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Are you on the naughty list? Expecting coal this year? License plate read HUMBUG? Don't trust the Defense Department?

Then this is not for you.

It's time again for NORAD and Google to tema up to tell us exactly where Santa is in his delivery cycle. No, they're not tracking him with Patriot Missiles. It's a service for the parents of the world to convince the kids to get to sleep before the Big Guy shows up in town.

Google has an iGadget available to watch the Jolly Old Elf and crew as they jet around the world at 650 feet per second.

You can also follow the trip on Twitter and via Google Maps Mobile - search for Santa.

I fantasized about this back in Chicago ...

So begins Kanye West's so-called full-length film for "Runaway" posted to YouTube.

And like his recently controversial proposed album cover for the upcoming album "My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy," this is a NSFW effort. And yes, there is a half-naked bird woman in the film, but the issues are more with some naughty words than anything else. So earphones should insulate you from repercussions (clean version here).

And as with most of his work, Kanye just might have an instant classic.

Explosions, fast cars, the aforementioned bird woman (fallen angel/Phoenix) and discussing every thing from Devil worship to Illuminati conspiracies to booty calls with ballet in the background, sheep and even some fowl cannibalism, there really is something for the whole family here.

Now, at 34-plus minutes, this won't be getting massive play on MTV. Of course, unless Kanye turned into a "Guido Juicehead" macking at Miami Beach, his best chances of cracking that channel's primetime lineup revolve around awards show hijacking anyway.

But the real question may be whether the world is ready for the rock opera - hip hopera? - again? If anybody can pull it off, Kanye can.

But you can judge for yourself. Settle in at your desk, keep an eye out for the boss and put your company broadband to good use for a half hour.

When a complex story hits the world view, you can turn to your New York Times or CNN or BBC for comprehensive coverage and insight. But will you get the whole story?

Probably not - not unless you seek out a more informative source. Namely the hard-charging CGI journalists at NMA World Edition. You may remember their news delivery genius from such winners as the CGI reenactment of the the Tiger Woods fracas with ex-wife Elin or the explanation of the Conan O'Brien - Jay Leno NBC The Tonight Show meltdown.

Well, not they're tackling the Brett Favre - Jenn Sterger, umm, affair. As you may have read, the serial retirement enthusiast, is in some hot water for allegedly bombarding the Jets Gameday sideline reporter with flirtatious e-mails and texts of his junk. That's literally sexy time pictures from a grandapa, by the way (new Viagra or Cialis poster boy, anyone?).

Anyway, it's a complex situation that really can't be explained properly without the semi-NSFW (unless you're Lee Abrams) wizardry of CGI news:

'Uh, Jughead, I need to tell you something...'

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A new student is coming to Riverdale High School this fall -- and he's not interested in Betty or Veronica.

Kevin Keller is the newest character to join the 71-year-old Archie comic series, and he's gay. Which explains why Veronica's shameless attempts to throw herself at him produce no results. (Welcome, Veronica, to the rather large club of high school girls who fell for gay guys.) After Kevin beats Jughead in a burger-eating contest at Pop's Chocklit Shoppe (must ... not ... make ... inappropriate ... joke ...), Kevin comes out to him.

PH2010042205769.jpgThis happens in "Veronica" No. 202, in comic shops on Sept. 1 and news stands on Sept. 14. The title of the issue: "Isn't It Bromantic?" The cover says, "Meet the hot new guy!"

"The introduction of Kevin is just about keeping the world of Archie Comics current and inclusive," Jon Goldwater of Archie Comics says in a statement. "Archie's hometown of Riverdale has always been a safe world for everyone. It just makes sense to have an openly gay character in Archie comic books."

The Washington Post writes: "With some comics, these collective changes would qualify as non-news. But in the less-diverse world of Riverdale -- where everything but the sundaes has often been vanilla -- this registers as a major shift."

This is the dinosaur franchise's latest attempt to grab our attention, a year after they tried marrying off its namesake.

Maybe this'll help. The poor, pent-up guys in this stunted universe have always had to pay for womanly affection anyway, as this video shows ...

So add Kevin to this (holy cow) long list of all the gay characters in comic books these days.

In other news: Yes, they're still writing Archie comic books.

1977018RM023_xgames.jpgHugh Hefner, the nearly mythical man behind the swinging "Playboy" ethos, was not born in a smoking jacket with buxom, interchangeable women on each arm. The Mansion wasn't always there, the Grotto not always the epicenter of his sexually-charged revolution in glossy print.

Hugh grew up a clean cut Chicago kid. And he spent his formative years at Steinmetz Academic Career Centre (High School in the early 1940s when Hefner attended) where he was, by all acounts, a popular, smart, witty kid.

And, as it turns out, creative. Hefner churned out drawings, writings and other thoughts on paper for himself and lifelong friend Jane Sellers that offer clues to the relative innocent that one day would become synonymous with anything but clean living. And it's those works that are up for private sale from Lux Mentis, Booksellers - 60 years worth of correspondence between the two.

While the two were never boyfriend-girlfriend - though they did date eachother's best friends at some point, according to a Lux Mentis statement, the lifelong letter chain began when Sellers moved to California, years before Hefner would follow suit.

Ian J. Kahn of Lux Mentis explained the relationship and Hefner's chronicle of the high school friend group to BoingBoing.net:

I should point out that Hugh and Jane did not date. He dated her best friend and she his...the four were the core of what they called "The Gang". The really interesting element is that as he evolved into "HH", this group of high school friends served as a touchstone...they were the ones who loved him *before*...and he turned them off and on for many, many years. My favorite story out of this is that Jane and the other girls would go over to Hugh's to read "School Daze" to see which of their boyfriends were "stepping out"...Hugh did not edit *anything*. He took notes during the day as to what people were wearing so he could sketch them accurately that evening. It is a remarkable visual diary.

The collection also contains drawings done in and for class at Steinmetz, bits of Playboy memorabilia, invitations to parties at the mansion, music, business forms - Playboy's IPO filing among them - and all manner of other items, both profound and mundane.

Following is a selection of the collection shared between the two friends:

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"My typical day at Steinmetz" hand drawn color illustration by Hefner.

More after the jump ...

Can we laugh about R. Kelly's troubles now?

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Where was this guy during Chicago's R. Kelly trial?

More non-Conan-Leno late-night fun from last night: Aziz Ansari ("Parks and Recreation") reminisces with Jimmy Kimmel about R&B freakazoid R. Kelly ... and does a fine impression:

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Engineer-inventor Douglas Hines, right, poses with his company's "True Companion" sex robot, Roxxxy. (Getty Images)

In an age where relationships are more complicated than ever - Internet dating, video game character marriage, same-sex marriage, high school - it's refreshing to see technology continue to take a romantic lead.

Meet Roxxxy, the $7,000 robot of love. But she's not just some plastic blowup doll, oh no. Roxxxy is, according to her manufacturers (pimps?) a five-foot, seven-inch, 120 pound companion that comes with five "personalities", is "ready for action."

She's fully customizable in terms of, err, physical attributes - including skin color, hair and mos of the other bits you'd think to mold. And, this may or may not be a turn-on, she's conversational. Roxxxy can kick back and chat about the Bears game if you're so inclined, but won't bug you about paying the bills or cleaning the gutters.

"She can't vacuum, she can't cook but she can do almost anything else if you know what I mean," Douglas Hine, her New Jersey-based artificial intelligence engineer and creator said.

"She's a companion. She has a personality. She hears you. She listens to you. She speaks. She feels your touch. She goes to sleep. We are trying to replicate a personality of a person."

Hines, who must have some really interesting research habits and lab practices, promises the lifelike creation from TrueCompanion (Actual marketing slogan: "The World's First Sex Robot - She's Ready to Talk or Play") is able to "know exactly what you are like" thanks to a wireless Internet connection. She can study your habits and interests and even send you e-mails through the day in what surely must be the most interesting messages your IT department will spy on in their life.

"Sex only goes so far, then you want to be able to talk to the person," he told the Daily Telegraph.

If you can look past the absolute creepiness for just a moment, the technology and robotics are pretty impressive. Hines says she has an operating spine that allows for "realistic" movement - though not arms and legs, apparently - and a mechanical heart with a liquid cooling system.

OK, but back to the creepy. There's also the promise of partner swapping "without risk of emotional damage" and the ability to store personalities for various scenarios. In fact, the inspiration for this stroke of genius supposedly came out of the Sept. 11 attacks. Apparently a friend of Hines' was killed and he wanted to figure out a way to store the personality forever. How you make the leap from lasting storage and tribute to a fallen friend to sex toy is surely an interesting story filled with the right mixture of pathos and freakiness, but he doesn't get into the creation process.

Roxxxy was announced at the AVN Adult Entertainment Expo - in Las Vegas, of course. And don't worry, there are plans for a guybot - Rocky.

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Has gossip web site TMZ uncovered a photo that could have changed history? The site posted a photo this morning showing a young John F. Kennedy lounging on a yacht filled with naked women.

TMZ claims that forensic photo experts agree the photo is of Kennedy and was taken in the mid-1950s.

The site also says that a Mediterranean boating trip that JFK took while still a Senator is mentioned in multiple articles and books written about Kennedy. Jackie Kennedy was supposedly pregnant at the time and gave birth to a stillborn baby while JFK was reportedly on the boat.

Had this photo surfaced before the 1960 election, do you think Kennedy would have still been elected President?

Check out the full image here >>

***UPDATE: A Playboy rep has confirmed to TMZ that the photo was taken from one of their 1967 issues.

In a world where the Internet and social media is spreading sadness and despair like H1N1, it's nice to see one man and woman bravely stand up to prove it can be a place of love and joy and happiness, too.

Sal9000 and his new bride, Nene Anegasaki, met online, dated, fell in love and decided to commit to eachother. And they let the whole world in on their beautiful ceremony Sunday via a streaming videocast, sharing the joyous moment with not only friends and family, but anyone cruising alone and depressed through cyberspace - like a ray of sunshine breaking through the clouds.

The priest had a lovely service, the best man made a moving speech and the bride was glorious. And two-dimentional.

sal9000.jpgThe happy groom with his obviously blushing bride.

But it's not that she's shallow. She's a video game character. Just like her maid of honor, who also made a little speech.

That's right, Sal900, the name the groom goes by, is human. Of a sort. His new bride, Nene, lives in a Nintendo DS game called "Love, Plus." Plus, indeed. Probably not what Nintendo had in mind when they dreamed it up.

Thank goodness it wasn't a same sex marriage or the Internet might have exploded taking us all with it.

Not including the original wedding party, most of whom were humanish, and the original audience, more than 1,500,000 people have streamed this event already on YouTube.

And of course it all happened in Japan, where the new groom is probably busy trying to transport the wife's consciousness into a Hondo Asimo robot.

Sal9000 talked with BoingBoing about his new marriage and the struggles of meshing two VERY different people into a new home:

Now that the ceremony is over, I feel like I've been able to achieve a major milestone in my life. Some people have expressed doubts about my actions, but at the end of the day, this is really just about us as husband and wife. As long as the two of us can go on to create a happy household, I'm sure any misgivings about us will be resolved.

As for what's next, we still haven't gone to see my parents, so we will be going home together on New Years to officially announce our marriage.

The two of us hope to continue to let our love for each other grow as time goes on.

Sincerely,

SAL9000 & Nene Anegasaki

No word yet on where they'll be honeymooning. We're also not sure on what the new couple thinks about having kids. We can only hope and pray that it's not allowed.

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Times are tough all over. And that last thing any free market economy needs as the world pulls out of a global economic meltdown is for a meddling government to get its hands all over employees from a certain sector with a bunch of obtrusive bondage in the form of regulation.

Take lap dancers, for instance.

This plucky subset of service employees in England is feeling backed into a corner as a bill seeking increased regulation of their establishment licensing makes its way through Parliament. The ladies are none too happy about the government interfering in their daily grind, and they showed up at the Houses of Parliament Thursday make it known, reports Bloomberg News:

Lap dancers from across Britain staged a protest outside Parliament in London over plans to toughen licensing laws, saying thousands of jobs are at risk.

"We are looking at over 30,000 unemployed women," said Chris Knight, spokesman of For Your Eyes Only, which has 139 clubs in the U.K. ├ČNo other industry would have this legislation forced on them. It is to satisfy the moral minority; they think we are the devil incarnate."

Lawmakers are debating whether to close a loophole in the 2003 Licensing Act that has allowed the number of lap-dancing clubs to double to 300. Opponents argue there are too many clubs and that they are inappropriately located, sometimes near schools. Under the proposals, lap-dancing clubs would have to apply to trade as "sex encounter" establishments, alongside sex shops and X-rated cinemas, which face more stringent restrictions. The current law puts lap-dancing clubs in the same category as pubs and cafes.

About 40 women gathered outside Parliament today, holding placards saying, "we are not sex workers" and "keep your laws off our bodies."

According to The Christian Institute, the protesters managed to straddle government locations, setting up a small camp outside the Prime Minister's residence at No. 10 Downing St. as well.

"I am not saying that the industry is perfect," said Donna Roper, 20, who has worked for two years at the Medusa club in Birmingham. "But nor are they - look at their expenses claims," she said, gesturing toward Parliament where lawmakers were embroiled in an expenses scandal over the summer.

In true British fashion - keeping a stiff upper lip and soldiering on.

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You've likely seen President Obama's lightning strike on the fly that would steal his spotlight during a CNBC interview this week.

Well, even if you haven't, the People for the Ethical Treatment of animals has, and they are buzzing about his brazen act of incecticide - even if he was merely following in Lincoln's footsteps. Hand it to their consistency, even the plight of a garbage-eating housefly is not too small or disgusting to warrant their sympathy. And being none-too-pleased that the flyswatter-in-chief chose to use force instead of diplomacy, they've offered up a solution for the President - and it is good enough for a PETA staffer's cat!

flycatcher.jpgIn a nutshell, our position is this: He isn't the Buddha, he's a human being, and human beings have a long way to go before they think before they act.

If all this has you wondering how you can be a bigger person (figuratively, as well as literally) in your dealings with exoskeletal beings, check out our handy-dandy bug catcher--one of which we are sending to President Obama for future insect incidents. I can tell you from personal experience that it sure came in handy the other day, when one of my cats was chasing the World's Largest Palmetto Bug around the house.

And if the week of the animal rights fighters ended there, with all the publicity and ridicule it usually takes them a week of Pamela Anderson ads to accumulate, you'd probably be right in calling it a success. But wait ... there's more!

The granddaughter of Cuban revolutionary leader Ernesto "Che" Guevara is at the forefront of another revolution -- PETA's battle for vegetarianism. And, in true PETA fashion, she's doing it in a nearly naked state.

The print campaign is expected to debut in October in magazines and posters, but will be launched first in Argentina, where Che Guevara was born. PETA approached the 24-year-old in recent months after finding out she was a vegetarian, said spokesman Michael McGraw.

"It [the photo above] very much evokes the tag line of the ad, which is 'Join the vegetarian revolution,'" McGraw said. "It's an homage of sorts to her late grandfather."

che-guevara1242900104.jpg"Homage" roughly translating into Argentinian for "exploiting the name of a beret-wearing revolutionary hero to millions of college students."

Che Guevara was a Marxist leader who played a pivotal role in Fidel Castro's rise to power in Cuba. He was executed in Bolivia in 1967 - a death PETA would likely have had less reaction to than the blatant murder of a White House fly.

As Che himself would say: "If you tremble indignation at every injustice then you are a comrade of mine."

Humorless minions unite behind Letterman protest

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It's the bad joke that won't go away.

Gov. Sarah Palin took great offense to late-night talk show host David Letterman's wisecrack about one of her daughters getting "knocked up: by baseball star Alex Rodriguez, and he sort of apologized on the air. But reaction to the manufactured bruhaha goes on, and on, and on, and on -- and now sympathizers are attempting to rally a crowd to protest the show and demand that ol' Dave get the boot.

A new Web site, FireDavidLetterman.com, has popped up, demanding -- and this is their own poor grammar -- "David Letterman Must Held Be Accountable For His Disgraceful Statements." The Drudge-like site, created by conservative author Michael Patrick Leahy, allows users to print their very own protest letter to send to the CBS show's sponsors, plus news of a protest planned for tomorrow afternoon outside Letterman's theater on Broadway in New York City.

Think this will affect Letterman's current contract negotiations?

Finally, we just have to say: Why is no one in this mess worried about A-Rod's feelings?

It's always nice when corporate America comes down from on high and shows the country they care about more than just our money.

They love us for our pubes, too.

Like this instructional video from Procter & Gamble that shows you how you can trim your junk with Gillette razors without performing a home vasectomy. What could be more consumer - and family - friendly than that?

So grab a razor and start some scrotal hacking. Like the video says:

"When there's no underbrush, the tree looks taller."

Check out the link for many more useful tips on how to manscape your non-dangling areas. Apparently, it's all about pleasing the ladies. Thanks, P&G!

And they have many more useful shaving tips on other areas, as well. Like this trucker hat-wearing gent who needs his back mowed. Good stuff.

ABC's Nightline did an interesting story on a Web site, establishedmen.com, that specializes in pairing up hot young golddiggers with well-off men looking for companionship.

Oh yeah, and sex.

And by the way, these guys are more than ready to pay for play. But it isn't whoring, they say! Mercy, no. They buy gifts for the chiccas and their generosity is reciprocated with they dirty dirty.

donjuan.jpgThese guys don't want relationships, they just want the hook-up.

Think of it as The Ladders meets match.com, but with a really happy ending.

Sadly, there is no embed video, but you can watch the report here.

Considering this definition, which lays out prostitution as an act that trades sexual favors for money or goods, it seems the line between the Established Men model and Don "Magic" Juan's business is about as thin as a thong strap.



Bristol Palin, the daughter of former Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin, has been making the morning chat show rounds to promote her new role as teen advocate for abstinence.

She appeared this morning on the "Today Show" with her infant son Tripp in tow. She also appeared on "Good Morning America."

Palin, 18, taken position as teen ambassador for the Candie's Foundation -- an organization dedicated to preventing teen pregnancy through abstinence. Palin has had to do a bit of damage control after making statements to Fox News that abstinence isn't realistic -- statements she later said were taken out of context.
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