The Kolb Report:
Sharks see in 3-D, Obama sees red, Walken does reading on BBC, man arrested up to here in it
Larry J. Kolb is a spy who came in from the cold. Retiring after 20 years in CIA covert operations, he penned Overworld: The Life and Times of a Reluctant Spy.
Then he did an investigation for the Department of Homeland Security that led to his 2007 best-seller, America at Night: The True Story of Two Rogue CIA Operatives, Homeland Security Failures, Dirty Money, and a Plot to Steal the 2004 U.S. Presidential Election.
Now he goes on assignment for Roger Ebert's Journal, using skills developed in the field. New reconnaissance appears at the top; earlier findings scroll off the bottom. The Comments are open. Roger Ebert
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Hammerhead sharks (above) found to have exceptional 3-D vision. Kolb: The bastards are always up to something; details here
(Web scout: 3-D advocate Jeff Joseph).
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If the photo below showed Bill Clinton, what would you be thinking?
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Editor of Arab Times, former Kuwait minister of oil Ali Ahmed Al-Baghli, pens editorial arguing that films are a power for reform in the region. Kolb: He knows what he's talking about.
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Kolb did a duty tours in Arabia (in 1987, below) but the nearest decent multiplex didn't allow him to park his camel.
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Man discovered up to here in it, arrested. From Kolb's favorite right-wing newspaper.
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In time for your recovery weekend, Kolb and Ebert bring you the best scene in the greatest Thanksgiving movie of all time. Thanks a whole hell of a lot for the spoiler in the title, You Tube.
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Today's police blotter in Kuwait City. Kolb's Rest of the Story: Police are searching for pigeons to match the fingerprints.
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If you're in no damn hurry for your computer to restart in the office one morning and you're like Kolb on one of those lazy old days, this screen saver will be a life saver as well.
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Upbeat mood, sunny day at one teabagger protest
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•In contrast, disagreement breaks out at another teabagger Health Care protest. Kolb analysis: Tort reform ensure the victims the liberty to not sue.
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• Christopher Walken does BBC dramatic reading of Lady Gaga's "Poker Face." Kolb: Walken once threatened to kill me.
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Bulletins below from November 27, 2009.
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It actually, literally, did come from outer space! Be one of the first 700 to see it with your own eyes on Earth YouTube!
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"I dreamed of meeting my real father, until I discovered he wasCHARLIE MANSON !
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After vampires as teenagers, Kolb pedicts Pigrims as teenagers.
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Sarah Palin calls for "reform" of Canadian health care, will have to commute between Lower 48 and Alaska of hostile territory.
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Kolb was one of the first three YouTube visitors to unearth what will become the most spellbinding nature video of the year It will go viral! Kolb puts you in a position to tweet it to your Followers and be out in front of the crowd. As Kolb posts this, the video has only nine visits. Kolb lives to explore the Web! the page and return tomorrow to see how many slowpokes you beat
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Credit where due: The Daily Beast tracks down the . Muses who inspired famous songs. Kolb is a personal friend of Bar-Bar-Bar, Bar-Barbara-Ann, but knows how to keep a secret.
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For our readers on the Subcontinent:It's not the Coke-killer Thums Up Cola, which was bought out by Coca-Cola, but Bovonto! is capturing market share. I 've tasted both. Kolb is no fool. I know which side of my bread the butter is on, and I by far prefer Thums Up ©.
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BELOW: Earlier news from November 26, 2009:
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Dana Perino: "We Did Not Have a Terrorist Attack on Our Country During President Bush's Term." Kolb: (Sound of palm smacking against forehead).
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Kolb instant Analysis of video above: Perino obviously misspoke. The two men were reluctant to correct a Bush defender on Fox News and set a bad example for Fox viewers, or weren't listening to a thing she said, one of the two.
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Kolb believes you may have seen the second half of this clip, but he doubts the the media showed you the first half, which is positive toward Sarah Palin. Kolb, who has spent a fair amount of time staking out poultry farms, observes that turkeys are not generally referred to as "he or she," but as the "tom" and the "hen," as in "roast Tom turkey." Kolb wonders why no U.S. politician has the nerve of Illinois Governor Jim Ryan, and pardons all the turkeys at once.
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Watch: He tries to fly from Africa to Europe using a jet pack Kolb's commentary: This didn't work for James Bond; what makes this man any different?.
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The Godfather of Spam may be smiling after billions of Spams, but Kolb is not. From Kolb's favorite right-wing newspaper.
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Kolb's finely-honed instincts were mistaken! Surprise of the Day! That chain e-mail asking you to write Xerox and pass it on is NOT a fraud! Kolb's analysis: If Snopes says it, it's true. Or it's false, all depending on what Snopes says. Thanks to Web Scout Margo Howard.
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Kolb now interrupt Mrs. Palin's book tour to bring you
Garrision Keillor.
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The Sarah Palin Style Guide.
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Today marks the sad anniversary of the day the Cat in the Hat ran wild. .
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"Studs' Place," TV's first sitcom, is 60 today. Studs lives!
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Kolb's cousin and good friend, Lawrence Kolb, 95, psychiatric trail-blazer, realized that so-called "battle fatigue" in WWII was actually Stress Disorder Syndrome.
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Kolb wants one and he wants it right freaking NOW! The Laptop of the Future..
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Kolb's Thanksgiving Day Brain-Tickler! Be like a real spy and spot the differences in these two Google seatrches. Hint: Click to enarge and study carefully.
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News from November 25, 2009 and earlier
Born on Nov. 25, 1944: Ben Stein, Evolution Denier..
Died on Nov. 25, 1944: Lotte Eisner, legendary friend of the German cinema, and of Werner Herzog.
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This is a computer renderings of the song of a humpback whale. For 14 unbelievable photos, go to Kolb's favorite conservative newspaper and the fabulous London Telegraph site. .
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Carla Bruni, the First Lady of France, confirmed today that she will star in Woody Allen's next movie.
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This describes some but not all of the nudes Kolb has seen descending staircases
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Kolb admired Playboy's treatment of Roger Ebert's article on Kubrick's "Lolita," although he wouldn't recommend it for family viewing..
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Concise Lessons in Levitation
How to levitate in the styles of David Blaine and Chris Angel.
Amazing back float levitation using simple household items.
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Fly With an Eagle
Our world from an eagle's point of view:
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Actual long take from a San Francisco streetcar in 1905, here accompanied by the opening track of Air's classic 1998 "Moon Safari" album -- one of the "1001 Albums You Must Hear Before You Die."
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The little tabby that could said
"I think I can. I think I can. I think I can."
But she could not.
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This man once tried to kill Kolb.
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Below: Earler editions of the Kolb Report.
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The CONSERVATIVES are pushing their "radical" new plan to in the war against global warming, want to pay people to recycle..
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Slow news day: Only two of the top four stories on Huffiington Post , were about Arianna Huffington, including the most important story of the day: .
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I've seen hazardous jobs, and I've been employed in hazardous jobs. This has to be the most hazardous job on the railroad..
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An intention has been floated to prevent people from Googling NewsCorp. Kolb news analysis: This, along with pay-only firewalls, is an attempt to discourage Jon Stewart's writers from gathering evidence.
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Our investigation suggests "Men Who Stare at Goats" used trick goats.
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In Kolb's hard-won expeience, the police identification method seen here seldom bears fruitful results, Bolivian authorities release detailed police sketch , of a wanted man, ask for public's help finding him.
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Fish Soup for he Sou:I can't resist sharing my favorite aquarium, built hard against the East China Sea, the Kuroshio Sea, just twenty miles from where I went to first grade. Nice HD video.N
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Michael Crichton's last book, Pirate Latitudes, comes out today.
Here is its trailer Yes., books have trailers.
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This man once threatened to kill Kolb. (Click to expand)
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Yesterday's News!
Oak Park's new tourism logo erupted in a wave of Internet debate. Bloggers say it looks like a penis. Looking for a better way to promote its Frank Lloyd Wright sites, Ernest Hemingway history and other attractions, the west suburb paid $65,000 for a marketing plan. It included a logo. You might describe it as a tubelike shaping of the village's name.
Oak Park will forever be identified with the legendary lovers Ernest Hemingway and Frank Lloyd Wright (l-r )
The Oak Leaves newspaper posted it online, and the blogosphere let out a collective snicker. The designer was not amused.
"It seems a little sophomoric to me," Don McEachern, CEO of North Star Destination Strategies, said of the criticism. The North Star study recommends incorporating "a little rebellion" in promoting Oak Park.
"[The concept] was a little edgier than some of the other choices," said Rich Carollo, of the Oak Park Area Visitors and Convention Bureau. "I'm not changing the logo," he said. "It'll grow on you!" Pioneer Press
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Listen to Simon & Garfunkel's fond farewell to Mr. Wright
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AUTOGRAPHING TOUR GOING WELL: Sarah Palin's supporters articulate her positions during a heartland Jay-Walk.
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FLASH !!!
HarperCollins "enraged" by lookalike parody, Going Rouge, produced by Nation writers.
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Palin defender Dennis Miller says women on the Left hate her because of her sex life. . "I think that snow mobile looks like mechanized foreplay to me and that's why people are fascinated." What would that make the Iditarod?
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An experienced spy asks himself: Why exactly are those "tourists" taking snapshots of trees? Los Angeles is the third largest oil field in the United States. All over the city, particularly in Beverly Hills, working oil wells are disguised as buildings, steeples, towers, islands, and even palm trees.
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In the opinion of this correspondent, they finally got the Coke bottle about right. Credit industrial designer Raymond Loewy, who also designed the 1950s Studebaker. You can tell which way the Coke bottle is going.
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Boris Karloff, born Nov. 23, 1887, as you may never have seen him before.
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Michael Jackson wins four AMA Awards. No, not from the American Medical Association..
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This correspondent's most dreaded affliction: Trapped Inside Syndrome.
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British police query witness about a missing person.
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Home and Garden Page: Don't pay high prices for celebrity T-shirts. The Kolb Report's Do It Yourself yourself application for a T-shirt. Click to enlarge. Shirt must not already have artwork on it.
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How to transfer Pogo to a T-shirt.
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On our OP-ED page:
The deadening rise of the words inappropriate and unacceptable.
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AT HOME WITH THE STARS: Christopher Walken, host of yesterday's Kolb holiday cooking tutorial, is also handy in his home workshop. The actor once threatened to kill Kolb, but that's another story...
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BREAKING NEWS for Nov. 22, 2009 !
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Exclusive Kolb Report from Red China: As President Barack Obama entered Beijing's Forbidden City, the Chinese broke with years of protocol involving their welcomes for foreign leaders and saluted him with "Hail to the Chief"
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CELEBRATE THANKSGIVING WITH CHRISTOPHER WALKEN
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Join Christopher Walken in the kitchen as he shows how to prepare roast chicken and candied pears at 400 degrees in one hour. He once
threatened to kill me, but that's another story.
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The life and stories of Raymond Carver.
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R.L. Burnside (below), intelligence analyst and philosopher, comments
on bad battlefield intelligence and the reliability of women. What Tojo Told Hitler. (link repaired)
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Additional evidence Western pop culture is influential in the Middle East.
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AMPAS announced "The Cat Piano" is one of the ten semifinalists for
best animated short at the 2010 Oscars..
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How they do it. Never ask yourself again why the end credits mention puppet masters
as well as DGI artists.
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Dateline yesterday!
Eleanor Powell, born today in 1912. In "Ship Ahoy" her character taps out
a message in Morse Code to a secret agent.
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Quentin Crisp, born 1908, died this day in 1999. "When I was young,
the world was very feminine."
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Tim Burton's first gallery show opens at Gotham's Museum of Modern Art. The ribbon is cut by Commissioner Gordon. But, wait! Who's that breaking in through the skylight?
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Playboy's first Braille edition. It's read for the words and not for the pictures.
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As the New York Times rolls out its new Chicago pages, Chicago dailies fight back with exclusives.
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London's Serpentine Gallery expands the range of modern art to include Industrial Design. That's a really masculine-looking Koku Robot.
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The Kolb Report's arts coverage continues: Jewish finalist in this year's Cannes advertising festival. .
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Modern political art: Chicagoan Bruce Elliott's "The Cavity Search of Rod Blagojevich" and his nude of Sarah Palin.
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Fellow spy John LeCarre thanks your correspondent for coining a term he uses in his new novel.
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The deadly results of the Iraqi Army's dowsing for bombs, as seen in an earlier Kolb Report, might have been prevented if the combat dowsers had only heeded the Amazing Randi.
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If you're like me, you didn't know it but you've been dying to answer these poll questions. .
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Dateline: Day before yesterday!
Washington Times: Bombing Iran "the last best chance for peace." Sarah Palin: "What's the matter with Iraq, like I said yesterday?"
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Don't try this in the home. Or in your driveway
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Sophia Loren was frightened by the intensity of Daniel Day-Lewis. And she's worked with Marcello Mastroianni, Anthony Perkins, Anthony Quinn, Charlie Chaplin, Peter O'Toole, Jean Gabin, Richard Harris, O. J. Simpson ,John Cassavetes, and Robert Altman,. Where were the press agents on those pictures?.
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Disney unveils new line of swine flu cards.Click to enlarge) (
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GQ names never-released David Lynch production "Album of the Year. (click to enlarge)
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Peddling the mean streets of Chicago, the Naked City
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Palin on Fox News: The way to deal with the nuclear threat from Iran is to...crack down in Iraq.
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A majority of Republicans thinks Obama really lost in 2008. An even larger majority of Republicans thinks Bush won in 2000, 2004..
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Investigators probe possible link between Joaquin Phoenix and contestant #2.
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Dateline: Last Friday!:
PALIN CONTROVERSY NOT PALING
Ebert tweeted: "Palin says Newsweek's new cover is sexist. WTF! She's right." Hang on there, Rog! Check out what James Urbaniak has to say here: "It's unbelievable that any "serious" politician would willingly pose for such a picture. Forget Newsweek, this photo wasn't appropriate for Runner's World.
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And veteran mag editor Tina Brown (Vanity Fair, New Yorker, online "DailyBeast.com") tells Matt Lauer on NBC Today it's not sexist:
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"The Twilight Saga: New Moon." Here is Ebert's review.. Others didn't like it much either.
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An old memory he can't get out of of his mind. Very short, very powerful.
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Iraqi Army's magic wand found ineffective. Don't tell the Thief of Baghdad.
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Here is the saddest and strangest video I've seen in a long time.
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Indian psychic investigator reveals trick of levitating yogis.
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Bismarck said God looks after drunks, small children, and Americans.
This seems to prove two of his three points.
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Top Story: CNN would have paid anything to get rid of Lou Dobbs.
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McCain senior campaign advisor says Sarah Palin's memoirs 'largely took place within her head.".
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Guy walks up to the Genius Bar at an Apple Store, complains his 1987 MacPlus is making this beeping noise.
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Fliers take personal measures against "I'm sorry, but your flight has already pulled back from the gate."
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In France, which recently outlawed the wearing of Islamic head coverings, it is also against the law for women to wear pants..
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Tall, leggy Italian models needed for light work out of town, must be familiar with the Koran. Pants permitted.
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The best films that were never made, including Stanley Kubrick's "Napoleon.".
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Top story, Tues. Nov 17: Belfast breakthrough on the search for Viagra for women..
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Findings for Nov. 17, 2009:
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"2012" pre-shocks begin with the devastation of its competitors..
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Senator Al Franken's visual memory and map-making ability may be unparalleled in the body's history.
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Hollywood's invovement in Afghanistan: "Be Gone, Taliban!" and other samples from
"Ariana Delawari, Lion of Panjshir," released by the David Lynch Music Company.
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Attention! Wal-Mart shoppers! Look in the mirror, people!..
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Facebook term voted Word of the Year by New Oxford American Dictionary.
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In poverty-stricken Havana, low-budget sport gains popularity.
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State secrets compromised. Studs Terkel's complete FBI file posted online at this PDF file..
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Hollywood retains its global cultural influence. Egypt's top English-language
film critic lists his 100 Greatest Films of All Time. Most of them are American.
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South Carolina beauty queen takes a keen interest in the facts of life.
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The Flashmob phenomenon has arrived in North Dakota.
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Earlier findings:
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FLASH! Hearsay from a Murdoch/Fox meeting discussing paying a Senator to help
make Netflix and all other online movie streaming against the law.
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Lobbyists have been working as bipartisan Congresional ghostwriters, drafting one version supporting their employer's position for Democrats, another for Republicans.
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Russia's Pravda reports human bodies benefit from masturbation.
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In training for danger: Swimming at the lip of the world's highest waterfall.
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New torture technique: glass-boarding.
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A physicist is working on modulating propane flames using
nothing more than sound waves.
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Travolta and Cruise to remake "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid." The
reason can be tracked to Australia.
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shitmydadsays, the anonymous Twitter account of a 23-year-old who just writes down the shit his dad says, has been signed for a
CBS sitcom and a Harper/Collins book.
The name will be changed for TV.
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Searching for a cheap, universal method to control the globe's exploding population.
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Two days ago, the North Koreans discovered silver nitrate.
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In Chinese-controlled Tibet, Zenmasters spend days, weeks, months
in solitary confinement in lonely rooms and even caves.>.
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This ad can do anything "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" can,
backwards and in 30 seconds:
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Japanese developing Pavlovian techniques to train animals not to eat.
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Human behavior linked to maternal permissiveness.
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Syria is thought to be developing a double for Catherine Zeta-Jones.
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Security at risk: The daredevils of the world's tallest building
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How my attorney prepared me to testify in federal court in a case in which the government of
India attempted to have me extradited to stand trial there for alleged misdeeds involving
an election to determine the Prime Minister.
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As seen in Liberation, the left-wing French national daily.
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English translation.of the Leeb article
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Larry J. Kolb's Amazon page.
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Use the Ebert website, rogerebert.com.
Recent entries in Roger Ebert's Journal.
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10 Comments
Leave a comment
Twelve months, 92 million visits at rogerebert.com.
"Top-ranking film critic on the web." -- Alexa.com
"He gets comments that are the envy of anyone in the business." -- New City, Chicago
"America's #1 pundit." -- Forbes
Roger Ebert
Roger Ebert's latest books are Scorsese by Ebert and Roger Ebert's Movie Yearbook 2009. Published recently: Roger Ebert's Four-Star Reviews (1967-2007) and Awake in the Dark: The Best of Roger Ebert. Books can be ordered through rogerebert.com. (Photo by Taylor Evans)
Gah! They're gonna neuter one of the best Twitter feeds ever!
Gah! Rupert Murdoch is going to neuter one of the best websites ever!
Gah! This thread is going to get me 10-kinds of stressed out.
Roger,
I just came across the attached clipping. Found it re reading in, I think it was, your review of the movie ALI that you once spent a day in a Rolls-Royce with Muhammad. Or something along those lines. I remember wondering if it was the chocolate-brown Rolls-Royce convertible I often rode around with Muhammad in. Anyway, if Muhammad was at the wheel that day that you drove around with him, and if he was in a frisky mood that day, perhaps this page from an article in the September 1984 Penthouse will bring back memories of Muhammad's unique driving techniques...
http://j.mp/3AVrb7
Ebert:
That was in L.A. and it was black and, thank God, he wasn't driving!
Great going, ex-Agent Kolb! I furtively pit myself against Roger in a contest of who meets more unusual people out of just nowhere in particular. Well, my ex-CIA guy isn't talking and I fear it's because he hasn't anything to say. Roger has pulled ahead by a furlong. At least I have met the reincarnation of St. Peter and Robert E. Lee both.
Yeah Paul, Gah! about shitmydadsays. Good for that kid. But gah.
Editorial Correction: that is not the best commercial ever. This is the best commercial ever: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v6I2CQpTP8M
Those two were not the best commercials ever. This is the best commercial ever:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6IKrnbAj6tU
I thought of an alternate name for the "shitmydadsays" sitcom, but then I remembered "Apocalypse Now" was already taken.
Whoo hoo! This latest post is a virtual playground of goodies... what joy is mine!! Keep it coming!
Watching that Walken clip reminded me of that famous Gene Siskel line which you always harken back to:
"I'd rather see a documentary of the same people having lunch."
I feel that quote takes on even more meaning in this Youtube-and-reality-TV-based world of ours. Walken has turned into a kind of indie hipster cult figure along the likes of Steve Buscemi, worshiped as an alternative to mainstream celebrity gods.
Walken knows this and seems to exploit it with glee, making him all the more a cult icon. And being the fine actor that he is - always watchable and able to elevate even the most monotonous of films - we continue to smile at his exploits.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GqAiarOhC2U
So Sarah fans are as dumb as Obama fans. Makes me sad that so many Americans, regardless of political affiliation, are so uninformed.
Ebert: That was in L.A. and it was black and, thank God, he wasn't driving!
And speaking of driving...
Best car commercial ever! One continuous shot of a Rube Goldberg device made entirely of car parts...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tkzr0naZnZ0
But wait! There's more!
Discovery Channel - Soap Bubbles Science with Keith Johnson: a Government funded Bubble Artist!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eV6Wh-KX3bY&feature=related
Grin.
How did this guy manage to retire? I have it on good authority that ex-spies are routinely terminated with extreme prejudice because they Know Too Much, or at the very least gassed and forced to live in a luxury seaside resort that is ruthlessly patrolled by a Monty Python blancmange.