Because there is really nothing going on today in real baseball today, right?
Thursday's best...
Hitters
Mark Teahen- Kansas City Royals (1B, LF, 3B)
Vs. St. Louis Cardinals
3-for-4, 1 HR, 3 RBI, 1 R
I doubt the Cardinals-Royals series gets as intense as Cubs-Sox. And I think we all know who the real winner is: the team Nelly roots for.
Wait, Nelly hasn’t been cool for like six years? You can’t expect me to know this stuff. Look at how pale I am.
Also: Olsen enjoys Wu-Tang Clan. Worth noting.
Carl Crawford- Tampa Bay Rayz (LF)
Vs. Chicago Cubs
3-for-5, 1 HR, 4 RBI, 1 R
Yeah, sure, the Rayz just pounded the Cubs for a three game sweep. But who is more lovable?
Jermaine Dye- Chicago White Sox (RF)
Vs. Pittsburgh Pirates
3-for-4, 2 HR, 6 RBI, 3 R
After each Dye homer, Nick Swisher did the worm.
By the way, has anyone ever seen Swish and Scotty 2 Hottie in the same place? Didn’t think so…
Pitchers
Joba Chamberlain- New York Yankees
Vs. San Diego Padres
Win: 5.2 IP, 1 ER, 9 K
The best athlete ever from Tatooine? Possibly. Somehow, Jeter still has a higher metaclorian count.
Zack Greinke- Kansas City Royals
Vs. St. Louis Cardinals
Win: 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 K
If the Royals really wanted to up the ante for this in-state series, why not wager Joe Posnanski? If KC loses, then Joe P goes to the Post-Dispatch. This makes sense to me.
Dave Bush- Milwaukee Brewers
Vs. Toronto Blue Jays
Win: 8 IP, 1 ER, 2 K
Not bad Bush, but try doing it against someone better than the Blue Jays, a team whose best hitter is Rod Barajas. Good thing that team couldn’t use Adam Dunn or anything.
...Thursday's worst
Hitter
Jason Giambi
Vs. San Diego Padres
0-for-3, 3 K
Giambi is just a clown. I didn't even have a joke here.
Pitcher
AJ Burnett- Toronto Blue Jays
Vs. Milwaukee Brewers
Loss: 5 IP, 8 ER, 5 K, 4 BB
Question to Jim Hendry: do you really want this guy? Seriously?
Ricky O'Donnell is the editor of 
Matthew Olsen is the co-founder of 
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