Federal prosecutors responded with a bit of snark Wednesday to a request by Arthur "The Genius" Rachel that he be allowed out of his house arrest for several hours a week to do his laundry and buy groceries.
"If defendant Rachel truly has 'close ties' to multiple siblings that all live 'nearby,' as he earlier represented to the Court, the very least he can do is arrange for the delivery of food and clean clothes to his house," writes federal prosecutor Amarjeet S. Bhachu.
"If his ties to his family are so insubstantial that he cannot make these simple arrangements, the government can arrange for a suitable place where this career criminal can stay and receive food and linen service, all free of charge."
In other words, jail.
Rachel is the geriatric criminal sentenced to 15 years in prison for stealing the Marlborough Diamond from a London jewelry store in 1980.
Currently, Rachel is charged with planning to rob an armored car in west suburban LaGrange with two colleagues. The feds say he also was planning to rob the house of the late mob boss Angelo "The Hook" LaPietra.
Federal prosecutors argued Rachel is a danger and is likely to skip bail. Rachel's attorney countered that he had always shown up to court before and had not been in trouble for a long time.
Rachel got his bond set, but the feds are balking at extending when he can leave his home. Right now, Rachel can leave home only to see his lawyer, his doctor or to go to church.
U.S. District Judge Harry Leinenweber could rule Thursday on Rachel's request.