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Here's to you and your dirty mouth, Kevin Garnett

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31243301H12629449.JPGBY JUSTIN ALLEN Sports Pros(e) Contributing Writer

Allow me to let you in on the NBA's worst-kept secret: Kevin Garnett is a prolific trash-talker.  Google "'Kevin Garnett' trash talk,'" and you'll get about 18,500 results.  His on-court antics have been the subject of debates about sportsmanship on Sportscenter and he's been regular fodder for sports columnists across the country.  If this Bulls-Celtics series is your foray into the Garnett mouth-running bonanza, then you are certainly missing out.

He's the Shakespeare of taunt, the Picasso of trash, the da Vinci of distraction, the Mary-Kate of ridicule.  From slapping the floor while picking up a guard on defense in the back-court, to entire bench stare-downs, to telling Kobe Bryant to go have sex with himself (in not so many words) while he, Garnett, is in the process of shooting a free throw, the man is truly a pioneer of put-downs.  The kind of guy you love if he's on your team and despise if he's not.

But with Garnett sidelined with injuries, it's been his off-court antics during the Bulls-Celtics series, in particular, one incident that occurred near the end of regulation in Game 5, that's drawing this Bulls fan's ire.  Captured in an oh-so telling photo, there's Mr. Gatorade himself in the ear of Bulls shooter Ben Gordon as he walks toward the bench during a timeout.  The expression on Garnett's face says it all, but you can't help but wonder what, exactly, he's saying.

Some possibilities:

1) "Hi Ben! How are you? Great series, huh? I like your tattoo. It's super cool. Okay, bye!"
2) "Have you tried the nachos here?  They're de-light-ful!"
3) "Will you look at Scalabrine?  Doesn't he just make you smile?  Gosh, I love gingers!"
4) "Bible study at my place after the game.  You in?"
5) "When you get a second, I'd love to talk to you about this wonderful business opportunity.  It's a company called Amway..."
6) "Sorry, Ben, but I don't think you're a very good basketball player and I think you should go have sex with yourself." (in not so many words)

Chances are it's a variation of the sixth option, but in a perfect world, I'd hope for number three.

So what, given Garnett's tendency for trash, is my problem with this?  If he was in uniform, the refs would've undoubtedly charged him with a technical foul.  Or, at the very least, issued him a warning.  Instead, he's permitted to sit smugly on the bench, show poor sportsmanship and taunt the Bulls all game.  Celtics fans will certainly point to Gordon's, ahem, man-adjustment in Game 4 as unsportsmanlike, and I'd probably agree.  But ask yourself this: if you were being taunted by a man in a suit who just sits on the proverbial sideline every day at work, how would you respond?

So as the series comes back to Chicago in a must-win game for the Bulls, I say here's to you, Kevin Garnett.  I look forward to this hungry, determined, crotch-grabbing Bulls team shutting you up and sending this series back to Boston for Game 7.

And I think I speak for most Bulls fans when I say, go have sex with yourself (in not so many words).

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37 Comments

AS a Bulls fan I couldn't have said it any better, perfect!

There should be more unsportsmanlike like calls for stuff like this.

I wonder if Garnett even bothered to gets some tickets for Ronnie Fields while he was in town.

Wow.

I live in LA now, but I grew up in Boston. So, I'm a celtics fan in LA, crazy right? I love Chicago, amazing city. Italian Beef!

Anyways, hilarious article. Gingers.

Which makes me think that Kevin Garnett is basically the Eric Cartman of basketball. As a fan (always a fan of him), he is just plain out of his mind. Seriously, mental illness level of crazy. Crazy but amazingly entertaining.

I guarantee he doesn't trust Scalabrine, because he's a ginger and has no soul.

Garnett is a total lunatic. My question is, why doesnt anyone ever bark back at him? Get in his face and tell him to go have sex with himself? Ben Gordon is kind of a hard ass and I'm surprised he'd take that from a guy thats not even playing. I'm waiting for like Nate Robinson to just go nuts on him one day, wait for it...

This article is a clear look into the weakness and insecurity of the writer. I read it and thought there might be something interesting here but there was not. Instead he seems to have written a poor article with the thesis seeming to be "Kevin Garnett is unsportsmanlike because he tells people that they should have sex with themselves." The truth is, the writer has no idea what Garnett is saying here and is speculating. The truth is that the writer also wrote another article titled, "Justin Allen has a man-crush on the Bulls." No wonder why he is so insecure about who Garnett suggests his man-crushes have sex with.

If this was during a timeout, then Gordon was not walking TO the bench he was AT the bench.....and obviously the Celtics bench. If you think Garnett was going to ignore him coming into that space - you're pretty naive.

Stop crying Justin, just because he's one of the best intimidators in the NBA. He does it to get in the opponents head and it works. If you think he's bad, you obviously don't know much about the NBA and the vast majority of thugs who do much worse day in and day out. Kevin Garnett is one of the best players to ever play the game, he knows how to beat you physically and obviously mentally as well. I suggest you personally go and say something to him, see what he says to you then, ohh wait, you're probably too intimidated to even look him straight in the face.

Stop crying Justin, just because he's one of the best intimidators in the NBA. He does it to get in the opponents head and it works. If you think he's bad, you obviously don't know much about the NBA and the vast majority of thugs who do much worse day in and day out. Kevin Garnett is one of the best players to ever play the game, he knows how to beat you physically and obviously mentally as well. I suggest you personally go and say something to him, see what he says to you then, ohh wait, you're probably too intimidated to even look him straight in the face.

There's a different between trash talk and grabbing you... 'stuff'. To equate the two is simply ignorant.

Kevin Garnett's energy is who he is, he loses control and yells but he's not out there grabbing his manhood on national TV or blatantly hitting the deck on every play to fake fouls. Ben Gordon is unsportsmanlike, KG is just... KG.

I'm sure you love Michael Jordan, no? He never talked trash though... right? *rolls eyes*

There's a different between trash talk and grabbing your ...'stuff'. To equate the two is simply ignorant.

Kevin Garnett's energy is who he is; he loses control and yells but he's not out there grabbing his manhood on national TV. Nor is he blatantly hitting the deck on every play to fake fouls. Ben Gordon is unsportsmanlike, KG is just energetic and outspoken.

I'm sure you loved Michael Jordan right? He never talked trash though, because that would be unsportsmanlike... right? *rolls eyes*

There's a different between trash talk and grabbing your ...'stuff'. To equate the two is simply ignorant.

Kevin Garnett's energy is who he is; he loses control and yells but he's not out there grabbing his manhood on national TV. Nor is he blatantly hitting the deck on every play to fake fouls. Ben Gordon is unsportsmanlike, KG is just energetic and outspoken.

I'm sure you loved Michael Jordan right? He never talked trash though, because that would be unsportsmanlike... right? *rolls eyes*

There's a different between trash talk and grabbing your ...'stuff'. To equate the two is simply ignorant.

Kevin Garnett's energy is who he is; he loses control and yells but he's not out there grabbing his manhood on national TV. Nor is he blatantly hitting the deck on every play to fake fouls. Ben Gordon is unsportsmanlike, KG is just energetic and outspoken.

I'm sure you loved Michael Jordan right? He never talked trash though, because that would be unsportsmanlike... right? *rolls eyes*

Bulls get wrecked tonight baby.

KG best player in league

Obviously, you have never played a game of competitive basketball. Trash-talk is an inherent part of the game. A professional basketball player should know how to handle ANY words from opponents.

I'm a die-hard Bulls fan, and I think they've handled pressure extremely well. They have a great shot to take the Celtics in 7. But, to write an article emphasizing the unsportsmanlike conduct of one of the greatest players to play his position is ridiculous.

Justin Allen, try watching a tamer sport such as golf or badminton, and stop taking away from the intensity of playoff basketball.

Really? Is that a surprise?
Is Garnett really the only player that trash-talks?
Do you really hate Boston because of Garnett?
No. You hate Boston simply because Boston is better in sports.
Admit it.
Trash-talking. Give me a break. Don't even get me started about Dennis Rodman

When did the NBA become a league for panzies (I'd like to use another word, but will refrain)? Has the author forgot about a certain Chicago shooting guard who perhaps epitomized the language of "go have sex with yourself"? In a greatest hits list of Jordan's trash, Garnett's garbage wouldn't even be on the board.

Talking trash is part of the game. My gosh, when we start letting the moms run the show, the fun will have left the game more than it has already. What's next, sending players to mom to have their mouths washed out for a profanity suspension?

Big boys play the big game. Little boys write about it.

you act like he's pulling some Bruce Bowen antics. KG has passion for the game and obviously he doesn't like to lose apparently. An nearly anyone who says they haven't gone and told someone to "go have sex with them self" is full of it. Yeah Ben Gordon is no saint either. And whoever was surprised about Gordon taking it you wouldn't want to be KG's punching bag either. Everyone saw what happened to Pechulia last year in the Celtics Hawks series. I pray for the man that steps to KG for the pure fact that even if they did get a good hit on him the next time they show up in Beantown he would have a very unpleasant stay.

You guys have obviously never competed on a high level. You're probably the guys who never could play but wrote for the school paper. If the talk makes the bulls miss one shot, make one turnover, or not pay attention for one second, then it was well worth it. Make a man adjustment. Just make sure there's something to adjust because you sound like women!

Lamar Odom Slapping KG A** after KG fouled him when they played in LA was classic.

These comments amaze me! This light hearted story has got some Celtics fans wanting to break Justin Allen's knee caps. I love how Len calls out Justin for making assumptions about what KG is saying, then makes his own assumptions concerning Justin's insecurity about the Bulls.

Mr. Allen better not plan a trip to Boston any time soon.

KEVIN GARNETT IS THE KANYE WEST OF BASKETBALL. ANYTHING IS POSSIIIIBBBBLLLLE!!!!!! HE IS SO OVERACTING AND SO PUMPED UP, TOO MUCH RED BULL???? I THINK HE'S HAVAD KAHN BEST FRIEND OR HE PLAYS POKER WITH HIM.

KEVIN GARNETT IS THE KANYE WEST OF BASKETBALL. ANYTHING IS POSSIIIIBBBBLLLLE!!!!!! HE IS SO OVERACTING AND SO PUMPED UP, TOO MUCH RED BULL???? I THINK HE'S HAVAD KAHN BEST FRIEND OR HE PLAYS POKER WITH HIM.

yes, you really don't know what competitive basketball is all about. If his language makes them screw up, then it is well worth it. Stop crying and man up. If you don't like it then don't watch or play. Just ignore him then if you can't stand it, so let him be.

17 > 6

stop it!
Sit back and get ready for another Cubs season. Visit Champions City sometime!

Kevin Garnett is trying to get the Bulls pumped up so they end the game quicker and he gets to get in the shower with his teammates and release all of his energy. Why have sex with yourself when you have Rondo or Ray Ray

The NBA needs to controls its nigers!

ha ha jim tell us how you really feel.

This is not trash talk,this dude is in street clothes what is he trash talking for? he is not playing, I'm glad ben treated him like on the lunatic spectators..Btw garnett is a selective warrior always flexxing on the diminutive. Mcdyess,Odom, Zaza,Aldrige,Peeler all made him back down..

Are you serious?
Shut up and watch the series.
Consider yourself lucky his trash talk is coming from the bench. If he was playing this series would have been over a week ago.

Heh, typical kg and celtic behavior.

KG's bullying is obnoxious and unsportsmanlike to anyone who's not a Celtics fan. But as a spectator, he has just as much right as any viewer in the audience to yell profanities and be a douche. And hey, I'd take an injured KG who only has his potty mouth as a weapon rather than a trash talker who can actually back up his threats.

If he wants to destroy his lungs and bust some veins screaming at the Bulls, let him be. Don't worry, the Bulls can take it; just look at BG's expression in that photo ;) He looks as bored as if he were being nagged by his mom.

Cry more. Hope the plane ride back to Chicago was nice.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

What does KG have that Ben Gordon doesn't?... A ring


where's your article on the entire Bulls bench yelling at Eddie House... WHILE HE SHOOTS A THREE-POINTER?

you're a fool and you don't even know what's going on in this picture... if anything was actually going on there would be a video posted not a picture...

ok jim what do you mean about Nigers!
Take one to know one/KG is the best

Actually, google Kevin Garnett trash talk and you get only 29 results.

Yep, bunch on you Garnett haters out there. Too bad the bulls suck and they play just as dirty. Chicago get over yourselves, your era is done, and you are just pissed the Garnett is one of the greatest. You don't think Kobe Braynt talks trash, or Jordan talked trash. Your sore that this ends poorly for you and that "sportsmanship" is role modeled by your team. Its the playoffs and guess what, it happens. Just because your egos can't take the little bruising they get, then get out of the game. Go get mad at football, go pride yourselves on being the shinning rear ends of the Midwest. With shit talkers like Kanye West coming from your area, we totally have to believe that you guys are the prim and proper, wholesome people who should be lecturing us on "sportsmanship".

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