But if it had been a dancing competition instead of a football-playing one, Owens would have single-handedly powered the hometown team to victory.
Observe the grace and precision with which he executes this mine routine after his first touchdown grab.
Flawless. Powerful. Buster Keaton-like.
Then, just to show all the pantomiming hasn't made him too soft, he trucks over a security guard on his second one.
Driscoll Middle School in Corpus Christi, Texas executed the mother of all trick plays to perfection -- and a touchdown.
You'll laugh. You'll cry. You'll wonder aloud if this is legal.
ESPN's "Sunday Night Baseball" team of Jon Miller and Joe Morgan will not be returning for a 21st season together.
Morgan's contract is not being renewed, and the network has reportedly shown interest in keeping Miller on to do radio work.
And, because the wheels of progress must keep going, Hire Joe Morgan takes up the cause.
Auburn quarterback and Heisman favorite Cam Newton had three different cases of academic cheating and faced possible expulsion from the University of Florida, according to a report from Fox Sports.
Newton attended Florida in 2007 and 2008 before transferring to Blinn College in Texas.
In the past week, allegations that a man claiming to represent the quarterback attempting a pay-to-play situation have surfaced. Newton's camp denies any involvement.
Actor Seth Rogen helped welcome Conan O'Brien to TBS last night with the story of his bizarre proposal to fiance Lauren Miller.
So, yeah, he's awkward in real life, too.
And finally ...
Caitlin Burke pulled off the most amazing puzzle-solve in "Wheel of Fortune" history by correctly guessing "I've Got a Good Feeling About This" with the help of one measly "L."
Even more impressive than the out-of-nowhere guess is the fact she got the masses talking about "Wheel of Fortune."