God bless you.
I could have kissed my doctors when they recently told me that they did not believe I
would live out the remaining eight months of this year without a Heartmate II, the latest
and most advanced heart pump that God has blessed scientists to invent.
Really. I know it sounds crazy. But faith in man may make one do one thing and faith
in God may make one do something entirely different.
Yes, I could have kissed my doctors for daring God.
Don't get me wrong. I don't think my doctors meant anything blasphemous when
they gave me what basically amounts to a death sentence. Has any of you ever
received a death sentence like that? I really believe the doctors were being totally honest
in reaching their conclusion based on their scientific data, test results, experience and
knowledge.
For all I know, their faith in God may be stronger than mine. For I will be honest with
you, sisters and brothers, I am not as strong spiritually as many of you think. I am not
bragging about my weaknesses. I am simply being honest in telling you that I, like
everybody else, have some. In fact, in the flesh, I have countless. But God's grace and
mercy and my faith in Him more than compensates.
Many of you readers have joined my wife and family in begging to me "get the
pump!" because you want me to live and you are speaking from the heart. You stop me
on the street and in sports arenas, telephone and e-mail me and say the same.
Yes, I want to live. I dearly want to live. In fact, my desire to live is stronger than my
fear of dying and I can charge that to my faith in God. I believe that I will survive the
end-stage congestive heart failure and my prostate cancer just as my brain tumor has
been diagnosed as benign.
As such, I fear no evil and I feel less ill as days go by. Oh, I am yet sick in terms of
the strength of my heart and what lab tests show. My doctors confirm that and I hear
them loud and clear.
But one way or another, I will win.
It will be healing or heaven.
I will be healed with or without the pump.
So what I am telling you is that my spiritual faith and physical feelings tell me that
I am not in an utterly desperate situation. I have the time and the temperament to wait
on God. I have the luxury of God's grace and mercy to tide me over in the interim.
Now, the way I am doing it is not the way I will tell everybody else to do it. I can't
speak for anybody else's faith in God but my own. And I alone really know how I am
feeling. And, to tell you the truth, I am feeling better as I continue to pray, see my
doctors, take my medicines, pace myself wisely and exercise regularly.
I am not grandstanding, trying to be some superman or pretending to be
bullet-proof. It is highly likely that after I get more information in the next few weeks or
suddenly start feeling bad again that I will call Dr. Valluvan Jeevanandam, Dr. Allen
Anderson, Dr. Jim Flaherty or whoever else and say, "Let's operate as soon as possible!
Give me that pump, for goodness sake!"
But let the record show that I have told you that my doctors have given me fair
warning. So if I drop dead or suffer a crippling stroke or heart attack while still trying to
make up my mind, it is not their fault.
I am fully aware of the dangers they spelled out. I'm dealing, yes, with a deadly
situation. But in his 23rd song, King David sang, "Yea though I walk through the valley of
the valley of death, I will fear no evil for (God is) with me. (His) rod and (His) staff, they
comfort me."
I preached hard twice on Easter weekend and came out of that holy weekend
feeling stronger. While I was taking communion on Good Friday, an old woman came
up to me and chastise me for not being more bold with my faith that God is healing me
or that He already has. Here I am preaching about such faith and being wishy-washy
at the same time. I felt a little guilty. But her point was valid and well taken.
Some Christian fundamentalist feel there is compromise and that one needs not try
to seek a balance between doing what man says and what God says. But Jesus did say
to render unto Cesar the things that are Cesar's and unto God the things that are God's.
As such, we have obligations in both spheres. But at the end of the day, it's my faith in
God that will determine the outcome no matter how I dare to decorate or embroider it
with additional explanations. God is THE HEALER and all HEALING COMES FROM
GOD. Now, can I get a witness?
God bless you.
