Today's column: Valentine's Day puts guys through their paces
They say a good man is hard to find. This seems particularly true when Valentine's Day rolls around and all the guys you know are either griping about having to shell out for a romantic gift or busy planning a celebration so over-the-top fabulous that it makes you deeply suspicious about their behavior on the other 364 days of the year.
To me, the great mystery of Valentine's Day has always been why so few men are able to figure out how to play it correctly. The question of what women want might be deep and mysterious, unknowable even to us, but the question of what we want for Valentine's Day is absolutely straightforward. There's a very standard list.
We want flowers (red roses for traditional girls; something cooler, like gerbera daisies, for more modern chicks) and, unless we specify otherwise, we want them delivered to us at work so everyone else can see them. Yes, we know they're more expensive on Feb. 14 than on any other day. We don't care. Super Bowl tickets are more expensive than the ones for regular season games and, as far as we're concerned, it's the same thing.
We want a card and, while we don't particularly care what it says, it is very important to us that you inscribe it with some sort of personal note. (It's best if you write this inscription out of our view and before we open the card.) If you can't think of anything else, just scribble, "I love your smile" and sign your name. This makes use of the L-word without implying any sort of commitment and nicely skirts the issue of beauty.
If you can fake sincerity . . .
Everything else is pretty much optional, though, if you're the kind of guy who believes in keeping score, there are certain things that will win you very big points. Going to a movie (or a store, or a restaurant) that suits her tastes, rather than yours, is a big deal, particularly if you manage to do so without copious fidgeting or sighing. This is the sort of gesture that says, "I occasionally pay attention to the stuff that makes you happy."
But if you haven't actually been paying attention, and now find yourself desperately casting about for a hint, there is a crash course.
It's being held in Elmhurst next Saturday.
Elmhurst's "City Centre" shopping district is full of extremely chick-friendly boutiques and restaurants, as well as more salons and day spas, per capita, than pretty much any other place on Earth. And, as a favor to romance-challenged men across the region, the merchants there have banded together to create a "Lovey Dovey" to-do list that makes short work of serious romance.
There are a dozen items on the list, from taking your Valentine to see a chick flick to buying her a sentimental gift, and checking off just a few of them would have her bragging about you to her friends for at least the next two weeks.
Checking off all of them could win you a big prize.
Eight hours of romance
Next Saturday, Feb. 11, the Elmhurst shops will be organized as a kind of Valentine's Day immersion program. Couples (married, engaged and otherwise) are invited to show up in the morning, collect a copy of the list and then spend the next eight hours together completing all the tasks.
Men who volunteer for this win an automatic free pass for Feb 14.
And couples who finish the entire list -- and, yes, it is the men who are doing the heavy lifting here, though they do get to eat something while taking care of the "treat her to lunch" item -- will be entered into a drawing for several big prize packages. The grand prize-winning married couple will get a diamond anniversary band, a fur wrap, plus a weekend stay at a local hotel, a five-course dinner and other gifts. There's a similar prize package for one lucky unmarried couple, which includes a diamond engagement ring, a fur wrap, a champagne dinner and enrollment in the "bridal boot camp" weight loss program at a local gym.
Earlier this week, I stopped by Cottage Hill Diamonds, a jewelry store that's one of the sponsors of the contest, to test-drive the to-do list and scope out the prizes. Two saleswomen were behind the counter, and they told me they'd had mixed success in getting guys to sign up for the big promotion.
Knowing the deal
Cindy McCrossin, the older of the two, was recruiting like mad. "I just tell them it's this cool, road rally sort of thing," she said with a wink.
But her colleague, Liz Lanzey, didn't seem to have the same finesse. "My boyfriend would never go for this," she said seriously, "because, you know, the guys really kind of get screwed in this deal. They do all this stuff and then all the prizes are for the girl."
That, of course, is the simple beauty of the whole thing.
Comments
Interesting,we want,we want...What about what men want also?This is still a holiday that the whole country can celebrate.(both genders)I've encountered this same attitude in radio commercials,and have seen it in relationships of friends.Why is this holiday only seen as a woman's holiday?Men are very capable of showing thoughtfulness,creativity, and generosity.They are supposed to be celebrated as well.Love and affection has to be earned...by all.It's not a birthright.I would hesitate to participate in these events as well under these circumstances.This shows just how much of a blessing singlehood can be.
Posted by: Anonymous | February 3, 2006 02:40 PM
I guess I have it easy. My wife is not even a little subtle in letting me know what she wants on this day. Last night, she snuggles up to me, points to a picture in a book and quitely asks, "So what do you think of this beautiful Thomas Kinkade picture?" Without even looking, I say, "expensive." She ignores this with "I look at this picture and it gives me peace. It would be nice for me to have some peace, no?" Translation: no peace for her, no peace for me.
So does anyone know where you can get a discounted Kinkade piece before the 14th?
Posted by: V | February 3, 2006 11:33 PM
One day,will Christmas,Thanksgiving,and the other holidays also become holidays that will be geared toward women only?This is ridiculous.Even as a kid in school,most people can recall exchanging valentines with classmates;boys and girls together.How did things become so one-sided?And why on this day is it only men that need to prove their love?By the attitude of selfishness this article displays,it's amazing that more guys don't boycott this holiday.As a woman,I believe that men should be recognized as well and partake in the fun.Otherwise,it validates the fears that women are indeed becoming monsters.
Posted by: Tracy | February 4, 2006 01:17 AM
They say a good man is hard to find eh?And when will they figure it out?After reading this article,the opposite appears to be true.(depending on how many men's significant others would actually see this as a fair way to treat their man on Valentines Day).But hey,it's their world(they think),and we're just living in it.
Posted by: Steve G. | February 4, 2006 08:36 AM
To me a good man is not measured by the things he gives me but by-brace yourself-the kind of person he is and the way he treats me.
PICKETT replies:
Oh, sure, yes. That also. Obviously. Right.
Posted by: Therese F | February 5, 2006 04:02 PM
I think if you asked men who were married or in a loving relationship for a long time, they would tell you that a little bit of wooing pays greater dividends than any other investment they could possibly make. Nothing is greater than a happy wife (or girlfriend). A tax refund is the only thing that even comes close. I'll woo until the cows come home!
Posted by: kleo | February 6, 2006 10:37 AM
What's wrong with a little romance? Nothing. One day out of the whole year set aside for love can't be a bad thing. I think the Elmhurst 'City Centre' idea is great. Being together for eight hours of fun, wow! I bet at the end of the day they'd think they were all winners—whether or not they received a prize package.
PICKETT replies:
I don't know if it's necessarily going to be FUN for everyone. (My husband might go into convulsions if forced to linger in a frou-frou interior design boutique.)
But, to your point about it being just one day a year, you're spot on. I'm incredibly amused by these guys who think they are getting a bad deal because they have to buy a greeting card and a box of candy when, I'm willing to bet, many of them are benefiting from the incredible unpaid labor of the women in their lives working the "second shift" 365 days a year. Free meal service, laundry, cleaning, etc.: It's still a pretty awesome deal, guys.
Posted by: DebD | February 7, 2006 04:24 PM
Ladies,I think you missed the point of some of the letters.That one day that is set aside for romance is great,but it should be a day that celebrates both men and women.Being together for 8 hours is great,but lets face it;it's paying homage to only the women.The idea being portrayed here is that men should feel lucky they're allowed to walk on the same ground as women.Hence,all the events geared toward women.As far as the other 364 days of the year,I for one can say I did woo until the cows came home,dinners out,movies,concerts,flowers at work,romantic evenings.Not just on Valentines Day,but frequently.(plus I wouldn't ask someone to do my laundry and cook for me)I can do those things myself.All this,and I still lost.The other 364 days of the year are not exactly a picnic for guys as you say.I think these articles show(with the exception of one above-and I could kiss her for saying that) just how difficult women are to impress.
Posted by: kevin | February 8, 2006 05:36 AM