Chicago Sun-Times
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Warning: Consumption of McDonald's extra value meals may cause Olympic dominance

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carllewis.jpg
Carl Lewis stops by a Beijing McDonald's to pick up a few all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce and cheese for the US track & field athletes. (Courtesy)

BY TONY ARGENAS Sports Pros(e) Correspondent

I wanted to write a bit about some of the things I have been witnessing on TV lately. Namely, the commercials pertaining to the Olympic games.  Now, I'm all for showcasing the world's most gifted physical specimens in some of the weirdest competitions known to man (don't believe me, watch table tennis), but the excitement dissipated after the first commercial ran during "America's Got Talent."

In this particular commercial, the company, McDonald's (perhaps you're familiar), has obtained several of the more popular American athletes to hock their latest grease-filled creation. Now I'm not an Olympic trainer by any stretch of the imagination, but I can't in any capacity see Michael Phelps' trainer saying "Michael, when you're finished with that last lap I want you to hit the showers and then grab a couple chicken biscuit breakfast sandwiches."  This guy has been consuming nothing but whey protein and wheat germ since he was nine, yet I'm to believe he loads up on McGriddles before a big swim. My mom wouldn't even let me eat a cracker and play in that mud-filled bacteria basin we called a kiddie pool in our front yard, and this guy's housin' big macs.

How stupid does Madison Ave. think the American public is?
"Hey that guy has abs I can wash my Hanes Beefy T on, and he eats chicken biscuits...well it MUST be ok!"  Come on guys, don't insult our intelligence and downgrade the dedication and discipline these athletes possess by inferring that any of them have even sniffed fast food in the last 15 years.
If you missed the McY D's (I'm not sure the best way to spell that little small-town jewel), don't fret, because its just the first of many (and it's posted below).  Soon you will start to wonder what "isn't" the "The Official ______ of the US Olympic Team".  Last year, Wiskas was the official cat food of the US olympic team, don't believe me, look it up**.

"Hi, I'm Tim Johnson. And when I'm out practicing with our US Olympic water polo team, Mr. Mittens here likes to kick back with a healthy bowl of Wiskas, The Official cat food of the US Olympic Team"

Me: "Hey that guy I saw on TV for 15 seconds between reruns of M*A*S*H buys the same cat food as me!   WOOOOOHOOOO"

Does that make any of you want to run out and grab a bag of Wiskas?  Or a cat for that matter?  How does that change the product or make it more appealing to the US public?  The sad truth is, on some level, THIS WORKS!  Because these companies spend millions to claim that moniker. And we wonder why the rest of the world views us as unintelligent product whores. Looks like the cat's out of the bag, no pun intended (screw that -- pun INtended).
So the call goes out to the Sports Pros(e) readership -- send us the dumbest olympic product placement ads you've seen during these games. The one who sends in the most ridiculous ad gets a free smug sense of self-satisfaction. That, and the realization the masses can be talked into anything.

**I actually have no proof of that.

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2 Comments

Welcome to the family, Tony. There is just one problem:

Phelps' diet - which involves ingesting 4,000 calories every time he sits down for a meal - resembles that of a reckless overeater rather than an Olympian.

Phelps lends a new spin to the phrase "Breakfast of Champions" by starting off his day by eating three fried-egg sandwiches loaded with cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, fried onions and mayonnaise.

He follows that up with two cups of coffee, a five-egg omelet, a bowl of grits, three slices of French toast topped with powdered sugar and three chocolate-chip pancakes.

At lunch, Phelps gobbles up a pound of enriched pasta and two large ham and cheese sandwiches slathered with mayo on white bread - capping off the meal by chugging about 1,000 calories worth of energy drinks.

For dinner, Phelps really loads up on the carbs - what he needs to give him plenty of energy for his five-hours-a-day, six-days-a-week regimen - with a pound of pasta and an entire pizza.

He washes all that down with another 1,000 calories worth of energy drinks.

-New York Post

Thanks for the welcome Kyle! Im actually in shock of that snippet from the NY Post. Research has never really been my strong suit anyway. That being said, if that is really Phelps' daily diet, then Im right on track to become the next Gold Medal record holder, or just another fat guy living in carb denial. America, you decide.

Ive perused the list of treats above and found no mention of butter soaked biscuits or deep fried chicken parts. Although the menu seems excessive, its still packed with protien, complex carbohydrates, and fiber, not lard and french fry grease. The point of my rant was and still remains, that sticking an athlete in front of an unhealthy, poorly made product, does not make it any more desirable. On the other hand in a world where Americans gain political insight and moral value from celebrities, maybe it does. In any case, I weep for the future, and my mid-section.

Thanks for reading!!!

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