Edward Copeland asks: Do certain performers affect you like the sound of nails on a chalkboard? He lists Danny Huston, Kevin Costner, Kate Capshaw and Kim Cattrall among his most shudder-worthy. Some have charisma on the screen, and some don't. Or, at least, some of us are mystified by what others see in them (I could never understand the whole Ronald Reagan-as-president thing; he always seemed to me like a minor audioanimatronic attraction at Disneyland: Doddering Moments With Mr. Reagan, the Non-Communicator).
For me, it really is an involuntary, visceral response. I'm not sure I can adequately explain my instinctive revulsion for the following (in some cases the reaction has developed over time, like an allergy, as if I've built up antibodies against them), but here they are, in no particular order:
Tom Cruise. Incapable of convincingly expressing any emotion beyond grim determination. Unless it's intensely focused ambition.
Adam Sandler. Pauly Shore, but with a more limited range. Always looks as though he's going to start laughing at how funny he thinks he is. (Yes, I make an exception for "Punch Drunk Love," but I still would rather have been watching someone else. And that one had Mary Lynn Rajskub. She saves America every week on "24," and she saved Sandler's behind in this movie.)
Robin Williams. Not well-cast in human roles. (See all of the above.)
Cuba Gooding, Jr. His career after he won an Oscar for "Jerry Maguire" has made it almost impossible to sit through any of the good stuff he did before then. Tried to watch "Boyz N the Hood" recently? It's so preachy and sanctimonious it almost looks like a Matty Rich film now, but in fairness that's probably more John Singleton's fault than Gooding's alone.
That blonde heiress with the dead-trout eyes who's famous for her night-vision porno video and being in the tabloids a lot. Perfect example of "horrisma." She's like Ann Coulter in drag. Or not in drag. I'm not really sure which. But both have all the appeal of impetigo.
Chris Rock. The comedy version of Tom Cruise. Always trying way too hard to convince you... of something.
Sandra Bullock. Like watching a coconut on a stick.
Mel Gibson. "Braveheart" finally did it for me (and that was a whole five years before "What Women Want"). He enjoyed torturing himself way, way too much. Just as there is Young Elvis and Fat Elvis, there's Young Mel (pre-"Lethal Weapon 2") and Creepy Mel ("Air America" forward). Watching "The Road Warrior," it's hard to comprehend what later became of that cool guy who once played Mad Max.
Harrison Ford. Once he had a sense of humor about himself -- on screen, at least. It doesn't help that he hasn't made a decent movie ("Clear and Present Danger") in 13 years. He's great in "The Conversation," though.
Katie Holmes. Zombified. Why do I even know who she is?
Shaved vagina girl. Has she made any movies or is she just on the Internets?
Lindsay Lohan. From Mean Girl to Lucky Girl (cast with Meryl Streep and Lily Tomlin in an Altman movie). Now it's over. She's the Alicia Silverstone of tomorrow, but without the comic timing. Ten years ago, John Waters might have been able to salvage her career. Now it's too late. (OK, I'm sorry: That Alicia Silverstone crack was too mean -- to Alicia Silverstone.)
Jim Carrey. See Chris Rock, above.
Natalie Portman. It's as though she aspires to be forgettable, like generic "citrus"-flavored Pixy Stix. For some reason she reminds me of Veruca Salt on Xanax and I want her to swell up into a big blueberry. But I feel that way about nearly everyone who appeared in the "Star Wars" prequels.
wow, some of those were mean. I would add Ashton Kutcher (no talent, lots of success on top of just being really annoying), and Russell Crowe (talent not enough to back up huge, snarky ego).
JE: Yes, they're mean -- but honest! After all, the topic was "nails on a blackboard," so mild reservations, or even reasonable ones, are not among the criteria here. This is about contempt worthy of Lina Lamont: "I cayn't stand'im!"
I may not be stretching my revulso-meter much but my list would begin and end with Steven Seagal. I can't watch him, I can't listen to him...I agree with you about Tom Cruise but I still like some of his films. I couldn't possibly watch Seagal in the greatest screenplay directed by the greatest director of all time. He is a walking smirk. Honorable mentions include: Patrick Swayze, Sylvester Stallone, and, for something completely different, that woman from The Closer on TNT. I'm also glad to hear that I'm not the only one to think Chris Rock is a bit shy of a genius. Of course I'm sure these are all lovely people off screen.
JE: You're right, Dane. I haven't had to think of Seagal in a long time. He's way off the top of my Revulse-o-meter. The last Cruise movie I really liked was "Eyes Wide Shut" (although, come to think of it, I liked "War of the Worlds," too; I just keep blanking out that he was in it).
I just meant they were mean for you, you always seemed like such a nice guy.
But I do agree with 90% of your list.
Samuel L. Jackson - Talk about trying too hard. Every time he speaks, he sounds like he's using his "acting voice." Sadly, the only time he sounds okay is when he's cursing.
Russell Crowe - What happened to the guy who did The Insider?
Melora Walters - I'm a huge PT Anderson fan, and unfortunately, he's a huge Melora Walters fan. I'm dumbfounded by the fact that such a brilliant man with so many good actors (Philip Seymour Hoffman, John C. Reilly, William H. Macy, Julianne Moore) can have such poor taste. Who told this woman she can act?
Chris Rock - I totally agree. He tries too hard. Look at Dogma; when he's going nuts, he sounds okay, but when he tries to give a speech, he sounds like a high school theatre reject. He's a comedian, not an actor.
Zooey Deschanel - I saw Flakes at SXSW the other day, and talk about a dull actress. I think...yeah, once, she showed emotion.
I know there are more, but I don't need to get myself wound up anymore this evening.
Julia Roberts tops my list. I don't find her attractive, talented or pleasant to watch, and I'm mystified that she's one of the biggest stars on the planet. I actually am looking forward to "Oceans 13" this summer simply because she's not in it. Am I missing something here?
I agree completely about Tom Cruise. I've never understood his appeal. In interviews, he always comes across as incredibly self-conscious, as if he's just pretending to be whatever role he's taking on in the interview (e.g. guy in love, concerned father, movie star). He's incredibly self-conscious as an actor as well, and always seems to have one eye on the camera, as if he's thinking "look at me being sad, look at me being angry." Again, more as if he's pretending than acting. Maybe that's why Magnolia is one of his best roles--he's playing a guy who's pretending to be something he's not. It seems natural that Cruise could pretend to be such a guy.
Regarding Mel Gibson and Harrison Ford--they used to be great. How far they've both fallen.
I recently re-watched The Fellowship of the Ring.
When I had last seen it, Orlando Bloom had done nothing but LOTR, and I only thought of him as "Legolas." As I watched it again, all I could think was, "Omigod, it's that wanker Orlando Bloom!"
A great part of the enjoyment of this film is now ruined for me.
I realize that's the point, but I have to agree with Eric that this is a little (unnecessarily?) mean.
That said, Jim, your list seems to be crowded with people whose persona rather than performances you don't like. You admit to liking Tom Cruise movies, so how can he be "nails on a chalkboard" for you? And you've liked Harrison Ford in the past. Isn't your real problem the fact that he's picked horrible material lately? If he were in a good film, would he be "nails on a chalkboard"?
Edward Copeland's listing of Danny Huston, although I disagree, strikes me as being in the right spirit for this excercise. Many people like Danny Huston's work, especially in ivansxtc and The Proposition, but he has a very unusual acting style. And yes, he may have singlehandedly crippled Silver City.
Although I would definitely agree, listing people like Adam Sandler seems too easy. (On a side note: have I mentioned how much I hated, hated, hated Punch-Drunk Love? But then, I also think P.T. Anderson is overrated.)
And I can't believe Natalie Portman is on your list. Did you see Beautiful Girls?
Hillary Swank. I like Swank when she does a good job, as in Boys Don't Cry and Million Dollar Baby, but when she does her paycheck pictures I can't stand her. Same with Halle Barry, though I can't say I really care much for her "good" acting, as in Monster's Ball.
Unfortunately, seeing Black Snake Moan and Zodiac in the past couple weeks means I've been blessed with two back-to-back viewings of trailers for The Reaping and Perfect Stranger (starring Hillary Swank and Halle Barry, respectively). It's sad to see what actors do with their Oscar clout.
How about the cast of Saturday Night Live, c.1985-present? Carvey, Meyers, Farley, Sandler, Schneider (*shudder*), Farrel....
Shaved vagina girl? Which one?
Natalie Portman, you must admit, was great in Leon.
I guess I'll rattle off a few guys:
Ben Stiller
Hillary Duff (having her in your cast should not be a selling point for a movie)
Nicolas Cage
Rob Schneider (too obvious?)
Will Ferrell (not half as funny as he thinks he is)
I have to give a nod to the cast of Lucky You. Eric Bana for being in Ang Lee's horrible Hulk, Drew Barrymore for becoming ugly, and Robert Duvall for being old and not THX-1138 anymore.
And I've gotta give a nod to Ice T because the guy seems to be trying to make us forget that he's the father of gangster rap. He can be both!
Oh, Marcia Cross for her arrogant smile and for starring on Desperate Housewives, the poor man's Sex in the City.
Frank Sinatra because he's overrated and his arogance comes through in every note he sings (I'm criticizing him as a singer rather than an actor, but I just plain hate this guy.)
*IMPETIGO, and Dead Trout Eyes. I am slain.
I would ask your opinion Jim, how about:
a list of actors who REDEEMED themselves by regaining or earning some collective respect? You know, a genuine Tool, who through selective casting, mad hustling, or other Good Deeds lets us Like them again. "Masters" humbling themselves?
For instance, I thought Portman was a Dink until she spit out some (Harvard Grad) East Coast gangsta-rap on Saturday Night Live.
Kenneth Brannagh seemed like a sanctimonious dickweed until a quickie twist in "Harry Potter". Seagal gains my respect for earnestly learning Blues guitar.
Those examples may be lowbrow... I am off, sir?
DVC: I wonder about those things myself. How much of my inability to tolerate the onscreen presence of some of these performers has to do with my off-screen impressions of them? Hard to say. But I know Woody Allen has been hard for me to stomach ever since the Soon-Yi thing (although I liked "Husbands and Wives," which came out in the middle of it). Strangely, I feel the same way about Mia Farrow since then. Is it because they've both produced lesser material in these later years? That's undoubtedly part of it. And, as I said, I didn't always feel so negatively toward all these actors, but my visceral reaction to them today has (I think) less to do with their choice of poor material than my revulsion at their shtick. I'm not just tired of them -- they make my stomach hurt. Still, a good director (like Stanley Kubrick or Steven Spielberg), who really knows how to exploit an actor's strengths and weaknesses, can make me tolerate or even appreciate even an actor as intolerable as Tom Cruise. (And I've felt that way about him even in another movie I liked, "Risky Business" -- because I think he was supposed to be an ass.)
And, yes, it's all mean, mean, mean. But I'm not doing a John Simon, making fun of these actors' physical attributes. I just need to vent every once in a while, and this gave me an opportunity...
Danny Huston indeed. He sticks out painfully in every movie I've seen him in except "Birth," where he was merely adequate. I guess he blended into the scenery well enough in "Children of Men." It seems like directors cast him solely for his heritage- John Sayles wanted to emphasize the "Chinatown" connection, hence his role in "Silver City;" for "Birth," we are reminded of John Huston's "The Dead." And so on.
As far as actors who force me to intentionally avoid a film because of their presence, John Leguizamo jumps to mind. Because of him I waited to rent "Land of the Dead" on DVD, a movie I likely would have otherwise seen opening weekend.
I'm not sure whether I'll be alone on this here, but I love Jim Carrey in certain roles; specifically, his dramatic turn in "Eternal Sunshine," although I suppose I love that movie too unreasonably to see flaws in it. (It came at a crucial point, etc., etc.) Honestly though I think he was acting there and not showcasing how goddamned funny he is.
Wow. I read your blog religiously, but this post almost has me rethinking that position. This screed was nasty, man ... and, well, revolting, and closed-minded, and shallow ... kinda like nails on a chalkboard.
And I don't know where I start to disagree ... I mean, Natalie Portman? c'mon man. OK, she wasn't good in Closer, but we all have our bad days. Some of these people can be annoying sometimes, but have done so many good things that they get a break from me ... Robin Williams? He's made lots of clunkers - but I'll always have a soft spot for him because of the great stuff I loved him in. Same with Adam Sandler and Jim Carrey. Even Tom Cruise. Everything everyone says about him is probably true - but I still have liked almost every movie he's been in - so how bad can he be?
But hey, to each their own.
Will Smith. It's hard because everyone else seems to love him, but every wisecrack - EVERY SINGLE ONE - makes me want to throw something at the screen. Maybe it's not him, per se, but the character that he seems to play in most of his movies. He ruined I, Robot for me, which was quite an impressive feat since I revere the director of The Crow and Dark City as some sort of filmmaking god.
Jim...so glad to see Natalie Portman on the list. I thought I was the only one who didn't subscribe to the "Emperors New Clothes" theory that she is some sort of phenomenal talent. It's as if she thinks coming close to crystallization on screen is akin to great acting. I disagree on Cruise and Carrey, though (and I love Rock's stand-up comedy, but agree about him in films)
Some of my personal graters:
Julia Roberts - The same mannerisms. Very little authenticity. And the movies she's in...so philosophically repugnant and flat-out repetititve. Although, since I mentioned Portman above, I will say that Roberts is the only person who convinces us that she is human in the mess that is "Closer".
- Stephen Dorff. OK, a cheapshot perhaps, since he's a B-level actor at best. But this guy's presence is almost a guarantee of low quality. He almost singlehandedly turned "Blood & Wine" from a potentially Hawksian throwback to the grating noir that it is.
- Will Ferrell. He might be at the top of my list. Am I the only person who DOESN'T find him funny? How does yelling your lines in a monotonous tone make them humourous?
- Leonardo DiCaprio. I enjoy him in offbeat, charming roles (like "Catch Me If You Can"), but when he tries to act tough or serious, it's like a kid trying to sit at the grown-up table. I have yet to see him in "Blood Diamond", though, so I'll give him a shot there.
- Orlando Bloom. Someone mentioned him above, but it deserves repeating. There's no there there.
- Renee Zellweger. Everyone loves her? Not quite. With each passing year, her eyes get squintier and her lips get scrunchier. Pretty soon her face will implode.
- Cameron Bright. An obscure choice, but he's right near the top of my list. Who is he, you ask? The creepy-looking kid who seems to be in vogue right now...from "Thank You For Smoking", "Birth" and "Running Scared". The kid's a blank slate, which is bad enough, but he's also got a bizarre, demonic look that makes him look like a possessed, alcoholic forty year-old trapped in an eleven year-old's body. Freaky stuff. He nearly stopped the comedy dead in its tracks in every scene involving him in "Thank You For Smoking".
And finally, the most sacriligious of them all, the one that causes me to receive the most amount of flak from my friends and family:
- Humphrey Bogart. I can say no more, I've said it all before, and if you don't share my view, nothing's going to convince you anyway.
I think you're insane for disliking Portman, but I can't really argue the rest, though many of them have had a few good performances in them over the years.
The only one I can think of right now is Jamie Bell. I started seeing him in movies a couple of years ago, and for some inexplicable reason I had a general dislike for him. Whenever he was on screen in King Kong I felt very uneasy, and the same goes for Flags of Our Fathers. I always felt like he was going to get someone killed for some reason, just by being in whatever scene he was in.
Then, more recently I saw him in Undertow, which I loved, and like him in, and looked him up only to find out he's Billy freakin' Elliot. I think maybe I've had a sub-conscious distate for him because I think I felt the same way all through Bill Elliot. I was just hitting puberty, and my mom dragged me to an english movie about a kid my age doing balet and kissing his best friend. The young, television raised me got weirded out by all the foreignness of everything in the movie.
There's other people that whenever I see them in a cast list, i'm not too excited, but I can't recall any more right now.
Robin Williams. Not well-cast in human roles. (See all of the above.)
But apparently good enough to lift material from. That "Ronald Reagan as an audio-animatronic" is straight from his stand-up routine.
I never got the whole "revulsion" thing anyway. Yeah, some actors I don't care for so much as others. But to dislike somebody to the point of physical revulsion? I dunno. The phrase "get a grip" comes to mind here.
For me, it's usually "failed" comedians who turn out to be the most annoying. By "failed" I mean I just don't find them funny, but god bless 'em they sure are hamming it up anyway. I see Jim's list has mostly comedians on it as well, and I suspect many other lists would look the same. What is about watching someone try to be funny and not laughing at them that is so particularly irritating? In any case, Will Ferrell currently tops my list. He has to ham up every movement, expression, line to the max, and it drives me crazy. I cannot watch a film if he is in it.
As for "serious" actors, my number one is Kevin Spacey, the hammiest hambone what ever hammed. People complain about Malkovich's quirks and gesticulations, but Spacey's "method" is so transparent on screen, I have to resist the urge to shout "Stop acting dammit! Just stop f***ing acting for one second will you?" He has to breathe "significance" into every line, which is OK if you're doing the Olivier thing, but just annoying as hell when you're apparently trying to sell it as an authentic performance. See American Beauty and K-Pax as examples of maximum Spacey irritation.
I can’t stand Juliette Lewis. I dare you to watch The Other Sister and try to take her seriously in any role. After watching Too Young to Die? I wanted to kick her in the mouth.
Quentin Tarantino in anything. He always reminds me of the kid everyone hated growing up that talked with a lisp and had an inhaler.
When is John Heder’s fifteen minutes going to be up? He plays the same character every movie.
I just re-read my earlier comment (#2 up there) and realized I had mistakenly slandered Kyra Sedgwick. This is what comes from not watching much TV. I meant that woman from Cold Case. And that's CBS, not TNT. I'm less than 6 degrees from a husband going upside my head. Mea culpa.
Katie Holmes- I saw "The Ice Storm" when it came out and had an almost immediate crush on her (I saw 15 or 16 at the time). This lasted through "Wonder Boys" and her nude scene in "The Gift." Then I saw part of "Teaching Mrs. Tingle" on cable and some of her work on Dawson's Creek. Ouch. I'm glad I jumped that ship when I did.
When I saw "The Station Agent" I realized I had been horribly misguided and it was her "Dawson" co-star Michelle Williams whose career I should have been following.
Also, who is this "Shaved vagina girl?"
Hmm... I may the only guy here who things Danny Huston is a pretty decent actor. I particularly liked his performance in "The Proposition", though that movie belonged to Ray Winstone if it belonged to anyone.
The actor that really, really, really grates on my nerves for a reason I can't particularly explain is Ryan Phillipe... geez, he annoys me to no end. Somehow he's managed to get himself cast in a lot of very, very good movies (such as "Gosford Park" and "Flags of our Fathers"), and he's the worst thing in every one of them. He seems phony in every role, and has this smirky arrogance that bleeds into every part he plays. Seriously, he nearly ruined the otherwise very good "Breach" for me... I wish he would turn his attention to less ambitious films, so he would stop messing up every movie I'm really interested in.
Back at ya later
So... should we disregard your reviews whenver one of these actors is involved? Because this piece comes across as both cruel and mean-spirited.
I remember back in the early years of Steve Martin's career, Roger Ebert didn't like anything he was in. Ebert was never mean about it -- he was honest and even scathing, but never cruel. What I admired was how Ebert was perfectly willing to change his mind when Steve Martin started making better films (I think it was "All of Me" that broke the mold).
Hope you're able to be as flexible, rather than harboring personal (and frankly petty) grudges against actors.
Tom Cruise is a bit of an easy target, especially these days. It's true that he often plays the same roles, and he has some difficulty supressing his typical mannerisms, but occassionally he really surprises with a very good performance. In fact I hold Eyes Wide Shut solely responsible for completely changing my attitude about him. I think people should give him a break.
If I had to name one actor who I think is terribly overrated it's Tom Hanks. It's not so much that he grates on me that I think he's just always "Tom Hanks", in whatever role he plays.
JE: Ben, I agree with you about "Eyes Wide Shut." Kubrick knew exactly what he was doing with Cruise, who's playing a shallow, risible character. (That's the point!) But I've never forgiven Cruise for his work in "Top Gun" or "The Firm" or (maybe worst of all) "Cocktail." It's not that he's recently gotten bad; it's that he rarely gets any better.
Clark, I don't share your feeling about Ryan Phillipe but just wondering if you caught him in Igby Goes Down? That might have been perfect casting for your benefit.
Jim, catty and hateful, but fun(?) I have issues with some of the people you list as leading actors, like Chris Rock, but I've seen him support pretty well. Most of these people I would hardly consider actors anyway. Some fall under the celebrity status, and that's not necessarily the same. You've gone a little gossip column on us Jim.
Others on you list I've seen do outstanding work. Portman in "Vendatta" was outstanding. You don't like Gibson because he tortured himself too much?...What? Jim Carrey has given some fun performances, and spot on ones too. It seems like you're very much caught up in the moment with some of these (while others I can't argue).
I'll tell you who I don't enjoy watching right now:
Drew Barrymore... how many times can she play quirky romantic comedy girl? But once she finds something else to do, I might enjoy her again.
Michael Rappaport
Meg Ryan
I even grow a little weary of George Clooney every now and then, always playing the quiet, stoic leading man.
But that's how Hollywood works. The reason why you don't see Cruise do more than the two things you claim he does, is because he's a business man first and an actor later, and he's taken the roles he knows people have liked to see him in. Most often brand naming comes before acting. That's how careers are unfortunately kept. Gotta keep up appearances my man. At least people like Jim Carrey try to break that mold every now and then with films like "Cable Guy" (highly underrated) and "Eternal Sunshine". Which reminds me of Matthew Broderick whose really been annoying me lately with his serious of tediously whiny roles.
re Will Ferrel: I've only seen two of his films: Talladega Nights (Funny) and Stranger Than Fiction: the latter was a pretty straight role, and I thought he was very good. His NON-response to Maggie Gyllenhall screaming "GET BENT, TAXMAN!" was better than anything he could have said.
Sandra Bullock? Still looking for the right role IMHO, since Miss Congeniality she's been ill-served by rom-coms and drama alike, with the possible exception of Crash. I see an Oscar-nominated biopic in her future. (Any plans for as biopic of Leni Riefenstahl, anyone?)
De Caprio... obviously sick of being the obnoxious kid, really working at the acting job. While watching The Departed I forgot his previous films, which is what he wants, I think.
Names I would put on that list would be: Lucy Liu,
Hugh Grant, Pierce Brosnan, Marilyn Monroe, but the top of my unwatchables list is permanently occupied by Jude Law. He looks like a genetically-engineered mongrel of other movie stars, less than the sum of his parts. Did OK as a plastic android in A.I., I suppose.
The Disney Channel
Vince Vaughn. I can't stand that guy. He is so amazingly obnoxious in every movie I've ever seen him in that I've come to believe that it must just be HIM that I can't stand , not just the characters he plays. Adjectives such as "abrasive", "arrogant", and "smarmy" just don't do justice to him.
Grim Determination - thanks for summing up in two words every performance by Tom Cruise. His earnest intensity drives me nuts. But he's not my least favorite actor. That goes to Steven Segal.
There are a bunch of actors who were good starting out, and have now become caricatures of themselves, ruining the movies they're in. Like Jack Nicholson, who took me right out of The Departed with his "Joker on steroids" performance in the restaurant scene.
Then there's Nicolas Cage, who still believes he's an intense teen hearthrob mouth-breather - except in "Adaptation", where he decided to act a bit. And what the hell happened to Tim Robbins? A fine, subtle actor who has transformed into the bug-eyed crazy guy in his last few movies.
Adam Sandler - Don't you feel like he's the guy that you tell "don't look at the camera" while shooting, and you know he's trying reeeeaaallly hard not to look at the camera?
Richard Gere - emotes by squinting and blinking a lot.
Juliette Lewis - Looks stoned all the time, and just keeps tilting her head from side to side. "The Other Sister" was almost type-casting...oooh that was mean. Sorry.
- Sean Penn. Imagine him in a light-hearted romantic comedy. Or in a small role as an average citizen. See what I mean?
- Powers Boothe - He sounds like his voice is being dubbed by someone just reading the lines.
- Diane Keaton - After Annie Hall, she just seems to laugh a bit too much in her roles. Drinking game: Take a swig every time she laughs before or after a line - two if she says something that's not funny.
- Annette Bening - Incredibly overrated. She almost ruined American Beauty with her caricature of a housewife. Behaves like she's on stage all the time.