This is clearly a video shot with the hope of embarrassing a girl in her teenage years. Oh, mom and dad, something says you'll take care of that all by yourself.
Witness a cute little girl playing with her cuddly new furry friend - Mr. Corpsey.
Yes, that's a real squirrel. Yes, he's, to quote Monty Python, an ex-squirrel.
See how dad, or whatever passes for a male authority figure there, misses out on the instinct to slap the dead rodent out of said girl's hands and rush her off for a bleach bath. No, what's needed here in the parenting guidebook, clearly, is YouTube video.
And Ma, apparently, at least summons a look of revulsion, but does nothing about it.
Funny? Yep. Parental freakshow? You bet.
Good luck, kid. You have the rest of your life ahead of you. And, maybe one day, taxidermy school.
And the hits just keep on comin'. Teen star Miley Cyrus is in the glare again this week after the above video surfaced on TMZ (watch it here; they disabled the embed) showing her grinding and lap dancing with a 44-year-old man when she was 16.
The video was filmed by fans at last year's wrap party for Miley's latest movie, "The Last Song." The man she's dirty-dancing with is the film's director and frequent "So You Think You Can Dance" judge Adam Shankman. This next factoid has been trotted out as if it somehow makes the sight less unsettling: Shankman is gay.
Not present at this party: Cyrus' parents or boyfriend/co-star Liam Hemsworth.
Some campy, possibly suggestive photos of Cyrus and Shankman were spread around earlier online, as well. Shankman previously responded to those on Twitter: "Miley is a sweet angel who works tirelessly and endlessly, and is allowed to have fun in the make up room! ... Seriously! Lighten up or no more behind the scenes pics! She's like my angel little sister."
Further evidence of the slut-ifying of Cyrus can be seen in her new music video for the song "Can't Be Tamed," in which she appears as an avain dominatrix of some sort ...
She seems to be following, to the letter, the steps outlined in the manual How to Become Britney Spears.
In other news, Cyrus was at least spotted recently dating someone her own age. She and fellow teen phenom Justin Bieber (who got big laughs and respect not long ago for being 16 and joking suggestively about buying panini for an older woman on national TV) were seen dining together in Hollywood early this week.
The best part is watching people get on and off relatively like there's nothing going on. Nothing to see here. Who among us that rides the planes and trains of our great cities hasn't basically pretended that crazy wasn't happening right next to us because A) you gotta get where you're going and B) ohh, is that an open seat?
The Associated Press has jumped on this important story and gotten the city's take:
New York City's transit agency is investigating a video posted online that shows a man kissing and snuggling a live chicken aboard a subway.
Spokesman Charles Seaton said Thursday it was looking into whether the Tuesday incident on the uptown No. 6 train was a prank. He says no passengers reported it.
Apparently only service animals are allowed on New York's public transit. No word on how this chicken is servicing Mr. Rolls on the Floor.
By Thomas Conner on September 22, 2009 10:52 AM
Former House Republican Whip Tom DeLay surprised the crowd on last night's season premiere of "Dancing With the Stars." The 62-year-old politician performed a cha-cha to the 1960s hit "Wild Thing."
"Parts were magic, parts were tragic," head judge Len Goodman said.
DeLay even wowed his professional partner, Cheryl Burke. "I just busted out laughing because I was, like, I can't believe this old man is here on his one knee playing the guitar and doing exactly what I told him to do, no questions asked," she said after the show.
(Fill in your own lobbyist joke here.)
Watch him do his thing here ...
Genuine laughs all around when, in the rehearsal footage, Delay's instructor kept telling him to go left, left, left! -- and the conservative pol explained that "going left for me is absolutely outrageous." Ba dum bum!
DeLay finished with 20 points. "I have to say I nailed it," said DeLay, wearing orthopedic shoes to help alleviate the bruising and near stress-fractures on his feet after weeks of rehearsals. "I felt good. My hips were working. Cheryl held me up and I really, I did it. I nailed it."
Aaron Carter came out on top, earning 32 points out of 40 for his two dances.
Another surprise from the night: Watching competitor Donny Osmond perform was his sister Marie, sitting in the crowd alongside another famous sibling, Jermaine Jackson.
Yes, the audio quality is poor, but you get the idea.
You may have seen the new KFC Double Down Chicken Sandwich by now, a 1,200-calorie adventure in misaligned dietary goals. This is the monstrosity promising a bacon sandwich with cheese and sauce slapped between two slabs of fried chicken - in lieu of bread.
Don't bother rolling yourself to any Chicago KFCs just yet for a taste of the last meal of your life, though, as it's currently only being test marketed in Nebraska and Rhode Island, apparently. But don't worry, it'll likely be in the Midwest before you can say triple bypass.
The drunk food appeal of this death platter aside, it's an amazing menu item - and not the good kind of amazing. At a time when the country is embroiled in a fierce debate over the cost of health care and obesity continues to put our fatness at the forefront of a public health pandemic, this is apparently the answer at least one fast food corporation has come up with to help society: JUST GIVE UP.
KFC for its part is being very secretive about the sandwich - there's no mention on its Web site about the behemoth and even dietary information is sketchy.
And what does $5 taste like? A Foodgeek reviewer breaks it down (complete with horrific photos:
That's it? That is the sandwich? That's not worth five dollars. Oh... oh my God. That is the best thing ever. I don't know what "Colonel's Sauce" is, but it is like a party in my mouth. This is completely worth the five dollars. Unfortunately I'm going to end up weighing 700 lbs after this, but it is simply amazing.
Right. So when the Devil comes to Earth, he's apparently delicious.
Of course, the health community is aghast at the Double Down, decrying the lack of corporate responsibility in the face of the aforementioned health concerns in AMerica now. There's even the possibility of some sort of fast food or fat tax tied to health care reform to penalize American eaters for subjecting the system to undue costs for scarfing just this sort of thing.
Overreaction? Appropriate outrage? All too much to swallow? Who knows, but one thing's for sure - this is yet another reason why This Is Why You're Fat is becoming less funny and more like a coroner's report on cause of death.
And worst of all, they stole the idea from "30 Rock"!
It's hot out, you're thirsty -- how 'bout a nice cold bottle of blood?
The fictional beverage chugged by vampires in the HBO series "True Blood" is now very real and will be on sale in September. Tru Blood is a blood orange-flavored, carbonated drink, in a bottle that's been crafted to replicate the appearance of the vampiric sustenance found on the series - blood type, logo and all.
The Tru Blood drink was officially announced by Alan Ball, creator and executive producer of "True Blood," at the San Diego Comic Con this weekend, where fans were able to sample the beverage and take a bottle home.
You knew someone would do it sooner or later, probably sooner.
OK! Weekly magazine has caused a stir with its latest issue -- the front cover of which features a photo of Michael Jackson just moments before doctors declared him dead.
Media Week reports OK! paid $500,000 for the exclusive shots, taken as he was being rushed to the hospital on June 25.
While most outlets are publishing tributes showing Jackson in his glory days and a more positive light, the editors at OK! say they opted for this display to set themselves apart.
"It's a photo that captures the surprise and the upset and the moment of this breaking news story," says OK! editorial director Sarah Ivens. "I hope the cover will provoke readers. It celebrated the man, but it also does expose that he was an eccentric character who lived a very controversial life."
It's not an overtly gruesome photo, but it could clearly affect fans emotionally. You can see the magazine's cover below, after the jump, but don't say we didn't warn you.
If you're outraged, there's already an online petition demanding ... that ... something be done about it.
By Thomas Conner on June 16, 2009 10:11 AM
Don't tell me the economy is sour. If we were in a real depression, or even a recession, would we have people (a) manufacturing luxury products like this or (b) needing to discuss them publicly? It ain't exactly selling pencils.
Here's a semi-viral video making its rounds on the Web -- the commercial for Comfort Wipe, a plastic tool that holds your toilet paper for you as you, er, use it. "The first improvement in toilet paper, as we know it, since the 1880s!" the narrator declares. (I love that the writers added that clause, "as we know it," as if there have been outlaw toilet paper cults experimenting clandestinely with radical TP tech. Of course, I thought we'd made a major improvement in the stuff when, as teens, we discovered how artfully it could decorate someone's lawn in the middle of the night ...)
Buy now and receive a free "Get a Grip." Irony not included.
OK, so it is possible to be slightly skeeved out, by a basically heartwarming, happy-ending kinda story.
Case in point: Daniel Blair, a 4-year-old in North London, and his twin Nicky decided to bathe one of the family's week-old puppies in a bit of smother love common to kids and dogs. Unfortunately, kids chose to give the cocker spaniel pup a post-walk scrub in the loo (that's the toilet over here in America).
Mother Alison called the fire department, to no avail. And the fire brigade rang the local sewer folks, Dyno-Rod, to try to get the poor little poop, err, pup, unjammed from the pipe where it had become lodged about 20 yards down the drain, wet and disgusting, but still alive.
With a little ingenuity, some microfiber camera technology and some gentle pushing, the pup, now named Dyno for his heroic saviors, was nudged fare enough for a firefighter to grab at a manhole. And this time Dyno really did need a bath.
"I never thought a dog could survive being flushed down the loo. He's a real little fighter," mother Alison told the Daily Mirror.
That he is.
And you thought only alligators were flushed down city drains.
Jalopnik (Gawker for cars) has a gallery up that has to be seen to be believed. If you thought cicadas were bad, how would you like to come out to your car for the morning commute to deal with it being encased in caterpillars and their cocoons?
What's the word here ... oh yeah, two words: ***ing disgusting.