Sarah Terez Rosenblum (@SarahTerez) is an MFA-holding writer, teacher and Spinning instructor. She's also the Theater Listings Editor for Centerstage Chicago. Look for her posts twice a week.
In a recent blog, I predicted Robert Downey Jr. would accept the Gene Siskel Film Center Renaissance Award during a black tie gala at the Ritz-Carlton. I must be psychic (or really good at receiving press releases); not only was my prophecy realized, but I got to attend.
To test my burgeoning clairvoyance, I decided to tweet the event, dubbed “An Evening with Robert Downey Jr.” in real time, using only the power of my mind. Turns out Twitter is not yet ESP-compatible; all I got for my trouble was a migraine and a vision of an unhappy whale. Please make due with this belated bullet point retelling. (Note: Times are approximate.)
6:30 p.m.: Dress I’d planned seems less sexy reporter, more19th century bathing costume; I throw on something strappy instead.
6:31 p.m.: Strappy=no bra, luckily I have duct tape. Call me MacGyver (like if he had breasts and masochistic tendencies).
7:30: How much you wanna bet I’m the only attendee who took the bus?
7:45: Right on time. I four-inch heel my way across the hotel lobby, convinced I’m going to bail with every step.
7:50: The nice woman at the door says I’m not on the list.
7:51: Sound confident and dress appropriately, and you can crash any party. Though she has no idea where to put me, I’m ushered in.
8:00: I lurk in the corner, starving. Pretty sure these people are eating chopped angel wing salad, that’s how good it smells. Luckily I’ve hidden a burrito in my purse.
8:10: In a bathroom stall adjusting duct tape. Overheard: “You’re so hot you could be anorexic.”
8:20: Press seats are set up. I’m told to put my burrito back in my purse.
8:30: Director Todd Philips and RDJ take seats onstage for a live interview, interspersed with film clips. RDJ rocks a slick suit and Chuck Taylors. I’m told to put my tongue back in my mouth.
8:45: Asked why he signed on for “Due Date,” Todd Philip’s upcoming film, RDJ jokes “My wife said, we can’t purchase this property unless you do another movie immediately.”
9:00: RDJ credits Jodi Foster with supporting him during an early bout with addiction.
9:15: Phillips: What person, dead or alive would you like to meet? RDJ: Snoopy.
9:17: RDJ: Wait, Charlie Chaplin.
9:19: RDJ: Chaplin and Snoopy, what a double date!
10:00: I almost miss RDJ’s gracious award acceptance because a woman with the largest fake breasts I’ve seen since I lived in L.A. makes a beeline for the bar.
10:04: In the elevator afterward, I rip off the duct tape while an older couple looks on. I offer them a bite of my burrito. Surprisingly, they refuse.
10:08: Running for the bus, I clutch my free copy of “Sherlock Holmes” and think back to RDJ’s deadpan comment: “I consider every evening an evening with Robert Downey Jr.” Me too, Robert. Me too.