Recently in crime Category

Much like Navy SEALs, the brains behind the NMA World Edition are not afraid to go almost anywhere.

Case in point, the group's latest computer animated newscast featuring the special forces hit on Osama bin Laden. Public Enemy No. 1 has barely sunk to the bottom of his watery grave, and we already have explainer video, sort of, showing how the operation went down.

Amazingly like a video game, as it turns out. One where the good guys urinate on the bad guy's corpse and he is sent to Hell to be raped by pigs. You know. The usual.

All the news that's fit to treat like an Onion article gone bad.

Here's why the Internet is better than TV and almost as good as video games. This video, released by the Dutch military (who knew?) show's a team of commandos raiding a German cargo ship overtaken by Somali pirates.

Thanks to a helmet-mounted camera, we get to travel along the cramped ship as the soldiers go room-to-room clearing out the bad guys. And, of course, this must go on YouTube. But it's wasn't uploaded by the commando in a drunken moment of glory. It was place by the government!

Yay, Holland!

Our Dutch is a little rusty around here, but a rough translation of the narration:

"Soap" Mctavish is searching for a stolen cache of missiles and intelligence before the enemy jets come to sink the ship with his team aboard ... err ... wait, that actually is from the "Modern Warfare" game.

Anyway, no translation needed.

Watch that video, filled with kids 7- to 10-years old, re-enacting one of the foulest, most violent and most iconic gangster movies ever made. Think about that as you watch the original, thoroughly NSFW final scene from "Scarface" as Al Pacino dies spectacularly in a cocaine-fueled firefight:

The kids' re-enactment of Tony Montana's death scene is the rage of the Internet this week, a legitimate viral video promising the last bits of a school play gone horribly wrong. Cue the outrage, parental anger and rolling heads of the drama club sponsor who allowed this to happen, right?

Well, not so fast. You can keep the fires of your outrage stoked, but know that this is a hoax. OK, maybe not a full-on, man landed on the moon type hoax. But it's no school play. Turns out it's just a glorious act of self promotion on the behalf of director Marc Klasfeld. He's been behind the lens of videos by Jay-Z, Avril Lavigne and even was a driving force behind Lady Gaga's "Pokerface" video via his Rock Hard films production company.

So, of course, his next step in the creative ladder was to make a sensational bit of child exploitation under the cover of the deep well of creativity the Internet opens to filmmakers, right?

Ahh, the classic Hollywood tale.

"It's a rare place where you can be creative and express yourself freely and it's a very democratic process," Klasfeld told the L.A. Times. "It was a lot of fun."

This is not Klasfeld's first brush with the elusive viral video pursuit, but his Hammer Pants flashmob effort was considerably less, umm, what's the word ... douchey.

To take the over-the-top film even further past the top, Klasfeld doesn't see why setting young kids up to play the title roles in a drug-induced murder scene is all the big a fudging deal. After all, he's a sensitive parent who tries to keep his child from the horrific commercials he sees on TV:

"Everyday when I wake up with my daughter and I turn on the television for her and we're constantly guarding her against all these unnecessary sexual [messages] bombarding her ... so for us to see the reaction against this, well, that was a little shocking."

Klasfeld goes on in this interview to explain to CNN's Headline News Network why this is all just art and since all the kids and parents were OK with the process, he doesn't see what the big fudging stink being created is all about:

No word on what his next project will be, but you can almost hear some Mark Wahlberg dialogue from "The Departed" or maybe the final revenge scene when Clint Eastwood deals with Gene Hackman in "The Unforgiven" performed by a pre-kindergarten class being spooled up in his head. Or maybe those aren't sensational enough to grab the public eye again for this boundary-pusher.

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barnes.jpgPeople do stupid things for love. They also do a lot of stupid things while driving. It must be a natural progression of the human race that the two truths would one day coexist.

And Megan Mariah Barnes is the culmination of that latest leap on the evolution chart. Sure, lots of folks shave in the car. Few, however, do so in the genital area. While driving.

Megan Mariah Barnes is clearly not like most people.

She was pulled over by Florida cops following a two-car wreck, in which they say she was shaving her "bikini area," according to reports in the Keys News. Her ex-husband, in the passenger's seat, was steering while she groomed the uderbrush when the couple smashed into another car in the Florida Keys, according to Florida State Patrol:

"She said she was meeting her boyfriend in Key West and wanted to be ready for the visit," Trooper Gary Dunick said. "If I wasn't there, I wouldn't have believed it. About 10 years ago I stopped a guy in the exact same spot ... who had three or four syringes sticking out of his arm. It was just surreal and I thought, 'Nothing will ever beat this.' Well, this takes it."

Of course, it gets better. She probably had no business driving, razor or not, when you consider her record.

Just one day earlier, Barnes had been convicted, reports keysnews.com, of DUI with a prior and driving with a suspended license and was ordered to impound her car, and her driver's license was revoked for five years. After the five years, she must have a Breathalyzer ignition interlock device on any vehicle she drives - including the 1995 Thunderbird driven in the wreck. Barnes also was sentenced to nine months' probation.

Good luck with that. She was charged with driving with a revoked license, reckless driving, leaving the scene of a wreck with injuries and driving with no insurance. And she faces a year for her efforts on the probation violation alone.

If that ain't a kick in the freshly shorn crotch.

This prisoner messed with the wrong counselor

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If you achieve even a modicum of fame, you must understand: Everything you've ever done will eventually be documented and displayed online.

Take, for example, this newly unearthed 1992 training video for prison officials -- starring a young Michael Emerson, who now plays uber-creep Ben Linus on ABC's "Lost."

Reports of a strange black smoke in the halls after this prisoner's unexpected disappearance have been downplayed.

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Police in Mexico City have rescued 150 ferrets from armed robbers after a high speed chase. Police say they found the furry contraband after the suspects crashed their car into a tree and then fled on foot.

With things like they are in Mexico these days, we can thankfully report none of the ferrets were beheaded. In fact, they were apparently not harmed at all.

Fourteen boxes of ferrets imported from the U.S. were taken by force by three robbers from a truck after it left the Mexico City airport. Two suspects are under arrest and another escaped.

Nex question: what does one do with 14 boxes of ferrets?

Police said Friday that a veterinarian who purchased the ferrets reclaimed them.

If there had been an unfortunate injury, it's not unprecedented, apparently, to do mouth-to-snout on a ferret, evidenced by this brave fireman's efforts - coincidentally also in Mexico City:

Associated Press contributing

Paula Deen's hamtastrophy!

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I believe this particular pass play is called the Ham Mary.

During a charity event yesterday in which celebrity chef Paula Deen was helping to unload 25,000 pounds of meat at an Atlanta food bank, one of the workers needed a football break. He threw a ham to her. Actually, at her. He hit Deen in the face.

"I thought it busted my lip, but it didn't," she said.

Though smiles and laughter, Deen added: "I'm OK. It just knocked me for a little bit."

She says she was unloading hams when she tossed one to a man, who then said "Back at 'ya." Thinking he meant it only as a sentiment, she turned around to get another ham when the errant swine came at her. "He really meant, 'Back at 'ya."'

Later, she tweeted: "I haven't met the ham that could stop me yet!"

There is, of course, video ...

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Eliot Spitzer is set to lecture at Harvard. On ethics.

Let that soak in, Hahvahd smaht kids.

Spitzer Call Girl.jpgThe disgraced former governor and Attorney General of New York, sometimes known by his closest acquaintances, such as his former "date," Ashley Dupre, as "Client 9," has been invited to lecture at the prestigious school, which does not sit well with Kristin Davis, a former Manhattan madam who used to supply the professor with call girls.

Davis, apparently, has sent a letter to professor Lawrence Lessig, of Harvard's Safra Foundation Center for Ethics, decrying the choice as, umm, tainted.

"This sounds fascinating and I would love to attend," Davis wrote of Spitzer's speech today, "but the restrictions of my probation won't allow me to travel outside New York City.

"For nearly 5 years, I supplied Mr. Spitzer with high-priced escorts while he was both Attorney General and Governor. For this crime, I served four months on Rikers Island, had all of my assets confiscated and am now considered a sex offender on 5 years probation. Mr. Spitzer broke both state and federal laws and walked away free.

"I am greatly intrigued as to what Mr. Spitzer could contribute to an ethical discussion when as Chief Executive Law Enforcement Officer of NY he broke numerous laws for which he has yet to be punished. As Attorney General he went around arresting and making examples out of the same escort agencies he was frequenting."

Spitzer resigned as governor on March 17, 2008, taking his good name and Hilary Clinton Superdelegate status with him.

Update with Spitzer's talk, 9 p.m.

By hook or by crook, Spitzer's speech went off without incident - or talk of prostitution Thursday. According to Bloomberg News reports, his talk on ethics skirted any mention of his own, personal research into ethical quagmires:

Only government regulators can force transparency in the financial markets, Spitzer said today during his talk entitled, "From Ayn Rand to Ken Feinberg - How quickly the Paradigm Shifts. What Should Be the Rationale for Government Participation in the Market?"

Spitzer, 50, resigned as governor on March 12, 2008, after he was identified on a federal wiretap arranging to meet at a Washington hotel with a woman who worked for Emperors Club VIP. As New York State attorney general from 1999 to 2006, he was known as "the sheriff of Wall Street" and collected billions in settlements from financial companies such as Merrill Lynch and American International Group, Inc.

Spitzer's speech didn't touch on the actions that led to his resignation.

So, he got in, shifted his paradigm and got out. Disappointing, but not unexpected.

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In this Oct. 23, 2009, police mug photo provided by the Carroll, Iowa, Police Department, Joey Lee Miller, 20, and Matthew Allan McNelly sport their ingenious disguises used in an alleged apartment burglary attempt. (AP Photo/Carroll Police Department)

If you're searching desperately for a last-second Halloween costume idea, Iowans Joey Miller and Matthew McNelly have come to the rescue. Here's a list of what you'll need to pull together the look:

A Sharpie.

A look of complete befuddlement (confusion or a generic dazed expression with do in a pinch).

Miller and McNelly were busted last week in Iowa for allegedly trying to break into an apartment - throw a DUI charge in for good measure - prompting local cops to dub the pair "dumb and dumber."

Local police chief Jeff Cayler had some choice comments about the permanent marker criminal minds in an interview with CNN:

"We're very skilled investigators and the black faces gave them right away,"Cayler said. "[They were] being dumb and combine that with alcohol and it was the perfect storm.

"I've been chief here almost 25 years, been with the department 28½ years and I've seen a lot of things that make me laugh and weird things but this was probably the best combination of the two - strangely weird and hilariously funny all at the same time."

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When the Balloon Boy saga unfolded on live TV, it captivated much of the nation. The viewership was made up of a little bit of every type of person: concerned and horrified viewers, conspiracy theory nutjobs, fans of the morbid and everything in between. And perhaps the one unifying element that pulled these disparate groups together was a collective judgment of the rescue and response efforts.

And, of course, there would be no shortage of suggestions on how to bring Falcon Heene safely down from his escaping flying saucer nightmare at 7,000 feet.

Spectators watching the alleged balloon boy hoax unfold on live TV suggested paragliders, skydivers, fishing hooks and more to bring down the flying saucer-shaped craft thought to be carrying the 6-year-old boy - of course we learned it was an apparent publicity stunt.

The e-mails flooding Larimer County, CO., Sheriff Jim Alderden's inbox have turned to criticism of his actions in the case. And Alderden, to his credit, has responded in his weekly blog post - "Up, Up and Away." Alderden writes that people have sent e-mails from around the world, some of them calling him gullible, fat and bald with an over-inflated ego. They compared him to Barney Fife, the bumbling sheriff's deputy on the 1960s TV show "The Andy Griffith Show."

Fat and bald he'll cop to. As for the rest? Full of hot air, says the face of balloon justice. Here's a look at some of the negative response the native Illinoisan has gotten:

The majority of e-mails I received later weren't nearly as complimentary.

* Ok Barney Fife........ Law enforcement shouldnt be sceptical??? Then OJ was totally innocent in Larimer County. You are an Idiot!!!!!!!!!

* You seem to be a real pushover..... why do you want an interview again....you are sold on their story....and your department doesn't seem able to determine events. With your frame of mind, your futher investigation would retrive nothing - what do you think the family would say.... and don't you think they (family) are scripting soty at present?

* Are you ignorant? Watch the damn Wife Swap show... this was a total hoax.. hell even watch the damn home video of the parents who where THERE WHEN THE CRAFT WENT OFF. Watch the DAMN INTERVIEW VIDEOS. Your department is so god damn gullible. How you are a sheriff is beyond me.

* Anyone can see this guy set this whole thing up. If you do not proceed with charges you are a fool. And I'm certain your desk will soon have someone elses name on it. So take your arm from around his neck and stop kissing this creep. He's been endangering these kids for a while now and yoko ono is in on it also....Good luck on your book.

* THIS MORNING ON CNN I HEARD THE BIG MOUTHED,FAT ,BALD HEADED, OVER INFLATED EGO OF A SHERIFF GO ON AND ON AND ON ABOUT THE KID IN THE DAMN BALLON. WHO CARES? EVERYONE GETS THEIR FIFTEEN MINUTES OF FAME IN LIFE AND NOW THIS BLOW HARD OF A SHERIFF HAS HAD HIS. THERE HAVE BEEN SERIAL KILLERS AND TERRORISTS WHO HAVE NOT GOTTEN THIS MUCH PRESS THANKS TO MR. BIG MOUTH.

"In fact, I'm pretty ticked off that I had to spend my weekend dealing with them instead of some quality time in the saddle," Alderden wrote. "That said, sometimes the Sheriff just has to be the spokesperson instead of putting it off on the Press Information Officer. I did my best to put an end to the media circus and have refused to do any more interviews or morning TV shows, even turning down Dr. Phil."

Yet more theater from this whole Heene affair and, in the Age of the Blog, it's only fitting that a sheriff who favors star spangled cowboy shirts become a celebrity - and then blog about it.

The only real question worth asking Sheriff Alderden at this point is "Orton or Cutler?" Clearlyy, he has an opinion:

Fortunately, I also had some supporters.

* Sheriff I sure wish you lived in Illinois I am Glad to see you go after the parents of ballon boy I hope they have to pay for everything. Is it possible to charge the reality show as a co-conspriritor? But mainly I want to congradulate you on having the "cajones" to publicly state that TV reality shows are plain garbage. If you ever get to Harvard IL I'll buy you a beer and I don't even drink.

I'm originally from Illinois, so I might look you up next time I'm there. I've been known to have beer or two during a Bronco's or Bear's game.

Chris Brown, Rihanna remind us of their music careers

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102009brown.jpg

Here's a Thanksgiving deal you won't want to miss: One day, two turkeys!

That's right, after your feast with grandma and the whole clan, head out to the House of Blues for a concert by convicted domestic abuser Chris Brown.

Brown is launching a 19-city "fan appreciation" tour "to acknowledge and thank his fans for their ongoing support," according to a press release. The Chicago date: Nov. 26, Thanksgiving night.

Granted, it's a cheap ticket for an intimate venue: $37.50 general admission, $42 day of show. Tickets go on sale here this Friday. Part of the proceeds also benefit Best Buddies International, a nonprofit supporting for people with intellectual and developmental disabilities.

In related news, Rihanna -- the girlfriend Brown smacked around earlier this year, for which he was sentenced to probation -- is also forging ahead with her music career, scheduling the relase of her next album, "Rated R," on Nov. 23.

The first single, "Russian Roulette," written and produced by Ne-Yo, debuted today on her Web site.

The single cover was revealed today, too, and it's ... hoo-boy! ... it's this:

Music Rihanna.jpg

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Steven Seagal is not above the law ... he IS the law. Thank you, A&E, for finally putting something good on the air.

Seagal, the action movie icon, accomplished blues musician, aikido expert and international man of mystery - he's apparently even a tulku, the reincarnation of a Buddhist Lama - is on tap to star in his own reality series this December: "Steven Seagal | Lawman." But he's not looking for love or cooking - though Chief Ryback could whip up a mean bouillabaisse, or creating fashion. Nope, he's a cop in Jefferson Parish, La.

"I've been working as an officer in Jefferson Parish for two decades under most people's radar," said Seagal, "I've decided to work with A&E on this series now because I believe it's important to show the nation all the positive work being accomplished here in Louisiana - to see the passion and commitment that comes from the Jefferson Parish Sheriff's Office in this post-Katrina environment."

As if Deputy Seagal wasn't enough to make you tune in, there's after-hours footage of the man just hangin', like he does:

Until now, Seagal has never sought publicity for his work with the Jefferson Parish Sheriff's Office. However, over a span of almost two decades, he has regularly gone out on patrol and worked major cases. The series will allow fans to ride shotgun with Seagal as he and his hand-selected elite team of deputies respond to crimes-in-progress. Then, when Seagal goes off-duty, the cameras will continue following him as he pursues his many ventures - including musical performances and philanthropic efforts - in Jefferson Parish and New Orleans.

To be clear, without ever having seen a second of footage outside this commercial, this is the greatest show ever made. TiVo, consider yourself set on Season Pass, my friend. And I better not find any "Dancing With The Stars" overriding!

Can't wait to watch? Seagal is on Twitter and promises to be chatting about his show - and his music, lifestyle and general awesomeness - so give him a follow. And be patient - December will be here soon enough.

This is graphic, so, you know, don't watch if you can't deal.

Texting and driving is getting to be big news as states, like Illinois, and even the federal government, in the form of a threat to withhold funding without state legislation being passed, move to ban an activity that, frankly, you would assume most people would realize is dangerous.

Stand on any busy street for 10 minutes and watch people try to walk and text as they ram into passersby, walls and bus stops and you get the idea - if talking on the phone is distracting, reading and writing is not only a safety hazard to yourself, but a potentially deadly impairment on par with driving under the influence to anyone unlucky enough to be on the road at the time. In fact, a Virginia Tech study in July found that those who text and drive increased their crash risk by 23 times.

That's where this video, making the rounds on talk radio and cable news, comes in. Produced in Wales, it shows in fairly graphic context what happens when you concentrate on thumb typing instead of driving. The results are LOL. There's a debate on various sites - check out the comments here at carcentric motherproof.com - as to the realistic depiction of the chain of events and the severity of the situation presented in the PSA, but it does a good job pointing out that the person texting is not the only one affected. Whether it gets people to stop? Well, do these things ever stop people? Time - and aggressive laws - will tell.


Car Accidents & Crashes: Shocking Driver's Ed Fear Video - Funny bloopers R us

Snow Leopard is out and we have to wait nine days for the next Apple announcement - a tablet, a new iPod, a netbook? - so what can we do to pass the time?

How 'bout some stalking of the ex? Not since the advent of ">Google Maps has keeping ceaseless track of the people who have no interest in you been easier. Of course there's an app for that.

Of course, it's all a big joke. No stalking people, kids. Save your time - and court fees - and buy some self-help books instead.

Barrel Monster Art_Newm.jpg

The Dr. Frankenstein of the barrel monster has been punished by the angry mob.

When Joseph Carnevale chopped up three stolen orange and white traffic barrels from a construction site to create a massive sculpture of a roadside monster thumbing a ride, the North Carolina college student said he saw it as a form of street art.

Police just saw vandalism.

They dismantled the 10-foot "barrel monster" and arrested Carnevale. Hundreds of online supporters want the charges dropped and the publicity has turned the history major and part-time construction worker into a local celebrity.

Even the construction company has become a fan, and wants the 21-year-old to create a replica of the figure that led to his arrest on June 10.

"It's surprising how many people have called attention to it," Carnevale said.

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    This page is an archive of recent entries in the crime category.

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