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Kevin Allen shares his bracket predictions with the universe

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kevin_allen_brackets.jpgSeveral people have e-mailed this morning begging me to share my brackets with the world. I have obliged with the above screen grab. You're welcome, world. As you can see, I am allowing Michigan State (of which Kyle is an alum), Missouri (of which I am an alum), Pitt (of which Dave Wannstedt's mustache is an alum) and Oklahoma (of which is a school in Oklahoma) to reach the Final Four. To them, I say you're welcome. And let me congratulate the University of Pittsburgh, who undoubtedly wins the 2009 NCAA championship.

What's that, you say? The games have yet to be played?

Let me make a few things clear about my brackets.

1. My brackets are the rubric by which invading aliens will one day surmise everything they need to know about the human race.

2. My Sweet 16 picks alone have the power to solve the Illinois budget crisis.

3. My brackets are 47 percent more accurate than whatever will actually happen in the NCAA tournament.

4. When I completed my bracket predictions on Yahoo! it broke the Internet for a solid four minutes.

5. My brackets have won the 2009 and 2010 Pulitzer prizes for excellence in literature and accurate future predicting.

So question me if you will, dear reader. But know this: To question my brackets is to question the very existence of absolute truth. And without absolute truth, could we have ever really existed in the first place?

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LOL @ your bracket.

Missouri??? Michigan State???


Linda S.

missouri beat memphis and uconn???? is that a serious bracket? not trying to be mean but come on now thats gotta be some sort of joke ahhh hahaha

Kevin Replies: I'll tell you what isn't a joke -- just this morning, my brackets rescued a gaggle of orphans from a deadly inferno on their way to successfully persuade AIG executives to return their bonus money to American taxpayers. Your check is in the mail, and my brackets are to thank.

Mississippi State!? You were almost right, it was a close game... uh nope, just checked the score. Man were you ever so wrong on that.


No big ten team will make it to the final four.

Keep smokin...

Kevin Replies: Speaking of smokin', my brackets have recently traveled back in time to douse the Great Chicago Fire prior to its spreading.

Ever heard of the ACC? So Kevin thinks the Okies are going to beat UNC (good luck with that...) and that Louisville is going to beat Wake Forrest and Texas is going to beat Duke. When UNC wins it all, then I'll gloat!

Kevin Replies: Luck? Did my brackets need luck when they effortlessly rearranged the stars in Orion's belt? I don't think they did, Mark. I don't think they did.

Should gave some love to the TERPS!

Kevin Replies: My brackets are the only entity on Earth that wholly grasps the profound nature of true love.

Kevin - I just ran into your brackets on Espanola Way in South Beach dressed as a Mexican Line dancer and wearing mascara. How do you tell someone that their bracket is having a nervous breakdown?


Hey Kevin I just got an update on hoe your bracket would be doing on Your poor choices would get you around 460 points... which puts you in the 44 percentile. Unlucky to have 2.6 million people ahead of you...

Kevin Replies: A truly fascinating revelation. Did this 'ESPN' fellow happen to mention that my brackets are currently engaged to be married to Pallas herself? Probably not, Ryan. Probably not.

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About this Entry

This page contains a single entry by Kevin Allen published on March 19, 2009 10:56 AM.

Coach K on Obama: He should focus on the economy was the previous entry in this blog.

Jim Calhoun won't coach UConn tonight is the next entry in this blog.

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