Chicago Sun-Times
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Tutorial: Eight simple rules for avoiding the police

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Shamus Toomey, who after further investigation was attending Syracuse when the men's basketball team was placed on probation, has again brought some rather amusing news to our attention.

Nicholas George Montos, a career criminal who made a name for himself here in Chicago, died at a Massachusetts hospital Sunday at the age of 92.

That obviously isn't the amusing part.

It seems that Mr. Montos had eight rules for avoiding the police.

From the Sun-Times:

"An ex-con caught with Montos told the feds that Montos had confided in him his eight rules to avoid the cops:

1) He only went out in the daytime, except when on a burglary job.

2) He stayed away from taverns where hoodlums congregated.

3) He changed his brand of beer every few months.

4) He stopped smoking cigars.

5) He never drove more than 5 mph over the speed limit.

6) He never used a hotel or fictitious phone number for an address.

7) He drove on diagonal streets whenever possible.

8) He hired pickpockets to get new identification papers from men his size.

OK ... a few things.

First, some of these are pretty good ideas. Stealing fake identification every now and then would for sure keep you off the grid. And obeying the speed limit would make sense, too. You don't want to get pulled over and have them realize a warrant is out for your arrest.

But, a few of these so-called rules are pretty out there. We can't figure out what some of them even mean. Driving on diagonal streets whenever possible? Changing up your brand of beer every now and again?

We obviously have a lot to learn about the life of crime. But we probably love smoking cigars at night while speeding down Halsted too much really pursue one of those anyway.

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1 Comment

Dude. That guy totally stole Brad Pitt's moustache.

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