Chicago Sun-Times
The scoop from Washington

Tina Fey as Sarah Palin, Will Ferrell reprise as President Bush on "Saturday Night Live" Thursday. Transcript




New York, NY - October 23, 2008 - Coming off the record breaking ratings of
last Saturday's SNL -- the highly-rated SNL live primetime "Weekend Update
Thursday" finished its three-week run tonight with the return of SNL alum Will
Ferrell as President George W. Bush, joined by the current talk of the political
world - Tina Fey as Governor Sarah Palin. The show opened with President Bush
giving a public endorsement of the McCain-Palin ticket.

In addition, the half-hour live broadcast featured an extended "Weekend Update"
with Seth Meyers and Amy Poehler, which also featured Fred Armisen takes a page
from the 24-hour cable news networks, showing off the "Weekend Update mega-pixel
giant touch map, Kenan Thompson as "Update" financial expert Oscar Rogers and a
digital short featuring Andy Samberg urging new voters to register.

"Saturday Night Live" returns live this Saturday with host Jon Hamm ("Mad Men")
and musical guest Coldplay.

Highlights from the Bush Endorsement sketch are below:

WILL FERRELL AS PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH - "Hello, my fellow Americans. I have
chosen to schedule this impromptu address at night because quite frankly every
time I speak during the day, the Stock Market goes in the crapper. So, sorry,
Asian markets. You take the hit on this one. I come to you tonight in the
midst of a very important election between two very qualified candidates: the
hot lady and the Tiger Woods guy. Both candidates are heavily patriotized and
display much characterization. And yes, I did have three Xanax and a Silver
Bullet about a half-hour ago. I'm out of here in a few months, so screw it.
But before I leave I wanted to help Sarah Palin and John McCain by giving them
what every candidate wants most: a prime-time heavily publicized network
endorsement from George W. Bush. Hey, don't pinch yourself John, you are

FERRELL AS BUSH (CONT'D) -- "Now I tried to do this several months ago but
somehow it kept getting pushed to a written press release or a shouted sentence
as I walked to the helicopter. I began to suspect that they didn't want my
endorsement to be too public. But now with the country on a big upswing and my
numbers on the rise, I thought it was time to give a proper, large scale 'much
love' to McCain and Palin..."

(WILL FORTE, as an AIDE enters and whispers in BUSH's ear)

FERRELL AS BUSH (CONT'D) - "What? Really? Why didn't you tell me Jeff? I've
just been told by my trusted aide Jeff, that the country is actually in a
horrible downward spiral and that my approval numbers are lower than ever. That
one's on me. Four months ago, I declared the Oval Office a bummer-free zone.
So... You know what, let's bring on Senator McCain and Governor Palin."

(TINA FEY as GOVERNOR SARAH PALIN enters smiling and waving and sits next to
BUSH on the front the desk)

TINA FEY AS GOVERNOR SARAH PALIN - "So nice to meet you, Mr. President. I've
seen you on TV."

FERRELL AS BUSH - "Where's McRage?"

FEY AS PALIN - "You know, John McCain and I have been so busy travelin' around
this great country of ours talkin' about change and energy independence and
William Ayers, and doin' a little shoppin', but unfortunately Senator McCain,
upon hearing you wanted to give him a super public endorsement, cannot be found.
He was last seen travelin' on foot through the Adirondacks. But my husband and
two of his drinkin' buddies are in pursuit on snowmachines.

FERRELL AS BUSH - "Well, We'll smoke him out. George Bush always finds his man
save for one huge exception."

FEY AS PALIN - "We are gonna get 'er done."

FERRELL AS BUSH - "My God you are folksy."

FEY AS PALIN - "Why thank you Mr. President. I like to think I'm one part
practiced folksy , one part sassy and a little dash of high school bitchy."

FERRELL AS BUSH - "For a little while I was trying to be folksy but after a bit,
it just came off douchey. All right, let me get into my endorsement for you as
Vice President. As you know America, the office of Vice President is the most
important office in the land. The Vice President decides when we go to war, how
we tax the citizens and how we interpret the Constitution. The President can do
nothing without checking with the Vice President. That is why Sarah Palin..."

FEY AS PALIN - "Actually, Mr. President, I don't want to go all Katie Couric on
you, but I think it's actually the other way around. I think the Vice President
reports to the President."

FERRELL AS BUSH - "Really? That's not what Dick Cheney told me when he sat me
down on the first day."

(DARRELL HAMMOND as SENATOR JOHN MCCAIN is brought in, struggling with JASON
SUDEIKIS as TODD PALIN in a snowsuit.)

SUDEIKIS AS TODD PALIN - "We out-mavericked the maverick!"

HAMMOND AS MCCAIN - "Good evening, my friends. Mr. President, always a

FERRELL AS BUSH - "Good to see you, John. Hey let's get a photo of this;
it'll really help your campaign out. Now let me do this: I, George W. Bush,
endorse John McCain and Sarah Palin with all my heart..."

(MCCAIN tries to drift out of frame but is pulled back by BUSH)
FERRELL AS BUSH (cont'd) - "John was there for me ninety percent of the time
over the last eight years. When you think of John McCain, think of me, George
W. Bush. Think of this face. When you're in the voting booth, before you vote
- picture this face right here. A vote for John McCain is a vote for George W.
(to MCCAIN) You're welcome. So, I want to be there you, John for the next eight

FEY AS PALIN -The next sixteen years!

FERRELL AS BUSH - (to an off-camera photographer) "Let's get a safety. I think
I blinked on that last shot. Thumbs up, everybody. But most of all I support
them because...Live from New York...It's Saturday Night!!!!

Quotables from tonight's "Weekend Update" are below:

"WEEKEND UPDATE" CO-ANCHOR AMY POEHLER - "While campaigning for Barack Obama
this week, Hillary Clinton said that the Democrats have a new slogan, 'jobs,
baby, jobs." While Bill Clinton is sticking with his slogan, 'please, baby,

POEHLER - "The Homeland Security Department said it will not meet a 2012
deadline set by Congress to scan the contents of every cargo container headed to
US ports. "Thanks for the heads up," said terrorists."

"WEEKEND UPDATE" CO-ANCHOR SETH MEYERS - "In an interview this weekend, Sarah
Palin said that when the media criticizes her children "the mama grizzly in me
comes out, makes me want to rear up on my hind legs." Which is exactly what a
mama grizzly did to Sarah Palin moments before she shot it from a helicopter."

MEYERS - "India on Tuesday launched its first unmanned moon mission. Not to be
outdone, Afghanistan let a boy fly a kite."

POEHLER - "Joe Wurzelbacher, better known as 'Joe the Plumber,' said this week
that he is ready to get out of the media spotlight. Though unless he said it to
his bathroom mirror, he's full of crap."

POEHLER - "The biological father of Madonna's adopted son said his boy might be
'better off' with him in Malawi now that she and husband Guy Ritchie are
divorcing. Said the son, 'No, I'm good,' and continued on his way to baby yoga

POEHLER - "Election officials in Chicago's northern suburbs are trying to find
out why voter registration was sent to "Princess Noodleman," a goldfish. Oh, I
don't know, maybe because she has the world's most awesome goldfish name?"

MEYERS - "Japanese climbers returning from a mountain in western Nepal said on
Tuesday that they had found footprints they think belonged to the abominable
snowman, but turned out to be the footprints of a non-Japanese person."

MEYERS - "A school in New York City is offering a class called "The Art of
Charm," which is a $3500 dollar, one-week program that teaches romantically
challenged men how to successfully hit on women. Because if anyone's knee-deep
in tail, it's the guy who teaches at the Learning Annex."

MEYERS - "There is growing trend among some parents toward home-schooling
children because they believe that mandated vaccinations for public schools are
unsafe. This is expected to lead to another new trend: dying of polio."

POEHLER - "Two British women who were lifelong friends were surprised to
discover that they were actually sisters. And have spent every day since trying
really hard to forget about that one time in college."

POEHLER - "According to secret files made public Monday, two U.S. fighter planes
in 1957 were ordered to shoot down a UFO over the English countryside, but the
object flew away. Another narrow escape for Chitty Chitty Bang Bang."

MEYERS - "A cat, named Platina Luna Blade Runner, was the winner oh this year's
Best of the Best Award at the Cat Fancy Championship at Madison Square Garden.
Though I wonder if he would have won if they had used his full name, Platina
Luna Hussein Blade Runner."

POEHLER - "Officials at a small zoo in Texas are searching for a 6-foot tall
camel named Moses and his pint-sized pony sidekick Coco who wandered away from
the facility. 'They went thataway,' said a man and his friend who looked
nothing at all like a camel and pony in disguise."

Photos from SNL are available on and via the Associated Press.
Embeddable video highlights of the show are available at

"Saturday Night Live" is from SNL Studios in association with Broadway
Video. The creator and executive producer is Lorne Michaels. Steve Higgins
produces. Marci Klein and Mike Shoemaker are producers. Seth Meyers is head
writer. Don Roy King directs.


Is this a plug for SNL Lynn?

Your just "plugging" away. First Obama, now SNL. They'll both be at the bottom in a month.

Great skit. Excellent satire.

This is SNL at its best. The humor was pitch perfect, and the talent top notch. If only Will Farrell and Tina Fey were both still on the show full time.

Thanks for posting this so I could see Sarah Palin flashed her smartest part.

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Lynn Sweet

Lynn Sweet is a columnist and the Washington Bureau Chief for the Chicago Sun-Times.

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This page contains a single entry by Lynn Sweet published on October 23, 2008 9:27 PM.

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