Sometimes irony is so ironic
It always amuses me when someone writes to complain about my being snarky or rude in writing about someone else. Because, almost inevitably, they end up being far more nasty than I would ever be. In print or otherwise.
Here's a brilliant example from this weekend. (Just to clarify one reference in the letter: I co-authored a book with my boss, the founder of a Human Resources consulting firm when I was 22. The wretched book is, alas, still in print. And he's still making all the money from it.)
Anyway, please enjoy some writing that far exceeds my limited talent for rudeness . . .
Dear Ms. Pickett:
Usually, If I were to write to a columnist, I would address him or her by first name, as their column has moved me in a positive and friendly direction, causing me to believe that they might just be a friend that I have yet to meet. In fact, I have made many such friends by stepping up, so-to-speak, and voicing my opinion relative to their work.
I am sorry to say that this writing is not such a case. You, Madam, are no friend of mine, nor do I believe that you ever could be, after reading your column of Sunday morning and your unfair and derogatory banter and baseless belligerence toward a highly talented and brilliant young author named Caprice Crane.
Miss Crane has proven her worth over a long career with MTV and others and finally was fortunate to be able to share with readers everywhere her wonderfully conceived and well planned story of Heaven and Brady in her book "Stupid and Contagious".
Sure the story is, as you put it, "a cute romantic comedy", but SO WHAT? This reader, and thousands of others have found it to be both well written and hilarious to the point of laughing out loud, and putting the phone on DND (that's Do Not Disturb, in case you didn't know that), so as not to be bothered by silly things called "Clients" while enthralled by this purely enjoyable 321 pages.
Ms. Pickett... Have you ever written 321 enjoyable and funny pages that were published, or is your resume limited to the 200 page Self Help "Guide" to getting a job? Obviously your target demographic consists of the unemployed and unemployable, who do not have enough sense to even properly interview for a position. In reading reviews of your book, I understand that this is in fact the case, else, why would anyone need or even WANT to read the book that you helped write!
The first sentence of your vile review states the obvious, and also shows that you care not if your review is inappropriate or not. You wrote it. You submitted it to your editor. You printed it. Shame on you, Ms. Pickett. Shame on you.
The one hope that I have, is that as many people who were unfortunate to have stumbled across your misconstrued and malicious diatribe of Sunday morning are also the same folks who have read reviews of your work and take your opinions with a grain of salt. Maybe they'll even be so curious that they'll rush out and buy "Stupid and Contagious" just to see what you are so uppity about! Does the publication "Chicagoist" ring a bell?
In fact, did your parents never teach you that if you have nothing nice to say about someone, don't say anything? I understand that it is your job to review books. OK. You didn't enjoy this book. That's okay too. You know what they say about opinions and........... Everyone has one.
My beef with you is plain and simple, Ms. Pickett: You were inappropriate in your review. You knew it when you wrote it, yet you wrote it anyway. You accuse a first time novelist of being untalented. You credit her parental ties with her publishing this novel. Please, lady. At least have some class.
Are you upset that Miss Crane is an extremely attractive, witty, intelligent and "got it all going on lady", and that you are... Well..... We have all seen your picture and read reviews of your work.... Or are you just jealous that Miss Crane has a hit on her hands at thirty years of age and you have..... Well..... a Co-Authored "How to book"...?
I for one think that if you have one shred of decency about yourself, at minimum you should apologize to your readers for losing your cool and allowing your own insecurities dictate your work.
Alan Abrams
Scottsdale, Arizona
Comments
I am of the opinion Alan Abrams is either a family member or romantically linked to the author or the author is posing as Alan Abrams to write nasty letters to critics. I can't imagine having that much anger towards a critic for giving a book I love a bad review (and I have a lot of passion for books as well as an English Lit. Degree).
On Amazon he wrote a nasty review of your book and a glowing review of Crane's book. Those are the only two reviews he has written.
If he doesn't know Caprice Crane, Alan seems to have an unhealthy attachment to her.
Posted by: Yasmeen | May 22, 2006 03:45 PM
Well, Yasmeen, I wrote a letter to Ms. Pickett as well. Her review was offensive because it was just so gratuitous, and unprofessional, and uninformed. It's ok not to like a book, but to suggest that it was published only because of family connections is both nasty and wrong. It appears that Ms. Crane's parents were somewhat famous in the entertainment industry 20+ years ago, and never were involved in publishing. It's just not plausible that they could have helped a book get published. So the review was nothing more than a cheap shot. It's as if Walter Cronkite's son put out a Rap CD, and a reviewer suggested that his family connections helped get it produced. And if Ms. Pickett is involved in the publishing world, as she appears to be, then I'm sure she's aware that she was being petty and unfair. So, in fact, she should be ashamed of herself.
PICKETT replies:
I'm not particularly "involved in the publishing world" (though I don't quite know what that means so maybe . . .)
Mostly, I just didn't lke the book. And said so. Which is kind of my job as a reviewer.
I see a lot of books and this is the first one where an author has so conspicuously mentioned her parents in multiple places. I thought that was notable. And I would have noted it, even if the mentions had been more along the lines of "Pickett is the daughter of Marlin Pickett, a brilliant corporate finance guy for a giant corporation, and Flo PIckett, a much-acclaimed early childhood educator." Should I ever write a novel and should that sentence appear in it (even once, let alone three times), I would imagine that at least a few people would find it odd.
Posted by: Jeff | May 22, 2006 05:03 PM
I thought the review was delightfully scathing!
Posted by: Rob C | May 23, 2006 11:27 AM
I have read your reviews for years and have gotten used to your style. Your comments can be a little rough. If the author researched your column or if her PR people had done so, it would be clear that you may comment on anything from the choice of restraunt to the first communication, to impressions of what is going on. Maybe they can research the next reporter beforehand instead of putting effort into spinning a negative review.
Posted by: Linda | May 23, 2006 02:26 PM
What most surprised me about the review was the realization that some consider Tina Louise to be a big-time Hollywood starlet. I never thought being stuck on an island and becoming a robot wife did that for you. Then again, I guess that's why I'm only writing responses to blogs and not novels.
Posted by: Dan | May 24, 2006 07:55 AM
I say to each his own. i read ms. cranes book and i did like it a lot. for a first time novalist she does have talent. as the saying goes,"there's nothing new under the sun",it's how you tell the same old story and i think caprice crane did a fine job telling this one.also,while tina louise may not be a hollywood power player,she is a television legend having played ginger, one of the most famous charactors in television history on one the most popular shows in history. like it or not.
Posted by: gary moore | June 11, 2006 01:50 PM