Oprah Winfrey on Rihanna, Chris Brown: You really cannot help yourself until someone helps you

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Oprah Winfrey warned Rihanna and women everywhere Thursday that if a man hits you once, he'll hit you again.

"I've said before love doesn't hurt, and if a man hits you once, he will hit you again," Winfrey said during a show about domestic violence.

The show -- aired live from Chicago with guest Tyra Banks -- comes after last month's domestic incident between singers Rihanna and Chris Brown.

Although Brown has been charged with two felonies for allegedly attacking Rihanna, rumors continue to swirl that the duo are back together. Reports also indicate the two are recording a song together about love and that they may co-author a book about domestic violence.

"It's so sad that even when you grow up in an environment and you disdain that environment, you really cannot help yourself until someone helps you," Winfrey said.

Banks -- who's interviewed both Brown and Rihanna separately on her show -- said both singers have told her about their previous bouts with domestic abuse.

"Rihanna told me that her parents used to argue so intensely and she used to get these headaches, almost migraines ... and it was almost living hell for her," Banks said. "The moment her parents separated, the headaches went away."

Banks also said Brown witnessed domestic violence in home with a man his mother was with. That scarred him so much -- she said -- that Brown used to pee in his bed.

"When you grew up in an environment where there is abuse, it's more acceptable to you," Winfrey said. "If you go back with a man who hits you it's because you don't think you're worthy of being with a man who won't."

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My view on the whole situation is that i dont think this is the first time that Chris has beaten Rihanna,so Oprah and Tyra are completely right. The reality is that, if he changes after this it is maybe because, like I said he has done it before. It is not a change that happens overnight. Also, on the issue of minding our own business... people have a right to respond to negative comments about stars because whether we like it or not when we turn on our radios,TV etc. we are listening and seeing them and they themselves are happy when the media speaks highly of them and glorify them so they should not be so surprised when they publish negative things, especially if it is true,remember Rihanna is the one who filed the complaint. Publicity is publicity! I USE TO LOVE THEM BOTH, BUT THESE DAYS I CANT EVEN STAND THEM,ESPECIALLY RIHANNA.

Hold on Chris brown would not have done that if she did not carry on like that. My mother once told me if you can lift your hands to a man you should be able to receive it back. And those of you who say that Chris Brown needs to seek help why don't you look at the whole story before you judge him she is just as guilty, so she should also seek help.

first of all i agree no man should hit a woman in any chase for sure but in real life in the street or suburbs that dont happen if your man hit u call the police ok an he go to jail an get bail but if a celeb do dont its jail time 15-20 years not fair cause it takes two to make it work she got beat but there is a catch she had to do something to make him snap men dont snap for no reason and if he do u aint doing something right to help your man be a better man or not makin happen, or u gave him a diease,or cheatin, or just bein sorry so dont make him look like the bad guy people can change an puttin anger on him cause alot of women get beat an take there man back an they complain so stay chris an that girl business an let them work it out but he dont need her like she dont need him

No where in the official police search warrant and affidavit is there a mention of Rihanna hitting Chris Brown first. This is something that has been floated most likely by Brown's camp to mitigate the circumstances. The fact is that Brown brutalized Rihanna in a most inhuman way. I note that Michael Vick is serving years for brutalizing dogs, but many of the public including women would prefer to see Brown walk for severely brutalizing a woman. Go figure.

This is going too far and out of control. WHY NOT STOP TALKING and call up Chris Brown and give him some guided help that he may or may not need. WE all need some type of support system no matter how you look at it. Now they are bringing in Robin Givens .. please .. first of all - if the stories are correct ROBIN GIVENS wanted the stardom and the spotlight. Once the situation in her life stop being light - action - and stardom - she should have spoken than and got out. I truly hope she do not try and be a voice for these two young adults. They need some REAL MEN and REAL WOMEN to come to their aid and give them the guidance and direction.

To be real the first person they need is GOD and prayer for direction in their lives - that all things will be supplied by GOD and not man. Once they can understand that GOD is the presenter and the deliverance of all things - they are on their way for a new beginning. After that they need to get real with themselves - admitting the wrong that was done and need to be corrected. Then getting the help that is needed to make sure it never happen again.

I also disagree with Oprah .. people can change - if they want to change and work at changing. If someone hit you once and know what they have done was totally wrong and commit to never allowing it to be repeated - it won't. COME ON PEOPLE .. let some real men and real woman go sit down with these two people and save their lives. Help them get on the right track. They need help - not kicks - stomped - stones and back lash. Yes - it was wrong - but how many wrong things have you done in your life and needed forgiveness? And if you have never done anything in your life wrong - you should not be commenting on this board. Go in peace and be Blessed. WE are praying for you both Chris Brown and Rihanna - all things will be worked out.

All the comments here is correct, butisnt this a decision they both as to make in order to make there lifes better. There r many person living the life of fame and fortune that is going through the same thing (Abuse), but it just not in the open People/othercelebrity r friend need to make the comment to individaul than using the public media to make it seem like there world is over. What is happening in your life give a break what ever decision they come let hope and Pray it make them a better perosn.

I totally agree with Leah in regards to girl's hitting guys. Why was he the only one to be arrested. She too should have been locked up and stripped of her endorsements. Chris Brown is being painted as some kind of monster while she plays victim. I'm not buying it. Just because she received the bad end of the stick doesn't mean she's not just as guilty. We need to stop giving special treatment to these women that are clearly aggitators, or as my other would say "shit starters".


She needs to leave him....plain and simple!!
Anyone that can beat another human being the way he beat her doesn't need another chance from that victim. Let him get his life together and start fresh with a new relationship in a healthy way.
I don't believe that there is any fixing that can occur from the present relationship between Chris and Rihanna. The act was just too violent.
And to those that want to excuse this because she hit him should stop the madness. Nothing excuses the way he beat her. She needs to get as far away from him as possible!

I believe that their mature enough to figure out whats wrong and whats right they do not need other people and their ear who don't know what trully happen. the only 2 people who can decide on this is chris brown and rihanna what do youll know. yea abusive relationships are wrong and not a good way 2 live your life. i pretty sure they both know that they admitted growing up with violance and their home. chris brown and rihanna belong togteher they made a mistake their aware of their geting help thats a start. Im glad that you 2 decide to stay 2gether every body make mistakes who said that people cant change thats wrong just because it happen once doesn't mean it would happen again trust me i seen it happen. im happy for both of you im sure chris and rihanna would make the best choice.

The media has beat her more than Chris Brown ever could, with all of the negative information that is reported day after day. Wow lets just say she no longer has any self esteem left, and it not because of Chris. The media is cruel and vicious and making up lie after lie. From what I see they have done more damage than anyone else. Instead of the media beating up Chris and Rihanna they need to provide help not insults. Only in America, do we point our finger and critize everyone and strip them of anything that is human. RiHANNA HAS MADE HER DECISION and it is truly hers to make not anyone else's. It is what it is and the media has no control. The work is how to help her and Chris, not complain because they not doing what the media and people says they should do. It seems that P. Diddy, Sony and Nickelodeon have guts and heart, they are not haters that seek to destroy. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH WHEN DOES THE BASHING STOP AND TRUE WORK AND HEALING BEGIN.

Rihanna is not a role model for teenage girls or young women for that matter and should not represent a classy product such as CoverGirl. Because of her decision teens are now thinking it's okay to be abused, as long as their boyfriends simply apologize. I think CoverGirl should drop her asap.

Be afraid. Be very afraid. Our society is evolving into whatever it is the next generation sees as acceptable behavior. If half of them are blaming Rihanna, we are in big trouble!!!!
There is nothing another individual can say or do that warrants violence unless it's self-defense. People are always going to push buttons. However, each of us is responsible for our own actions and reactions(example: Ghandi/Martin Luther King). Unfortunately, in our country, if you are good at sports, acting, singing or a celebrity of any magnitude people seem to view you through blurred lenses. The kids, already have a warped view of what is acceptable and what is not. With her influence, if Rihanna does go back to Chris, imagine how many young women will do the same...not knowing their own worth. Wow, heartbreaking.

I agree with Oprah. She gave very good advice, but Rihanna and the many others her age or close to her age, have not had enough life lessons to realize that yet. I have a very close friend who I advised over 20 years ago to leave her abusive husband, because that was not how we should have to live our lives, and I was only 22 at the time, but I knew better. And now almost 25 years later, she is still in that crap relationship with a man who has only gotten worse and totally disrespects her. Only women with low self-esteem put up with such men. And to the last poster "For Real" who commented about Oprah shacking up...what does that ahve to do with anything? Oprah is a 50+ year old self-made woman who "CHOSE" NOT to be married because she realized marriage was only something that society expects of you, and I agree with that and applaud her realization that she did not need to be married to be complete. How is that abuse in her case" She doesn't NEED Steadman for security or benefits, etc. The things that average women need from men, but sometimes the men refuse to marry them, then the women are left with no rights. That is abuse.....2 people who have their own and respect and love each other is not any abuse. You make no sense, and that was a very poor example to use in disagreement. Rihanna better listen to somebody, before she wishes 20 years later she had, and "Ike Turner" ends up killing her behind.

Can you guys stop and listen to yourselves?
I feel that it is wrong for anyone to anyone.
But I strongly believe that people can change and that everyone deserves a second chance why can't he get one. In many cases if not put under the public eye yes the abuse won't stop but think about it this boy can only take so much hatred, crucifixtion, and negitive energy until he breaksdown.I feel as Gods children we should lend him some support and encourgement.WWJD people so please before you cast any stones or judgment take a moment and think about WWJD.

I think everyone should be given a second chance. Because I believe if this was any other woman the media and everyone else would look at this a different way. But it is the both of them. Nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors of the stars until something like this happen But as for Oprah please keep your comments to yourself because you are in no form to judge anyone. I don't like what either party did but I know this is lesson that god want both of them to learn and an example for people who are in need of help. I hope Chris especially and Rihanna can overcome this because they are both young. I think Chris should get professional help because of his past. Because he needs to talk out with his mom and a professional on how he feels about what happen to his mother because I think this he has some feelings that has been suppressed for some years know. Give this nineteen year old boy a break Please!!!!

are you kidding it was rihanna fault for wat had a happen.she should never tired to get into the agrue ment.and why would she be going through chris's phone if she did not trust him.when you go through some one else phone that you go with it makes me wonder like they must not raut them so they got invade their personal business.i could unerstand if it was oth of their phone but it is not it is chris's phone and why should she be worried if a another girl texted chris's. if she knew they were gong to be otgether no matter what.

Song and video dedicated to all women who has fallen victim to the hands of Domestic abuse by someone who they thought loved them.

"A woman must stand up to become Queen of her own temple, and let not it be ruled by the hand of a man"
-The Prophet

Artist: The Prophet
Song: Woman Stand up(Domestic abuse)
Album: (Exclusive) pre-album

(Exclusive pre-studio release low-audio quality good message and video)

I totally agree with "bereasonable on March 12, 2009 2:28 PM"
Everybody deserves a second chance!!!

yes true as soon as my 8th grade b-friend put his hands on me i cryed and it was hard to brake up with him because i was scared but i did it anyway and i learned ima neva go no boy or man that hits me so tyra is right love ya trya wh000000hhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Face it people, Oprah like so many others are right! Rhianna would be a fool for going back to Chris. Like so many other women I have been there, most women stay because of financial issues, children, etc.. Rhianna has none of the above, she's well off. Chris Brown's money and talent mean nothing to me and would mean nothing to any of you if it was your daughter, mother, sister that he had hit. If this slides a very bad example will be set. And he will hit again they ALWAYS DO!! She's wrong to for hitting him. In this case they are both at fault. Some would say if you hit, its a reflex, you get hit back. But if she goes back she will get no sympathy from me and should get none from anyone else. Are you that desperate that you would stay with a clown that beats you up. Wake up!! What will it take, him to beat you to death? Then it will be to late to leave! Rhianna you have no baggage keeping you there, so NO EXCUSES!!! "Oh, BUT I LOVE HIM"! WHATS LOVE GOT TO DO WIT IT??? Leave NOW!! Love is not a bloody lip and a black eye!!!

Personally I think that Rihanna is fool for taking Chris back if she has. The reason being if he can hit her once whats to say that he won't do it again. But then i guess she is blinded by love and is obviously sprung on him. I think that she should move past him and get on with her life cause she is worth a lot more. Also her getting back with him, there is a chance that her reputation could also get ruined just because of the fact that she took him back. She should really think about what she is doing

There are two sides to every story. I do not condone violence and drama in relationships. There is evidence that these two were fighting and that she and he both intended to inflict damage on one another.... I heard of a stiletto being used as a weapon and he bit her when she tried to gouge his eyes... Hardly a cowering victim as we women try to make every woman out to be. From reports, Rihanna's jealous rage and rants started over an incident with another woman's text and her hiding car keys. Beyond that I also heard her side in the police report. I question all of what I hear regardless of the horrific pictures which leaves no doubt that he hit her which was obviously was wrong but couldn't there be two wrong people in this incident. We were not there, and no one else was there the whole fight except the two involved. Yes. I'm disappointed in him but I'm mad she possibly started this drama and possibly attacked him. So public, stop demonizing this boy when we have no word of who really hit who first . Just maybe she is with him again because she knows things we don't and feels at fault for the incident. Lets not play naive, some women like a little drama & get physical with men as part of their mating game as sick as it is. Alleged fighting in their past suggests we are all jumping to conclusions that they don't simply enjoy this crap. Either way he shouldn't have beat her butt like he did. His momma should have taught him as we all teach our sons " You do not hit women because whether or not some deserve it.... It isn't worth the social ridicule. The man will always be held at fault." Teach our daughters. " don't hit men, because he is likely to do more damage and not all can turn the other cheek. You risk attack and brutality by picking fights you can't win." Domestic violence is two-sided and there are not always clearly innocent victims or demonic perpetrators. If these were your kids would you be so quick to point the finger without assigning blame equitably?

Who is the STUPID ignorant person that belittles Oprah for living with the same partner seemingly fairly happy for many years...they are as good as married..You however are probably married but miserable and a fundamentalist idiot...go shove your antiquated belief.

Oprah did not summarize Rihana and Chris Brown relationship. She just caution. Domestic violence/ abuse is a serious thing because, it is the crime that is forgivable and most frequent not reported.

If you love someone so much you tend to forgive his/her act. Most probably the abuser will look down more low and lower the person he/ she abused. Then abusing will become easier and more frequent

It is also about that loving someone who would abuse because you feel that you are not worth of loving someone who wont abuse you. This is true. Oprash stated because many people will listen and the issue has to be highlighted.

Chris Brown is 19 and Rihanna is 21...give me a break if their relationship will last, and even if they get married until when, they are so damn young. How many youngsters stars last these days?


As u read they both seaked violence in their life,
when chrisbrown first became a singer i know that he would have never found his self in this position nether rihanna..But love can do some strange things...some people not talking 2 chris or even letting him be thier role models.But,u people act like this is the first time people have beatin each other just because thier famous 2 every one.yes he's wrong but come on u don't look at the fact that she also lade a hand on him.what u saying every women can hit their boyfriends or husbans and get a way with it and they can't because thier men.u know That everY one makes mistakes nothing can change what
happened its done and over with move on forget about it its been a month this is something real that happened but you know we can't stay bettween their relationship and there buisness for ever. let them handle it when april 6 come well find out weather he went 2 jail or not.people say "ONCE A MAN HITS U HE'LL DO IT AGAIN"well i say that's for 90 percent of men,10 percent can be diffrent because GOD can speak to them and they can chang..I think chris knows he made a mistake look at the pictures and look at how scared he looks,he always said"I WILL NEVER BE LIKE MY STEPDAD AND HIT A WOMEN"but look hes in that same place right now.can we just FORGIVE AND FORGET,LOVE AND KNOW EVERY ONE MAKES MISTAKES.THERE BOTH WRONG KNOW ONES RIGHT 4 WHAT THEY DID AND THEIR BOTH SORRY.THERE BACK TOGETHER AND IM HAPPY SOMEONE KNOWS HOW 2 LOOK AHEAD,FORGIVE,FORGET,AND KNOW THERE JUST MIGHT BE A CHANCE 4 A NEW BEGINING AND START...

I think we all need to sit down and realize that NOONE knows the whole story except or the people that are actually involved. Im sure Rihanna and Chris are both to blame in this. It doesn't really give anyone the right to point fingers at either one of them though. They both had bad childhoods and when you grow up with the type of families that they grew up in it is not unusual for them to act in the same manner as they grow up. Sometimes it goes the opposite way but for the most part they will grow up with the same assets their parents had. But in any case whether they both are abusive or just one of them...it is unacceptable. They need to realize themselves that this situation is only going to get worse if they don't do something to fix it. And only they can decide what to do about it. It annoys me so much when people think that they know everything about the situation and are so one dimensional about everything. But anyways when all is said and done....they are both going to need to do something about whats happening if they want to be together.

Rihanna can do better than Chris I don't care what she did how hard she hit him or whatever maybe he did have a right to defend himself but not the right to bite her giver her a black eye or continuously throw punches thats wrong thats why He's lost his contracts thats why radio stations dont play his songs anymore the reason there back together is because She Obviously loves him but really in the end love does'nt hurt this is a sad story all we can do is pray for them not him or her them lol But I still support both of them

Well then you wonder why some young women tend to stay in abuse relationships. I am not too happy about the choice that Rhianna had encountered to do; I feel that young women are not only buying her albums but also looking to her as a role model. i believe the example she is presenting to young women is it is okay to stay in abused relationships, I know this may sound a little sarcastic, but this is the action I see from her. Getting for one day, is not enough to rebuild what Chris has done to you and what you have done to Chris Brown. I mean really....

I listened, I watched, I commented when needed, I aired my views, the discussion on Rihanna and Chris is poetic.

Here you have two wonderful people of the world who are trying to make their mark. Undeniably he did beat-up his girlfriend Rihanna and for that he is paying a price of that. How ever much we may never know. Now Oprah gave he side of this from her perspective as she is a strong supporter of domestic violence. Now you must accept her position because that is what it is her position.

I am an equal strong believer of intervention, if you can intervene in a situation at the right moment and the persons are willing to change then your will see outstanding results. But the person has to be a willing participant.

Chris Brown made a mistake a big one in all our eyes, but for the sake of humanity is not forgiveness also part of who we are or have we lost this along the way. Seeking professional help he is doing, as his handlers will not help his career if he does not. He could decide not to participate, but he is, that is showing commitment.

We all have witnessed some form of violence or abuse if it be personally or another person. How quick we are to condemn.

Each of us never stops truly learning, for each mistake is a consequence, for each consequence is the knowledge to learn.

Chris & Rihanna, learn from this and grow, we were all young and made mistakes, some big, some small. Don't let anyone tear you down, don't repeat the mistake, just continue to become better people.

One Love.

I don’t believe remarks about any group of people should be generalized, certainly not comments about domestic violence incidents, the details of which vary from crazy men who oppress women and beat them severely and repeatedly to women who behave recklessly and are slapped once by their men. Stereotypes (generalizations) are NEVER acceptable. In any event, none of us should play the part of a marriage counselor. We should direct our friends with marital or relationship problems to people who are trained, qualified, and objective.

Rihanna, talk to Whitney Houston. I am sure she could give you some advice or help on how to leave a possesive addiction called your man. Men like the ones you are with and she has been with, will apologize until the cows come home, but don't look at that apology as him saying he loves you, it is really saying, if you let me abuse you then I don't have to look elsewhere for this control. The more women let their hearts break by leaving their abusive partners, on the first abusive comment or physical strike, it will force these men to make their own changes and do their own work. Until you are healthy and the man you are with is healthy, two wrongs do not make a right. Let your heart break and walk away, embrace your soul and do your own work at acceptance of the worthy person you are.

I'm sure you will not allow this comment to be posted but I want to say it anyway...OPRAH IS A KNOW IT ALL THAT IS COMPLETELY OUT OF TOUCH WITH REALITY WITHIN THE AFRICAN AMERICAN RACE. I think that both individuals in this situation are equally guilty. Rhianna was a woman scorned. She hit Chris too that is why he pulled over and attempted to push her out of the car to avoid the violence... Yet, I haven't seen any reports that address that issue. Rhianna is no victim she is a perpetrator of violence...Because I am a woman and the mother of a young daughter, I would never condone violence against women but as a woman I also have to teach my daughter not to provoke violence by initating it herself. The media has relentlessly crucified Chris without knowing the whole story and I feel that it is very irresponsible..Rhianna needs to tell the REAL TRUTH and Oprah needs to get a clue!

This story has been overly sensationalized to the point where it's credibility is rapidly diminishing. Abuse of any kind is unacceptable. Period. Those who abuse clearly have unresolved issues that need to be addressed, transformed and healed. I would really like to hear Chris Brown's version of the story because the one we are being fed only has one side and not two which means there is no balance of factual accounts. I'm an admirer of Oprah's work and her achievements throughout the years; however, I strongly believe that she has overstepped the boundaries concerning this case. She has been too quick to judge and condemn and too slow to show compassion. Her comments towards both Chris Brown and Rihanna are very shame based which can be so demoralizing for someone who has issues that they haven't been taught or modelled to transform in healthier ways.

Everyone needs to look at bereasonable's post. It can't be said any better than that. Chris was wrong, period. But in a country that thrives on second chances, where is his? Use this situation to educate others and hopefully it will him become a better person.

Okay, I am quite sick of hearing how sorry Chris Brown is...blah blah blah...nonsense! He's trying to save his career. simple as that. he's a fraud trying to save what left he has of a career...and YES, im sure rhianna hit him too..but lets be reasonable people, did you see her face? anyone who does that to anyone has some deep seeded issue...maybe in fact, hiding some agression towards woman in general, or simply lacking the courage to expose himself as a homosexual man. haha. i dont want to hear anymore about him doing this because of domestic violence in the home threw adolesence...if that was true, i should have beat my partner silly. no, he just wants to paint himself as a poor troubled little boy who doesnt know any better...its called BREAKING THE CYCLE. bottom line, chris brown went bobby brown. say hello to the newest hollywood love/hate relationship. R.I.P WHITNEY & BOBBY.

We are lookin at this situation between Rhianna and Chris as if we ourselves have never been through this or knowing someone that has been through this and we are shunning this young man like a plaque. Yes he was totally wrong and no one deserves to be treated this way. Because they are in the lime light we tend to observe this situation with negative points of view. They both have some growing up to do, these kids are still babes living in an grown up world. When someone is in love its hard to seen faults in people. I have been with my now husband for 15 years, when we first start dating we were 18 and 19 and we would fight like cats and dogs. Most of the time I, the female, would egg it on because I was immature and didn't know my place always trying to play the man's role. We grew up and turned our lives over to GOD. We haven't abused each other mentally or physically. Its easy for someone on the outside lookin in to say she should leave him, but when you don't encourage the heart, break bread with GOD and seek after him for guidance then you will never know what road to take. Yes, by law Chris will have to suffer the consequences for his action and Rhianna needs to step back from all these outside influences and reflect on herself and the life GOD has blessed her with. Was all this worth the hurt and pain and IF it happens again then what? How many entertainers do you know that mentally abuse their spouse, male or female? Just because you don't see any physical abuse does not mean there's no abuse. Mental abuse also can kill or destroy someone. Why are there so many stars abusing drugs and alcohol, something or someone stoled their identity we're just not aware. Is he the idea role model at this time NO, but sometimes GOD have to expose someone just to open up some eyes. Its time to start the healing process, stop relying on these entertainers to help raise our children because some will truly disappoint them. Fathers and single mothers need to step up and help their daughters understand that you don't have to settle, set some expectations and stand by them. As for our sons, show them how to respect women instead of cheering them on when their young about all the girls they get with like they are some kind of ladies man. Know one knows what GOD will do about Chris, he could become the number one advocate against spousal abuse. Lets stop tearing down these two young adults and begin building them up.


Not only hitting someone is abuse. The Bible said if anyone is without sin then he should cast the first stone. We all have sin against God so don't juge lest he be judge. Tyra is a phony and she and Oprah need to let the young couple live in peace and stay out of their business. Help them to be better people instead of tearing Chris down. Rihanna has forgiven him so then everyone else should mind their own business and let them be.If you don't have good to say then say nothing.

I find it very sad that so many in our society feel that Chris Brown is being vilified when in fact he beat up a woman, which should cause shock, concern and outrage in all of us. If he seeks help and changes he should be forgiven but that does not mean Rhianna should return to him. Change takes time and to date I have no signs or actions that would lead me to believe that this young man is seriously taking the steps to reform and make amends, since jewelry and flowers are not the answers and to date riding around on a jet ski is not considered therapy. I find it astounding that so many women and men think all should be forgiven and forgotten, is this how society values women? I would hope that if a man stabbed a women we would not collectively feel that he deserves another chance but unfortunately that day may come for poor Rhianna if she doesn't think more highly of herself and leave this violet young man.

Frankly, people who lack the professional training and experience to offer constructive guidance and deep insight to couples should not play the part of clinical psychologist. It only contributes to the already high divorce rate and adversely affects children who, as a direct result, become products of a broken home.

The statement, “If a man hits you once, he will hit you again” is no different from “All black people are lazy.” They are both stereotypes. Oprah’s statement, among other things, disregards the unique character traits of the individuals involved, the history of the subject relationships, and the specifics of one-off incidents, some of which may even mitigate the crime.

I understand both sides of the situation but what people need to stop doing is making Rihanna feel like she has to be the poster child for women with domestic violence and putting pressure on her will only make her pull farther away from her fans.Why should that be, we never put as much pressure on Whitney Huston and we all know her and boby brown story. She needs more support than judgement. Hanging Chris Brown isnt going to make it better either but supporting him and hoping this makes him a better man is and supporting her will make her feel even better.What he did was wrong and i stand by that, but i'm not god and I can't judge him and others shouldn't.Leave him they say but, it's not up to us it's up to her and her choice only.Oprah's comment isn't always true, ther are some men who seek help and get better as far as Chris Brown I think the public humiliation in itself has been a mighty blow to his self-worth to make a change so, no Oprah's comment isn't always true.So don't judge just keep praying for them and hope that this situation can be a lesson to them and to others.

Those who abuse will continue to do so. Psychologists state that only 2% of abusers who go into couples therapy will be able to change. There are no "second" chances. One incidence of abuse is enough. It is unacceptable. Do you understand that? UNACCEPTABLE. I have been a victim of verbal abuse (escalated to violence on many occasions) for 37 years. My therapists always want to know...."Why did you stay?". It is not easy to leave an abusive relationship. As has been stated, in other ways, that for many personalities, some attention is better than no attention. Abuse victims feel guilty. They are brainwashed to think that way. They have low or no self-esteem from all of the denigration they have endured. They live with stress and fear. They are confused about what is real and what is not. They believe the abuse they receive is somehow their fault. That they somehow caused it. "If only I could have said this." or "If only I could have been better". "If I tried harder he wouldn't do that." They need a doctors help. They can't go it alone. But it is NOT their fault. No one has the right to call you names or judge you or withhold from you or criticize you or brow beat you or lie to you or diminish you in any way. No one should ever touch you in a violent way. Do you understand? NO ONE !! There are adult ways to handle incompatibility. Discussion and understanding and compassion. We are all just trying to get by. Why hurt anyone? Especially someone you profess to love. (and by the way, I do not believe that abusers can love...they NEED...but they do not know how to "love".) So sad. The victims of abuse are continually striving to be accepted and loved by the abuser. It will never happen. Abusers are not capable of that sort of magnanimous emotional response to another person. They are self-absorbed and selfish. They are narcissistic. They are never wrong. They are always right. Please do not ever expect an abuser to truly understand what he has done. There will never be an admission of guilt. They may apologize but it will be a fleeting experience. They believe that THEY are the victims who have been mistreated. That they are justified in their abhorrent actions. This is not myth. Go to the domestic violence web sites and you will read what miserable people have experienced and continue to experience. It is unconscionable. There is NO EXCUSE for abusing another living being. Period.

I Can Tell who has been abused and who has not by your responses! Lol I Believe that it is highly unlikely that any couple can go through their whole relationship without a single physical altercation! (It's not realistic!) It doesn't have to be as big or as Dramatic as Chris and Rhianna but Abuse is Abuse! I am a man, and I have to agree with Oprah that if a man beat you like Chris is said to have beaten Rhianna, then he has no conscious and will at some point and time do it again! I have a conscious, and I have Beat the brakes off of Plenty of men in my days, & Like Chris I grew up in a household to where I would see my father beat my mother like Chris beat Rhianna, over and over again, But i could never bring myself to physically Beat ANY WOMAN like I would a man. It's just not right! Now some of you woman MAKE men cross the line when you are angry, but still that's no excuse for it! My warning to ALL OF THE WOMAN BEATERS OUT THERE! CHRIS AND RHIANNA'S CASE IS DEFINITELY ABOUT TO MAKE IT EXTREMELY HARD ON YOU FELLOWS & DESERVERABLY SO! (-:

I am truly praying for Chris and Rihanna because they are both so young. This has got to be the darkest time in their lives right now. I am really really disgusted by the way the media has exploited this story and hurt two young talented people. I do not condone beating a woman, but I realize that things happen sometimes that are out of control. I think even Chris is shocked at his behavior. We can't just lump him in with others and say that now he is a woman beater, evil, and all the other terrible things that are being said. I happen to believe that he is young enough and willing to change and grow from this terrible experience. I wish everyone would lay off of him... both of them and let them heal in private.

here's how it is... once you are in love with somebody it is very hard to break ties with them even when they are abusive. Just Rihanna for example, she probably thinks that Chris will change which is why she wants to give him another chance. Some people just have alot of faith in loved ones, and alot of patience; and hopefully her patience pays off, and he does a 180.
So although what chris did was wrong, everyone does still deserve another chance... even the celebrities

well rihannah does not need to take chris back! if i was in her shoes i would never even talk or think about him anymore!

Leave Chris Brown alone. He is just a young guy who made a mistake besides she hit him first what was he supposed to do, keep driving his car while she beats him up. The media needs to shut and leave Chris Brown alone, he is very talent young man and has a bright future.

First of all, Chris Brown is still a child, yes... he is,19 old enough to vote, go to war, but in most states not old enough to buy liquor or cigarette, it's not right for anyone to abuse a man, woman or child, but... is it the same that once a drug addict always... because we don't want our children to listen to his music anymore and not condoning what he did but... our children have known drug abuser actors that are their heros in movies, we have forgiven Robert Downey Jr. a known drug abuser who has spent severals times in jail, but... we flock to the movies to see Ironman, Heath Ledger yes... he won a oscar for Dark Knight, accidental overdose or what he was known to do drugs and the reason him and actress Michelle Williams couldn't make it was because og his drug abuse, Michael Phelps on the front cover of a magazine with a drug pipe yet he only lost two endorsements, Subway and Speedo kept him because they said" people make mistakes".Yet when you mention these people as being older than Chris Brown they said there is no comparison to what he did and what they did, yet they were given second chances, so I guess we tell our children, never hit anyone but it's okay to do drugs because one day you may become a great swimmer and a famous movie star.
No this post isn't about them but I searched the
Internet over to see how many post were posted regarding Michael Phelps and how long this lingered on the web,how many people said they didn't want him to represent the USA in anything, well... I don't have to tell you, I didn't see a lot of it and it didn't last long, you have to google search it to find anything. You see hitting a person can kill as well as drugs... There is a comparison they both are wrong.

Chris Brown needs professional help to fhelp him heal from a abusive childhood, not to be crucify daily by the media,radio stations etc.

There shouldn't be a difference with a woman hitting a man, Rhianna needs help as well as he do, she also admitted to being abusive to her own brother in 2007 interview, by hitting him in the face with a glass bottle( google search) and in this incident as being the first to hit, yes it's finally added in the news after his name and career has been the conversation of every web page. As for his career being over, NO WAY, he will be back...

i feel as though Riahnna hit Chris Brown first he should have warned her..!
he should'nt have hit Rihanna because of the fact that she's a woman..!

Leah @ 1:39 p.m.: Well said.

Can we be for real? While I do not condone Chris Brown's violent behavior against Rhianna, I cannot condone the hypocrisy that is displayed by some celebrity talk show hosts. How can you be so ready to put down Rhianna for going back to Chris. It is certainly very difficult for those of us who are against domestic violence to accept his or her behavior. However, I find it so hypocritical when celebrities who are suppose to be role models ( in the same way that Chris and Rhianna are suppose to be) live immoral lives and think they are sending good messages. Couldn't shacking up with a man for so many years without being married be considered acceptance of some form of abuse. I think before we become the voice of so many we must

While like Oprah I do not condone violence of any type I disagree with Oprah's summation that if someone abuses you once they will automatically do it again. While there is a high possibility of this happening if there is no intervention the opposite is true if the abuser in question accepts that he has a problem and gets help- therapy and counseling. Then there is a high possibility that it will not happen again. Chris Brown though he may have acted in an unacceptable manner here, must be given the chance to work on becoming a better person. To villify a nineteen year old for losing his temper and acting violently is unreasonable. We may admonish him and help him to control his temper and become a better person but it is not reasonable to destroy him. If he was your son Oprah, would you have tried to get him help and support him or would you have chased him a way because you knew for sure he would never change? If you are God and thus you know and see all things then I will certainly be humbled and accept your infallible position. However, as someonone who works with teenagers and young people I know their shortfalls and I prefer to live in hope that with the proper support and help both Rihanna and Chris can change. Besides give Rihanna some credit,Oprah. She knows why she needs to give Chris a second chance. It is possibly her way of closure. If he does it again she is free to leave. If he doesn't, changes for the better and they ride off into the sunset she would have won. These decisions need to be made by the person who it will affect the most - the "abused" or she will continually live in regret wondering what would have happened had she tried to work things out. Address Domestic Abuse it is a great idea - but don't villify Chris and Rihanna.

What Oprah said about not being worthy is so true...its so hard to leave an abusive relationship it takes alot of courage, but only YOU can do it. It doesn't matter who say what you have to do it.

I am disgusted by how far this has gone. This child has been crucified by the media based completely on one sided stories from TMZ. Why is it that ALL of the details of the police report were not released until AFTER he was painted as a monster? RIHANNA HIT HIM TOO. Therefore, she is also abusive. What message are ou people trying to teach our daughters? That its okay for them to hit their boyfriends, but then cry foul when he snaps and hits her back? Teach your children that it isnt okay for ANYONE TO HIT ANYONE. Rihanna should be banned and crucified just as Chris has been because female to male relationship violence is a big issue for teenagers and violence begets more violence. She is not an innocent victim. She is an abuser who, in turn, got abused right back. Way to go! You've shown your daughters they can hit their partner with no consequences!!

I agree with Oprah leave him Rihanna you do alot better without him...

Oprah and a lot others are exactly right. The abuse most likely will not end. As was stated prior - he abused her before this big incident - only this time it escalated. And it will continue to escalate. He will blame her for the lost of contracts, career, etc. It's already been reported that they have argued about who started it.



What i find even more outrageous is that more women are not outraged by this!
If the stats are true that 1 in 4 women in north america is in an abusive relationship - i would expect more condemnation than what we have seen to date. Chris Brown will walk free - because 'justice' is in the pockets of the clever criminal lawyers, and who can afford these clever criminal lawyers? You got it- Criminals!. Bet they are already working on a big PR marketing campaign by the end of which Chris Brown will be akin to Mother Theresa, and Rihanna will be akin to OJ!

Oprah and a lot of others are exactly right. The abuse most likely will not end. As was stated prior - he abused her before this big incident - only this time it escalated. And it will continue to escalate. He will blame her for the lost of contracts, career, etc. It's already been reported that they have argued about who started it.



Kudos to Oprah for telling it like it is and not trying to make excuses for why abusers do what they do and why abusees (if there is such a word) go back to their abusers. Both Rihanna and Brown need professional help and it's not some 30 day program, it should be something long-term, especially for Brown.

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About this Entry

This page contains a single entry by Mark Bieganski published on March 12, 2009 11:05 AM.

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