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Biden, Granholm, Schwarzenegger featured at Gridiron annual dinner

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WASHINGTON--The 124th annual dinner of the Gridiron Club featured Vice President Biden and two prominent governors who can never be president because they were not born in the U.S.--Democrat Jennifer Granholm of Michigan and Republican Arnold Schwarzenegger of California

All three are making their speaking debut at the dinner, with President Obama--who has keynoted winter and spring Gridiron Dinners--at Camp David with his family.

Keeping to the journalists' club motto to "singe, not burn,' skits--lampooning journalists and the figures they cover-- focused on the new Obama administration and how Republicans are coping.

BELOW, RELEASE FROM THE GRIDIRON CLUB.....

WASHINGTON _ Welcoming a change of administrations with more of the same, the Gridiron Club held its 124th annual dinner on Saturday night (3/21).

With President Obama on spring break, Vice President Biden made his debut as a speaker at the journalistic club's traditional lampooning of the nation's political elite. He was joined by two prominent governors, California's Arnold Schwarzenegger, who spoke for the Republicans, and Michigan's Jennifer Granholm, who represented the Democrats.

Top officials present included Chief Justice John Roberts and Associate Justice Anthony Kennedy, Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke, nine Obama Cabinet members including Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner and Defense Secretary Robert Gates, and top White House staff including Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel, Press Secretary Robert Gibbs, and Senior Adviser Valerie Jarrett.

Two other governors were present, Tim Kaine of Virginia and Bob Ritter of Colorado; four senators, Susan Collins of Maine, Ed Kaufman of Delaware, Amy Klobuchar of Minnesota and Ben Nelson of Nebraska; and six House members. The diplomatic contingent included the envoys from China, Ireland, Israel, Finland, Kenya, Mexico, Singapore, and the United Kingdom.

The occasionally off-key entertainment from the Mighty Gridiron Chorus touched on the highlights of the 2008 campaign, the launch of the new administration and the travails of the Republican Party. The skits also ventured beyond the usual precincts of politics, lamenting the woes of the economy in general and the news industry in particular.

The tone was set in the opener. Using music from the recently revived "South Pacific," one verse declared, "There is Nothing Like a Change," set to "There is Nothing Like a Dame," and featured the lament, "What ain't we got? We ain't got jobs!"

Another portion serenaded the new vice president to the tune of "Some Enchanted Evening," including, "Some implants and weaving/Biden's hair this evening/Hair we can believe in!/Hope of the Baby Boom."

Just about everyone in the political spectrum came in for a share of ribbing.
A Gridiron singer representing Biden's predecessor, Dick Cheney, sang to the tune of "My Way," of his influence in the prior administration: "As number two to forty three/ I moved about in such a sly way/ But George, he was the key/ He did it my way."

And Gridiron member Bob Schieffer of CBS News, as George W. Bush, sang to his successor to "In the Jailhouse now," declaring, "He's in the White House now/Not my problem now."

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi was spoofed as Democrats' "Imperial Girl." Alaska Governor Sarah Palin sighed, "I've been de-railed, I've been Dan Quayled./When will I be loved?" Her running mate, Arizona Sen. John McCain was portrayed as a "geezer" after he serenaded the Alaska governor, Bob Dylan-style, "Sarah, Sarah, radiant jewel of the dog-sledding set./Sarah, Sarah, only running mate that I never did vet."

The Gridiron motto is to "singe but never burn." As is customary, club members mocked themselves as well as politicians. To the tune of "I'm a Believer," the Chicago Tribune's Clarence Page acknowledged the press corps' infatuation with the new president.

One of the revered, if somewhat odd, traditions of the Gridiron dinner is the annual "speech in the dark," given by the club's president. As the lights went out, Richard T. Cooper of the Tribune Co. Washington bureau said "the newspaper


industry and the Obama Administration have at least one thing in common - they're both deep into deficit spending."
Citing French President Sarkozy's $800 million plan to bail out French newspapers, Cooper continued: "We're true blue Americans. We don't want to be like the French. We don't want an $800 million bailout. We want an $800 BILLION dollar bailout."
As a symbol of how tough times are, he asked the 600 guests, "Please stop by our bake sale in the lobby as you leave!"
The evening also featured the U.S. Marine Band, continuing its relationship with the club dating back to the days of John Phillip Sousa, the club's first musical director. Col. Michael J. Colburn, director of the Marine Band, is the club's current musical director.

The orchestration for the show was produced by Sidney's Music & Entertainment, with piano arrangements by accompanist John Fluck.

This year's music team was headed by Cragg Hines, formerly of the Houston Chronicle. Craig Gilbert of the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel produced the Republican skit, and Chris Casteel of The Oklahoman, the Democratic skit. John Mulligan of the Providence Journal produced the opener and Bill Neikirk, formerly of the Chicago Tribune, the closer.

Active membership in the Gridiron Club is limited to 65 Washington-based journalists. Seven new active members were introduced at the dinner: Jan Crawford Greenburg of ABC News, Bruce Alpert of the New Orleans Times Picayune; Susan Milligan of the Boston Globe, Andrea Mitchell of NBC News, William Lambrecht of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, Ruth Marcus of The Washington Post and Charles Raasch of Gannett.
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THERE'S THIS GUY
("Bali Ha'I," South Pacific - Rodgers & Hammerstein)

PALIN:
Some Big Guys come from a lonely island
From clouds of vapor and of mystery
Some Big Guys come from a windy city
How'd This Guy know who you'd want him to be?

How'd This Guy enthrall you
With his Harvard campaign?
Here am I, a normal doll you
Coulda had, plus McCain

Golly why'd they look so easy?
There's Joe Biden, nice as pie
That One's running mate was peachy
Who's my guy? Captain Bligh!

Us blue-collar dopes
Play two-dollar bets
Smart guys roll high stakes
And smoke cigarettes
If this guy makes jackpot island
Mac and I are lost at sea
Hear him cry your new Pied Piper
``Follow me, follow me''

Here's This Guy
Here's this pie
In the sky!
ROCK-RIBBED OBSTRUCTIONIST
("A Cockeyed Optimist" - South Pacific - Rogers & Hammerstein)

Though they gave me a red-and-blue state thumpin'
There's a way I can come back from the dead
Be a RE-publican obstructionist
Yes we can mess with Democrat heads

They say the GOP's
Kaput it's history
My pit-bull had to immigrate
But That One's spending craze
Won't last a hundred days
If I don't let him legislate

Gotta break this economy to save it
Obamites can pick up the broken parts
Well they beat out my brains
With a thing called change
Still I can crush their dear little hearts
Damned upstarts ...


THERE IS NOTHING LIKE A CHANGE
("There is Nothing Like A Dame," South Pacific - Rodgers & Hammerstein)

PELOSI:
We got power sea-to-sea
We got K Street sycophants
We got rid of Hill'ry, Seck-
Retary of the Trav'ling Pants
We just flushed away two trillion
And we still got Bush to blame
What's not to like?

CHORUS
We're drunk with change!

PYLE:
Since we're talking off-the-record
We got common ground it seems
We just got That One elected
Got the story of our dreams
We got kooks to entertain us
Sara Palin and Lou Dobbs
What ain't we got?

CHORUS:
We ain't got jobs!

PELOSI:
You got publishers throwin' this fancy dinner

PYLE:
Enjoy it before this gruel gets any thinner!

PYLE & PELOSI:
Well at least we got some change!
What a crazy blur
Nothin' races to your brains
Like the thrill that you get from change.

PELOSI:
Tell me why do I feel queasy
With the Sun King on our side

PYLE:
Is it maybe 'cause his budget is assisted suicide?

PELOSI:
'Cause his power pales before two
Lady senators from Maine?
Here's what I fear:

CHORUS:
There ain't much change!

PELOSI:
We got something to put on tails and white tie for

PYLE:
Hope your seat ain't gone when the voters wake up screamin' with a hangover
That This Guy won't leave you no alibi for

PYLE:
What about the Stock Exchange?

PELOSI:
'Scuse me while I hurl

PYLE:
All you do is rearrange
Deck chairs on a Titanic change
PELOSI:
Let's go back to the campaign!

PYLE:
Now you're talkin' girl
Nothin' ever has to change . . .

PELOSI:
That we promised in the campaign!
BIDEN:
There is absolutely no game with less shame than campaigns

PELOSI:
Nothin' ever has to change

CHORUS:
That we promised in the campaign!

PELOSI:
A promise sounds like a change

PYLE:
We write it down like a change

PELOSI:
Earmark lust once again

PALIN:
Neiman Marcus again

BIDEN:
ArticuLATE! You the man

McCAIN:
Spin that STRAIGHT talk, we can!

PYLE:
There ain't a thing that's wrong with any damn pol

BIDEN:
That can't be cured by havin' him call

McCAIN:
For good old, guaranteed, get-your-money-back . . .

CHORUS: Change!

SOME IMPLANTS AND WEAVING
("Some Enchanted Evening," South Pacific - Rodgers & Hammerstein)

KING KAMEHAMEHA:

There's a chance this evening
You may be in danger
From a ripe tomata
Thrown 'cross a crowded room
Drink up, never fear
Though we'll mangle your views
As far back as Harding we've never thrown shoes

Bush recants this evening!
King Kamehemeha
Slanders Schwarzenegger
Old hacks sing out of tune
On Gridiron night
The Clintons will hoot
And cheer Rahm Emanuel's
One-fingered salute

Fools of the newsroom
Laughter is our creed
But who'll explain the
Jokes to Harry Reid?

Some implants and weaving
Biden's hair this evening!
Hair we can believe in!
Hope of the baby boom
And this magic night
We pray and beseech
That Second Banana
Will spin us a speech
First we will singe Thee
But we'll never burn
Gridiron will singe Thee
But we'll never burn

THIS LAND AIN'T YOUR LAND
(This Land is Your Land)

This land ain't your land, this land is our land,
Minus California, and the New York island
If you don't count all, the parts with people
The red states are a big majority

Subtract Latinos, we won Nevada
Subtract the suburbs, we won Virginia
In the shrinking farmlands, and the empty spaces
The future is with the G-O-P

We lost Ohio, and Indiana
We had to struggle, just to win Montana
Our Face Book Friends list, was just two pages
Our voter's average age was eighty-three.

We won the Mormons, and the militias
Those demographics, are not auspicious
At the rate we're going, we'll be damn lucky
To take the White House back this century

Chorus:
This land ain't your land, this land is our land,
Minus California, and the New York island
If you don't count all, the parts with people
Red states as far as you can see

TWO MODERATES FROM MAINE
(Three Little Maids from School)
Susan Collins and Olympia Snow

Susan Collins:
Two little maids from Maine are we
To pass a bill we're the ones to see
Ask Harry Reid, we are the key
Two mighty maids from Maine

Nobody needed us before
Our party thought we were a bore
Now it's "Olympia, bar the door."
Two moderates from Maine.

Snow:
A maid wants her voters to elect 'er
Friends in the Senate to protect 'er
So we recruited Arlen Specter
Three little maids from Maine
Three little maids from Maine Pennsylvania!

One is as Maine as an April snow
The second, a rare Downeast RINO
Spector makes us a fine trio
Three moderates from Maine
[Spector] Pennsylvania!

Our little caucus may be small
Moderates are the toughest of all
To pass your bill we're the ones to call
Three tough maids from Maine
Three tough maids from Maine

We think that earmarks are just silly
We'll fight against them
[ Spector ] Will we really?
[Collins] 'Less they're in Bangor.
[Snow] Portland!
[Spector] Philly!
Three mighty maids from Maine
Three mighty maids from Maine : Pennsylvania!


WE STILL VOTE GOP IN MISSISSIPPI
(Okie from Muskogee)

Haley Barbour
We don't vote for Obama down in Dixie
We don't go for Nancy Pe-lo-SEE
We don't like bailing bankers out on Wall Street
We like votin' no and bein' free.

We don't go to fancy Georgetown parties
We don't spend our weekends huggin' trees
We don't like Harvard-educated smarties
Don't get our news from M-S-N-B-C

And we STILL vote GOP in Mississippi
A place where old straight white guys have a ball
We fly the Rebel flag down at the statehouse
And Limbaugh's still the biggest Rush of all

Cowboy boots are still in style for manly footwear
Black jeans and man-purses won't be seen
Let's deport all them illegals back to somewhere
And to hell with Harry Reid and Howard Dean!

Chorus:
We STILL vote GOP in Mississippi,
A place where old straight white guys have a ball
We fly the Rebel flag down at the statehouse
And Limbaugh's still the biggest Rush of all.


HE HAD IT COMING
(Cell Block Tango)
Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Ann Coulter
Rush
Sean
Ann
Limbaugh
Hannity
Coulter

Rush: John McCain? You've got to be kidding me! FOR immigration? AGAINST torture? FOR campaign reform? AGAINST tax cuts? This is a REPUBLICAN candidate? He's about as Republican as -- Hillary Clinton!

Rush
Sean
Ann
Limbaugh
Hannity
Coulter

Rush
Sean
Ann
Limbaugh
Hannity
Coulter

Rush
Sean
Ann
Limbaugh
Hannity
Coulter

Trio
He had it coming, John had it coming
He only has himself to blame.
Campaign was lousy; his thinking frowsy.
We've never seen anything so lame.

Rush
Sean
Ann
Limbaugh
Hannity
Coulter

Rush
Sean
Ann
Limbaugh
Hannity
Coulter

Barack Obama. Even worse ... I think? Blames America first. Didn't wear a flag pin. Holds campaign rallies overseas. But what do you expect -- from some guy born in Kenya?

Trio
We could've told you, in fact we told you
Barack's a loser from the start.
Bipartisan ha-ha; that centrist bla-bla
An old-time lib'ral, a bleeding heart.

Rush
Sean
Ann
Limbaugh
Hannity
Coulter

Rush
Sean
Ann
Limbaugh
Hannity
Coulter

My friends, I have been accused of being pompous. Of being arrogant. Of being egotistical. Of wanting the President to fail. But that last charge is completely untrue. I don't want the President to fail. I want the Republican Party to fail -- (Beating his chest) Then I will rule the world!

So who's our leader, after the geezer;
Not everyone can lead our mob.
None of the old guard, a right-wing blowhard;
Rush knows that he's perfect for the job.

Chorus:
So who's our leader, after the geezer;
Not everyone can lead their mob.
None of the old guard, a right-wing blowhard;
Rush knows that he's perfect for the job.


WASILLA HILLBILLY.

John McCain:
I laid awake nights, I studied the polls
Before the crash, I still had a chance
I needed a gesture so maverick so bold
Hill'ry lovers to steal, right wing nuts to entrance

Sarah Sarah, radiant jewel of the dog-sledding set
Sarah Sarah, only running mate that I never did vet

Little Trig and Bristol and Bristol's boyfriend
Corporal Track lovely Willow and Piper and Todd
Drunken troopers-in-law, on and on without end
From any more Palins, deliver us Lawd

Sarah Sarah, per diem expenses of forty six grand
Sarah Sarah, Wasilla hillbilly let loose in the land

Chorus:
Sarah Sarah, per diem expenses of forty six grand
Sarah Sarah, Wasilla hillbilly let loose in the land


MAN DID I GET MUGGED
(When Will I Be Loved)

Sarah Palin:
I've been de-railed
I've been Dan Quayled
When will I be loved?

Lib'rals flayed me
Tina Fey'd me
Man did I get mugged!

When the godless press corps
Played it fast and loose
I sweetly prayed, for Katie Couric
Field-dressed like a moose

I'm conceivin'
of getting' even
Then you won't be so smug

When I run the next time
Trash me if you dare
I'll never lose, my Blahnik shoes
I'm a Gucci grizzly bear!

I'll get back soon
At you hacks soon
I will own this room
Chorus: She will own this room,
Dell'Omo: I tell you, I will own this room.

KISS THE DOW GOODBYE
(What I Did For Love)

Alan Greenspan:
Kiss the Dow goodbye!
The options, and the bonus,
Freddie Mac and Fan-nie Mae
But I can't regret what I didn't say
What I didn't say...

Look, my eyes are dry
The risk was yours to manage
Why should you suspect I knew?
And I won't regret what I didn't do
What I didn't do

Bush!
Kicked me in the tush!
Who was I to guess
His tax cuts would dis-tress
Us?

Kiss the Dow goodbye
And let the markets tumble
Exuberance was ne-ver sane!
Just forget, don't regret
If I brought you pain
Profits down the drain.
You can blame John Thain!


ARISE WALL STREETERS (The Internationale)

Three Wall Streeters:

Arise Wall Streeters, stop your grumbling,
And all you Reaganites can scram,
A savior's come to stop our tumbling
Let's hear it for Uncle Sam

Away with all that capitalism
You can really lose your pants
And now we turn to socialism
Where there's nothing left to chance

So comrades on Wall Street
It's the high road we shall choose
The bonuses that made us rich
We never want to lose

So comrades on Wall Street
They shouldn't call us sharks
Cause our newest hero in the world
Goes by the name of Marx

Chorus:
So comrades on Wall Street
They shouldn't call them sharks
Cause their newest hero in the world
Goes by the name of Marx

IN THE WHITEHOUSE NOW
(In the Jailhouse Now)

George W. Bush, Karen Hughes, Karl Rove

We met some guys named Dick and Don
They wanted to bomb I-Rack and Iran
I thought they were the smartest guys around
But we set the Middle East on fire
For the country's new Messiah
Who wound up in that white house way down-town

HE's in the White House now
HE's in the White House now
Not MY problem now
Not HIS problem now

I could give him some advice
Surround yourself with some smarter guys
He's in the White House now

Greenspan said the housing bubble
Would keep us out of trouble
But we got our fanny maes kicked all the same
We left Obama such a mess
He's probably sittin' at my desk
Wishing that he was ... John McCain

Bush He's in the White House now
Rove and Hughes: He's in the White House now
Bush: Not my problem now
Rove and Hughes: Not his problem now
TRIO: We sing this sad refrain
Bush (spoken): Mr. President ... insist on advisers with at least half a brain!
TRIO (with big finish): He's in the White House now!
Bush: (spoken): Not my problem dude.
CHENEY'S WAY
(My Way)

Cheney:
And now, the end is here,
And so I'll take a long vacation
I'll just relax and fish and hunt
In an undisclosed location

As number two to forty three
I moved about in such a sly way
But George, he was the key
He did it my way.

Mistakes, we had a few
A war or two, too few to mention
The plans were mine, they sounded fine
I made them look like his intention

And off we went, co-presidents
Each stealthy step along the highway
I pulled the strings, he said the words
He did it my way

A credit crash, Katrina too
We bit off more, than we could chew
But when the press would scream and shout
I ate them up and spit them out
We did it all, he took the fall
He did it my way.

SCHWARZENEGGER, WHAT A GUY
(California, Here I Come)

Schwarzenegger, what a guy
Governor with the bulging thighs
I started off sounding
Pretty right-wing
But now I'm a pinko,
Practic'lly a Kennedy. Oh,
It's too bad that I can't run
Just because I'm Austrian
I'll stay in the Golden State
Schwarzenegger, governate

Schwarzenegger, I'm not one
Of those girlie partisans
Those cretins are simply
So out of touch
But I can't go on long
'Cause there are term limita-
Tions. Maybe I can terminate
A Democrat who's in my state
Either Boxer or DiFi
Schwarzenegger, what a guy!

Chorus:
Stay there in the Golden State
Schwarzenegger, governate


AGE OF OBAMA
(Shambala)
Come on all you crackers
We're all brothers now
We're in the age of Obama
Come on all you slackers
Put those tall lattes down
We're in the age of Obama
Ah-ooh-ooh-ooh ....

Tune in your transmitter
Turn your Blackberry on
We're in the age of Obama
We'll send you a Twitter
From messiah-dot-com
We're in the age of Obama
Ah -ooh-ooh-ooh ...

We're going to change things
In the age of Obama
At least rearrange things
In the age of Obama

Well to join the cabinet
Hone your basketball skills
We're in the age of Obama
If you paid your taxes
That would be better still
We're in the age of Obama
Ah-ooh-ooh-ooh ...

Tell all the millions
In the age of Obama
Hope will cost trillions
In the age of Obama

CHORUS
Tell all the millions
In the age of Obama
Hope will cost trillions
In the age of Obama
Ah-ooh-ooh-ooh

How Do the Democrats Rule
(What Will the Simple Folk Do)

How do the Democrats rule?
Obama is nobody's fool
With Rahm-bo in the White House
Pelosi on the Hill,
They ignored young Eric Cantor,
Passed the STIM-u-lus bill.

More dough for bridges and roads,
And pork by the clean-coal carloads!
Can't Obama's team of retreads
Come up with something new?
Oh how do Democrats rule?
I ask you!

Trillion-dollar debt
Could make the country stall
Our economic might could paralyze
So how do they respond?
You really have to ask?
They simply choose to make the spending rise!
And that's what Democrats do
I surmise .

They spend?

I surmise.

But what will the Democrats do
When red ink is making them blue?

They'll think of ways to tax you
To bring in revenue
Cause that's what Democrats do

Oh no really?

I have it on the best authority
Yes, that's what Democrats do!!
DEMOCRATS LAMENT
(Waltzing Matilda)


Verse 1
Solo:
Once a jolly Chi Pol spoke into his telephone
As the FBI listened in with glee.
And he said, "I can get you the Illinois senate seat
If you can get just a million for me."

Chorus and Solo:
Bad boy Blagojevich!
Bad boy Blagojevich!
Oh what a nasty boy is he!

Solo:
And he said, "I can get you the Illinois senate seat
If you can get just a million for me."

Verse 2
Solo:
Up jumped Fitzgerald brandishing his wire taps
"Your goose is cooked dumb boy", said he.
"You'll never sell that Illinois senate seat
from your cell in the penitentiary.

Chorus and Solo:
Dumb boy Blagojevich!
Dumb boy Blagojevich!
Oh what a stupid boy is he!

Solo:
"You'll never sell that Illinois senate seat
from your cell in the penitentiary."
Verse 3.
Solo:
"I am not a crook", said bad boy Blagojevich.
"I won't resign, I'll appoint", said he
"I pick Roland Burris, a party hack with no arrests
To fill Obama's Illinois senate seat."

Chorus and Solo:
Smart boy Blagojevich!
Smart boy Blagojevich!
Oh what a clever boy is he!

Solo:
"I pick Roland Burris, a party hack with no arrests
To fill Obama's Illinois senate seat."

Verse 4
Solo:
Blago's been removed now and Roland's in his Senate Seat
"'...no pay for play'... I'm pure you see"
"I never spoke to anyone in Blago's camp,
'cept maybe thrice and that's not perjury!"

Chorus and solo
"I won't resign," said he.
"I won't resign," said he.
Even Dick Durbin can't save the day!

[Tune in tomorrow for the latest installment of
The Dems soap opera mini-series.]

We're the Believers
(I'm A Believer)


We thought we could always be real cynical
Candidates to us were all the same
Then Obama told us
About hope and change
Suddenly we started feeling strange

Cause when we heard him speak
We felt like believers
So unique
Without any doubt
We're in love
Oooh--
We were believers
Readers perceived
That we sold out

We liked John McCain when he ran years ago
Loved those donuts on the Straight Talk bus
But the straight talk ended
And he was just old news
So we started writing how he'd lose

Then Obama won
We sold lots of papers
So much fun
We never got tired
We're in love
Oooh -- year
We were believers
Now we will leave
To work for him

Imperial Girl
(Material Girl)

Nancy Pelosi:

Some think President Obama
Tells me what to do
Like he can send me legislation
And I'll just ram it through

I've got news for anyone
Who plays me for a fool (mini-chorus: Or tool)
You come into my house, baby
You play by my rules

Democrats are living in an imperial world
And I am the imperial girl
Yes Democrats are living in an imperial world
And I am the imperial girl

Harry Reid may "run" the Senate
That's like herding cats (mini-chorus: or rats)
We send them so many bills
They never send them back

Maybe he can win some votes now
But there's no guarantee
So I say that size does matter
With your majority
Democrats are living in an imperial world
And I am the imperial girl
Yes Democrats are living in an imperial world
And I am the imperial girl
Chorus:
Democrats are living in an imperial world
And she is the imperial girl
Yes Democrats are living in the an imperial world
And she is the imperial girl

BANK THAT COULD TANK
(Put Your Hand in the Hand)


BOTH
Buy some stock in the bank that could tank and pull us under
Give some dough to the folks so they hang on to their homes
Fly around lots of towns and airdrop presents just like old Saint Nick
Spread some cash in a flash and hope that does the trick

BAIR
Every time we see bad news on TV
We spend more money
Every time we hear the free-marketeers, we think they're funny
Cause those buyers and sellers are mixed-up fellers who say
Don't regulate me
But they'll jump off a ledge unless we pledge to make them toxic free

BOTH
So buy some stock in the bank that could tank and pull us under
Give some dough to the folks so they hang on to their homes
Fly around lots of towns and airdrop presents just like old Saint Nick
Spread some cash in a flash and hope that does the trick

GEITHNER
We've got a plan / for a plan / to make a plan/ to plan ...a pla-aan
But 'til then / our approach / is to keep on saying / yes we can
Cause we just got here
Early this year
And we're flying by the seat of our pants
And I should have paid attention to that A I G bonus plan

CHORUS
So buy some stock in the bank that could tank and pull us under
Give some dough to the folks so they hang on to their homes
Fly around lots of towns and airdrop presents just like old Saint Nick
Spread some cash in a flash and hope that does the trick

CODE PINK
(I'm Looking Through You)
Dennis Kucinich and Code Pink activist

Kucinich:
I miss Obama, the one who ran
But since last summa, you're a different man
You had a mission, the Chosen One
This new edition - You're not much fun

Pink:
Where's the Obama I voted for?
Such instant karma, so anti-war
I heard you promise we'd leave Iraq
You're such a bummer - where's my Barack?

(BRIDGE) : You're s'posed to be a Lincoln, it's in the fates
(But) Your Facebook is filled with friends like Ray LaHood and Robert Gates

Pink: Why are you calling for compromise?
Why's Susan Collins the go-to guy?
Pink: Where is your halo and magic wand?
Where's my Obama? Where's my refund?

(BRIDGE) : I fell for you because of the things you're not
Heroes have a sneaky habit of being people's Rorschach Blot

SINGERS AND CHORUS
I miss Obama, the one who ran
But since last summa, you're a different man
Where is your halo, your magic wand?
Where's my Obama? Where's my refund?

Team Player -- Hillary Song
(Look to the Rainbow)
On the day I was sworn
In as secretary
Made a vow that I'd
Become a new Hillary
My ambition in check
My ego with a lid
Though I still won a lot more
Big states than he did

Look, look
I'm a team player
Send me to China
Send me to Iraq
Look Look
I'm a team player
But on a team of rivals
Better watch your back

So I travel the world
And I feel a bit free
Cause I don't have to fret
O'er the economy
A stateswoman now
No health care in my plans
Let's see how that one works out
For the man

Look look
Look to Obama
I'm finding out just how smart
He can be
Look look
Look to Obama
Follow the fellow
Who knew to
Pick me
Follow the fellow
Chorus: Follow the fellow
Hillary Follow the fellow who knew to pick me.

FIRST DOG
(Bird Dog)


Richardson grand jury - What th' heck
They dumped him in a hurry - Background check
But when it came to house pets - For the kids
Cool Daddy said-a not yet - Yes he did
GET this dog VETted BETter THAN the doggone CABinet

All it took for Geithner - From the Fed
Was Turbo Tax and whitener - 'S what I said
They nominated Judd Gregg - Bipartisan
Turned out to be an ingrate - Republican
First Dog still CHILLin' still a WAITin' by the telephone


Hey First Dog pedigree so clean
You're in the dog house with Howard Dean
YOU want a FRIEND in Daddy's WHITE House better GET a dog

Hey First Dog you're the first canine
To walk Obama's unemployment line
First Dog you gotta get a fixer you can call your own

Daschle was a health czar - Designate
Chauffeur and a big car - Heavyweight
Some people called it sleazy - Free stuff!
Cool Daddy said go easy - Cream puff
Din' need no STIM'lus to throw Tom underNEATH the bus

First Dog sheepskin in every paw
Co-LUM-BE-UH, man, and Harvard Law
First Dog how COME you're still a-KNOCKin' on the White House do-ah?

Hey First Dog that Sebelius chick
She got nominated mighty quick
First Dog you better get a fixer like Blagojevich

Hey First Dog pedigree so clean
You're in the dog house with Howard Dean
You want a friend in Daddy's White House better get a dog


Granholm Song
(No Particular Place to Go)

Putting together an automobile
We almost remember how that feels
Pontiacs and Oldsmobiles
Motown was Michigan's driving wheel
Now we're living off government bonds
And we've got a gov who's legally blond

Beauty queen in the Golden State
Then Harvard Law for the fashion plate
A Michigan native made her his queen
And that's why she's now a Wolverine
First woman AG and governor
Economy's killing her poll numbers

Hail hail Jennifer
Too bad you were born in Vancouver
You can't run for president
To deliver you from the woes of Flint
You came out strong for Hillary
Then Democrats screwed up the primary

Hail, hail Michigan
We know that great state will rise again
Kalamazoo and Battle Creek
The Lions will go on a winning streak
The Big 3 will get off the mat
And we'll all live in Aretha's hat

EXTRA, EXTRA from Gypsy
Two members of the press corps:

Extra, extra
What an election!
It's a brave new world
Awaiting you,
Bailouts, handouts,
An ugly recession
We hope we've got the guy,
To see us through.
We crossed a line,
An overdue fix,
It's a second coming for
Our politics.

The Best of all Possible Worlds

George Washington:
I was the first,
President Uno
Abraham Lincoln:
Who was the worst?
George:
President You Know
George:
Who do they (points to audience) say was
The best of all presidents? Guess.
They say that I was,
The best of all presidents, yes.
Abe:
Who do they say was
The best of all presidents. Guess.
They say that I was
The best of all presidents, yes

George:
Adams was nuts,
Abe:
Buchanan a zero.
George:
TJ's a putz
Abe:
Grant is no hero.
George:
I was the top guy,
For everything under the sun
Abe:
No, I was the top guy,
For everything under the sun

Student Frederick Douglass
Objection! What about us?
Yes, us!
We got emancipation,
Freed by just a proclamation,
The road was paved,
We would be saved,
From grossest deprivation.
Abe and George: That was the explanation,
Douglass: But now we see, a century
Of struggle and frustration,
Is what it took to get it done,
And have someone who's number one,
For all that trouble we say damn,
And we thank you, Abraham,

Abe:
We are all one
All men are brothers
Think what we've done,
For all the others
It's understood in the best of all possible worlds,
Men are all good
In the best of all possible words.

Susan B. Anthony
Objection! How about us?
Women
Though we have won the right to vote,
There is a problem we must note,
When women roar,
To win their war,
By men we are divided,

Abe and George: Glass ceiling is provided,
Anthony: Democracy makes evident,
Where women shall be guided,
The White House is the place you see,
For women like good Hillary,
While she improves relations,
Men get congratulations.

Abe:
Life isn't fair,
George:
Bus-ness ain't rosy,
Abe:
You've got no hair.
George:
You're way too nosy.
(Both)
Give us a hand in this best of all possible worlds.
Things could be grand in this best of all possible worlds.


Make Our Garden Grow
(from Candide)

When freedom rings it is so loud,
Through all our wars and strife,
For what we've done should make us proud,
And give more sense to life,
O-bama won but so did we,
Too often we were slow,
That grand old word democracy,
Has made our people grow,
Has made our people grow.

Our union was imperfect then,
Our demons ruled the day,
But one by one the time comes when,
We cast each one away,
A woman's turn is coming too,
It's the new world we know,
We'll take that step from old to new,
And make our country grow,
And make our country grow.

In these hard times we look anew,
For hope that sees us through,
Our laughter is a tonic too,
We say good luck to you,
We've only tried to singe not burn,
In all our Gridiron glow,
The end is here, we had our turn,
That was our Gridiron Show,
That was our Gridiron Show!

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Lynn Sweet

Lynn Sweet is a columnist and the Washington Bureau Chief for the Chicago Sun-Times.

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About this Entry

This page contains a single entry by Lynn Sweet published on March 21, 2009 5:01 PM.

Michelle Obama lets students peek into her world. Does she do her own makeup? was the previous entry in this blog.

President Obama official schedule and guidance, March 23, 2009. Focus on clean energy investments is the next entry in this blog.

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