Joel Bauer - international man of mystery, mentalist, d-bag - thinks your card is crap

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There are a lot of fantastic snake oil salesmen in the world, and Joel Bauer will be happy to tell you he's their king. Thing is, he might be right.

Bauer, whom you've probably seen as his business card video makes its way through the Internets like wildfire lately, is a self-proclaimed mentalist that specializes in telling people how great he is and basically makes a living selling the idea that he can train you to ... um ... well, I really have no idea what you'll learn at his knee. Something about observation. Something about success. Something about mental power. Yadda yadda yadda.

But who is the pompous gasbag you see in the video above? Is this guy for real? Can you get that hair? Here's a quick look at his bio from his Web site and, if you can stomach it, a half-hour interview on his amazingly craptastic talents of magical, physiological observation.

• Consumed by Martial Arts and Magic

• Performed professionally at events from age 7

• Warm-up act on tour for George Jessel at 12

• Featured Entertainer on cruise ships from 14-21

• From 21-41 created/produced Infotainment presentations & road-shows on Trade Show floors and corporate events internationally (IBM, Nortel, Dresser Wayne, Polaroid, and ITT to name just a few clients)

• Author of best selling books which include: "Hustle, Hustle-The Business Of Magic", "How to Persuade People Who Don't Want to be Persuaded", "Gravitational Marketing", and soon to be released, "Retire In 5-8 Years As An Infotainer"

• Creator of four systems on personal marketing, branding, passion, Infotainment, speaking, and closing from the platform

• Featured media personality on CNN, CNBC, ABC, NBC, CBS, FOX, and in SUCCESS, WIRED, and The Wall Street Journal to name a few Retired at 43

OK, all well and good. He's just one of many greasy life or success coaches running around like the proverbial post-apocalyptic cockroach. At some point, you even have to ask yourself if this guy is for real. A quick skim of the Google seems to indicate he is indeed serious. So much so, he provides this 20-minute gem that teaches you how to pack for a trip oversees. I know. 20 minutes is more than you want to devote to this guy, but believe this: you will not be able to stop watching the self-possessed crazy emanating from this d-bag.

Some of Bauer's motivational mentors after the jump ...

Just amazing. Love how excited he is about his jacket.

But where did Bauer learn his amazing skills - magicians and Isaac the "Love Boat" bartender aside? Maybe he got a little guidance from these leading thinkers on motivation? Well, we combed through some great moments in motivational speaking history to find some of the names and moments that drove Bauer to excellence.

Frank T.J. (NSFW) Mackey, perhaps?

Maybe a little George C. "Patton" Scott thrown in for credibility?

Nah, my money's on Matt Foley, hands-down the finest motivational speaker ever. "Go for it!"

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TrackBack URL: http://blogs.suntimes.com/cgi-bin/mt-tb.cgi/21807

Joel Bauer from Zeroization on April 25, 2009 9:58 PM

Meet Joel Bauer, he’s a man so far up his own ass that he can lecture you for 20 minutes on his philosophy of packing. ... Read More

4 Comments

Hey Joel How about making me some cards

I would like one of your cards!
WOW!
:O) Blessings Minette

I saw him in person this past weekend. I did my best to describe him and what he talked about to my wife, but I couldn't put a label on what he was selling. Creepiest thing he did was put his hands all over people on the edges of the audience. Some people he would even put his head against theirs and talk right into their ears while talking to us. Bizarre!

Hey, I would like to know what's the name of your blogs theme you're using or is it custom design? Thanks!

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    This page contains a single entry by Craig Newman published on April 16, 2009 3:34 PM.

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