Sex after prostate cancer? Yes-sir-ee Bob.
God bless you.
Yes, I am a man of God. In fact, I've been a Christian preacher for 55 years. And, yes, I have nothing against sex.
Sex is good. God created man and woman to have sex. Man was not complete until God complemented him with woman.
For after He, His Son Jesus Christ and His Holy Ghost made man, they said, "It is not good for man to be alone." So they took a rib from the side of Adam, the first man, and cloned woman.
Then once they had finished making man and woman, God married them and His first commandment to them was for them to have sex when He said, "Be fruitful, multiply and replenish the earth."
So God made sex and commanded sexual intercourse between a man and his wife. Sex is not dirty. Sex is not evil. Sex is not nasty. Sex is not taboo. Sex between husband and wife is good and pleasant in God's sight.
What makes sex bad is sin.
God's word forbids his Christians from committing adultery, fornication, rape, homosexuality, pedophilia and incest among other sexual transgressions. And as a Christian preacher, I can not preach against one of these sexual sins and not preach against the others. I also offer hope to all of those who choose to have sex in a manner not in harmony with God's will, God's word and God's way. In other words, many adulterers, homosexuals, fornicators, rapist sand whatever other sexual malefactors will make it into heaven because they will have repented of their sins and chosen to have faith in Jesus Christ as their Saviour.
When I was first diagnosed with prostate cancer, my first fear was the fear most men have. Will this forever retire me from being able to have sex? Too many men mistakingly define their manhood in sexual terms. Likewise, too many women feel that if breast cancer cost them their breasts, they are less women or at least less sexy.
Well, nonsense on both counts. And true love never needs sex to prove itself.
I am happy to announce that, based on a plethora of medical reports, based on my urologists,
Dr. Gerber of the University of Chicago Medical Center, and Dr. Kevin McVary of Northwestern Memorial
Hospital, and based on my radiation oncologist Dr. Brian Moran, prostate cancer is no absolute death
sentence to sex--particularly a man's ability to enjoy sexual intercourse.
Now--excuse me English teachers--ain't that good news? Good news for men and women.
If and when I am able to indulge again, my wife Joyce has already told me not to report such
intimate information in this blog for a very sound reason.
"It ain't nobody's business what we do when we're alone," she said in no uncertain terms. "You're
going too far now, Lacy. You can't put every detail in that blog. We're still entitled to some privacy."
Of course, Joyce is right. She, uh, she is always right. Right men?
Our wives are more formidable than City Hall, the police, the IRS, the judge, the CIA, the FBI, the
Army, Navy, Air Force and Marine Corps and entire Federal government all combined.
Every wife has a mighty weapon that can bring every husband to his knees crying and begging her to
"Please ma'ame have mercy."
And that weapon is "NO!"
Sure, one of the reasons I wanted God to heal me of prostate cancer was to at least be able to......uh
........OK....have sex.
I also wanted God to heal me of prostate cancer because I wanted to live. As such, the choice
of treatment a man makes puts him in a most difficult situation where he pretty much has to choose
between sex and death.
Wow!
I'm talking real-life crises here, folks.
Sex or life?
Do I want to undergo a radical procedure like a prostatectomy, which increases the prospect of
impotence? Or do I prefer a less invasive procedure like radioactive seeds implantation, or
chemotherapy, or radiation beams or the freezing of the prostate?
I am blessed that, according to Dr. Gerber and Dr Moran, the prostate cancer was caught early
and is localized and can be treated effectively with radioactive seeds alone. Since these seeds work
slowly, it may be months before I know when my PSA is low enough for me to be declared clinically
"cancer-free" or to be able to be sexually active again.
But the great thing in my favor, as it regards sex, is that Joyce and I truly love each other and our
marriage is blessed and ordained of God. We've been married 39 years, we have three lovely daughters
and five grandchildren and we have already enjoyed so many beautiful things together.
Moreover, we each love God more than we love each other. We're wiser than ever and love each
other more than ever. With all that going for us, we have arrived at that stage, that most Christian
married couple eventually arrive at, where sex is no longer that big a deal.
Don't get me wrong. Sex is still great. But it is not necessary to keep me and my wife together.
That's why I could face prostate cancer without my sexual prowess being my main, second main
or even third main concern. Our marriage has now matured beyond sex. And when you truly love
your girlfriend or your boyfriend, your husband or your wife, sex is not the main thing that's going
to keep you together. That's why sex should not be the main reason people date or get married.
Bad sex or no sex can break up a couple that's not really in love. So will money problems,
bad behavior, infidelity, jealousy, selfishness, drugs, gambling, anger and illness. But love, true love,
will keep a couple together when they can no longer have sex, when they no longer have much pep to
do anything but complain about pain.
So I know that regardless of how much more improvement I feel and experience in my sexual
motivation, if I can't have sex any more, I don't have to worry about losing my wife. We are
committed for life.
I know this is a very sensitive and important issue for men dealing with prostate cancer and for
their mates. But I have talked to friends who underwent all the treatments available and I've read
medical reports of countless others who did the same and more than 70 percent are eventually
able to again enjoy sexual intercourse.
That's also why you women should be careful with the reason you seek male companionship. And
certainly sexual sampling (looking for love and Mr. Goodbar in all the wrong places) is more dangerous
than ever because of the rampant spread of AIDS. You will be surprised how many good-looking,
good-dressing, good-sounding and good-smelling young men and women are HIV positive. So what
looks good to you may not be good for you. In fact, it may be deadly good.
Meanwhile, a good friend of mine and fellow passenger, Rabbi, Dr. Edgar Weinsberg, is writing a
book about his experience and his acquired knowledge concerning his battle with prostate cancer.
It will be published this fall and I will be sure to give you more details so that you can buy his book.
But Rabbi Weinsberg made some very sober and sage observations in a recent email dialogue I had
with him. He reminded me that sex involves more than just intercourse. Truly sensitive, loving people
can connect in ways more profound, more lasting, more real and more satisfying than sexual
intercourse. And for those who have not graduated into that higher and richer realm of romance, there
are medical devices, including pills and salves, that can facilitate the physical congress.
"My book has a lot more to say comparing treatments," Rabbi Weinsberg said, "and my new blog, as
of this July, will have updates along with the website I hope I'll put up in August. Unlike
most men, we're both willing to publicly share our most intimate moments so that others with prostate
problems (including their wives, daughters, etc.) will gain fresh, personal, up-front perspectives and not
feel they are fighting this battle alone."
Regarding indulging sexual intercourse again?
" Yes and no," he said. " We men need to remind ourselves that sexuality is very important for us and
our life partners, but sometimes sexual intercourse--when no longer possible--will have to take a back
seat to new, more creative ways of seeking intimacy with our significant others.
"Fortunately, the latest stats say that, with different devices, 70% of early stage prostate cancer men
can return to a life with intercourse; but the other 30% have to look for different mutually satisfying
sexual alternatives. It is as much about redefining our manhood as it is about recovering from the
cancer."
I thoroughly agree with Rev. Weinsberg. It takes more than sex to define a man and more than
sexual intercourse to make or to effectively express love. Whatever happened to a kiss and a hug
as pleasures within themselves? They shouldn't always be exclusively reserved for foreplay toward
sexual intercourse. They can stand alone as satisfying pleasures between people who really, really
love each other.
God bless you.
Comments
Does the Sun Times really need this kind of blog? Have we not reached the point where a major newspaper won't offer a forum for someone who both thinks women are secondary to men (created apparently as an afterthought to comfort men) and places same-sex love, which this dude clearly doesn't get, on a par with bestiality and pederasty? And all of this to establish himself as a "good" Christian (who thinks women are created for men and that lesbians and gays are animals--yeah, right). He didn't need this to talk about post-prostate surgery sex. But he couldn't help himself because his world revolves around straight men. This dude gets to call his contempt tradition or something? Hmm....
I'm all for free speech and if he wants to talk about his sex life and then castigate others for theirs, he's got every right. But the Sun Times should not be giving him a forum. To the ST editors: I recommend deletion.
Banks' response: It's good that you're all for free speech, freedom of the press and freedom of religion though your comments suggest otherwise. "This dude" also acknowledges every person's right , including yours, to choose whether he wants to live his life in accordance with Christian doctrine, which remains America's religious mainstream. As a Christian preacher, I must espouse sound Christian doctrine as presented in the holy bible, not the way I, or even the public majority, may prefer to present it. It's your God-given freedom as a free moral agent and as an American citizen to believe what you want and live your life as you like. I obviously am not infringing upon that right. We Christians believe that neither your sins, nor mine, and believe me I have many, please God. But no sin is beyond God's mercy to forgive if we repent. I say again that man, according to the bible, is incomplete without a woman. I thank God for women. I love, respect and deeply cherish women because they complete us men. My mother, my wife, my sisters, my aunts and my daughters are all women. That's the bible reality and Christians don't apologize for that. Moreover, no "good Christian" believes that women were created JUST for men or vice versa (which is not at all what I wrote) and neither does any "good Christian" believe, as you suggest, that gays and lesbians are animals. That's a despicable suggestion. We are all God's people, varied though we are. Homosexuals are no more evil than adulterers, fornicators, thieves, liars, murderers, haters and any other sinners. Sin is sin. And all have sinned and come short of the glory of God. But if we want to please God, then we must believe and follow His word. If you don't want to, you don't have to. And if you don't like this blog, please do yourself a favor. Don't read it. That's your right. Certainly, nobody anywhere has to be in agreement with you to write his blog. God bless you.
Posted by: James W | June 1, 2008 12:18 AM
God, lead a christian minister where i work to conversate with me. He had prostate cancer However he's living and psa has a great number doctors are surprised. Mr. Banks you need to try essiac tea.(original essiac tea)www.remedies.net and if u need to call:1-888-568-3036 order it made or make it? I've done both
You can get the handbook mailed to u with your order.
God lead me to talk with this minister for a reason. I'm passing the information on. "God said my people perish, because of lack of knowledge." In order to get knowledge you must search. May God Bless and Guide our footsteps!" "GOD SAID WE ARE HELPERS ONE TO ANOTHER!" THANK YOU LORD..
Banks' response: God bless you JB. Thanks for that tip and I'm hoping others see it, too, and add that to their knowledge of available treatments. Truth is knowledge and knowledge is power.
Posted by: JB | June 1, 2008 05:30 PM
Hello Rev Banks,
This is good and very tastefully said. And I admire your humble response to James W. Your words demonstrate the man of God you are. I wish some of this knowledge had been available when my Dad was suffering from prostate cancer. I hope you had a good Sunday and that all is well. Today the sermon was about Giants. My pastor said the bigger they are the harder they fall. These giants that you are battling are on their way down!
I thank God in advance for the victory.
Donna
Banks' response: God bless you Donna for your continued prayerful support understanding. I certainly never intended this blog to elicit anger and contention. But the Apostle Paul spoke for us ages ago: When I would do good, evil is ever present. I'm sure you have had the same experience. Sometimes the people you help, turn around and try to hurt you. I am not really hurt. But I am challenged and I love a challenge especially when I am trying to do right. Do you notice that when somebody tries to wrong, he receives more help and encouragement than when he is trying to do right. But you are right, Donna. Life's
Goliaths remain on the prowl seeking to overwhelm us. But we are not grasshoppers. The promised land we seek is lush and ripe for the taking. And though there be giants trying to slay us, greater is He that is within you and me than those giants that are in the world. Be encouraged, my Kingdom sister. The race is not given to the swiftest or the strongest, but to those who are faithful to the end.
Posted by: Donna Pittman | June 1, 2008 09:12 PM
My friend, thank you for the tasteful, sweet and frank discussion of this portion of your journey to restoration.
My Dad was faced with the same intervention options for prostrate cancer two years ago. My sisters and I were so fearful when his doctors informed us that he would face immense pain and possible death if he did not agree to the same procedure you just experienced or to surgery to remove the prostrates. Dad was given 24 hours to decide which course of action he would opt for.
We fervently prayed that God’s will be done for Dad’s restoration. Needless to say, the 24 hours seemed like a lifetime to each of us. We were much more apprehensive than Dad regarding which protocol he would choose. Each of us lived far away from home; this required us to plan collectively for his care upon release from the hospital.
On decision day we went to Dad’s hospital room, had family prayer and waited for the doctor while nervously chattering about nothing. A team of doctor’s arrived about 9AM to hear (along with my sisters and myself) Dad’s decision.
He opted for no procedure based on the fact that whatever he chose would result in him being impotent. I can still in my mind’s eye see the impact of his forceful statement on the doctors and on our faces. By 12 noon, Dad was leaving the hospital. Shortly afterward, my sisters and I were booking the first thing flying out of that city.
That was two years ago. In October, he will celebrate his 90th birthday. What a mighty God we serve. And yes, Lacy! That’s good news.
As for the somewhat angered response you received, I am very curious to know from James W. the impact prostrate cancer or perhaps AIDS has on loving relationships of same-sex partners.
Banks' response: Praise God! What a fantastic testimony! What a tremendously faithful father. To still be potent at his ripe age is every man's fantasy. Obviously by the grace of God, he's still faring well. Also, his was obviously an uncommon leap of faith and the result provides living confirmation of the unlimited wonders of our God.
Like most of us, I am continuing to grow in faith. And as my faith fares, so fare I or any other redeemed beloved in God's kingdom. Remember what Jesus told blind Bartimaeus when he healed him? He said, "Go thy way; thy faith hath made thee whole." There were also times when Jesus refused to perform any miracles because there apparently was insufficient faith in the nearby potential healing recipients.
God bless your dear father.
Thank you, also, for weighing in on the exchange between James W and me. I get the feeling that my brother felt the need to defend homosexuals and I appreciate his compassion. But I am his wrong target. I have ministered and worked, with equal love and compassion, with many homosexual men and women just as I have done so with fellow fornicators, adulterers, thieves, liars, murderers and whatever other sinner.
I hope that James W understand me as a minister trying my level best to love everybody regardless of his differences. I would assure James and anybody else who feels unsure, guilty, scared and angry about his situation, whatever it may be, to get in touch with Jesus, who is willing to save and set free to the utmost.
Let us all continue to pray for the James W's of the world. My hope is that he does not feel that all, or even most, real Christians dislike him or think he is an animal. We don't . He, too, is a human being who deserves our love, our understanding and our help whenever he seeks it. That's what real Christians do. They don't point fingers, damn or condemn people per se, rather evil that men do and the evils some allow to overwhelm them and drive them to harm and offend others.
God bless you cds.
Posted by: cds | June 2, 2008 02:14 AM
Our God certainly prepares you for the challenges! Your response to J.W. was with love and understanding, hope and compassion. So many of us are caught up in our sin to a point we believe it not to be but because we know it really is sin (big or little) we rush to defend it even when there has been no threat. The choice is ours to stay in it or repent. Jesus is waiting and will be there when we decide. IF J.W. was picking a fight, he chose the wrong somebody! You are armed with the SWORD!!! And you use it with love. I am glad you are continuing to get good news. Am staying in prayer for you and yours. Have a wonderful week.
Banks' response: You are so right, my traveling companion. The sword, of course, is God's word. And in one word, God is love. Jesus condensed all the old testament laws and rituals and sacrifices down to one word: Love. He commands us to love one another. In fact, my love for Him, my love for you and for everybody else is part of my medicine. Love heals. Hatred or anger by me or anybody else will not, in itself, heal anybody.
I thank God for James W's attack. It makes this journey more true to life because on any real journey, one should always expect and be prepared to deal with the unexpected. No long journey is perfect or problem-free. At first impact, James' salvo was painful because he , whether accidentally or intentionally, misinterpreted me. But then I realized that this is how real journeys happen. Journeys often include potholes, temporary roadblocks like accidents, construction, bad weather and other unplanned oppositions that may force us to slow down, stop or even take detours.
But when these unexpected challenges occur, we have to respond to them, then get back on the original road or itinerary and resume our journey. I'm not the only person I want God to heal on this journey. I want others healed, too, spiritually as well as physically.
Posted by: lgmurphy | June 2, 2008 03:35 AM
In other news, research indicates that frequent use of the term "Yes-sir-ee-Bob" drastically decreases the chances of actually attracting another participant.
Banks' response: Research also indicates, Tony, that he who uses "Yes-sir-ee-Bob" is showing his age. It's a term that was used by one of my boyhood cowboy heroes Gabby Hayes, who played sidekicks to the likes of Hopalong Cassidy, Roy Rogers, Randolph Scott and Gene Autry. Meantime, I hope you got at least a little more out of my last entry than "Yes-sir-ee-Bob," which was only in the headline.
Posted by: Tony | June 3, 2008 01:11 PM
I thought this would be a helpful article on sex after prostate cancer; as a man nearing 50 and the "golden years" of prostate cancer, I obviously am interested in this topic. However, I didn't know that it would be some fundamentalist diatribe in which he compares same-sex relationships to incest, rape and adultery. Since when is bigotry part of being a good Christian.
Shame on you, Lacy Banks, and shame on the Sun-Times for misleading readers.
Banks' response: Apparently, you are neither a Christian nor somebody familiar with the sound doctrine of our Christian faith. Our Holy Bible declares homosexuality, fornication, incest, rape and adultery, among other things, as sin. This is not the work or the bigotry of Lacy J. Banks. These are the teachings of our Holy Bible. So what you are really doing is calling God a bigot and as such you are treading on treacherous ground. Rev. Lacy J. Banks is bound to preach and teach the word of God as it is written in the bible. So it's not me attacking sinners. It's God. I come not to condemn you. Your sins already do that in accordance to God's word. But I come to preach, teach and, to the best of my ability, live God's word so as to inspire you to repent of your sins to God, believe in Jesus Christ and be saved. If you speed over the legal limit on the highway, get caught and ticketed by the highway patrol, don't say "shame of the highway patrolman" and call him a bigot just because he ticketed you. If you speed and he catches you, his job is to ticket you. So shame on you for breaking the law.
Posted by: Robert | June 5, 2008 09:14 AM
"If a man lies with a male as he lies with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination. They shall surely be put to death. Their blood shall be upon them." (Leviticus 20:13)
"Your male and female slaves are to come from the nations around you; from them you may buy slaves. You may also buy some of the temporary residents living among you and members of their clans born in your country, and they will become your property." (Leviticus 25:44-45)
So, Lacy, I am biblically sanctioned to enslave the children of temporary Mexican migrants, but if I put my willie inside the man I love, you think I deserve to die?
Banks' reponse: God bless you. Yes, you are quoting the Holy Bible, which I believe. But the portion you are quoting is from the Old Testament and is part of the Law of Moses and the latter refers to spoils of war. After every major war, the conquerors at least temporarily subject the conquered to relative slavery, depending upon how civilized and moral the conquerors are and how much of a threat the conquered remain.
Unfortunately, you are taking things out of context to your own divine disadvantage, if you believe in God and want to be saved and become a faithful Christian. I am a CHRISTIAN, thanks to Jesus, who came to free man from the bondage of the Law of Moses. He condensed all those Old Testament laws down to one law and that is the law of love. Moreover, He made our salvation predicated on God's grace through faith in Jesus, who is the author and finisher of our faith because flesh and blood will not reveal unto us that Jesus is Jesus, Son of the living God.
God so loved the world, despite its transgression of the law of Moses, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.
Salvation, my brother, if you want God's salvation, and I'm not trying to force it on you, is as close to you as your mouth and heart: "for if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised Him from the dead, thou shalt be saved."
So Christian salvation is not a work to be achieved. It is a gift to be received. The law of Moses is no longer a requirement for our salvation. Yes, brother, there is room at the cross for you not matter what your sins may be.
Posted by: Ted | June 5, 2008 10:21 AM
As neither a homosexual nor a Christian, I find your lumping homosexuals in with those other "sinners" offensive and I agree that the Sun Times should be wary of allowing themselves to be attached to that sentiment.
I know you are a Christian man Rev. Banks, and I only wish you well in your recovery, as I know you are following the doctrines of your religion and that gives you great faith and strength. I can only imagine you were not looking to start any sort of debate with those words but, nevertheless, they are offensive, regardless if you want to use the Bible as your justification or not.
Banks' response: You are right, Jake. I did not start or invite such a debate and I will not let this blog be changed into that. My whole healing journey is grounded in my faith. I stated that at the outstart. I and my prayer partners are praying for God to heal me and in the process of His healing me, I am giving Him the credit, the praise and the thanksgiving.
I am also sharing my experiences, thoughts and feelings as I excel and prevail. In the process, I have started answering every comment. And my answers are in the context of my Christian faith. The bible declares sex outside of holy matrimony as sin. Not Lacy Banks. The bible does. But as a Christian, I believe the bible and I am committed to having faith in and in following Jesus. And what I mainly preach is the gospel. Jesus loves and wants to save the sinner. So do I.
Whether you are a homosexual, an adulterer or fornicator is something I am really not concerned about. What I am concerned about is that you are not saved. And I assumed you are not saved because you don't want to be saved because you believe the rules are too offensive and strict. Is it really too offensive for you to be obligated to believe in Jesus and to love EVERYBODY? Yes, EVERYBODY! Homosexual and straight, old and young, all races, rich and poor, criminal and law-abiding citizen?
Posted by: Jake | June 5, 2008 11:21 AM