It's been a little over a month since I've posted so I wanted to get you all caught up on how I'm doing.  First, I'd like to apologize for such a long delay.  Things were getting dark and sullen so I decided to take a break to get myself back to earth, and I'm glad I did.  Just a quick recap as to what has happened in that time:

- I turned 40 on 10/8/09

- I got down to 226 and am now back to 233 (because of birthday celebrations I'm assuming)

- The Sun-Times, and more importantly to me, Sue Ontiveros are alive and kicking after bankruptcy threatened both

- There has been absolutely no improvement in relations between myself and those who run the football program where my son plays.  This is fine. 

I'll address all 4 of these issues throughout the week. 

I hope you have been well

I met Rochella (I hope I have the spelling right?) on the train yesterday.  She was a wonderful woman who says I have inspired her.  Well she inspired me as well.  This post is dedicated to her and her plans to start living and eating better.  Good luck Rochella!

I got another pleasant suprise this morning! I may have a job interview tomorrow, so I went to take my suit in to the cleaners. I had just worn it for Rick's funeral on Friday and noticed it was a little big, so I asked if the pants could be taken in a couple inches. The woman at the counter asked if I would like to see the seamstress, and when I said I would, took me to the back.

When we got to the back to see the seamstress, I reinterated what I had told the lady at the counter as I was holding up the pants. She looked at me with a puzzled look which I took to mean that she would not be able to take them in. She then said it looked like they needed to be taken in a good 5 or 6 inches (not 1 or 2), and verified this by measuring both me and the pants!

After the week I had last week, this was welcome news to say the least.

You know, there are things that seem to go out of their way to trip you up when you're trying to make a change for the better in your life, and then there are things that set your resolve deeper than a Mississippi chigger. Football Mom helped me out today with an unsucessful "flex"

"Football Mom" is one of these people who has her fingers in everyone's pie and really seems to relish it. She's the Football Mom who works very hard and usually does a very good job keeping the program rolling. Without people like her, the season would be much longer and much more disorganized and usually, you'd appreciate all her efforts. This Football Mom however, needs to relax a little.

For those of you who follow this blog and were suprised by the "Rick" entry, I apologize. I love my little cousin Amber tremendously and used this blog to express my grief, for her sake as well as mine. They had been together for some time and had just married a few months ago. They were even waiting on their wedding pictures to arrive when Rick Passed. However, even in the face of tragedy, life does go on and so does this "project" of mine.

I'll admit that I have been finding comfort in food through this whole thing. I knew what I was doing while overeating, I just didn't care. But I'm back.

On Saturday morning...

I don't know how the Alspach family or Amber will view this eulogy of sorts, but I do know that I don't mean it to grab attention or show off or anything like that.  It's only that I don't have anything else to offer.  While I know that this will not ease any pain, maybe it will serve to let them know who I am, and how far Rick's life, personality, and vigor for life influenced others.  Probably not, but Rick and Amber are worth the effort at the very least, so here goes.

I didn't know Rick very well, but I know he was an extraordinary man.  I know this because he was madly in love with my cousin, Amber and that was enough for me.  I know this because Tom, Amber's father gave him permission to marry Amber, which was no small feat.  As Tom told me the other day, "If your daughter gets married, you want the man she marries to be madly in love with her".  I have no doubt that was the absolute, purest truth.  You could tell by the way they interacted with each other.  You could tell when he offered to help Amber's cousin find a job, and when the cousin turned down the job, which put Rick in a bad spot, he never held it against Amber or her cousin.  He did this not for my sake, the cousin in this story, but for Amber's. 

I don't know what this tragedy will do to the relationship between the Torluemke and Alspach family, but I know that Rick would want them to remain close, and would be disappointed if they didn't.  I know you all love each other very much, but sometimes these things can make us drift apart.  Rick loved Amber's family almost as much as he loved her, and it is my deepest hope that the 2 families stay tight.

I don't know how I fell out of Amber's life these last few years.  Maybe it was because I felt I had my own 4 kids to worry about.  Maybe it was because life just got in the way.  I do know that she was in good hands when she met Rick, and maybe that made it easier to let her go. 

Whenever I look at Amber, I always remember the time I took her to McDonalds play place where we stayed for 6 hours.  She got me to stay by bribing me with hugs and kisses and I remember how easy it was for me to be suckered.  I guess I figured that her skills had only improved in that department, and that Rick was now the sucker.  In my mind, it was Rick's time now and that I should let him enjoy it as much as I did.  I now see that was a huge mistake, not only because I missed much of Amber growing up, but also because I missed my chance to get to know her soul mate.  For that, I'll always be sorry. 

Finally, I know that Rick was a diehard Cub fan and, being a die hard White Sox fan, I would normally chalk this up to a character flaw.  However, as Rick went Home after he was able to see his beloved Cubbies whoop up on the NY Mets by a score of 11-4, I'm thinking, if it was me, that would have been a great way to leave.  I can imagine him talking up the day with Amber, meeting up with his friends and family who shared his passion, and enjoying the rare opportunity to see a Cub victory in a storied and memory filled ball park.  Also, all TRUE Cub and Sox fans need each other.  Why?  Well, the rivalry that exists, no matter how irrational, is what makes the City of Chicago one of the greatest on earth.  Additionally, with the way both teams are playing lately, we'd have nothing else.

On that note, I will offer the only other show of support I can.  On every August 29^th from this point forward, no matter how much it hurts, I will root for the Cubs with as much passion and vigor usually reserved for my White Sox.  Not only in Rick's honor, not only for Amber (who somehow became a Cub fan herself; I'm still trying to figure how that happened), but for my dear close friends who also happen to be fans of the North Siders, so that I'm reminded of what is really important.  So to Rick and Amber, Rick's family and friends, as well as to Milligan, Andy, Brian, Grace, Mr. Patrick, Tony the Mac, and The Boys in SB 5, THIS BUD'S FOR YOU. 

Up until now, I've tried to keep this blog related to weight loss, exercise, and health topics.  There is another topic that I've touched on, but haven't really gotten to deep about it; Mental health. 

There are many things that can impact weight loss and the mind set needed to stay physically healthy.  I've learned that mental health is just as important, if not more so, than the three listed above.    How did I learn this?  By being aware when things make me want to say "the heck with it" and just eat what I want, I've learned that I used to take too much stock in people's opinions.  I used to let peoples poor judgement, unprofessionalism, and rudeness dictate how my day went, and like many others, I took solice in food. 

But by by vigilant and really trying to find the causes of my eating habits, I've noticed some things and would like to share them with you for the rest of this week and maybe next as well. 

The reason..

I've finally reached the point where people are noticing that I'm dropping the pounds and I have to admit that it's kind of nice. It's also a good way to keep yourself motivated.

I like that fact that I've had to buy a new belt. I like the fact that old clothes that were put away years ago now fit. I like that my wife feels she needs to worry when I'm talking to an attractive woman (she doesn't; I love my wife and would never disrespect her, my kids, or myself by cheating...just a personal thing). These are just small benefits in addition to the main, health related ones, but they are nice. They are the ones that keep your head up.

The clothes that my wife put away a few years back have started to fit again. I was suprised at all the "cool" clothes I have that I've just plain forgotten about. In this economy, that's a welcome suprise.

As I mentioned in my sister blog at http://40andfitterthesequel.blogspot.com/, I went in for my second sleep study thing last night. This time however, I had to wear one of those masks. When Michelle, my tech, told me I would be wearing one, I had images of one of those masks you see pilots wearing. It really wasn't anything like that as those masks are for people with severe cases of apnea, and Michelle said mine was mild, at worst.

We tried on a few masks and finally found one that was comfortable. It was sort of weird as the mask pushes air in. If you open your mouth, there's a mild suffocating feeling as the air rushes out.

Even with all the wires and mask, I slept pretty good. I don't know if it was because of the mask because they say it takes about 2 weeks to really feel the effects, but she said I was dreaming good and all that other stuff so we'll see

I'll have the results in a few weeks. I didn't get any video this time as I just wanted to get the hell out of there. I did weigh in at 239 at the office, which was 8lbs down since the last time I was there. My scale says 236, but whatever. It's good to see the results of my hard work paying off!

As anyone who has kids knows, it's time to go back to school. If they are not already back, they will be soon. This is a very stressful time for parents as well as students, and I for one am definitely not looking forward to this coming year. While there are a few teachers/staff/volunteers that we are very appreciative of, most who work for or with this school are, well, hard to deal with.

As the start of the school year gets closer, I've noticed my stress level rise and my appetite getting a little harder to control. What is it about food that we think we can find comfort in it? To me, it just seems strange, but it is what it is and I have to pay special attention that I don't start "slipping". It's been hard. .