updated 2:25 a.m. Chicago time
WASHINGTON--Tina Fey nailed Sarah Palin for a third time in a parody of the vice presidential debate where Queen Latifah played moderator Gwen Ifill. A cast member, Jason Sudeikis spoofed Joe Biden.
Ifill was given quit a ribbing in the skit--shown as hawking her upcoming book, which she did not do at the debate--promising not to ask follow up questions in order to "not to appear biased for Barack Obama in light of my new book, "Breakthrough, Politics of Race in the Age of Obama."
From Latifah as Ifill: "Due to the historically low expectations for Gov. Palin, were she simply to do an adequate job tonight, at no point cry, faint, run out of the building or vomit, you should consider the debate a tie."
The real debate at Washington University in St. Louis featured a question about same sex benefits. Fey/Palin had this zinger, playing off Palin's unwed pregnant teen daughter whose marriage to the father of her baby was announced when Palin was tapped by McCain to be his runningmate.
Said Fey/Palin, "You know I would be afraid of where that would lead. I believe marriage is meant to be a sacred institution between two unwilling teenagers."
Here are more highlights...
Highlights from the VP Debate Sketch follow:
QUEEN LATIFAH AS GWEN IFILL: "Good evening, I'm Gwen Ifill and welcome to
Washington University in St. Louis Missouri to the first and only 2008 Vice
Presidential Debate between the Republican nominee, Governor Sarah Palin of
Alaska, and the Democratic nominee, Joe Biden of Delaware. Let's welcome the
TINA FEY AS GOV. SARAH PALIN: "Can I call you, 'Joe?'"
JASON SUDEIKIS AS SEN. JOE BIDEN: "Of course."
FEY AS PALIN: "OK, 'cause I practiced a couple of zingers where I call you Joe."
LATIFAH AS IFILL: "Now tonight's discussion will cover a wide range of topics
including domestic and foreign policy matters. Each candidate will have 90
seconds to respond to a direct question and then an additional two minutes for
rebuttal and follow-up. As moderator, I will not ask any follow-up questions
beyond 'do you agree?' or 'your response?' so as not to appear biased for Barack
Obama in light of my new book (holding up book) 'The Breakthrough: Politics of
Race in the Age of Obama,' coming out on inauguration day and available for
pre-order on Amazon.com. And finally, we would like to remind our audience that
due to the historically low expectations for Governor Palin, were she simply to
do an adequate job tonight, and at no point cry, faint, run out of the building
or vomit you should consider the debate a tie. Alright, let's begin. Senator
Biden, how, as Vice President would you work to shrink the gap of polarization
that has sprung up in Washington?
SUDEIKIS AS BIDEN: "Well, I would do what I have done my whole career, whether
it's been dealing with violence against women or putting 100,000 police officers
in the streets. I would reach across the aisle. Like I've done with so many
members of the other party. Members like John McCain. Because look, I love
John McCain. He is one of my dearest friends. But at the same time, he's also
dangerously unbalanced. I mean, let's be frank, John McCain -- and again, this
is a man I would take a bullet for -- is bad at his job and mentally unstable.
As my mother would say, 'God love him, but he's a raging maniac...' and a dear,
LATIFAH AS IFILL: "Governor Palin. How will your administration deal with the
current financial crisis?"
FEY AS PALIN: "Well first of all, let me say how nice it is to meet Joe Biden.
And may I say, up close your hair plugs don't look nearly as bad as everyone
says. You know, John McCain and I, we're a couple of mavericks. And gosh
darnit, we're gonna take that maverick energy right to Washington and we're
gonna use it to fix this financial crisis and everything else that's plaguin'
this great country of ours."
LATIFAH AS IFILL: "How will you solve the financial crisis by being a maverick?"
FEY AS PALIN: "You know we're gonna take every aspect of the crisis and look at
it and then we're gonna ask ourselves, 'what would a maverick do in this
situation?' And then, you know, we'll do that." (SHE winks.)
LATIFAH AS IFILL: "Senator Biden, how would your administration address the
current financial crisis?"
SUDEIKIS AS BIDEN: "Barack Obama and I understand that we need to regulate
Wall Street. John McCain voted against Wall Street regulation 41 times. Let me
repeat that. 41 times! And again, this is a man I love. If I had to spend the
rest of my life on a desert island with only one other person it would be John
McCain -- no doubt about it. I mean, you should see the way my face lights up
when he walks into a room. But the fact is, John McCain has voted with George
Bush ninety percent of the time, let me say that again: time."
LATIFAH AS IFILL: "Governor Palin, would you like to respond to Senator Biden's
comments about Senator McCain?"
FEY AS PALIN: "No thank you, but I would like to talk about bein' an outsider.
You see while Senator Biden has been in Washington all these years I've been
with regular people. Hockey moms and Joe Six-packs I'd also like to give a
shout out to the third graders of Gladys Woods Elementary who were so helpful to
me in my debate prep. Also too, you see, I think a bit differently from an
insider. I don't think it's patriotic to pay more taxes. I don't think it's
patriotic to criticize these wars we got goin' on. I do think it's patriotic to
tell the government, 'Hey get outta my way! Stop tryin' to impose on my right
to shoot wolves from a helicopter.' But a Washington insider like Joe Biden
SUDEIKIS AS BIDEN: "You know I get a little tired of being told I'm an insider.
I come from Scranton, Pennsylvania and that's as hardscrabble a place as you're
gonna find. I'll show you around some time and you'll see. It's a hellhole.
An absolute jerkwater of a town. You couldn't stand to spend a weekend there.
It is just an awful, awful sad place filled with sad desperate people with no
ambition. Nobody, and I mean nobody, but me has ever come out of that place.
It's a genetic cesspool. So don't be telling me that I'm part of the Washington
elite because I come from the absolute worst place on Earth: Scranton,
Pennsylvania. And Wilmington, Delaware is not much better."
LATIFAH AS IFILL: "Senator Palin. Address your position on global warming and
whether you think it's man-made or not."
FEY AS PALIN: "Gwen, we don't know if this climate change hoozie-what's-it is
man-made or if it's just a natural part of the 'End of Days.' But I'm not gonna
talk about that I would like to talk about taxes, because with Barack Obama,
you're gonna be paying higher taxes. But not with me and my fellow maverick.
We are not afraid to get maverick-y in there and ruffle feathers and not got to
allow that. And also, too, the great Ronald Reagan."
LATIFAH AS IFILL: "The next question is for you, Senator Biden. Do you support,
as they do in Alaska, granting same-sex benefits to couples?"
SUDEIKIS AS BIDEN: "I do. In an Obama-Biden administration same-sex couples
would be guaranteed the same property rights, rights to insurance, and rights of
ownership as heterosexual couples. There will be no distinction. I repeat, no
LATIFAH AS IFILL: "So to clarify, do you support gay marriage, Senator Biden?"
SUDEIKIS AS BIDEN: "Absolutely not. But I do think they should be allowed to
visit one another in the hospital and in a lot of ways, that's just as good, if
LATIFAH AS IFILL: "Governor Palin. Would you extend same-sex rights to the
FEY AS PALIN: "You know I would be afraid of where that would lead. I believe
marriage is meant to be a sacred institution between two unwilling teenagers.
But don't think I don't tolerate gay people. Because I do. I tolerate them
with all my heart. And I know quite a few too. Not personally. But I know of
them. I've seen 'Ellen.' Oh, and there was this one girl on my college
basketball team. She wasn't officially 'a gay,' but, you know, we were pretty
LATIFAH AS IFILL: "Governor Palin, what is your position on Healthcare
FEY AS PALIN: "I'm gonna ignore that question and instead talk about Israel. I
love Israel so much. Bless its heart. There's a special place for Israel in
heaven. And I know some people are going to say I'm only saying that to pander
to Florida voters, but from a very young age, my two greatest loves were always
Jews and Cuban food."
LATIFAH AS IFILL: "I would now like to give each of you a chance to make a
FEY AS PALIN: : (holding flute): Oh, are we not doing the talent portion?
(FEY AS PALIN plays flute, winks)
(LATIFAH AS IFILL stares)
LATIFAH AS IFILL: "Senator Biden, your closing statement?"
SUDEIKIS AS BIDEN: "My goal tonight was a simple one. To come up here and at no
point seem like a condescending, egomaniacal bully, and I'm gonna be honest, I
think I nailed it. Sure there were moments when I wanted to say, 'Hey, this
lady is a dummy!' But I didn't. Because Joe Biden is better than that. I
repeat Joe Biden is better than that (pointing at FEY/PALIN). So to all of the
pundits who said I would seem cocky or arrogant. You dopes got schooled
LATIFAH AS IFILL: "Governor Palin?"
FEY AS PALIN: "I liked being here tonight answering these tough questions
without the filter of the mainstream gotcha media with their 'follow-up
questions,' 'fact-checking' or 'incessant need to figure out what your words
mean and why ya put them in that order.' I'm happy to be speaking directly to
the American people to let them know if you want an outsider who doesn't like
politics as usual or pronouncin' the "g" and the end of words she's sayin' I
think you know who to vote for. Oh, and for those Joe Six-packs out there
playing a drinking game at home -- Maverick."
LATIFAH AS IFILL: "Well, this concludes tonight's debate. The book drops
November 4, and Live From New York...It's Saturday Night!