Debra Pickett

But sometimes I get letters from the jerks, too. Like this one:

Debra,
Pages 1-2-and 3 in The Sun-Times today; Iraqis vote to choose parliament, Midway flight tradgey story continues, Iran leader wants to wipe Isreal of the face of the planet, Ex Sun-Times boss charged with racketeering, and Debra Pickett is baking cookies! Actually the ongoing story of the Iranian leader seeking the destruction of Israel is further back in the newspaper as your cookie baking experience is so much more important to hear about first.

Thank god the recipe you received from your new husband's old girlfriend is one from someone who is now married and living in Australia, otherwise I would fear him gravitating to anyone who has a better grasp of the real world. Thank god your situation seems safe for now.

Yes, a full two column story today on your on-going effort to bake some spendicious cookies. When I read about how making your own Christmas tree ornaments had given you a couple of paper cuts, I thought I'd faint. I almost chuckled when you reported that that "it was touch and go for awhile". I can imagine! We could have lost our precious Debra Pickett to paper cuts but instead you survive to write about a lame cookie baking experience today. It's priceless!

I must ask you again, how do you get away with it? A story on baking cookies right there next to all the crime, hate, tradegy, and human suffering. I guess it's the newspaper's way of adding a little lighhearted nothing into the paper for other women who's biggest worries are paper cuts and getting good cookies baked at Christmas time, and maybe they're a lot of these superficial idiots out there, and I'm sure there are, but Jesus, how did you get so lucky as to be chosen to take these average writing skills to page 2 and write about such drivel again?

On page 5 the good news that 11 million in the U.S. are not literate and therefore saved from having to read your articles. Hopefully, none of those 11 million will have your article read to them. Can you imagine the astonishment and fright of having that happen? Hearing about hurricanes, earthquakes, suicide bombings, tsunamis, hate crimes and Debra Pickett's Cookie baking experiences are just hard to digest, no pun intended.

"Because, really, the most important thing will be that everyone has a good time".

That incomplete sentence is the final paragraph in your god awful article today, replacing the "maybe a marshmallow is just a marshmallow", unforgettable finale. I must tell you that I am becoming a big fan of your page two articles because of the astonishment factor I receive upon reading them. It's absolutely amazing! How do you get away with it? How were you chosen? I know you've ignored me up until now, but can't you just tell me how you've accomplished this? It's truly amazing! I almost feel like writing a book or at least a 2 hour screen play on your amazing story. Who should paly the lead roll, Nicole Kidman, Sharon Stone, Whoopi Goldberg? Give me some feedback.

Congratulations, and have a wonderful holiday season. Forget about the old girlfriend, you da woman now, take care of those serious paper cuts and please be careful, the lame and the bored are counting on you to level off this mean, cruel world with your meaningless drivel.

Happy Holidays!
AL BRODSKY

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Dear Al,

Great to hear from you. I look forward to reading your coulmn every week.

Oh wait -- you don't have one. And I do.

Wow, that must be painful for you.

Merry Christmas,

Deb