Recently in time waster Category

The first shot released at a very NSFW Playgirl.com of Levi Johnston and his armpit hair.

Levi Johnston, or is that Ricky Hollywood, is a classy guy. Yeah, he's doing a Playgirl pictorial, but it's arty, not filled with gratuitous junk.

The Bristol Palin knocker-upper decided to keep little Ricky Hollywood under wraps, electing no to go full frontal, so he can keep things from devolving into some sort of a circus with people thumbing his page for a glimpse at his naughty bits rather than to get to know him as a person.

See? Classy.

Us Magazine had some additional details of the classic moments of Americana preserved on film:

"'The shoot was fantastic!' Johnston's manager said, adding that the nude model wasn't nervous in the slightest. 'We're having a lot of fun with it,' Jones teases. And, ahem, how much did Bristol Palin's hockey-playing ex reveal? 'People are going to see more of Levi than they thought,' Tank Jones tells Us. 'There was a hockey stick involved.' The fun's not over, either: a second photo session takes place Friday. 'Part two is going to be fantastic. That's all I can say.' "

And it must be just that attention to detail that keeps his famous not-mother-in-law, Sarah Palin, willing to leave a seat at the family Thanksgiving table for him. Talking to Oprah on Monday, Palin said she's worried he may not be making the right decisions with his life.

Palin went on to say she finds it "a bit heartbreaking to see the road that he is on right now" and that "it's not a healthy place to be." Palin also said Johnston remains a member of the family and that they can work out any troubles. She said she prays for him and that he has an "open invitation" to Thanksgiving dinner.

One can only wonder with breathless anticipation what will happen next.

How about a little pure Chicago to kick off a Friday. Flickr user BenSeese uploaded this timelapse gem of The Bean in the spring, but it's still cool today.

The great thing about The Bean, CloudGate if you simply must placate persnickety sculptor Anish Kapoor, is just sitting back and watching how people react to it, near it, in it, etc. This video gives you a speedy taste of the childlike playfulness the mirrored work of art elicits.

And it's a soothing way to head into the weekend. If you like the video, by all means vote it up at WindyCitizen where it was originally dug up.

Eliot Spitzer is set to lecture at Harvard. On ethics.

Let that soak in, Hahvahd smaht kids.

The disgraced former governor and Attorney General of New York, sometimes known by his closest acquaintances, such as his former "date," Ashley Dupre, as "Client 9," has been invited to lecture at the prestigious school, which does not sit well with Kristin Davis, a former Manhattan madam who used to supply the professor with call girls.

"This sounds fascinating and I would love to attend," Davis wrote of Spitzer's speech today, "but the restrictions of my probation won't allow me to travel outside New York City.

"For nearly 5 years, I supplied Mr. Spitzer with high-priced escorts while he was both Attorney General and Governor. For this crime, I served four months on Rikers Island, had all of my assets confiscated and am now considered a sex offender on 5 years probation. Mr. Spitzer broke both state and federal laws and walked away free.

"I am greatly intrigued as to what Mr. Spitzer could contribute to an ethical discussion when as Chief Executive Law Enforcement Officer of NY he broke numerous laws for which he has yet to be punished. As Attorney General he went around arresting and making examples out of the same escort agencies he was frequenting."

Spitzer resigned as governor on March 17, 2008, taking his good name and Hilary Clinton Superdelegate status with him.

Update with Spitzer's talk, 9 p.m.

By hook or by crook, Spitzer's speech went off without incident - or talk of prostitution Thursday. According to Bloomberg News reports, his talk on ethics skirted any mention of his own, personal research into ethical quagmires:

Only government regulators can force transparency in the financial markets, Spitzer said today during his talk entitled, "From Ayn Rand to Ken Feinberg - How quickly the Paradigm Shifts. What Should Be the Rationale for Government Participation in the Market?"

Spitzer, 50, resigned as governor on March 12, 2008, after he was identified on a federal wiretap arranging to meet at a Washington hotel with a woman who worked for Emperors Club VIP. As New York State attorney general from 1999 to 2006, he was known as "the sheriff of Wall Street" and collected billions in settlements from financial companies such as Merrill Lynch and American International Group, Inc.

Spitzer's speech didn't touch on the actions that led to his resignation.

So, he got in, shifted his paradigm and got out. Disappointing, but not unexpected.

Another in our series of video with no merit beyond a bit of schadenfreude. This one brought to you courtesy of the lads who decided to crack open some brews and try to jump cars over a busted TV out in the middle of nowhere. There's really not much to add, other than to wonder where the guns are? There must have been some shootin' at some point.

Noted in-your-face interviewer Larry King got Carrie Prejean's goat with his hard-hitting quest to find answers about the tarnished beauty queen's mediation and settlement with the Miss California USA pageant.

Oh, yeah. Except that this is Larry King, the soft-balling questioner tarnished celebrities book to feel like they're in a safe place. But even King's kid gloves were too much for Prejean, who's doing the gab circuit to flog her new book, causing her to toss her mic and clam up while a clearly befuddled King went to break.

The problem seemed to stem from King's repeated questions about the framework of Prejean's settlement. The ex-queen continued to brush aside questions as "inappropriate" and cited a confidentiality agreement. Oh, and of course there's that non-sextape sex tape floating around that TMZ has said was shot when Prejean was 17.

The video the lawyer showed Carrie is extremely graphic and has never been released publicly. We know that, because TMZ obtained the video months ago but decided not to post it because it was so racy. Let's just say, Carrie has a promising solo career.

We're told it took about 15 seconds for Carrie to jettison her demand and essentially walk away with nothing. As we first reported, the Pageant is paying around $100,000 to her lawyers and publicist - a fraction of her bills. She pockets nothing in the settlement.

So, clearly, there's a level of expertise in "inappropriate" behavior at work here.

The CNN dalliance Wednesday night continued down weird lane as Anderson Cooper picked up the topic later.

Cooper's reaction is kinda priceless, actually. Especially when he hears Prejean's describes King as "inappropriate."

Bizarre, indeed. Increasingly so.

Six Flags Great America in Gurnee, circa 2003)

Riverview Park in Chicago, circa 1953.

Theme parks are, by and large, confusing places. There are multitudinous masses of sweaty humanity, milling aimlessly. And always lines bisecting the flow of life and adding to the confusion.

But of course, a little mapping goes a long way to clearing up life's seemingly insurmountable confusions. And that's where this site comes in to, well, play. It's a fascinating collection of theme park maps through the years leading us through the history of confusing fun throughout the world. There's even pdfs of theme park brochures to help you skip through your yesteryear childhood memories.

It's also an interesting trip through America's progress. Take in the relatively simple hand-drawn layout and attractions of 1953 Riverview Park in Chicago and compare it to some of the monstrous new offerings, 2008 Walt Disney World's Magic Kingdom, for instance, for a case study in how the country's liesure tastes and expectations have changed. It's a visual tale of the quest for bigger, faster, more.

Or, of course, it's merely a geo-coded timeline of the history of mass entertainment and thrill rides. A roller coaster through history.

Hat tip to boingboing.net.

This poor guy is only trying to adopt out a cat in need of a home. But, it being a cat, long the vessel of evil in the animal kingdom, it repays his kindness by trying to kill him.

Sure, YouTube is made for the cute and fuzzy kitties of the world. Pageview upon pageview is built upon the cuteness of baby cats. But, finally, reality has intervened in the form of Pinky.

Pinky ain't no trained chimp. He's not gonna play nice kitty for the camera. What he is gonna do, Mr. Animal Shelter, is turn into a vortex of mean with intentions to crawl up a leg and cause maximum pain.

Yeah, guy, Pinky's a real sweet cat.

Yes, Google is an all-powerful overlord to which we all must bow. But like any good false god or dictator, occasionally trinkets of affection are rained down on the unwashed masses.

So Happy ChrismaHunnaKwanzika, everyone! Google has the gift of free WiFi in select airports for the holidays - starting now through January 15.

"We're very happy to extend our Holiday Wi-Fi gift to the millions of people who will spend time in airports over the next few months," said Marissa Mayer, Vice President of Search Products and User Experience at Google. "We know that this is a very hectic travel season for people, and we hope that free Wi-Fi will make both traveling and connecting with friends and family a little bit easier."

Sounds great, right? Well, before you get too much spirit flowing, there is a lump of coal in quite a few stockings. The deal only stretches to 47 airports, none in Chicago area, if that's important to you, though Milwaukee and Madison are participating.

Many more exciting press release quotes available here.

An elephant that escaped from the Family Fun Circus at the Garfield County Fairgrounds after being spooked caused a vehicle accident Wednesday night (AP)

It's fitting that this auto accident happend on the way home from church. Odds are the at some point a phrase starting with "HOLY" was uttered as it happened.

An Oklahoma couple driving home from church hit an elephant on their way home from church near rural Enid, Okla. Tuesday night. Yes. An elephant.

The betrunked speedbump was an escapee from a nearby circus and collided with the couple's SUV Wednesday night when it ran across a rural highway about 100 miles north of Oklahoma City.

Police say the 29-year-old elephant had escaped earlier that night from the Family Fun Circus at the Garfield County Fairgrounds. The couple weren't injured in the crash, but police say the elephant had a broken tusk and an injured leg. The tusk probably was injured as it tore a hole in the SUV's sheet metal.

If the highlight of the last seven days for you is watching drunken Ewoks hump Al Roker's leg on live TV, well, err ... OK, there's nothing wrong with that. But beyond the obvious fun with bestiality angles involved, it's been a busy week in the Star Wars universe.

Then the continuing saga of Londoner Andrew Ainsworth, an original costumer for the Star Wars films accused of going to the Dark Side for making Storm Trooper uniform reproductions (what, those things produced under a no-bid, exclusive contract or something?) as the case returned to court Tuesday.

Now this, an unearthed photo of Carrie Fisher in full Princess Leia slavegirl garb catching some rays on the set of "Return of the Jedi" - seemingly on Jabba's barge - next to her stunt double, Tracy Eddon. The photo has been around fleetingly, but reappeared in wider circulation for some reason today. And across the world an entire generation of men who were 13 in 1983 suddenly stopped as if there were a great disturbance in the Force.

Perhaps not as great a disturbance as there was when Fisher finally got her wish to have an interesting costume:

"I remember that iron bikini I wore in Episode VI: what supermodels will eventually wear in the seventh ring of hell."

Just how big a deal was this brass masterpiece? There's an entire Wookipedia page on her barb and at least one Web site dedicate entirely to Fisher's metal bikini, which contains this disclaimer: This website is dedicated to the costume worn by Princess Leia following her capture by the crimelord, Jabba the Hutt, in Star Wars, Episode VI : Return of the Jedi.

Riiight.

There doesn't seem to be a backstory - yet - as to who took it or why it's showing up now. But sometimes it's best to just let the Force work in its own way. And just thank your stars that there was no corresponding Luke-in-a-Speedo moment to match.

Oh, and how 'bout those ewoks one more time ...

For absolutely no reason whatsoever, here's video of a dog skateboarding.

If you absolutely must have some info, you should check rnickeymouse's YouTube page for an account of how he stumbled upon this scene and his video eventually ended up in an iPhone commercial.

If you really need to know more, you could always check out gotillman.com. Tillman, the dog, who has an agent and is available for booking.

Or you could just sit back and enjoy the funny dog on a skateboard. With more than 9 million views, the video doesn't need the traffic. But it's funny, people!

The blog beingtotallysweetinchicago has unearthed one of those eccentric city occurrences that kind of defies categorization.

Is it kind of cool that two-wheeled Travis - no last name - is an impresario with a niche amongst the Wicker Park hipsters? His hand-crafted flip bike and head-over-heals ability a sure money-earner for the post-bars wearers of skinny jeans. Or is he just another kook, a bucket boy without a bucket that amounts to no more than a dangerous distraction when you're trying to cross the street under the burden of an inflated blood alcohol content?

Whatever the case, it's not a cycling move you see every day even in a city accustomed to marauders on bikes of various shapes and sizes. So while Travis gets an "A" for innovation, he'll likely still land on a many a list of reasons why cyclists, pedestrians and motorists are the oil and water of Chicago's streets.

OK, at first glance a video on "who to eat a chicken wing" would seem to rank up there with "how to walk in a straight line" or "how to sit in a chair" in terms of instructional usefulness and necessity. I mean, it's eating a chicken wing! Take a gulp of beer, insert wing into your sauce-stained maw, repeat.

We're not talking brain surgery here.

But OK, it's not quite as lame as you might think. The FoodWishes blog gives us a useful tip on how to eat the flat, double-boned wings that are a minor pain when you're trying to get the good stuff that's always tied up behind the bones. It may be more effort than your average wing fan would want to put forth for a problem than ranks up there in severity with the infomercial people who can't get a loaf of bread out of the wrapper without spraining a wrist. But it gets some points for cleverness.

Now, about that plate of wings ...

Ever trip down the aisles of Costco while the forklift is beep-beeping its way around and wonder: "What would happen if one of those huge bundles of toilet paper came crashing down?"

Well, here's your answer. Except it's two rows of Russian vodka and $250,000 of the Motherland's finest down the drain. It should be pointed out that nobody was seriously injured in this epic mess - until the Russian mob got hold the unlucky driver, anyway - so you can feel free to rewind, rewatch and giggle to your heart's content.

In this Oct. 23, 2009, police mug photo provided by the Carroll, Iowa, Police Department, Joey Lee Miller, 20, and Matthew Allan McNelly sport their ingenious disguises used in an alleged apartment burglary attempt. (AP Photo/Carroll Police Department)

If you're searching desperately for a last-second Halloween costume idea, Iowans Joey Miller and Matthew McNelly have come to the rescue. Here's a list of what you'll need to pull together the look:

A Sharpie.

A look of complete befuddlement (confusion or a generic dazed expression with do in a pinch).

Miller and McNelly were busted last week in Iowa for allegedly trying to break into an apartment - throw a DUI charge in for good measure - prompting local cops to dub the pair "dumb and dumber."

Local police chief Jeff Cayler had some choice comments about the permanent marker criminal minds in an interview with CNN:

"We're very skilled investigators and the black faces gave them right away,"Cayler said. "[They were] being dumb and combine that with alcohol and it was the perfect storm.

"I've been chief here almost 25 years, been with the department 28½ years and I've seen a lot of things that make me laugh and weird things but this was probably the best combination of the two - strangely weird and hilariously funny all at the same time."