Chicago Sun-Times
with sports reporters Chris De Luca and Gordon Wittenmyer

Wanna buy an autographed wreck?

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You know those donate-your-car-to-charity deals? Cubs strength and conditioning coach Tim Buss is thinking along those lines as he tries to come up with ideas of how to get the most out of what’s left of his 1995 Nissan that players took a sledgehammer to this week.

Buss hopes to come up with a plan that helps pass along the good fortune several Cubs pitchers sent his way when they bashed up his old beater – and then presented him with a shiny new SUV.

``It was unbelievable,’’ said Buss, who knows only that pitchers Ryan Dempster, Jon Lieber, Kerry Wood and Scott Eyre were among the ringleaders. ``When something like that happens, you realize how good people are.’’

And that’s why the wheels are already turning on how to pay it forward by turning the mangled metal into a charitable contribution – even after his initial reaction to seeing his creamed car was ``three ulcers and a heart attack.’’

Buss said players already have volunteered to autograph what’s left of the car, which still rolls, might still run, has no windows, and has a rolled-up trunk lid, a hole in the roof, a bumper in the back seat and doors tied shut, including one with the seat belt. It’s ``parked’’ in the players’ lot at HoHoKam Park.

``I actually think it looks better now that it’s all smashed up than it did before,’’ said Dempster, who added that ``it just kind of shows what a good guy he is and, as hard a time as we give him, how much everybody respects him.’’

The, uh, SUV shows it, that is.

As for what’s left of the other one, any takers? Any suggestions?

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Recycle most of it but have a jeweler with creativity somehow incorporate some of the car into the World Series rings the Cubs will win this year. If that doesn't happen, maybe you can melt the car down and recast some of the metal into Wrigley Field seats (4 of them?) that people can bid on and have season tickets to for a year. You can thank me later for these great ideas...:-)

The entire team should sign the hood of the car and then auction the entire thing off for a charity on ebay. Someone will buy it and will have one of the strangest pieces of Cubs memorabilia ever.

What piece of junk would be more appropriate for the worst baseball team in modern times?

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This page contains a single entry by Gordon Wittenmyer published on March 19, 2008 9:01 PM.

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