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Times are tough all over. And that last thing any free market economy needs as the world pulls out of a global economic meltdown is for a meddling government to get its hands all over employees from a certain sector with a bunch of obtrusive bondage in the form of regulation.

Take lap dancers, for instance.

This plucky subset of service employees in England is feeling backed into a corner as a bill seeking increased regulation of their establishment licensing makes its way through Parliament. The ladies are none too happy about the government interfering in their daily grind, and they showed up at the Houses of Parliament Thursday make it known, reports Bloomberg News:

Lap dancers from across Britain staged a protest outside Parliament in London over plans to toughen licensing laws, saying thousands of jobs are at risk.

"We are looking at over 30,000 unemployed women," said Chris Knight, spokesman of For Your Eyes Only, which has 139 clubs in the U.K. ìNo other industry would have this legislation forced on them. It is to satisfy the moral minority; they think we are the devil incarnate."

Lawmakers are debating whether to close a loophole in the 2003 Licensing Act that has allowed the number of lap-dancing clubs to double to 300. Opponents argue there are too many clubs and that they are inappropriately located, sometimes near schools. Under the proposals, lap-dancing clubs would have to apply to trade as "sex encounter" establishments, alongside sex shops and X-rated cinemas, which face more stringent restrictions. The current law puts lap-dancing clubs in the same category as pubs and cafes.

About 40 women gathered outside Parliament today, holding placards saying, "we are not sex workers" and "keep your laws off our bodies."

"I am not saying that the industry is perfect," said Donna Roper, 20, who has worked for two years at the Medusa club in Birmingham. "But nor are they - look at their expenses claims," she said, gesturing toward Parliament where lawmakers were embroiled in an expenses scandal over the summer.

In true British fashion - keeping a stiff upper lip and soldiering on.

You've likely seen President Obama's lightning strike on the fly that would steal his spotlight during a CNBC interview this week.

Well, even if you haven't, the People for the Ethical Treatment of animals has, and they are buzzing about his brazen act of incecticide - even if he was merely following in Lincoln's footsteps. Hand it to their consistency, even the plight of a garbage-eating housefly is not too small or disgusting to warrant their sympathy. And being none-too-pleased that the flyswatter-in-chief chose to use force instead of diplomacy, they've offered up a solution for the President - and it is good enough for a PETA staffer's cat!

In a nutshell, our position is this: He isn't the Buddha, he's a human being, and human beings have a long way to go before they think before they act.

If all this has you wondering how you can be a bigger person (figuratively, as well as literally) in your dealings with exoskeletal beings, check out our handy-dandy bug catcher--one of which we are sending to President Obama for future insect incidents. I can tell you from personal experience that it sure came in handy the other day, when one of my cats was chasing the World's Largest Palmetto Bug around the house.

And if the week of the animal rights fighters ended there, with all the publicity and ridicule it usually takes them a week of Pamela Anderson ads to accumulate, you'd probably be right in calling it a success. But wait ... there's more!

The granddaughter of Cuban revolutionary leader Ernesto "Che" Guevara is at the forefront of another revolution -- PETA's battle for vegetarianism. And, in true PETA fashion, she's doing it in a nearly naked state.

The print campaign is expected to debut in October in magazines and posters, but will be launched first in Argentina, where Che Guevara was born. PETA approached the 24-year-old in recent months after finding out she was a vegetarian, said spokesman Michael McGraw.

"It [the photo above] very much evokes the tag line of the ad, which is 'Join the vegetarian revolution,'" McGraw said. "It's an homage of sorts to her late grandfather."

"Homage" roughly translating into Argentinian for "exploiting the name of a beret-wearing revolutionary hero to millions of college students."

Che Guevara was a Marxist leader who played a pivotal role in Fidel Castro's rise to power in Cuba. He was executed in Bolivia in 1967 - a death PETA would likely have had less reaction to than the blatant murder of a White House fly.

As Che himself would say: "If you tremble indignation at every injustice then you are a comrade of mine."

It's the bad joke that won't go away.

Gov. Sarah Palin took great offense to late-night talk show host David Letterman's wisecrack about one of her daughters getting "knocked up: by baseball star Alex Rodriguez, and he sort of apologized on the air. But reaction to the manufactured bruhaha goes on, and on, and on, and on -- and now sympathizers are attempting to rally a crowd to protest the show and demand that ol' Dave get the boot.

A new Web site, FireDavidLetterman.com, has popped up, demanding -- and this is their own poor grammar -- "David Letterman Must Held Be Accountable For His Disgraceful Statements." The Drudge-like site, created by conservative author Michael Patrick Leahy, allows users to print their very own protest letter to send to the CBS show's sponsors, plus news of a protest planned for tomorrow afternoon outside Letterman's theater on Broadway in New York City.

Think this will affect Letterman's current contract negotiations?

Finally, we just have to say: Why is no one in this mess worried about A-Rod's feelings?

It's always nice when corporate America comes down from on high and shows the country they care about more than just our money.

They love us for our pubes, too.

Like this instructional video from Procter & Gamble that shows you how you can trim your junk with Gillette razors without performing a home vasectomy. What could be more consumer - and family - friendly than that?

So grab a razor and start some scrotal hacking. Like the video says:

"When there's no underbrush, the tree looks taller."

Check out the link for many more useful tips on how to manscape your non-dangling areas. Apparently, it's all about pleasing the ladies. Thanks, P&G!

And they have many more useful shaving tips on other areas, as well. Like this trucker hat-wearing gent who needs his back mowed. Good stuff.

ABC's Nightline did an interesting story on a Web site, establishedmen.com, that specializes in pairing up hot young golddiggers with well-off men looking for companionship.

Oh yeah, and sex.

And by the way, these guys are more than ready to pay for play. But it isn't whoring, they say! Mercy, no. They buy gifts for the chiccas and their generosity is reciprocated with they dirty dirty.

These guys don't want relationships, they just want the hook-up.

Think of it as The Ladders meets match.com, but with a really happy ending.

Sadly, there is no embed video, but you can watch the report here.

Considering this definition, which lays out prostitution as an act that trades sexual favors for money or goods, it seems the line between the Established Men model and Don "Magic" Juan's business is about as thin as a thong strap.

Of all the homoerotic theories and conspiracies about "Top Gun," It's Kelly McGillis - call sign "Charlie" - who ends up being the one to come out?

Seems that way.

The 51-year-old actress recorded a video blog interview with SheWired blogger Jennifer Corday in Florida and told her that "done with man thing. I've done that," when asked what her relationship status is and what she's into.

Of course, the next scenes after the interview show McGillis auctioning a date with herself off for some sort of charity and she's bought by a guy. So, oops.

Admit it, you expected something more along these lines when "Top Gun" and "gay" were mentioned in the same sentence ...

But that's just the latest in interesting career and life developments for the castmembers of "Top Gun." Val "Iceman" Kilmer has had some fun with divorce and is currently pursuing political ambitions in New Mexico. And, of course, couch-jumping enthusiast and Xenu-loving Scientologist Tom "Maverick" Cruise ...

... has turned himself into a sought-after actor and tabloid oddity.

Mother Goose, of course, remains dead.

Lessons learned here? "Top Gun" was WAY ahead of its time, you never ask your TAG REP and she never tells and you always stay out of another guy's jet wash.

The oldest profession is succumbing to the new economic reality, it seems. As the global economy continues to suffer shrinkage, prostitutes in Germany see their livelihood dangling precariously and are taking unusual actions to combat their flaccid sales.

Enter a new age of costumer service in Germany's legal prostitution industry. Gone are the days when you paid full price for, erm, full service. Customers are demanding more for their hard-earned money, and the country's prostitutes are having to relent. Enter everything from customer rewards cards to shuttle service to flat-rate fees - one club introduced a a 70-euro admission for unlimited food, drink and sex between 10 a.m. and 4 p.m.

That's about $93 to leave with a full stomach and a real sense of accomplishment. Or as the club marketing puts it:

"Our offer might sound like it's too good to be true, but it's real. You can eat as much as you want, drink as much as you want and have as much sex as you want."

These are hard realities for the Germany's 400,000 or so legal sex workers who toil in an $18 billion industry.

"Times are tough for us too," said Karin Ahrens, who manages the "Yes, Sir" brothel in Hanover, in a Reuters interview. Ahrens said revenue had dropped by 30 percent at her establishment and "We're definitely feeling the crisis. Clients are being tight with their money. They're afraid. You can't charge for the extras any more and there is pressure to cut prices. Everyone wants a deal. Special promotions are essential these days."

It's a worry for local economies, too, who expect to reap tax booty from the country's working girls - and a few boys, too.

But you have to wonder, if prostitute's are unable to make ends meet and are forced to whip out the marketing push just to get Johns' butts in the sex slings, what other formerly slam-dunk industries are next to jump on the desperation train?

Gift cards and free giveaways for every 10th bus ride?

Politicians that make campaign promises, then actually follow through?

A guaranteed number on every lottery scratch ticket?

One thing's for sure - this meltdown gives a whole new meaning to the Hot Girls signs blinking away in neon across Germany's cities and towns.