plenty of time to watch it if you don't have a job.

SATURDAY

"The Heart of Hollywood: Chicago in LA" (6 p.m., WMAQ-Channel 5): Chicago's Brenda Sexton produced this special about Chicago talent gone west, featuring Harold Ramis, Bonnie Hunt, Joe Mantegna, Jeremy Pivena and more. The Sun-Times's Bill Zwecker and Richard Roeper also make appearances.

"Ghost Hunters Halloween Live" (6 p.m., SyFy): Get your ghoul on as Josh Gates teams with the Ghost Hunters Academy recruits to invade the creepy Essex County Hospital in Cedar Grove, N.J. Keep an eye out for satanic dark energy in Building Five.

"Bram Stoker's Dracula" (9 p.m., WCIU-Channel 26): Svengoolie is your guide to the 1992 Francis Ford Coppola film that contributed to Winona Ryder's (first) breakdown. Keanu Reeves' English accent has to be heard to be believed, and watch for Sadie Frost -- Jude Law's first wife -- as a writhing victim.

"Saturday Night Live" (10:30 p.m., WMAQ-Channel 5): Taylor Swift hosts, and if Kanye West doesn't have the sense of humor to make a cameo, we will be mad at him all over again.

SUNDAY

"Sonny With a Chance" (7 p.m., Disney): Comedy Central's resident ventriloquist, Jeff Dunham, guest stars as a security guard -- along with his dummy Walter.

"Masterpiece Contemporary: Place of Execution" (8 p.m., WTTW-Channel 11): Juliet Stevenson stars as a TV journalist who investigates the disappearance of a 13-year-old girl 45 years earlier. Unsolicited advice: Rent her romance with Alan Rickman, 1990's "Truly Madly Deeply."

"Styl'd" (9 p.m., MTV): Four wannabe stylists accessorize and backstab for a shot at success under the judgmental eye of celebrity dresser Jennifer Rade. Because what we really need is more people to hate.

'V'
Three stars
7 p.m. Tuesday on WLS-Channel 7

One thing you can say about sci-fi fans: They're not stupid. Each TV show comes with its own history, mythology, rules, science and literary allusions - sometimes it even has its own language. How do you say "My brain hurts" in Klingon?

When sci-fi fans like a show, they really commit. They memorize minutiae, look for hidden themes, link to each other's websites, write fan fiction, and when necessary, dress like the characters.

Now "V" is arriving on ABC, and it comes with plenty of baggage.

Let the obsessing begin.

Quite a bit is established in the pilot episode: Aliens visit the Earth. They are startlingly attractive. They say they want to cure our diseases with complete medical services for all. They say that they're all about peace.

The world's reaction? "Yay!"

"The View" (10 a.m., WLS-Channel 7): Costumes! Maybe Whoopi will recycle that Queen Elizabeth costume she wore hosting the Oscars. It's the green thing to do. Also dressing up for daytime: "The Price Is Right" (10 a.m. on WBBM-Channel 2), "The Martha Stewart Show" (11 a.m. on WMAQ-Channel 5), "The Price Is Right," and Tyra Banks is reportedly going as Kim Kardashian this year.

"Ghost Adventures Live" (7 p.m.-2 p.m., Travel): The crew -- Zak Bagans, Nick Groff and Aaron Goodwin -- will lock themselves in West Virginia's Trans-Allegheny Lunatic Asylum, which is particularly haunted. For seven hours, live, they'll investigate any paranormal activity.

"The Perfect Storm" (7 p.m., The Weather Channel): The first movie to ever air on The Weather Channel! 1996's "Twister" must be jealous.