Times are tough all over. And that last thing any free market economy needs as the world pulls out of a global economic meltdown is for a meddling government to get its hands all over employees from a certain sector with a bunch of obtrusive bondage in the form of regulation.

Take lap dancers, for instance.

This plucky subset of service employees in England is feeling backed into a corner as a bill seeking increased regulation of their establishment licensing makes its way through Parliament. The ladies are none too happy about the government interfering in their daily grind, and they showed up at the Houses of Parliament Thursday make it known, reports Bloomberg News:

Lap dancers from across Britain staged a protest outside Parliament in London over plans to toughen licensing laws, saying thousands of jobs are at risk.

"We are looking at over 30,000 unemployed women," said Chris Knight, spokesman of For Your Eyes Only, which has 139 clubs in the U.K. ìNo other industry would have this legislation forced on them. It is to satisfy the moral minority; they think we are the devil incarnate."

Lawmakers are debating whether to close a loophole in the 2003 Licensing Act that has allowed the number of lap-dancing clubs to double to 300. Opponents argue there are too many clubs and that they are inappropriately located, sometimes near schools. Under the proposals, lap-dancing clubs would have to apply to trade as "sex encounter" establishments, alongside sex shops and X-rated cinemas, which face more stringent restrictions. The current law puts lap-dancing clubs in the same category as pubs and cafes.

About 40 women gathered outside Parliament today, holding placards saying, "we are not sex workers" and "keep your laws off our bodies."

"I am not saying that the industry is perfect," said Donna Roper, 20, who has worked for two years at the Medusa club in Birmingham. "But nor are they - look at their expenses claims," she said, gesturing toward Parliament where lawmakers were embroiled in an expenses scandal over the summer.

In true British fashion - keeping a stiff upper lip and soldiering on.

An elephant that escaped from the Family Fun Circus at the Garfield County Fairgrounds after being spooked caused a vehicle accident Wednesday night (AP)

It's fitting that this auto accident happend on the way home from church. Odds are the at some point a phrase starting with "HOLY" was uttered as it happened.

An Oklahoma couple driving home from church hit an elephant on their way home from church near rural Enid, Okla. Tuesday night. Yes. An elephant.

The betrunked speedbump was an escapee from a nearby circus and collided with the couple's SUV Wednesday night when it ran across a rural highway about 100 miles north of Oklahoma City.

Police say the 29-year-old elephant had escaped earlier that night from the Family Fun Circus at the Garfield County Fairgrounds. The couple weren't injured in the crash, but police say the elephant had a broken tusk and an injured leg. The tusk probably was injured as it tore a hole in the SUV's sheet metal.

If the highlight of the last seven days for you is watching drunken Ewoks hump Al Roker's leg on live TV, well, err ... OK, there's nothing wrong with that. But beyond the obvious fun with bestiality angles involved, it's been a busy week in the Star Wars universe.

Then the continuing saga of Londoner Andrew Ainsworth, an original costumer for the Star Wars films accused of going to the Dark Side for making Storm Trooper uniform reproductions (what, those things produced under a no-bid, exclusive contract or something?) as the case returned to court Tuesday.

Now this, an unearthed photo of Carrie Fisher in full Princess Leia slavegirl garb catching some rays on the set of "Return of the Jedi" - seemingly on Jabba's barge - next to her stunt double, Tracy Eddon. The photo has been around fleetingly, but reappeared in wider circulation for some reason today. And across the world an entire generation of men who were 13 in 1983 suddenly stopped as if there were a great disturbance in the Force.

Perhaps not as great a disturbance as there was when Fisher finally got her wish to have an interesting costume:

"I remember that iron bikini I wore in Episode VI: what supermodels will eventually wear in the seventh ring of hell."

Just how big a deal was this brass masterpiece? There's an entire Wookipedia page on her barb and at least one Web site dedicate entirely to Fisher's metal bikini, which contains this disclaimer: This website is dedicated to the costume worn by Princess Leia following her capture by the crimelord, Jabba the Hutt, in Star Wars, Episode VI : Return of the Jedi.

Riiight.

There doesn't seem to be a backstory - yet - as to who took it or why it's showing up now. But sometimes it's best to just let the Force work in its own way. And just thank your stars that there was no corresponding Luke-in-a-Speedo moment to match.

Oh, and how 'bout those ewoks one more time ...

For absolutely no reason whatsoever, here's video of a dog skateboarding.

If you absolutely must have some info, you should check rnickeymouse's YouTube page for an account of how he stumbled upon this scene and his video eventually ended up in an iPhone commercial.

If you really need to know more, you could always check out gotillman.com. Tillman, the dog, who has an agent and is available for booking.

Or you could just sit back and enjoy the funny dog on a skateboard. With more than 9 million views, the video doesn't need the traffic. But it's funny, people!

A year ago tonight, hundreds of thousands of Barack Obama supporters filed into Grant Park in Chicago to see the junior senator from Illinois become the first black President of the United States in a landslide win against Sen. John McCain.

The euphoria, right, from Nov. 4, 2008 in Grant Park has died down considerably in the last year. (Scott Stewart~Sun-Times)

But glory, as it so often is, was fleeting following the 2008 presidential election. Like the new car, the value begins to plummet and the shine to fade the moment it's driven off the dealership lot. No longer is it enough to win the campaign - now the results must come. And come quickly.

The blog beingtotallysweetinchicago has unearthed one of those eccentric city occurrences that kind of defies categorization.

Is it kind of cool that two-wheeled Travis - no last name - is an impresario with a niche amongst the Wicker Park hipsters? His hand-crafted flip bike and head-over-heals ability a sure money-earner for the post-bars wearers of skinny jeans. Or is he just another kook, a bucket boy without a bucket that amounts to no more than a dangerous distraction when you're trying to cross the street under the burden of an inflated blood alcohol content?

Whatever the case, it's not a cycling move you see every day even in a city accustomed to marauders on bikes of various shapes and sizes. So while Travis gets an "A" for innovation, he'll likely still land on a many a list of reasons why cyclists, pedestrians and motorists are the oil and water of Chicago's streets.

Finally, a big twitter social networking phenomenon we can all embrace.

Big Bird, the giant yellow star who made Sesame Street a happy place long before Elmo came along, turns 40 today. Definitely not a spring chicken anymore.

To celebrate, Sesame Street's website is running a contest where you can vote for your favorite episodes from the the show's 40-year life on Public Television. Even Google has gotten in the game, sporting some decidedly chicken legs for the day above its search bar.

And while there has been controversy in the past over just how old Big Bird is in show years - he seems to be somewhere in the first-grade range if you're thinking of a gift - there's no denying he's been an iconic force in children's live for generations no matter his age.

And the 8-foot, 2-inch yellow original - he debuted on the original airing of "Sesame Street" in 1969 - shows no signs of slowing. Along with his buddies, Mr. Snuffleupagus, Cookie Monster, Oscar the Grouch and the rest of the people and monsters on one of the world's most famous streets, Big Bird has seen and done a lot. From dealing with the death of Mr. Hooper to helping kids learn to read and count to making new friends, marking 40 years in feathers is quite the feat indeed.

And, of course, if Big Bird is 40, Sesame Street is also 40. There's a celebration planned for the actual anniversary date on November 10. Meanwhile, there's an interesting look in the AtlanticWire at some of the changes over the decades.

The smaht kids at Harvard are at it again. Harvard Medial School's publishing arm has released an iPhone app that, among other things, will map H1N1 news and reports near you.

Using the iPhone's geo-locating ability, the HMSMobile Swine Flue Center's "Outbreaks Near Me" HealthMap feature will pop pins on a Google map around your location, along with associated news links, so you know which direction to bar your doors and windows in to maintain maximum security.

There's also the fun of setting up an alert so you know when a "Dawn of the Dead" type outbreak crops up near you. So much the better for planning surgical mask hording.

As if that weren't enough fun for your germ-filled ride home on the bus, you can also find video guides for preventing infection, interactive tools to determine if an illness is likely to be swine flu, and advice for businesses dealing with illness, according to Harvard Health Publications.

The only thing it won't do is prevent you from getting Swine Flu. So make sure you wash your grimy hands after getting your high-tech flu hysteria on.

OK, at first glance a video on "who to eat a chicken wing" would seem to rank up there with "how to walk in a straight line" or "how to sit in a chair" in terms of instructional usefulness and necessity. I mean, it's eating a chicken wing! Take a gulp of beer, insert wing into your sauce-stained maw, repeat.

We're not talking brain surgery here.

But OK, it's not quite as lame as you might think. The FoodWishes blog gives us a useful tip on how to eat the flat, double-boned wings that are a minor pain when you're trying to get the good stuff that's always tied up behind the bones. It may be more effort than your average wing fan would want to put forth for a problem than ranks up there in severity with the infomercial people who can't get a loaf of bread out of the wrapper without spraining a wrist. But it gets some points for cleverness.

Now, about that plate of wings ...

Ever trip down the aisles of Costco while the forklift is beep-beeping its way around and wonder: "What would happen if one of those huge bundles of toilet paper came crashing down?"

Well, here's your answer. Except it's two rows of Russian vodka and $250,000 of the Motherland's finest down the drain. It should be pointed out that nobody was seriously injured in this epic mess - until the Russian mob got hold the unlucky driver, anyway - so you can feel free to rewind, rewatch and giggle to your heart's content.

In this Oct. 23, 2009, police mug photo provided by the Carroll, Iowa, Police Department, Joey Lee Miller, 20, and Matthew Allan McNelly sport their ingenious disguises used in an alleged apartment burglary attempt. (AP Photo/Carroll Police Department)

If you're searching desperately for a last-second Halloween costume idea, Iowans Joey Miller and Matthew McNelly have come to the rescue. Here's a list of what you'll need to pull together the look:

A Sharpie.

A look of complete befuddlement (confusion or a generic dazed expression with do in a pinch).

Miller and McNelly were busted last week in Iowa for allegedly trying to break into an apartment - throw a DUI charge in for good measure - prompting local cops to dub the pair "dumb and dumber."

Local police chief Jeff Cayler had some choice comments about the permanent marker criminal minds in an interview with CNN:

"We're very skilled investigators and the black faces gave them right away,"Cayler said. "[They were] being dumb and combine that with alcohol and it was the perfect storm.

"I've been chief here almost 25 years, been with the department 28½ years and I've seen a lot of things that make me laugh and weird things but this was probably the best combination of the two - strangely weird and hilariously funny all at the same time."

Sometimes, not always, but usually when you need it most, the Internet is a hero. And occasionally the hero has a sidekick in the form of local TV advertising.

Welcome to the Hall of Justice, manned, in every sense of the word, by Robert Lee, the owner of the Alabama mobile home sales firm Cullman Liquidation. Robert is here to sell his previously owned homes on wheels, and he doesn't care if you buy or not. He's been hit in the face multiple times with a crescent wrench, smashed in the back of the head with a fence post and working in mobile home - not trailers! - sales for 20 years. At this point in life, brutal honesty is his strongest weapon.

From the sound effects to the angles, shots and feel of this spot by two guys named Rhett and Link and their site ilovelocalcommercials.com, there's nothing not awesome about this effort. And if the commercial weren't cool enough for your valuable Internet time, it get's better! There's a making-of effort that lets you in on the life of our hero just a little bit more:

The dynamic duo behind the production, Rhett and Link, a comedy team from North Carolina who also host a popular Webcast on Ustream, is currently working on a series producing local commercials for businesses nominated by fans and viewers. It's a nationwide effort and they're just on business no. 2, so jump in now if you've got a place that needs the Robert Lee treatment.

That's too many fingers, Governor.

Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger is colorful, to say the least. But he seldom leaves people wondering what he was thinking after his actions.

Take his latest veto. Conan the Legislator often leaves messages on the bills he signs or vetoes, and California legislative finance bill AB 1176 is no different. He struck it down and left a brief message on his feeling on the issue. But you have to read between the lines to see what he's really thinking this time.

Specifically, the first letter of each line. The governor flips the legislature a figurative finger, spelling out an F-bomb if you read down the first letters. See for yourself:

"My goodness. What a coincidence," said Schwarzenegger spokesman Aaron McLear. "I suppose when you do so many vetoes, something like this is bound to happen."

Schwarzenegger's veto messages are sent to the lawmakers who authored the bills, and posted on the governor's Web site. McLear noted that the left-hand margin of past veto messages has spelled out words such as "poet" and "soap."

The target was San Francisco Assemblyman Tom Ammiano, who had sponsored AB1176. The bill, which passed unanimously in the Assembly and Senate, would have granted the Port of San Francisco expanded financing power to redevelop a former shipyard into a new neighborhood known as Pier 70.

"Kudos to the governor for his creative use of coincidence," said Ammiano's spokesman, Quintin Mecke. "You certainly have to have a sense of humor in politics. Unfortunately, this humor came at the cost of the Port of San Francisco."

Whether coincidence or smackdown, the phrase contained in Schwarzenegger's Oct. 12 veto message could be seen as retaliation for Ammiano's behavior during a local Democratic Party fundraiser earlier this month in San Francisco.

Schwarzenegger, a Republican, had been invited to the event by former San Francisco mayor and Assembly speaker Willie Brown, a Democrat.

His appearance at the Fairmont Hotel caught many of the attendees by surprise and came after a summer of contentious budget negotiations that forced lawmakers to cut billions of dollars from core state services, including education and health care programs.

On a video clip of the governor's appearance, Ammiano can be heard shouting "you lie" and other derogatory phrases as other attendees booed and heckled Schwarzenegger's brief speech.

After the governor left, Ammiano took the stage and gave a rambling diatribe in which he criticized Schwarzenegger for a wide variety of perceived offenses. In part, the freshman lawmaker was upset that Schwarzenegger had vetoed bills in 2005 and 2007 that would have legalized gay marriage.

When the Balloon Boy saga unfolded on live TV, it captivated much of the nation. The viewership was made up of a little bit of every type of person: concerned and horrified viewers, conspiracy theory nutjobs, fans of the morbid and everything in between. And perhaps the one unifying element that pulled these disparate groups together was a collective judgment of the rescue and response efforts.

And, of course, there would be no shortage of suggestions on how to bring Falcon Heene safely down from his escaping flying saucer nightmare at 7,000 feet.

Spectators watching the alleged balloon boy hoax unfold on live TV suggested paragliders, skydivers, fishing hooks and more to bring down the flying saucer-shaped craft thought to be carrying the 6-year-old boy - of course we learned it was an apparent publicity stunt.

The e-mails flooding Larimer County, CO., Sheriff Jim Alderden's inbox have turned to criticism of his actions in the case. And Alderden, to his credit, has responded in his weekly blog post - "Up, Up and Away." Alderden writes that people have sent e-mails from around the world, some of them calling him gullible, fat and bald with an over-inflated ego. They compared him to Barney Fife, the bumbling sheriff's deputy on the 1960s TV show "The Andy Griffith Show."

Fat and bald he'll cop to. As for the rest? Full of hot air, says the face of balloon justice. Here's a look at some of the negative response the native Illinoisan has gotten:

The majority of e-mails I received later weren't nearly as complimentary.

* Ok Barney Fife........ Law enforcement shouldnt be sceptical??? Then OJ was totally innocent in Larimer County. You are an Idiot!!!!!!!!!

* You seem to be a real pushover..... why do you want an interview again....you are sold on their story....and your department doesn't seem able to determine events. With your frame of mind, your futher investigation would retrive nothing - what do you think the family would say.... and don't you think they (family) are scripting soty at present?

* Are you ignorant? Watch the damn Wife Swap show... this was a total hoax.. hell even watch the damn home video of the parents who where THERE WHEN THE CRAFT WENT OFF. Watch the DAMN INTERVIEW VIDEOS. Your department is so god damn gullible. How you are a sheriff is beyond me.

* Anyone can see this guy set this whole thing up. If you do not proceed with charges you are a fool. And I'm certain your desk will soon have someone elses name on it. So take your arm from around his neck and stop kissing this creep. He's been endangering these kids for a while now and yoko ono is in on it also....Good luck on your book.

* THIS MORNING ON CNN I HEARD THE BIG MOUTHED,FAT ,BALD HEADED, OVER INFLATED EGO OF A SHERIFF GO ON AND ON AND ON ABOUT THE KID IN THE DAMN BALLON. WHO CARES? EVERYONE GETS THEIR FIFTEEN MINUTES OF FAME IN LIFE AND NOW THIS BLOW HARD OF A SHERIFF HAS HAD HIS. THERE HAVE BEEN SERIAL KILLERS AND TERRORISTS WHO HAVE NOT GOTTEN THIS MUCH PRESS THANKS TO MR. BIG MOUTH.

"In fact, I'm pretty ticked off that I had to spend my weekend dealing with them instead of some quality time in the saddle," Alderden wrote. "That said, sometimes the Sheriff just has to be the spokesperson instead of putting it off on the Press Information Officer. I did my best to put an end to the media circus and have refused to do any more interviews or morning TV shows, even turning down Dr. Phil."

Yet more theater from this whole Heene affair and, in the Age of the Blog, it's only fitting that a sheriff who favors star spangled cowboy shirts become a celebrity - and then blog about it.

The only real question worth asking Sheriff Alderden at this point is "Orton or Cutler?" Clearlyy, he has an opinion:

Fortunately, I also had some supporters.

* Sheriff I sure wish you lived in Illinois I am Glad to see you go after the parents of ballon boy I hope they have to pay for everything. Is it possible to charge the reality show as a co-conspriritor? But mainly I want to congradulate you on having the "cajones" to publicly state that TV reality shows are plain garbage. If you ever get to Harvard IL I'll buy you a beer and I don't even drink.

I'm originally from Illinois, so I might look you up next time I'm there. I've been known to have beer or two during a Bronco's or Bear's game.

Thank God for America and its inherent sense of entrepreneurship.

Give us lemons and we don't whine about the bitter juice. We add some high fructose corn syrup, farm production to China and profit from lemonade that's bad enough enough to make us fat and give us cancer, but too tasty to pass up.

Friends and neighbors, Balloon Boy, and his media circus parents, is our lemonade. And the story that keeps on giving, well, keeps on giving. And just in time for halloween!

Thanks to a box, a shiny balloon and some schadenfreude-fueled imagination, you, too, can be Balloon Boy for halloween (TV interview vomit optional).

There's even some helpful advice from the geniuses at Microflight that thought this up:

Now you too can enjoy all the media attention you want with Plantraco's Balloon Boy Hoax kit. A great flying saucer that is going to put a big smile on your face. Colorado flying saucers and hot air balloon hoaxes are famous these days, get on the bandwagon for trick-or-treat halloween fun and loads of laughs for everyone!

Just ring the doorbell and say "I'm supposed to be flying in there, but my dad said to stay in the box for the show!" - you are practically guaranteed to get double and triple halloween treats with this authentic and collectible Balloon Boy Flying Saucer Hoax trick costume!

Halloween has morphed into a holiday - no, holiday doesn't seem right, but go with with it - offering fun and candy for the kiddies, a chance for adults to dress up in hilarious costumes and get hammered and, of course, the opportunity to set fire to Detroit. And every year there's a transcendent, and usually nonsensical, news story that creates fodder for the grownups to play dressup.

This year we get little Falcon and the fighting Heene clan to thank for our thrills and chills.

This clearly has family possibilities - or even cross-family if you explore the "Wife Swap" aspects.