It is often said that “Men like the chase."
But it has always confused me since some say men love aggressive women, while others also insist that they are turned off by women who appear too “available.” How can you be aggressive without being available?
The concept implies that only men are actively choosing who to chase and how. But anyone who has been to a lively Wrigleyville bar on a Saturday night can agree that women have reached near-equal footing in the dating-and-mating scene. Still, dating personality tests do commonly ask you to identify yourself as a Chaser or Chasee.
Everyone is a chaser, according to my friend Drew. Some of us are hunters who actively approach, while others just set their lines out hoping to catch fish.
My friend Lexi, however, is exclusively the Chasee, she says. Lexi adamantly expects the guy to pay for the first-date with no exceptions. "What if he's a student, or recently laid off, or just doesn't have money?" I asked. Claiming she is old-fashioned, she said the guy needs to respect her with that kind of chivalry. Her apathy about the man's financial situation comes from exposure to the theories of "He's Just Not That Into You" --which claims a man will do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING when he really likes the woman. Lexi is just weeding out the un-utterly devoted men.
My friend Jim supports that strategy: "When you first meet and really like her, you make it happen and try to do everything right." He also claims he never takes a woman seriously that he didn't have to chase or "earn."
I'm alternately a Chasee and a Chaser, and I've had problems with both roles: men who approached me too straightforwardly only bored me, yet those who weren’t responsive enough were boring, too. This is a common experience among many people I know, although my friend Tim likes to place blame mostly on the fairer sex: “Women want everything and nothing.”
As I gain dating experience, I learn that the best courtships are like a good game of flirtation Tag. That is, if you're playing with someone so that you can, ultimately and someday, exchange the words, "You're it!"
Can you exclusively identify as either a Chaser or Chasee? Do you prefer Tag? Let's talk! Take our quick poll and send me your thoughts in the comments section.