... against Glenn Beck, involving puppy shooters, "Video Gaming Expertes," loiterers and transvestite prostitute solicitors, according to the satirical christwire.org, a site that's so satirical it comes all the way around the other side to where it sometimes uncannily resembles reality (see the story headlined "Chinese are Evil and Racism is Always Unacceptable").¹
Christwire alledges the conspiracy here: "Secret Democrat Party Operatives Slander Fox News Star With Rape Charge":
Their co-conspirators (see chart below) have done a great amount of damage to Glenn Beck in particular and journalism in general. Collectively, this group threatens the good intentions of our Constitution with their perversions of moral standards and common decency. This is a new low, even for the Democrats. Fortunately, Beck's team has won the first round and Hall has been revealed as the secret operative that he is. The slimy underbelly of America's leftwing conspiracy has been exposed to the sunlight of reason. Hopefully, it will only be a matter of time before the rest of them slither away into obscurity or prison.
Among the "co-conspirators":
Hollywood Liberal Jim Emerson: A member of the Los Angeles elite, he is a writer for the Chicago Sun-Times and a Buster Keaton fan. Affiliated with billionaire Bill Gates and Microsoft.
I deny these vicious conspiracy rumors entirely (although there is good evidence that I am a Buster Keaton fan), unlike Glenn Beck, who has not refuted or even apologized for raping and killing a young girl in1990, or admitted that he is still hiding Weapons of Mass Destruction in violation of UN sanctions against him. Besides, no one has accused Glenn Beck of raping and killing a young girl in 1990; the disturbing question is why he has not denied it. And if he doesn't have WMD, why is he behaving the way he is? Why won't he simply prove he doesn't have them by confessing exactly where they are?
(tip: Matt Posey)
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A Guide to Glenn Beck's Greatest Tinfoil-Hat Hits and Tricks. (Actually, I thought the frog in boiling water bit was pretty funny. I don't know what it was meant to symbolize, but his comedic timing was solid.)
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¹ From "Chinese are Evil and Racism is Always Unacceptable."
They detonate nukes in the name of their god. They daydream about the moment when the lifeblood of your loved ones trickles down their family's ceremonial Samurai sword. Make no mistake, we should have great fear of the Asiatic Chinese, for the day shall come when they attack and try to kill us all dead!
As mentioned before, I am extremely terrified of Chinese people, but I am not racist. You should feel the same way too.
There is a secret right wing conspiracy, and there is a secret left wing conspiracy. The only problem is that these "conspiracies" are hardly secret (formula: remove the word "secret" from secret conspiracy and the paradigm is changed, becomes "agenda" or "lobby" for either side of the aisle). Of course, political action groups (or even individuals) have motives, have goals; they want their constituents to be happy, nothing wrong with that, but that is the problem with politics, and worse for our country. We have too many people, thus too many people want to be happy, and it's hard to bring happiness to everyone (just ask any parent), especially when one's happiness is another's misery.
Never believed in any conspiracy theory. I like the comment from Norman Mailers, a Democrat left-winger: "conspiracy theories are tantalising if not for their poverty of proof." He said this when discussing the consipracy theories behind JFK's assassination. In modern times when governments cannot even keep secret the Watergate break-in or Monica Lewinsky, I doubt they can keep in other "secrets" like 9/11 conspiracy. When discussing 9/11 with someone recently, he claimed 9/11 was a government inside job and that the planes had no passengers and that even the air plane crash remnants at Pentagon were "placed" there by CIA. Well, I justified his response by telling him he was insane!
It's hard to explain but I just get this feeling like we're coming close to creating the internet equivalant of a black hole. Satire layered upon satire layered upon Glenn Beck diatribes just seems like a sure-fire way to cause the internet to collapse upon itself.
Dear Jim,
While you may disagree with some of my fine points, you should accept that my reporting is fair and accurate. My investigations into your background revealed profound connections between your activist work and the Hollywood Liberal agenda. I kept certain bits back out of respect for your family and your condo board.
I am sorry the sudden spotlight on your disreputable career makes you cringe, but sometimes being shocked into reality is the first step in realizing you have a problem, that you are squatting on the wrong side of history, that when the story of this epoch is written people like you will be blamed for the great moral destruction of decent and deeply-felt American values at the hands of the "anything goes" Democrats who believe we can tax ourselves to recovery and give each and every fellow who wanders into this country gold-plated health care without bankrupting the Capitalist ethos, never mind the Christian ethos, on which this country prospered and became great enough to lead the world out of the darkness of fascism, Nazism, communism, perversion, poverty, nuclear war and Islamic fundamentalism. Do you really want to be against all that is good in this world? Think on it for me.
With blessings and love,
Stephenson Billings, Investigative Journalist
JE: Will you pray for me?
Oh the horror - the Chinese and their Samurai swords...
Yawn. Another Glenn Beck slam. How original.
"Do you really want to be against all that is good in this world?"
Sure do. Where do I sign up?
On behalf of all the sane, rational Christians in the world, I would like to report that (the decidedly unstable) Glenn Beck does not in fact speak for the majority. I cringe every time I see something like this, painting us as fundamentalist fanatics. I know there are no such thing as "death panels" or "liberal Hollywood conspiracies." The mere thought is completely idiotic. I live in Canada, but I still wholeheartedly support what the Obama administration is trying to do. That every single American citizen is not entitled to comprehensive health care coverage is a preposterous and alien concept to me. Surely the world's largest economy can afford to protect its citizens this way? And as for "good ol' fashioned capitalist Christianity," Mikhail Gorbachev was on to something when he said that Jesus was the first socialist. Christ called us to look after one another, not to leave each other out in the rain.
By the way Jim, how did you enjoy VIFF?
JE: I most certainly did enjoy VIFF -- and will write more about what I saw there this week. Meanwhile, I don't know if Glenn Beck is religious at all -- much less a Christian. And you're right, Jesus was unquestionably no capitalist! According to the New Testament, his key message was redistribution of wealth: "If you would be perfect, go, sell what you possess and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven." (Matthew 19:21.) "Truly, I say unto you, it will be hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven." "You cannot serve both God and Money." (Matthew 19:23; 6:24.)
What's up with Buster Keaton, was he a member of the Bohemian Grove?
JE: Just goes to show how you can make anything sound sinister if you mention it in a certain context. Personally, I could never be a vegetarian because, you know, Hitler was one. (I'm kidding about that. Not that Hitler was one -- he was -- but that it would affect how I view vegetarianism.)
I love Glenn Beck and Jim Emerson. I love Roger Ebert and Rush Limbaugh. I love Jesus and capitalism. What is wrong with me?!
JE: I can hear James Dean in "Rebel Without a Cause": "You're tearing me apart!"
Being from Australia, can someone in the US please explain to me why so many people are opposed to a national health care system? We have it in Australia and it works great - it is called Medicare. Yes, taxpayers do pay a Medicare levy but, in the end, we all need it sooner or later. However, we also have the option of private health care in addition to the Medicare. Private health care costs around $80 per month but having that peace of mind is worth it. If we go to the hospital to have mandatory surgery, we don't pay anything. We certainly don't have hospital bills of $100,000 to pay. That is just ridiculous!
I picture GB as more of Brando from "The Wild One":
Mildred: What're you rebelling against, Johnny?
Johnny: Whaddya got?
JE: I see him more as the Gimp from "Pulp Fiction," who lives his life in a box.
I think the Buster Keaton link is the key to understanding this conspiracy. Buster Keaton was a member of the Templars (possibly, BK learned advanced filming techniques from Da Vinci's secretly coded notebooks)and as such, we can decipher that Jim's supposed "fan" status is, in reality, a admission of Templar membership and their centuries long fight to obscure the truth.
We have found you out Jim.
JE: I am a follower of Simon Templar. And Temple Grandin.
Beck is a Mormon.
Although he didn't eat much meat, Hitler wasn't strictly a vegetarian, and he certainly wasn't a vegetarian for ethical reasons. He simply had digestive issues. So yeah: Meat gave the monster poo problems. Sigh. What can ya do?
LOL, who knew the templars were the origin of left wing conspiracies.
Only the chosen few I guess.
This line needs to be re-written for it to work:
Mildred: What're you rebelling against, Glenny?
Glenny: Whaddya want?
Much more appropriate. I don't think they actually believe much of the crap they're spouting, but many of their listeners do. That makes them more evil in my book, since even Pat Buchanan actually believes the stuff he says, which gives him some sort of moral leg up on Beck and Limbaugh.
Ken, you hit the nail on the head about the Buster Keaton-Jim Emerson-Liberal Destruction of Society connection. That's precisely why I had to mention it. It reveals a startling character flaw for a man who claims to be an independently-minded newspaper columnist, when in fact I suspect he is a highly placed agent of the Obama administration, handsomely bribed with paper bags full of grubby bills to do whatever nefarious deeds Hillary and Michelle and the Templar leaders demand of him.
Can we get a satire font, too, please?
The problem I have with ChristWire is that I don't know what they're trying to do except have fun. My next post will be my meager attempts at humor but also at actually making a point here and there with topical satire of events occuring on Mr Ebert's site. My satire might not be all that good, but at least I know what I'm trying to accomplish with it. Some of it won't make any sense because it was aimed at entries on Roger's site. In any event, I do try to accomplish something espescially with the last portion of it, pertaining to you.
It's ironic that Roger's site is out-of-order right now.
JE: I see [George Bush] more as the Gimp from "Pulp Fiction," who lives his life in a box.
I have to say, that's one of the wittiest—and most accurate—observations I've ever heard.
The idea of turning the tables on Glenn Beck like this is brilliant. However, I don't understand: Did Beck really sue?
Being accused of being affiliated with billionaire Bill Gates, the greatest of all Machiavelians, is grounds for legal action.
For someone relatively new to the entertainment aspects of the internet, ChristWire is a real Kafkaistic experience. It is also, a very bad idea.
To quote from your own site: "There's nothing I like less than bad arguments for a view that I hold dear." -- Daniel Dennett
And: Bill Maher proves . . . by acting like one. Only I don't know what ChristWire is trying to prove, except that Liberals are axholes, which if true counts me out. Even the Marquis deSade when he wrote "120 days of Sodomy" had an outline of what he wanted to "accomplish."