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It used to be that Bengals fans would only wear bags on their heads.

And you thought the NFL was the No Fun League? Turns out the school marms at Garfield Middle in Hamilton, Ohio, are decidedly lacking in happy genes, too.

The school, in its infinite wisdom, has penalized eighth-grader Dustin Reader for clipping. Specifically for clipping Bengals stripes and "B" insignia into his hair as a tribute to the team's good season. At this rate, it's a wonder the NFL hasn't sued for copyright violation.

The school says its code of conduct prohibits extreme and distracting hairstyles and they put the kid into in-school suspension "until his hair grows out." Reader's parents, Tina Wanamaker and James Reader, and barber say they don't understand why the haircut is out of bounds. His father says his son just wants to show pride in the 6-2 Bengals, according to the Hamilton Journal News:

"He's had designs on his head before and no one said anything," said Wanamaker. Previously, he'd had a rose, a spiral and the word "LOST" carved into his hair. On the occasion of the "LOST" cut, he was told by the school to fix it, but he didn't get in trouble, they said.

"This is a way for him to express pride in the Bengals' putting up a winning season," said his father. "It's not racist, not drug-related, not gang-related or anything like that. It's about football."

The in-school suspension - Dustin is in attendance and doing his work but remains in an isolated area away from other students - will remain in effect until the hair either grows out or he gets a different cut.

First, a full disclosure: I grew up in Virginia singing "Hail to the Redskins" and worshiping at the alter of Hall-of-Famer John Riggins as the team dominated all before them in the 1980s.

So I now know how fellow Pros(er) Kyle feels watching the Lions. Somewhere between sick to my stomach and just plain heartsick. It's a bumbling team that at one time not long ago was the class of the NFL - OK, similarity with the Lions ends there - that's become a conundrum of underperforming talent and a league laughingstock that winless teams look forward to on the schedule.

But I'm nowhere near as upset as Riggins, who currently is hosting a video series and lighting up Twitter with his ideas on why the Redskins have become one of the worst teams in the league. "Head" coach Jim Zorn ("he could be a good high school coach") and General Manager Vinny Cerrado ("He should go on radio ... be an analyst") receive the brunt of the Diesel's wrath.

And as if that weren't enough, he's also taking his assault on Daniel Snyder's (the worst NFL owner ever?) heaping pile of steaming football team to "Inside the NFL" on Showtime reports Brad Biggs.

Keep on blasting away, Riggo, like you did back in the day:

On a day when the Chicago Bears, the NFL and anyone who ever loved the game pays tribute to Walter Payton - the 10th anniversary of his death in 1999 from bile duct cancer - it seems fitting to simply sit back and take in what made Sweetness so great. So memorable.

The Bears put together a nice video tribute, played at halftime, to the Hall of Famer that lets his friends, teammates and coaches speak to his greatness as a player and a person. One of the toughest, most elusive, most determined players in the history of the game, Payton was as well-known as a prankster as he was a hard-nosed football player.

Some great moments and memories to savor.

Carolina Panthers' Dan Morgan looks out from the bench during a preseason NFL football game in Charlotte, N.C., in this Aug. 24, 2007 photo. The former Panthers linebacker and Pro Bowl pick suffered at least five concussions in his career, which does not tie him specifically to a possibility of dementia later in life, but can't help. (AP)

For those of you who have never appreciated how violent and life-changing the game of professional football can be for the men who play it, here's another sobering reminder.

A new study suggests retired National Football League players may have a high rate of Alzheimer's disease or other memory problems. The telephone survey asked if the retirees had ever been diagnosed with dementia, Alzheimer's disease or other memory-related disease. Nearly 2 percent of the former players ages 30 to 49 said yes. That's 19 times the rate for the same age group in the general population.

For retirees over 50, the rate was about five times higher.

That's another consequence to a group that already suffers from a staggering array of post-retirement maladies, including severe arthritis, problems with the knees and legs in general, debilitating hand injuries and an array of other problems.

Lead author David Weir emphasized the results don't show football causes memory problems, only that the risk is worth studying. The study of more than 1,000 ex-players was performed by the University of Michigan at the request of the NFL and its Player Care Foundation.

Higher risk of dementia seen in NFL players (NYT)

This could be construed as child abuse in some places.

Technically, this probably is a throwback jersey, even if it is new.

Brett Favre's Vikings jersey was the top seller on the NFL's merchandise Web site. His purple No. 4 was only available for the last two weeks of that timeframe, too.

Fans typically flock to new products, and Michael Vick's Philadelphia jersey has been a hot commodity as well: His No. 7 in Eagles green ranked No. 4 on the list behind Favre, Jay Cutler and Troy Polamalu.

Favre didn't express much surprise Wednesday when the popularity of his jersey was pointed out. He said friends and family have asked him if he can get one for them, but that all he has are the ones he wears in the games.

Favre then retired and un-retired again, making the jersey a collectible, too.

You can say what you want about Chad "Ocho Cinco" Johnson - and pretty much every angle has been covered. He's talented, mercurial, off-putting, arrogant, annoying, selfish, entertaining ... blah blah blah.

Been covered.

But this is actually pretty cool of him, even if there is, of course, a huge self-centered aspect to it. See, Ocho Cinco has turned himself into quite the lifecaster. Using Twitter, Facebook, Ustream video broadcasting and other measures, he puts himself on display as much as possible, using the various platforms to chat with fans and get himself spread across the Internet.

And it's the Twitter aspect that comes into play here.

Johnson has expressed interest in live tweeting during games for the Cincinnati Bengals, a notion the NFL has flatly ruled out. So instead, he's devised a contest for his Twitter followers where he'll fly one fan to each home game - don't count on any playoffs, people, this is the Bengals - to be his designated Twitter stenographer. Through a series of hand signals, Johnson will get his message out - or try to - and give a fan a chance to see the game up close and personal.

And, of course, he promises some end zone shenanigans, which is no surprise coming from one of the more innovative touchdown celebrators in the league.

Is this much ado about nothing? Yeah. But really it's just a bit of subversive fun at the end of the day. And, of course, if it bothers you ... don't follow and you won't be harmed.

How Chad Ochocinco plans to tweet during NFL games (Mashable)

Let's keep the Brett Favre/goat imagery to the field and out of the trunk.

You're a good Minnesota Vikings fan, ready to do whatever you can to make a statement about Brett Favre hitting town as your team's new starting quarterback. You have lots of options:
1) Buy a jersey;
2) Get a Vikings inflatable chair for the bar in your wood-paneled basement;
3) Buy some Wrangley jeans and grow a nasty beard
4) Paint a goat purple and gold, carve a "4" into it and keep it in your car trunk on the way to slaughter it later.
OK, what do you choose?
If you're at least one Winona, MN., resident, the goat wins it. At least that's what the Winona Daily News reports, offering these unusual details - though no name on the woman:

A woman on her way to St. Paul really got the goat of auto repairman James Prusci. She went to Tires Plus in Winona Friday, wanting a belt replaced on her Chevy Malibu. While he was doing paperwork, she said she had a goat in her trunk. "A what?" he asked. She told him she planned to butcher it.

It was painted Minnesota Viking colors _ purple and gold _ with Brett Favre's No. 4 shaved on its side. Favre made his Vikings debut Friday in a preseason game.

Prusci called animal control, which took the goat to a local vet. He was renamed Brett and placed in foster care.

Why the goat? Some sort of sacrifice? Just dinner? Maybe she found out Purple People Eaters was just a nickname and went with the next best option. Who knows? It just kinda fits in with the Favre Theater that has been the 2009 NFL pre-season, though.

And it's an image Bears fans are praying to see this season: Favre the goat.

The only thing Plaxico Burress will be receiving for a while is three squares a day and a state-sponsored exercise program in the prison yard.

First, recently reinstated quarterback Mike Vick gets 19 months for dog fighting.

Then former Cleveland Brown Donte Stallworth gets 29 days in slam for DUI-fueled vehicular manslaughter.

Now former New York Giants star receiver Plaxico Burress gets 2 years for shooting himself in a nightclubs?

Jane, stop this crazy wheel of sentencing, I want to get off.

Burress pleaded guilty to a weapons charge and agreed to a two-year prison term for accidentally shooting himself at a Manhattan nightclub Thursday morning, ending a saga that's gone on nearly as long as he'll be in prison.

He pleaded guilty Thursday morning to one count of attempted criminal possession of a weapon, a lesser charge than he initially faced. Under a plea agreement, he agreed to a two-year prison sentence and two years of supervised release.

Celebrity gossip site TMZ.com has some rough footage - see the video here - of disgraced quarterback and former dog fighting enthusiast Michael Vick strolling around O'Hare Airport last night.

While Vick is still one of millions on the unemployment rolls, he's madly searching for an NFL job and there have been rumors of Bears interest in the electrifying signal caller. But

TMZ quoted Jim Christman, media services manager for the Bears, as saying Vick is not in town to meet with the Bears and he is definitely not joining the team.

And Bears beat guy Brad Biggs has sources telling him there was charity work on the agenda, not a Bears date for Vick.

So file that under the "never say never" list of potential moves.

After being suspended indefinitely by the NFL after serving nearly two years in a dog-fighting scheme, Vick was conditionally reinstated by commissioner Roger Goodell last month and cleared to sign with a team, but thus far there have been no takers.

On Tuesday, Vick's agent, Joel Segal, visited Washington Redskins camp, but said: "No. No chance," when asked about the possibility of Vick signing with Washington.

The Redskins are among 26 of the NFL's 32 teams that have said they have no interest in signing Vick, although Vick's NFL-appointed mentor, former Indianapolis Colts coach Tony Dungy, said several coached have contacted him to talk about the player.

Segal, in an interview with ESPN 980, said he is "very optimistic" that Vick would sign with an NFL team soon. There are a lot of teams interested. ... It's not a matter of if, but when."

As with every August, the forthcoming NFL season has us looking forward with great anticipation to Sunday gamedays. But the proliferation of Twitter usage among NFL players this year means we're suddenly equally excited for  the Sunday nights and Monday mornings following games.

The reason? Gridiron Twitter!

We've seen, via the likes of Shawne Merriman, Chad OchoCinco and Terrell Owens, exactly how much trash-talking can be accomplished in 140 characters or less. And that's long before the first snap of the 2009 season. The athlete Twitter feud was non-existent a year ago, but now we're finding these types of headlines on a weekly basis.

And it's only going to get worse/better.