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Bears Brightside Vol. 7: What's a Panthers win other than a loss with more "official points" than the Bears?

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In a NASCAR race, five bonus points are awarded to any driver that leads a lap and five bonus points are awarded to any driver that leads the most laps. Were the same brilliant, revolutionary scoring method implemented in professional football, the Bears certainly wouldn't have come three "official points" within notching a "statistical win" against the Carolina Panthers today.

Substitute laps with quarters and, by my calculation, for three quarters with the lead and the points for the team who leads the most quarters, the Bears are up 37-20.

Perhaps the problem today was that the game itself was simply too long. This thing was over when the Bears were ahead 17-3, and clearly the refs should have called it -- not unlike a boxing KO. If you let any game go on long enough, it's almost certain that the other team will eventually come back and score 17 unanswered "official points." Because this is an inevitability in a game that's allowed to just drag on, the Panthers really don't deserve those "official points" -- and the Bears are up 37-3.

Then if you take into consideration the intangibles -- such as the fact that we represent Chicago and they don't even represent a city, but rather than a conglomeration of two states whose individuality has been stripped from them -- then things start to look even sunnier. I'd give us three points just for that. And suddenly the Bears lead 40-3.

Add to all of this the fact that in college football, it's considered taunting to boastfully pound one's chest with one's fist as Jake Delhomme so brutishly did during the third quarter and you really have to negate that Panthers field goal.

So the way I see it, Bears win 40-0. For those of you counting real points at home, that's a shutout. A shutout!

Not sure about you folks, but I'm perfectly content with a 40-0 shutout.

Never mind the fact that Devin Hester suffered a mystery injury to his ribs. Last I checked, ribs were made for healin'. 

Never mind the fact that tight end Greg Olsen couldn't seem to stop giving the ball to the other team. Last I heard, altruism and benevolence were considered virtues.

How easy it is to overlook the fact that rookie Matt Forte looked sharp again, and carried for 92 yards. That they were stylishly gained should be reason enough to add another 20 or so to that total.

Roman Modrowski asks us on the Full Court Press blog: Where did this game go wrong? But considering today's 40-0 victory by true-point standards, I have to ask, where did this game go right, and how else can this team go right?

Congrats, boys. C'mon home a perfect 2-0!

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2 Comments

Now your getting the hang of it! Attaboy Kevin

"official points"? what other kind are there. i appreciate a good bright side as much as the next guy, but the game is score more points in FOUR quarters than the other guy. Not 1, 2 or 3. You cant end the game as soon as you have more points. Both teams had stagnant offenses at times (Carolina 1st half and Chicago second half). And both defenses were strong. But don't take my word for it. Here's a few fun facts:

similar low total yardage
Total Yards Chi 256 Car 216 (even closer if you subtract out the difference in penalty yards)

similar rushing yardage:
Rushing Chi 115 Car 114

More Penalties:
Chi 12-86yds. Car 10-65yds.

More Turnovers:
Turnovers Chi 2 Car 1
Fumbles lost Chi 2 Car 0
Interceptions thrown Chi 0 Car 1 (which Chi was a little lucky it bobbled that much)

Less time with the ball:
Possession Chi 28:15 Car 31:45

zero fourth quarter points with 17 unanswered points from Car = BEARS LOSE. congrats on your win.

Kevin replies: Umm ... dude ... did you read the post? There are 'official points' -- by which the bears lost Sunday. And there are real points ... by which the Bears clearly won 40-0. But you'd know that if you read the post. While you're doom-and-gloomin' it, I'm still celebrating. My arms, if you can imagine it, have not stopped making the touchdown sign since Sunday afternoon. It made typing this response a bit challenging. I'll keep 'em up until the Bears actually lose -- by real points though. Not official points. Those are for statisticians, politicians and a few other icians that I'm not.

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This page contains a single entry by Kevin Allen published on September 14, 2008 7:59 PM.

Steve Stone will join Hawk Harrelson for White Sox TV broadcasts was the previous entry in this blog.

Carlos Zambrano throws a no-hitter: Where were you? is the next entry in this blog.

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