What's that, you say? The games have yet to be played?
Let me make a few things clear about my brackets.
1. My brackets are the rubric by which invading aliens will one day surmise everything they need to know about the human race.
2. My Sweet 16 picks alone have the power to solve the Illinois budget crisis.
3. My brackets are 47 percent more accurate than whatever will actually happen in the NCAA tournament.
4. When I completed my bracket predictions on Yahoo! it broke the Internet for a solid four minutes.
5. My brackets have won the 2009 and 2010 Pulitzer prizes for excellence in literature and accurate future predicting.
So question me if you will, dear reader. But know this: To question my brackets is to question the very existence of absolute truth. And without absolute truth, could we have ever really existed in the first place?