BY BRUCE KOSTER Sports Pros(e) Contributor
Last week I had a bad postgame dream and in a moment of weakness could not bring myself to kick the sick dog that is the Detroit Lions.
I'm over that.
OK, here we go. 0-10 and no looking back.
The boys are running out of new and innovative ways to not win a football game this year.
How would they do it this week?
Well, how about this: They come on strong -- real strong -- and march down the field, scoring three times to go ahead 17-0 in the first quarter. Then, just as the fans are whipped into yet another Ford-O-Dome stale beer-induced zone of denial, lets do the following.
Let's give up 150 yards and 21 unanswered points to the Bucs in the next six minutes.
Oh, and just for a little icing on the cake, while giving up those 21 points let's have Daunte Culpepper catch his own guys TWICE for a penalty on the hard count when we have the ball third and short.
Cut to halftime.
Bucs 21, Lions 17.
Scan to crowd where the fans that just a very short time ago were peeing their pants with excitement. Now they are looking at their shoes, shaking their heads in confusion and startled at what has just happened.
Is it possible that with ticket sales slumping and empty seats multiplying like rabbits the Fords have secretly taking to giving away tickets to anyone that can prove they have never seen or heard of the Lions?
OK third quarter. Lets do this: give up a easy touchdown right away courtesy of really bad tackling skills.
That makes 28 unanswered points. Then, just to keep it interesting, they recover a Bucs' fumble and promptly throw a pick-6.
OK so now we are at....35 points unanswerd.
Time to bring in Drew Stanton.
They had to scrape him up off the field with a coal shovel after a devastating sack.
They were also penalized six times? ( lost count) in the third quarter.
Forth quarter, more penalties, fumbling and stumbling.
Hey, after 50+ years of poor perfomance you would roll over and fall asleep after first quarter foreplay too.