Widely recognized as one of the nation's premier athletes in his sport, he needed something that would be both shocking and immediate.
So he did the only natural thing and exposed himself to his teammates in their locker room.
The juvenile prank has earned him a 10-year ban from the sport, a harsh penalty he plans to appeal.
File admits to the exposure, saying that he wanted to convey to his team that they were "playing like d---s," but maintains no one was offended at his joke.
"You don't even get that for murder these days," File said. "I didn't hurt anybody. I just made a d--- of myself. I've been around bowls quite a while, I've seen a lot of punishments for various misdemeanors and I have never seen anything like this for a lot more serious offenses."Ten years? Can't imagine what the ban would have been if he's chosen an even more colorful, bodily-function analogy.