In honor of William Shakespeare's 449th birthday, Chicago Shakespeare Theater wants thee to "Talk Like Shakespeare" on April 23.
The annual celebration is all about using the language of Shakespeare's day (and works) throughout thy conversations, and in this electronic age, thy emails and tweets.
Here are some suggestions from the theater troupe that will impress thy fellow citizens:
-- Instead of you, say thou or thee (and instead of y'all, say ye).
-- Rhymed couplets are all the rage.
-- Men are Sirrah, ladies are Mistress, and your friends are all called Cousin.
-- Instead of cursing, try calling your tormenters jackanapes or canker-blossoms or poisonous bunch-back'd toads.
-- Don't waste time saying "it," just use the letter "t" ('tis, t'will, I'll do't).
-- Verse for lovers, prose for ruffians, songs for clowns.
-- When in doubt, add the letters "eth" to the end of verbs (he runneth, he trippeth, he falleth).
-- To add weight to your opinions, try starting them with methinks, mayhaps, in sooth or wherefore.
-- When wooing ladies: try comparing her to a summer's day. If that fails, say "Get thee to a nunnery!"
-- When wooing lads: try dressing up like a man. If that fails, throw him in the Tower, banish his friends and claim the throne.
Visit www.talklikeshakespeare.org to learn more.